Couples Therapy & Communication: Answers To Marriage Counseling Questions

Those considering marriage counseling often question how to bring up the idea to their spouse. In general, it’s best not to broach this subject at any particularly high or low points. Instead, you might choose to bring it up at a neutral point, such as a time that you typically spend together during your daily routine. If you’re wondering whether you really need counseling, you might look at your trust, communication, and relationship issues to gain insight. A marriage counselor, whether in person or online, can help you work through issues and strengthen your relationship. They can also offer premarital counseling for those who want to assess and improve their relationship prior to getting married. 

Communication in marriage: How do I suggest marriage counseling to my spouse?

If you and your partner have been struggling in your relationship, you may want to seek marital counseling. Counseling, marriage, and relationships in general are all unique for each couple, but couples counseling may significantly improve your relationship.  According to one study, the most difficult part of starting marital counseling may be convincing your partner to agree to participate in the process. It’s possible that if the topic is not approached correctly, it could be perceived as a personal attack. Here are a few tips that can help you broach the subject of marriage counseling effectively.

Don’t bring it up while fighting

The middle of an argument is generally not the time to bring up couples counseling. By doing so, you may risk your partner misinterpreting a genuine attempt to improve the relationship. They might think the suggestion is a passive-aggressive threat, or they might accuse you of playing the blame game. It’s possible your spouse might think that you will leave the relationship unless they agree to go into couple counseling.

Similarly, it may not be best to bring up the subject at a high moment, such as during or after an enjoyable date. Even if this is not as threatening as bringing it up in a low moment like an argument can be, it is likely to lead to a heavy conversation that can be quite a buzzkill for a nice time. If you are having frequent problems with your partner and you happen to have a good night, the last thing you normally want to do is ruin that by disrupting the opportunity to experience intimacy and other positive emotions with a discussion that can probably wait.

Discussing couples therapy or marriage counseling 

Do we really need counseling?

There is generally no harm in attending counseling, but you may question whether counseling is truly necessary for you and your partner. You might answer the following counseling questions to determine whether therapy may benefit you and your partner.

What does trust look like in your relationship?

Trust can come in many forms. It can be broken very easily, and the task of rebuilding it can be challenging.

For instance, if one partner has been unfaithful in the past, they may assume that the trust has been gained back, even if it was not. Knowing if and when your partner trusts you (and vice versa) or finding that trust has been broken can be enlightening for couples. A marital therapist can help couples find ways to forgive and regain confidence in the relationship.

Trust can also have to do with reliability. The ability to trust your partner’s word that they will do certain things as they’ve said can be an important aspect of trust that can be addressed with a therapist.

What does communication look like in your relationship?

Many couples do not realize that they have lost their ability to communicate with their spouse. Other couples may have resorted to yelling or engaged in negative communication. If you and your partner are finding it difficult to communicate or seem to have frequent misunderstandings, a counselor may be able to give you tools and suggestions on how to regain healthy communication.

What are the significant issues in your relationship?

Understanding how you and your partner conceptualize the issues in your relationship is one of the most substantial marriage counseling questions to discuss. Although you may find that trust is the biggest issue, your partner may find that not having enough free time to spend with you is deteriorating the relationship. There may be more than one issue or many issues that are related. While talking about these issues may be helpful, you may find that speaking to a counselor can be more beneficial as they can offer suggestions you and your partner may never have thought of. If the same issues tend to arise again and again, it can be helpful to speak with a therapist who can help you address the root of the problem.

Couples therapy or marriage counseling: Find a marriage therapist who can help

Answering these questions with your spouse or partner can give some clarity as to the necessity of receiving marital counseling. If you and your spouse struggle to answer any of these questions, a qualified counselor can potentially provide a comfortable setting where both partners can feel safe. If your partner is hesitant or resistant to counseling, you might suggest that they meet one-on-one with the counselor before they engage in partners counseling. This can help loosen the stronghold around their negative ideas of what counseling is and what it means to be seeing a therapist.

If attending marriage counseling sessions in person isn’t a convenient option for you, you may consider attending therapy from home through an online therapy platform instead. This can enable you to quickly match with a suitable marriage therapist and book sessions that fit into your schedule.

As this study explains, in-person and online couples therapy tend to have the same rate of efficacy. Online couples therapy can improve your mental health and relationship satisfaction, so if you believe you and your spouse would benefit from professional help, please don’t hesitate to reach out.