DIY Marriage Counseling: Can It Work As Well As The Real Thing For Improving Mental Health And Intimacy?
From trouble problem-solving to issues with communication, there are many reasons why couples may consider seeking help through counseling. While receiving guidance from a licensed couples therapist is generally recommended, continuously expanding access to virtual counseling resources has made headway for the option of a do-it-yourself (DIY) type approach to couples counseling.
DIY marriage counseling allows couples to navigate the complexities of their relationships together, rather than with the guidance of a licensed therapist. In this article, we will explore a number of DIY marriage counseling exercises, potential benefits, and their effectiveness compared to traditional marriage and couples counseling.
What is DIY marriage counseling?
DIY marriage counseling refers to the practice of couples attempting to address and resolve their relationship issues without the direct involvement of a professional therapist or counselor. There are a number of reasons a couple may elect to try DIY marriage counseling rather than traditional counseling.
As these self-guided practices employ the use of free or low-cost resources, such as books, online courses, podcasts, and worksheets, in some cases, the DIY approach offers a flexible and more cost-effective alternative to counseling led by a licensed therapist.
When electing to attempt DIY marriage counseling, it is generally crucial that both partners show a willingness to listen, learn, and participate. In many cases, a couple seeking counseling may be actively experiencing issues with communication, highlighting one of DIY marriage counseling’s larger pitfalls.
Due to the lack of unbiased observation and guidance from a professional, couples practicing DIY marriage counseling may find it difficult to create a judgment-free space to communicate openly.
Still, couples seeking a cost-effective option, or simply a place to get started with marriage counseling have the new-age advantage of countless online resources available to explore.
DIY marriage counseling techniques
While there is a plethora of information available online regarding marriage advice and DIY couples counseling techniques, it can be helpful to research numerous options to find what works best for you and your partner.
It is important to note that lack of guidance from a licensed professional will likely create a greater need for trial and error. This is to say, couples will likely find it necessary to try a number of techniques and activities to find what is or is not effective.
Some DIY marriage counseling techniques may include:
1. Communication exercises
Set aside designated time with each other to engage in communication exercises such as active listening or verbal expressions of gratitude. You may want to try setting a 3-5 minute timer to allow each partner uninterrupted time to share.
2. Journaling exercises
Maintain separate personal journals where each partner is able to express their thoughts and feelings. Journaling typically encourages self-reflection which often helps to facilitate more open dialogue during communication exercises, or even traditional therapy sessions.
3. Books and assessments
There is a wide variety of books and assessments specifically tailored to improving relationships. Many of these books feature questionnaires designed to assess the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship. Similar assessments may be found online as well. Choosing a book or assessment will typically depend on the specific issues you and your partner are looking to resolve.
4. Online resources and courses
There are a plethora of online couples counseling resources, including blogs, videos, podcasts, and webinars. A number of online therapy platforms offer medically reviewed articles regarding a variety of mental health topics.
5. Weekly check-ins and date nights:
Scheduling regular time together often promotes ongoing communication and connection. Setting aside dedicated times each week to have structured conversations and quality time together typically fosters a sense of trust and openness.
6. Online support groups and forums
Joining online communities or forums where couples facing similar challenges come together to share experiences, seek advice, and provide support. These platforms may offer an opportunity to learn a variety of DIY marriage counseling techniques that have worked for others.
Does DIY marriage counseling work?
While DIY marriage counseling can be beneficial, it's important to recognize its limitations. While there are a number of potential benefits that may arise from taking a DIY approach to marriage counseling, seeking professional help from a licensed therapist is advisable.
According to research, couples therapy positively impacts around 70% of those who participate, often leading to a healthier and more fulfilling relationship overall, and with the expansion of online therapy providers, starting couples or marriage counseling is easier and more affordable than ever.
Along with accessibility, effectiveness and affordability, research has shown that online marriage counseling is equally as effective as in-person marriage counseling.
Takeaway
Though there are a number of benefits couples may gain through practicing DIY marriage counseling, online counseling will likely offer greater benefits for a generally reasonable cost. Online couples therapy offers convenience, flexibility, and the opportunity for partners to embark on a transformative journey towards healthier, happier, more fulfilling partnership under the guidance of a licensed professional.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
How can I do DIY marriage counseling or couples therapy at home?
If you want to receive couples therapy or couples counseling at home, the best way to do it is to go through an online therapy service or to work with a therapist who practices remotely. That way, you are receiving marriage counseling from a licensed mental health provider of your own home. Additionally, it's often more affordable than traditional face-to-face counseling. If you are looking for a place to start and can't get into marriage therapy or couples therapy with a professional just yet, there are some things that you can do. You can read counseling books and relationship improvement books such as those on learning your and your partner's love language, attachment styles, and books about problem-solving techniques. You can also look for marriage counseling worksheets to use in your own home with your spouse. To obtain counseling worksheets, you can look online or ask a counselor or therapist who works with couples in your local area to see what they can suggest. This will require talking to your partner and putting in work every day to improve the relationship. Remember that noo one is immune to relationship problems; not even the most experienced relationship expert. Every relationship has its ups and downs, so be patient with yourselves during this process. For more difficult relationships or more complex relationship issues, counseling will be the best way to go and is recommended over self-help.
How do I get marriage counseling if I can't afford it while still prioritizing my mental health?
There are a variety of ways you can get marriage counseling if you can't afford it. First, check with your insurance company to see what they offer. If you are low-income, you may be eligible for insurance that allows you to receive mental health services, including marriage therapy or couples counseling, for free or for a low cost. You can often get mental health services and see professionals such as a licensed marriage and family therapist or a licensed clinical social worker through religious institutions, educational institutions, and community centers. Some therapists or counselors work in a practice setting and offer marriage therapy or other forms of counseling on a sliding scale, meaning that they will work with you to extend a rate that suits your financial needs. Another option is online therapy, which is a fraction of the price of traditional in-person counseling without insurance. You can get marriage therapy or couples counseling through a website like ReGain that will pair you with a licensed mental health provider who is adept at helping couples, making the process less daunting and more straightforward. Remember, seeking help for your relationship is a crucial step toward maintaining both your mental health and intimacy with your partner.
Is marriage counseling free?
Marriage counseling isn't free, but there are ways to get marriage counseling for free or for as low as around $20 per session. If you attend a religious institution such as a church, you may be able to get services that are free and faith-oriented. You can also see the free options that are available in your community. If you have insurance that covers counseling in full, you will be able to get marriage counseling for free, but you will have to check and see which couple's counselors your insurance provider works with. To find out who you can see that's covered by your insurance provider, call your insurance company, or check their website. Alternatively, you can browse the internet for online directories of couples counselors and see who takes your insurance and suits your needs. If you're low-income and are struggling to find resources in your area, calling 211 or your local information hotline is a great way to learn more about what's available to you in terms of low-cost or free mental health support.
How do you know if you need marriage counseling?
A couple will choose to get marriage counseling when they see something about their relationship that they can improve. Sometimes, people need marriage counseling because their relationship is on the rocks, or because their love or trust for one another has dissipated, and they aren't sure what to do. Other times, people pursue counseling to work through a concern they have despite maintaining an otherwise stable partnership, such as those related to decision-making or supporting one another effectively. Here are some of the common reasons that people seek marriage counseling:
- Infidelity or cheating
- Intimacy issues
- Trouble understanding one another
- Frequent arguments
- Difficulty finding common ground on important issues that affect the relationship, such as family planning
- Loss of love or the "spark" in a marriage
- The desire to support a spouse through a difficult time
- The desire to improve communication
There is no wrong reason to seek marriage counseling. If you think that you may benefit from marriage counseling or couple's therapy for any reason, there is no harm in trying it out.
What are the signs of a failing marriage and intimacy issues?
Every relationship is just as unique as every person is. However, you will usually be able to determine when there is an issue that may indicate a failing marriage, and it will generally be that something has changed or feels off. Perhaps, your partner's body language around you has changed, and they seem to ignore you or face away from you. You may struggle to maintain intimacy with your partner, whether that is emotional or physical intimacy. Alternatively, your marriage may have been on the rocks for a long time. Maybe, you have always found that you butt heads with your partner. Either one or both of you may start arguments or raise your voice frequently. No matter how long you have noticed the signs of a declining marriage, marriage counseling exercises may help. In marriage counseling, you will work on effective communication and listening skills that'll help you understand each other and stop talking over one another if that's a concern. You might set goals or use marriage counseling worksheets to help you work through common issues that you find in your marriage. You may also work predominantly on emphasizing the love and affection in your relationship, especially if it feels like the spark is gone. Recognizing and knowing these signs early can be crucial for addressing intimacy issues and taking steps toward healing your relationship.
What is the difference between marriage counseling and couples therapy?
If someone says "marriage counseling," they're referring to couples counseling for married couples specifically. Couples counseling is an umbrella term that can relate to couples who are married or unmarried. If someone is seeking couples counseling or couples therapy, they might be seeking premarital counseling or couples therapy with no intention of getting married. Any couple can seek couples therapy. Every form of couples therapy is a process, so if you make a mistake in communication or in some other area that you are getting couples therapy or marriage counseling for at first, it doesn't mean that you're a bad person. Using therapy skills take practice, including those learned in marriage therapy or couples counseling, so go easy on yourself and embrace the learning opportunities you encounter during counseling or therapy.
Is marriage counseling covered by insurance?
Most insurance providers cover marriage counseling. If someone runs into an issue while seeking mental health care, the barrier is often finding a provider that takes their insurance. If you're not sure who to go to for marriage counseling or couples therapy, you can call your insurance company and see what they cover or check their website. Another option is to ask your general doctor for a referral to someone who takes your insurance or to contact a counselor you want to see directly and ask them what forms of insurance they take. Online therapy is an affordable option for those with or without insurance. Understanding your insurance options can make it easier to prioritize your relationship's mental health and seek the support you need.
Is couples therapy more expensive than individual therapy?
The cost of couples therapy will vary so substantially from provider to provider that there is no single answer to this question. Often, couples therapy will be around the same price as individual counseling. In some cases, it could even be cheaper. If your health insurance provider or employee assistance program at work covers couples therapy in full, you might not have to pay anything. Additionally, if you see couples counseling online but see someone for individual counseling in person, couples counseling might cost less because the price of online therapy is often less than traditional in-person counseling.
Are marriage counselors worth it for improving mental health and intimacy?
Research indicates that up to 98% of people who receive couples therapy feel that their treatment was of quality. Statistics on emotionally focused therapy in particular, which is a very popular evidence based form of therapy used in couples counseling and marriage counseling, indicate that 70 to 75% of couples experience significant improvement and healing in their relationship as a result of pursuing emotionally focused therapy or EFT. In marriage therapy or counseling, you will complete marriage counseling exercises that will help you day-to-day in your relationship moving forward as well as in the current moment. The research on evidence-based marriage counseling or marriage therapy modalities indicates that marriage counseling can be extremely beneficial for couples and that it can help save relationships, so don't be afraid to pursue therapy with a mental health provider. It might just change your life. Remember that you don't need to stay in marriage therapy or counseling forever and that the goal is to find ways of communication and problem-solving that you can use with your partner long after therapy is over. You will also learn marriage counseling exercises that you can continue to use outside of therapy when you see a marriage therapist. For those considering DIY marriage counseling, understanding the benefits of working with a professional can help clarify your options.
How can I fix my marriage?
Marriage counseling is a research and evidence-based way to improve and mend a marriage or a romantic partnership. There are so many things that can impact the way that we function in relationships, from childhood memories to past relationships that hurt us. Marriage therapy allows you to dig deeper using marriage counseling exercises and communication techniques that'll help you and your partner fix the core issues affecting your relationship. Whether you're looking for new ways to show your partner you care or are dealing with more serious concerns, you can improve your marriage with the help of a marriage therapist or counselor. Search the online network of mental health providers at ReGain or look for a marriage therapist in your local area who can help you and your spouse have a healthy, happy partnership.
Is counseling for marriage important for all couples?
Counseling for marriage can be beneficial for all couples, as it provides a safe space to explore feelings, improve communication, and strengthen their relationship, regardless of their current challenges.
Have there been more marriages fixed than unfixed after marriage counseling or therapy?
While statistics vary, many couples find that marriage counseling leads to resolution and reconciliation, suggesting that more marriages are positively impacted than negatively affected by the process.
What are some home activities couples can do as part of DIY marriage counseling to help them resolve their marital issues?
Couples can engage in activities like creating a shared vision board, cooking a meal together, or taking nature walks, which can promote connection and open dialogue about their relationship.
What are the usual issues tackled in couples counseling or therapy?
Common issues addressed in couples counseling include communication breakdowns, trust issues, differing values or goals, and managing conflicts, all of which can significantly affect relationship satisfaction.
- Previous Article
- Next Article