What's Behind An Attraction To Intelligence? Exploring Sapiosexual Attraction
So, you've realized you're attracted to intelligent people. You are not alone, and a few studies have been done to examine how much it happens and why it occurs, giving scientists and psychologists some ideas of the source. Here's a look at what may be behind your attraction to intelligence in a partner.
Evolution and attraction to intelligence
In evolutionary science, scientists typically view attraction as an avenue toward preserving the human species through reproduction. Toward this end, attraction is seen as the first step towards creating a family and having children. Psychologists have identified three emotion systems for mating, having children, and childrearing, which start with having a sex drive. The next part is sexual attraction and the couple becoming emotionally attached.
Why smart partners are desirable
Attraction to intelligence fits in with evolutionary theory because, in many cases, it contributes to carrying on the species. For example, more intelligent people tend to have more earning power, so they tend to have better financial means to provide for their children: They have more significant mental resources for solving all kinds of problems that could threaten their family's well-being: Their greater learning capacity also makes them more adaptable when new or rare difficulties arise. So, it makes sense in evolutionary terms that they seem pretty desirable as mates.
Psychological distance and sapiosexual attraction
How attracted you are to intelligent people may also have something to do with your psychological distance from them. The psychological distance can relate to how far you are from someone in time, spatial proximity, socially, and whether they are hypothetical or actual.
In one study, researchers examined how psychological distance affects attraction. As it turned out, men showed more significant attraction to more intelligent women than themselves, but only if they were psychologically distant from them. They weren't nearly as attracted to them when they were close to them in space, time, socially, or in reality.
Does fertility matter for attraction?
If the evolutionary case for attraction to intelligence holds, it makes sense that women would be drawn to intelligence when they were most fertile. But could it depend on where you are in your ovulation cycle?
In another study of attraction, scientists found that when women were fertile, they experienced more significant interest in masculine men but not as much the rest of the month. However, they did not study whether women were more attracted to intelligence during this part of their ovulation cycle. The research focused on the effects of the ovulation cycle and didn't address the degree of attraction to intelligence, but future research might dig deeper into this question.
What does intelligence mean in the context of sapiosexuality?
Another thing to consider is how intelligent the people you're attracted to are. You may be drawn to someone slightly more brilliant than you but not be sexually attracted to a genius. If you are, you're probably in the minority. A recent study of attraction to intelligence, called sapiosexuality, found that some people are more attracted to others who are intelligent.
However, how intelligent they were made a big difference in the outcomes. The most sexually attractive people were those in the 90th percentile of IQ scores. Those with extremely high intelligence - above the 90th percentile - were shown to be less desirable than their somewhat less intelligent counterparts. People who fell much below the 90th percentile were considered less desirable.
Intelligence and compatibility
Another question to consider is: how intelligent is the person who feels the attraction to intelligence? And, how great is the divide between their intelligence and the intelligence of the person they're attracted to?
This question has yet to be thoroughly examined by researchers, but many psychologists and people who work with couples in other ways have noticed that it does matter. For example, in an article on compatibility by Neil Clark Warren, who created the eHarmony questionnaire for their matchmaking site, suggested that the couple needs to be relatively close in intelligence to be compatible - approximately 10 IQ points difference, he said, was ideal. It's important to remember that just because you're attracted to someone, it doesn't mean the two of you will be compatible in a relationship. Conversely, being compatible with someone doesn't mean you'll find them attractive.
The sapiosexual perspective: Attraction to intelligence across IQ levels
The earlier study on sapiosexuality found that people from a wide range of IQ scores found intelligence attractive. So, even if you aren't brilliant, you will find intelligent people attractive if you're a sapiosexual.
Factors that can influence sapiosexual attraction
You may have an eye for intelligent people, but how does that attraction hold up when you get involved with them? Another study asked university students to rate the minimum intelligence they would find attractive in a mate in different involvement scenarios.
Four levels of involvement were examined: single date, sex, steady dating, and marriage. In this study, the researchers found that people had low expectations of a single date. They only looked for someone who was of average intelligence. However, they preferred someone more intelligent than about two-thirds of the population regarding marriage.
How success plays into the attraction to intelligence
It's a natural assumption that a more intelligent person has more capacity to be successful. For example, a more intelligent person can more quickly master the coursework to get a college degree. Then, if they enter a profession like medicine or the law, they will likely command a much better than average salary. If they get a business degree, they can work in the corporate world or build their own business. At least, the potential is there.
However, in this case, your attraction to intelligence may relate more to perception than reality. Indeed, the potential is there. On the other hand, an intelligent person may choose a lower-paying profession if that's where their interests lie. And they might also sabotage their success. In "Why Smart People Can Be So Stupid," Carol S. Dweck lays out several beliefs that keep intelligent people from realizing their full potential. According to Dweck, the following assumptions stem from a more profound belief that many smart people have - that intelligence is a fixed trait that can't be developed. Other core beliefs often holding back intelligent people include:
Doing well on one test indicates overall intelligence.
How well you perform is a measure of your intelligence and your self-worth.
Learning is risky, and doing something you already know is less of an investment.
Intelligent people can put in less effort.
Of course, not all intelligent people hold those beliefs. Many smart people are passionate about their work. They love learning and strive to continue as much as they can in their lifetime. They may know they're intelligent, but they don't let that stand in the way of working hard and increasing their knowledge. Smart people who think this way can often succeed in their chosen field.
Navigating your attraction to intelligence
Like any other type of attraction, attraction to intelligence can present some problems. Certain situations can arise if you gravitate toward intelligence in your dating preferences. For example, you might find yourself saying things like the following.
“I'm attracted to someone who’s out of my reach”
Anyone can be attracted to another person who is unavailable for some reason. Maybe that person is happily married or has a different sexual orientation. You may feel you don't have a chance with someone more intelligent than you. Human attraction is complex, and talking to a therapist might help if you have this attraction pattern.
“I’m attracted to someone whose interests and beliefs I can’t understand”
Intelligent people often have esoteric interests that the average person can't relate to. So if the person you're attracted to is passionate about things you need help understanding, you may feel left out. You may even feel bad about yourself because you don't get it. But the truth is that many brilliant people find common ground with less intelligent people. Also, couples don't have to have all the same interests, and working on your self-esteem may help you feel better about the situation.
“I'm attracted to someone who doesn't value me”
Again, self-esteem plays a prominent role. If you assume an intelligent person has no basis for valuing and respecting you, the problem lies in how you perceive your self-worth. Most truly intelligent people don't look down on people with lower IQs. Instead, they see the value in other qualities potential partners bring to the table.
Understanding attraction with online therapy
Online couples therapy or individual sessions can help you address concerns about your attraction to intelligence. When you learn more about managing your expectations, self-esteem, and behaviors, you can better understand your unique situation. You can then find ways to channel your attraction to intelligence into making a beautiful life for yourself.
Talking to a therapist online has many advantages over traditional office visit sessions. You save on commute time and hassles with parking and traffic, and you can participate in sessions in the comfort of your home or anywhere you have an internet connection. Online therapy is effective, according to many studies.
Takeaway
There is nothing wrong with being attracted to intelligent people; biology can explain some of the phenomena. However, if you are concerned about who you are attracted to and why, talking online to a counselor can help you sort it out.
Why are some people attracted to intelligence?
An individual's sexuality, or sexual orientation, determines who they're attracted sexually to, whether in a sexual or romantic sense. Sexual attraction comes in many forms. For example, we have auto sexuality, a type of sexual attraction wherein they're attracted toward themselves. But the word for someone who is attracted to a high IQ is “sapiosexual.”
Being sexually attracted to intelligence is not out of the ordinary. While others are being drawn because of a person's physical attractiveness, a sapiosexual values traits like intellect, personality, and ability in a partner. This preference is influenced by factors such as education and life experiences. For sapiosexuals, deep conversations and intellectual engagement are essential in forming a meaningful relationship, as they believe that people find intelligence attractive on a deeper level than just surface appeal.
What does it mean to experience a sapiosexual or demisexual attraction?
Merriam-Webster defines the word sapiosexual as someone who is 'sexually attracted to knowledgeable people.' Most people may appreciate the intelligence of smart people, but a sapiosexual is attracted to knowledgeable individuals to a much stronger degree.
People who are sexually attracted to highly intelligent people are most drawn or turned on by others' intellect. If a person is sexually attracted to intelligence, a debate or long deep conversations will turn them on. This preference may be influenced by individual differences in what someone seeks in a partner and the role intelligence plays in a relationship. Factors like education, personality, and life experiences may also shape this attraction.
Meanwhile, those who are demisexual are not sexually attracted to intelligence. Instead, they're romantically attracted when they have an emotional bond with a person. It's similar to gray sexuality, wherein a person experiences sexual attraction rarely or when a person feels sexual attraction, but they're not interested in sex.
The difference between sapiosexual and demisexual is that those who are sapiosexual are sexually attracted to intelligence, while demisexual is someone who feels sexual attraction toward someone they've emotionally bonded with. History of past relationships and emotional connections may also play a role in shaping these attractions. Some suggest that having a high IQ may make a person more appealing to a sapiosexual, as intelligence is their primary factor in attraction.
Other commonly asked questions
Are intelligent guys also attracted to intelligence?
Sexual attraction varies for every individual. Some men are sexually attracted to people who have flawless faces, while some even prefer a partner with a specific ethnicity. Intelligent men, however, are attracted to people who are aware of their surroundings. They want someone mature, and being mature means they're straightforward. They don't have time for women to be petty and play hard-to-get.
If you're a woman and you're romantically or even sexually attracted to highly intelligent men, it's important to know that they typically seek a relationship with a partner who is confident and secure, rather than someone with a jealous or insecure personality. Also, just because they're highly intelligent doesn't mean they want a partner with the same intelligence level. Instead, they're attracted to people who have character. Someone who can handle a conversation well. Someone self-assured, self-aware, and someone who understands the difference between right and wrong.
Aside from that, an intelligent man often likes women to be independent. If you're attracted to highly intelligent men and want to be in a relationship with one, try not to be excessively needy, since men want their partners to manage without needing a lot of support from them. Sure, physical appearance will often matter to a person, but an intelligent man can still be sexually attracted to intelligence, too, aside from other things. However, individual differences play a major role in attraction, and ultimately, it all boils down to personal preferences in a partner.
What Is skoliosexual?
Skoliosexual is a romantic or sexual attraction to a transgender person or a nonbinary person. It's not the same as fetishizing transgender or nonbinary. Skloliosexuality is a descriptive term for someone's sexual identity. If you're attracted to those who are transgender, regardless of their other attractions, you are identified as a skoliosexual.
A person can be sexually attracted to intelligence while still being identified as a skoliosexual. Unlike a pansexual person, a skoliosexual person is likely to be attracted to an individual because they identify as a gender that they were not assigned at birth. However, individual differences influence attraction, and some may seek a partner based on both gender identity and other personal traits.
What do guys find attractive in potential partners?
A romantic or sexual attraction differs for every man. Some may be drawn to someone with an intelligent personality, while others may be sexually attracted to women but not romantically attracted to them.
In most surveys and psychometric evaluation studies, a good sense of humor is among the popular things guys find attractive in a potential partner. Besides that, passion and kindness seem to be what guys find attractive too. Some even say that they don't prefer a girl smarter than themselves, but according to Fisher, men desire and are attracted to highly intelligent, strong, and successful women. If you're a girl, you don't need to dumb yourself down for a guy since many prefer an independent and educated woman.
Attraction can take more than just one form, and men may also be drawn to other forms of connection beyond physical beauty. Some suggest that intelligence plays a key role, and those who prioritize it might even respond positively to a sapiosexual questionnaire designed to assess intellectual attraction. Regardless, attraction is complex and shaped by various factors, including personality, life experiences, and even the way we define the word "attractive."
What does biromantic mean?
Being biromantic means that you have a romantic attraction towards multiple genders, unlike those sexually attracted to intelligence or the opposite sex. This attraction is based on emotional connection rather than physical or sexual appeal. They experience little to no sexual attraction.
Individual differences influence what someone wants in a partner and relationship, shaping their mate preferences and how they experience attraction. While most people experience romantic attraction in ways that align with their personality and desired traits, biromantic individuals may also experience other forms of attraction beyond the romantic. Their sense of attraction holds an ultimate meaning that is distinct from purely physical attractiveness. If you want more information about biromantic attraction, click here.
What is a person who is attracted to intelligence called?
Rather than finding someone physically attractive, sapiosexual people find intelligence attractive in a prospective partner. They find intelligence a genuinely sexually attractive trait that may even induce sexual arousal. This attraction is often linked to cognitive abilities and individual differences in mate preferences. Some may be particularly drawn to those with a high IQ, seeing deep conversations and intellectual depth as essential for a fulfilling relationship. For a sapiosexual person, intelligence holds the ultimate meaning in attraction, going beyond surface-level appeal.
What is sapiosexual and demisexual?
A sapiosexual person is someone who is attracted sexually to intelligence, finding it the most sexually attractive characteristic in a partner. Unlike those who prioritize physical attractiveness, sapiosexuals are drawn to highly intelligent people and often seek an intelligent partner for a deep emotional bond.
On the other hand, a demisexual person experiences sexual activity only after forming a strong emotional connection, meaning their mate preferences are based on deeper connections rather than immediate attraction. Both identities exist within the spectrum of other sexual orientations and demonstrate individual differences in human attraction.
Are sapiosexuals rare?
While the popular culture notion of sapiosexuality has grown, research into its prevalence is still emerging. A study conducted with a sample from Western Australia found that intelligence is an attractive trait for many, but only some consider it the most sexually attractive characteristic. The results suggest that while many appreciate intelligence in a relationship, fewer experience a primary attraction to it. Additionally, factors like personality, education, and sexual identity influence one's likelihood of identifying as sapiosexual.
Can a straight person be sapiosexual?
Yes, a straight person can be sapiosexual, as sexual orientation and sapiosexuality describe different aspects of attraction. While gender is central to defining other sexual orientations, sapiosexuality is more about an appealing ability—specifically intelligence—rather than gender alone. A straight person who finds high levels of intelligence a sexually attractive characteristic may identify as sapiosexual, just as someone of any sexuality might. Research using psychometric evaluation, such as a sapiosexual questionnaire, helps explore how intelligence factors into attraction, whether in short-term relationships or long-term commitments.
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