How To Communicate With Someone With Anxiety: Tools To Ease Anxiety In Interactions

"Anxiety" is a term used to describe both a diagnosed disorder and a feeling. It can be applied to people from all backgrounds, nationalities, genders, and ages, as the condition can affect people from each of these demographics. Since anxiety is prevalent among all types of people, knowing how to interact with those struggling with it can be helpful regardless of the setting you’re in. In this article, we’ll be exploring different tips and tricks for interacting with someone who has anxiety whether it’s at work, in relationships, or in everyday conversations.

What is anxiety?

Anxiety, as a broad term, is a state of fear or uncertainty. As a disorder, however, anxiety is characterized by persistent, unexplained bouts of anxiety, often accompanied by additional symptoms, such as sleep disturbance, irritability, panic attacks, difficulty concentrating, and gastric distress. While general anxiety is usually managed by limiting stress or keeping stressful situations to a minimum, an anxiety disorder has intense, unwarranted anxiety at its root, and usually cannot be managed by simply reducing stressful situations or stressors. Instead, anxiety disorders usually require some form of psychotherapy treatment, and may even require pharmaceutical intervention to alleviate symptoms.

There are five different disorders under the anxiety umbrella: Panic Disorder (PD), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD), and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Each of these disorders is marked by persistent anxiety, but the root, triggers, and symptoms may all look different. If a friend, coworker, relative, or loved one has any of these disorders, they might be prone to panic attacks, isolation, and reactionary behavior.

What does anxiety look like, day to day?

The life of someone with anxiety depends on the type of anxiety they have and the severity of their condition. Across the board, however, people living with an anxiety disorder experience a high level of anxiety, typically without a distinct cause or catalyst. This means that something as seemingly inconsequential as driving to work can be a significant hurdle. This is perhaps one of the most important things to remember when interacting with someone with anxiety: managing the condition daily can be exhausting. People with anxiety may grow tired more easily and may be more emotionally spent or introspective than their typical peers.

Anxiety can also involve avoiding certain things or situations that prompt anxious thoughts and feelings. For someone with PTSD, this might mean avoiding the scene of a car accident, or the site of an assault. For someone with SAD, avoiding social situations might be commonplace. People with GAD may avoid anything that could cause anxiety, as people with PD often do. Those with OCD might engage in small (or large) rituals to mitigate some of their anxiety. Day-to-day anxiety can play a large role in behavior, communication, and thought processes. For most people with the condition, knowing how to manage their symptoms can be a daily struggle. 

Interacting with someone who has anxiety

When interacting with people who have anxiety, being mindful of their condition can be key. What might seem like a simple, normal phrase or experience to you can be triggering for someone with anxiety, and may cause fear, uncertainty, or overwhelm. Being mindful of the people around you and the possibility of anxiety can be an important part of functioning as an ally to individuals with mental health disorders, as many "normal" situations can be enormous sources of discomfort, fear, and uncertainty.

Being mindful of the possibility of anxiety does not mean being paralyzed in your actions or speech, and having to constantly walk on eggshells; instead, mindfulness means evaluating your speech for the presence of bias, stereotypes, and rude language. The term "OCD," for instance, has come to mean any sort of neurotic or phobic behavior, but is an actual diagnosis. Using it to describe someone's personality traits is insensitive to people with OCD and can be triggering or shaming for some. 

Mindfulness also includes considering what someone with anxiety might need. Although it is certainly not your place to act as a therapist, liaison, or caretaker for someone with anxiety, you can take steps to make sure that you include someone with anxiety in social outings, conversations, and meetings, provided that you also let them know it is not required, and that you understand if they must say "no."

Easing anxiety in conversation

It can be crucial to avoid putting someone with anxiety on the spot. Although speaking one-on-one is often acceptable, many people with anxiety are uncomfortable being at the center of attention and may struggle to have the limelight focused on them in big groups. If you are in an office setting, avoid calling an employee out in the middle of a large meeting. If you are with a group of friends, try not to direct everyone's attention to the person in question. 

Anticipation can also be a source of anxiety for people. Instead of the dreaded, "We need to talk," or "Can I talk to you?" try to opt for direct communication and do not bring up a topic unless you can discuss it at that time. The anticipation of a serious conversation looming over someone with anxiety can cause a dramatic spike in their symptoms or could even lead to a panic attack.

Easing anxiety in the workplace

Letting people know exactly what you expect of them can be one of the most effective ways to ease anxiety in the workplace. Uncertainty can be challenging for people with anxiety, so having any sort of ambiguity about their role or your expectations of them can be difficult. Charts, lists, and diagrams can all help ease the mind of someone with an anxiety disorder and can alleviate some of the responsibility of constantly having to go over expectations, rules, or guidelines.

Sensitivity training can also be helpful in a work situation, as it can provide a blanket session regarding how to cope with a myriad of issues, including mental health. Since many people are not familiar with the different types of mental health issues and disorders, they might use triggering or inappropriate language without realizing it. Sensitivity training can help bring awareness to the different ways you can be considerate and mindful toward people who have mental health conditions.

Using boundaries to navigate anxiety

People who have anxiety might struggle to set boundaries for themselves or adhere to others' boundaries, whether they are real or perceived. It can be essential, however, to set boundaries when you have a friend, loved one, or partner with anxiety, as boundaries can help you maintain a healthy distance and show others how you’d like to be treated. Boundaries need not be extreme or cruel; rather, those that are healthy are typically careful and firm in their scope.

An important boundary in a partnership or relationship, for instance, could be setting aside time and space for a therapist or some form of therapeutic intervention. Taking on someone else's burdens, fears, and anxiety can be overwhelming and could take a toll on your health. To prevent this, consider having a rule in place that at any time, one or both of you is allowed to say, "This is too much," and the conversation must come to a close. Either of you can then take your concerns to a therapist or other trusted professional.

In the workplace, a boundary might be setting aside time to stand up, walk around, or engage in some other form of movement if a panic attack or the onset of anxiety arrives, rather than allowing it to control work performance. This allows the employee in question some space to process their emotions while keeping strict boundaries in place during work hours.