What Could Anxious Attachment Mean For You?

Anxious attachment, also called ambivalent attachment can develop in all forms of relationships if one or both people in the relationship are dealing with some level of anxiety or nervousness. However, there are effective ways to manage your anxious-ambivalent attachment style and ensure that you and the people around you can form a secure attachment and build healthy and mutually beneficial relationships. 

What does anxious attachment mean?

Attachment theory suggests that all people are born with a need to form a close bond with their caregivers. It suggests that people develop different attachment styles based on their early childhood experiences. For example, if a child has attentive and nurturing caregivers, they’re more likely to have a secure attachment style. Conversely, if a child is neglected or abused by their caregivers or grew up with inconsistent parenting, they’re more likely to develop an insecure attachment style.

If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.

When someone has an anxious attachment style, it means that in their relationships, whether they’re romantic, familial, friendly, or otherwise, they may feel intense anxiety. That anxiey might stray from fear of being abandoned, fear of someone faling out of love with them, or fear or infidelity. Often this anxiety comes with conflicted feelings, as the person might feel a strong desire for intimate, personal relationships, but at the same time feel very anxious once they do achieve those close relationships. 

Anxious-ambivalent attachment is an insecure attachment style. The anxiety in relationships can manifest itself in a few ways. For example, the person with anxious attachment might act jealous, possessive, or emotionally volatile. They might find it very hard to trust their partner, and might also look for constant reassurance. They can also become emotionally dependent on their partner and, for example, find it very difficult to be happy while alone. 

A counselor or therapist can be very helpful in overcoming anxious attachment and developing healthier attachment styles.

Anxious attachment: Causes

Anxious attachment typically doesn’t just have one root cause. It may, instead, stem from a variety of factors. 

• Experiences in early childhood like neglect , abandonment, or an inconsistent caregiver.
• There could be a genetic component. For example, someone who has a very anxious parent might be more likely to develop this attachment style. The parent doesn’t necessarily have to have this anxious attachment style, but the parent could be anxious in a variety of other ways for this attachment style to be considered genetic. 
• Personality can aso be a factor, for example, if someone is naturally very anxious or has low self-esteen, then they might demonstrate traits of this attachment style.
• If you have negative experiences in relationships, like infidelity, a sudden breakup, or abandonment, then you might later develop an anxious attachment style.

Anxious attachment and romantic relationships

While attachment styles often develop in childhood, it’s common to carry them into one’s adult relationships. Dating can bring some level of anxiety to nearly everyone. When you fall in love with someone, you might come to depend on them and care about them very intensely. While these feelings can be wonderful and exciting, it can also become scary to think that you might have so much to lose. You may worry about what the consequences could be like on your life if that person were to leave you or take up with someone else. 

While, hopefully, over time, you can develop trust with your partner, that might not always be the case for people with an anxious attachment style. The symptoms of this type of unhealthy attachment style can be quite severe, and can lead to arguments and unfair accusations, and even toxicity or a breakup. 

A person with an anxious attachment style might have fears in their relationship, such as fears of cheating or being abandoned, that can cause them to accuse their partner of these things, even if their partner has done nothing wrong. For example, a completely normal couple’s spat could cause someone with an anxious attachment style to feel as though their partner hates them and wants to leve them. 

Therapy can help. Trained in the various attachment styles, a therapist or counselor can help you figure out what type of attachment style you have and give you techniqus and resources to develop a more healthy and mutually beneficial attachment style. 

Getting help

Healthy and happy relationships are possible; they can require a little effort and a little bit of help. With Regain, you can get some of the help you're looking for and set yourself up for a better future.

The program is entirely online and allows you to interact with a mental health professional without ever having to leave your own home. You'll be able to sit in your favorite place and communicate with a professional entirely online, making sure you can be as open as possible. 95% of couples who engage in online therapy say that the process has been “helpful” to their relationship. Plus, people share in surveys that they find it much easier to open up over online mediums as opposed to in person. With Regain, get started with a brief questionnaire about your relationship and mental health symptoms to be paired with a therapist or counselor who is specific to your needs. Studies show that there is a close link between your mental health and self-esteem and the quality of your romantic relationships, so through reaching out to Regain, you may find tools and resources to help overcome an anxious attachment style. 

Takeaway

Sometimes the way we learn about love and family structures can influence the way we love our partners and express our affection for them. However, by becoming more aware of our emotions and how they can manifest themselves, we can work toward healthier and more mutually beneficial romantic relationships for everyone.