Is Asking A Girl Out Over Text Appropriate?

In modern times, many people choose to communicate through text messages. In the era of online dating, even calling other people on the phone is starting to become less common than it once was. Although texting has become popular, certain conversations still might be more appropriate to have face-to-face. However, discerning which conversations might be more suited for online vs. face-to-face interactions can be challenging. If you’ve ever wondered whether it’s appropriate to ask a girl out over text, keep reading to find out.

Is asking a girl out over text appropriate?

Whether it’s appropriate to ask a girl out through a text can depend on the situation, the girl, and you. As mentioned above, it is common for people to speak through text messages, and many prefer it. Texting can be a convenient way to communicate, and it doesn't usually take away from your time like a long phone call might. It may also allow you to be more open with the other person. If you seem to naturally talk to a girl through text messages all the time, then asking them out over text might not seem unusual at all. In general, if you have established a relationship with a girl both in person and over text, it can be appropriate to ask them out by sending them a text message. 

However, if the girl you’re speaking with has no idea that you are into them, it may not be helpful to express those feelings for the first time over a text message. It might be useful for you to develop a relationship with them first and make it clear you have feelings for them before asking them out. Otherwise, it may seem as if you are hiding behind a screen. You may get a more positive outcome by building up to something more. 

Consider this before texting

Before you declare your feelings for a girl over text and ask them out, there are some considerations you may want to take into account. These include:

Try to build a connection first

If you don’t take the time to get to know someone before asking the out, you may not be as likely to get the “yes” you’re wanting. Some people go on dates with people they just met, but you might want to get to know the girl a bit beforehand so you can assess your compatibility beforehand and have something to talk about on the date. Texting can be useful for this, too. Many people use texting to get to know someone before seeing where things might lead. You can text with your potential love interest and find out whether you have anything in common. You can get personal over text messages, and it might even be easier to let your guard down if you tend to be shy. Some girls will want to get to know you a little bit first before agreeing to a date. Take this opportunity to show them your personality and try to get an idea of who they are as well. Then, you can move to the next step.

Some people might prefer face-to-face

Some people prefer setting up dates face-to-face. If you haven't let a girl know that you're into them romantically, it might be more appropriate to have that talk in person rather than doing it through text messaging. You can't read someone's face or hear their tone when they're sending you texts, which can make it difficult to determine how the other person is feeling. You might be able to develop more of an emotional connection when you're physically with someone. Try to use your best judgment to determine whether asking a girl out over text is appropriate. Sending a nice romantic text to the girl that you're talking to could lead to a natural moment where you can ask them out. Other times, you might find that it feels more natural to ask a girl out when you're hanging out as friends. It can depend on your current relationship with the girl and how you naturally communicate with them on a regular basis.

There may not be a way around texting

Online dating is very prevalent, and many people meet this way. There are various dating apps that you can download to your phone that are focused on helping people find love. Some people go to these apps to focus on finding sexual partners specifically, but many others are looking for a relationship. When you use apps like this, you may find yourself asking someone out over text eventually. If you match with someone over a popular app like Tinder, you can begin communicating with them. Should you choose to meet up after this, one of you will have to ask the other out over the phone in one way or another. This might feel more natural since that is the intent behind having a profile on dating app/site. Therefore, asking someone out over text when you’re using online dating may seem more appropriate. If you're worried about whether asking someone out over text is appropriate, remember how common online dating is and it may help set your mind at ease.

How do you ask a girl out over text?

You might be curious about how to go about asking someone out over text. This can be natural if you haven't ever done so before. People ask girls out over text quite frequently, and it can be much like asking a girl out in person. You can start the conversation as you usually would, perhaps asking about their day or how they’re doing. If they seem busy, it may be wise to wait to ask at another time. If, however, they seem responsive to you, you can continue the conversation by letting them know that you enjoy talking to them and are interested in taking them out on a date to get to know each other better. If the girl says no, it can be important to respect their wishes. They may need more time to get to know you, or they might just not be interested. Should they say yes, you can keep getting to know them in more depth through texting until the date.

The main difference between an in-person and online exchange such as this is that you can't see their reaction. You won’t be able to tell through their body language whether they felt happy, indifferent, or upset by you asking them out. Although it can be a bit tougher to gauge how someone is feeling over text, it can still be important to take the opportunity to ask someone out when it feels right. This can be true in person or otherwise.

Online counseling with Regain

Being nervous about asking a girl out is normal, but if you can’t shake your nervousness and it feels more like anxiety, you may need some professional support. The therapists at Regain are available to listen as you express your thoughts, feelings, and concerns in a safe environment. Since much of your interaction with your crush may be through the phone or computer, it can be convenient to also connect with your therapist in the same way. With Regain, you can schedule sessions with your therapist according to your availability and speak through phone calls, video chats, or in-app messaging. Relationships can be complicated, but it can be beneficial to have a trusted professional in your corner. 

The efficacy of online counseling 

Asking someone out can be a big step. Those who struggle with shyness or social anxiety may have a more difficult time reaching out to make new connections. They might also be more concerned about rejection and avoid asking people out on dates in general. For these types of concerns and more, online therapy can be helpful. One study found that internet-based cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for social anxiety disorder is “a treatment that can result in large and enduring effects.” The improvements observed in participants at the 1-year mark were maintained at a 5-year follow-up, showing the significant effectiveness of online therapy. 

Takeaway

Asking a girl out over text can be commonplace these days; if it feels natural to you and is appropriate, you may consider going for it. Putting yourself out there can allow you to get to know someone on a deeper level and could even turn into a long-term relationship—should you both desire one. Dedicated online counselors are available if you happen to need help during the dating process. A Regain counselor can answer your relationship questions and help you stay positive about the future.