Mental Health And Online Therapy: Working With Relationship Counselors Online
Have you come to the conclusion that your relationship could benefit from the help of a specialist? More specifically, have you researched your options and decided that the best option for you as a couple is to seek the help of an online counselor rather than a counselor near you? Sometimes we need a person outside our relationship and the circle of people we see daily to give us a fresh perspective on our own relationship issues.
If you and your partner have decided to try online therapy, here are some tips for working with relationship counselors online to help you get the most out of the experience.
How to get the most out of your online counseling sessions
It is important to dispel the myth that online counseling is less effective than in-person counseling. Research suggests that online counseling is just as effective as in-person counseling in most cases. In terms of relationship counseling specifically, studies show that couples who sought online interventions received help that was just as effective as in-person therapy and were able to benefit from a higher quality of life during and after treatment, thanks to an increase in communication and conflict resolution skills.
Because the most important work of relationship counseling is what you and your partner do outside of sessions, here's what you can do to make counseling more effective.
Agree with your partner on the choice of mental health counselor
Counseling is typically most effective when you can connect and trust your counselor. Finding a partner with whom you and your partner mesh well is a substantial part of establishing a strong therapeutic alliance, an essential component of all therapy.
You and your partner should discuss what you want and need in a relationship counselor before looking for one so that you know how to evaluate them when you begin narrowing down the list of options. Additionally, the counselor should not favor one partner over the other, and you should look for someone with a style that feels right for both of you.
Be on time during your couple’s therapy
One of the great conveniences of working with a relationship counselor online is that you don't have to drive to an office and that you don't have to worry about the traditional time constraints and scheduling issues that come with in-person counseling.
That doesn't mean, however, that the counselor's time is any less important and that they are a resource you can use whenever and wherever you need it. You and your partner should arrive for the phone calls or online chat sessions when agreed upon to get the most out of your time.
Take advantage of your choice in settings for your online therapy session
With traditional in-office counseling, the counseling sessions must take place with you and your partner in the counselor's office. You don't have much choice in how the office is set up, and it may not be the most comfortable place for you to discuss your vulnerabilities.
With online counseling, however, you have full control over your settings, and you can make calls or attend chat sessions anywhere you have a device with calling or internet capabilities. Use that to your advantage and set up your counseling session in a place that makes you feel calm, comfortable, and safe. This also allows you to choose the physical distance or closeness between you and your partner during sessions. The better you prepare your environment and your mindset, the smoother your sessions will go.
Start your couples counseling as soon as possible
Most professional therapists agree that relationship counseling works best if you start as soon as problems appear rather than waiting until they are overwhelming. Online therapy may offer you a way to bypass waitlists with local therapists and initiate therapy sooner than you would have been able to with an in-person therapist.
Be honest and upfront with your couples therapy counselor
Even though a real-life person is on the other side of the webcam, some people will still attempt to avoid major issues and may even choose to be dishonest, typically to avoid blame and dishonesty.
Lying or avoiding blame will only make it more difficult for the therapist to understand the underlying issues within your relationship. A lack of honesty doesn’t help your relationship and will likely make the couples therapy process more difficult or time-consuming.
Come into each meeting with goals, working with relationship counselors are often time-limited
The goal of a counselor is to identify issues and help you solve them. However, this doesn't mean that the therapist should have to spend each session gradually trying to coax the issues out of you. Some couples enter each therapy session without any idea of what to talk about, leaving the counselor with little recourse other than to try to gradually increase their knowledge through deliberate questioning.
Each time you go into a counseling session, you should enter with an idea of what problem you are experiencing. Ideally, you should consider developing goals based on your and your partner’s concerns. However, if you can’t come up with goals you both agree upon, it is perfectly acceptable to ask for your therapist's help in developing them.
Make sure that technical aspects are taken care of prior to meeting
The main difference between in-person counseling and online counseling is that an in-person counselor is most definitely not going to buffer, disappear, or lose sound during your session when you are meeting them. However, these types of issues are certainly possible in an online counseling session, and they can be quite frustrating and time-consuming if they occur.
Before you start a meeting with your counselor, you should ensure that all technical aspects of the meeting are addressed. For example, you should make sure that the lighting in your area is adequate, your internal or external microphone is picking up sound correctly, your area is quiet enough to hold a conversation, your computer's audio or headphones are working properly, and your internet connection is strong.
Be honest if working with relationship counselors online doesn’t work for you
Another benefit to online relationship counseling is that you can easily switch to a different counselor if the first one you select isn't working out. You're not limited to just the relationship professionals at the office near you, and you shouldn't feel as though you should have to settle if a specific counselor isn't providing the results you want or is simply not an individual you feel you have a connection with.
A counselor isn't going to have their feelings hurt if you feel as though you need to go another direction. Be honest about how you feel about your counselor, and if it isn't working out, feel free to seek out other options.
Getting started with online therapy
Online therapy continues to increase in popularity as a way for couples to access the services of a qualified mental health professional. Online therapy allows you and your partner to attend sessions from any discreet setting. In addition, you may have access to more therapists than are available locally. Online therapy is also sometimes considerably cheaper than in-person therapy.
What to expect when working with relationship counselors online
While some have raised concerns about online therapy’s effectiveness, evidence suggests that online therapy is just as effective as in-person alternatives. Couples therapy has been studied specifically and found to be as useful as in-person therapy in most cases.
Takeaway
Online counseling is a viable alternative to in-person therapy, and many people have reported significant benefits from it. When undertaking online couples therapy, take time to choose a therapist that works for both you and your partner. Try to bring specific concerns and goals to your therapist if you can, but don’t worry if you need help from your therapist to reach a cohesive position. As with all approaches to couples therapy, you should also try your best to bring a positive, open attitude to online couples counseling.
What type of therapy is best for relationship problems?
There are many different therapeutic approaches that effectively help couples solve relationship problems. However, while there are many effective methods, there is not one method that is more effective than all the others. When a couple begins couples therapy, they typically start by describing their concerns for their relationship, what solutions they have already tried, and occasionally goals for therapy. The therapist considers the information the couple presents, then the therapist and couple work together to decide on the therapeutic approach that is most likely to be appropriate for the specific circumstances of the relationship.
What is the Gottman Method?
The Gottman Method was developed by John Gottman, an American psychologist, relationship expert, and founder of the Gottman Institute, which continues to conduct research on romantic relationships. In the late 20th century, Gottman began to apply rigid scientific research to romantic relationships. He sought to understand precisely what factors best predicted that a relationship would fail. His research, expanded upon by further work at the Gottman Institute, revealed that four factors, if present in a relationship, predicted that the relationship was likely to reach a quick end.
He dubbed these factors the “four horsemen” because their arrival spelled doom for a troubled relationship. The horsemen are, in no particular order, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling, and criticism. Having identified these critical predictors of an unraveling union, Gottman conducted additional research in an attempt to find out if there was a predictable way to banish the horsemen once they appeared.
Gottman’s research identified four antidotes, one for each of the horsemen. Going further, Gottman created a couples counseling protocol that specifically targets the four horsemen and helps couples not only banish them, but develop skills to ensure they never return. Dubbed the Gottman Method, therapists receive special training in the protocol to ensure that they know how to apply Gottman’s techniques correctly.
What should you not say during couples counseling?
In couples counseling, there are very few limits on what you can express. Honesty is a helpful trait to bring to a counseling session. However, although you can express whatever you wish, you should consider how you express it. Bring at least a civil attitude, speaking to and about your partner with respect. Try to avoid insults, sarcasm, disrespectful tones of voice, or other communications that demonstrate contempt.
What is stonewalling in a relationship?
According to John Gottman, who coined the term “stonewalling,” it is a non-deliberate withdrawal from a conversation because a listener feels overwhelmed or psychologically flooded. A person who is stonewalling is unable to respond or continue the conversation until they have some time to decompress and reset.
What happens on the first day of couples therapy?
The first day of couples therapy is usually dedicated to helping the therapist get an understanding of the couple’s relationship status. The couple is invited to share their concerns, and the therapist will usually ask clarifying questions about each partner’s perception of the relationship. Some couples therapists choose to meet briefly with each partner individually to give them a chance to express concerns they may not feel comfortable saying in front of their partner.
Therapists often spend more than the initial session gaining understanding of a couple’s relationship. They also help the couple understand the direction and goals of therapy, and will work with the couple to select a therapeutic approach.
Does couples counseling really work?
Couples counseling works for most, but not all, relationships. Evidence suggests thay 70% to 80% of couples report increased satisfaction with their relationship after attending counseling. Evidence further suggests that couples can maxmimze their chances of a positive outcome by attending therapy as early as possible, rather than when problems become overwhelming.
What should you talk about in couples counseling?
No topic is off limits in couples counseling, but it is worthwhile to present every topic in a polite, respectful way. The therapist can help keep each partner on track, but it is still necessary to bring an understanding attitude to couples therapy.
Can a therapist see a couple individually and talk about strategies to improve mental health?
Therapists do sometimes see couples individually, but most couples therapy happens with both partners together. Occasionally, it may be necessary to separate the couple for specific therapy exercises or to address issues that have proven extremely difficult for the couple to discuss together.
What questions do they ask in couples therapy?
Couples therapists typically ask clarifying questions to better understand the concerns of the couple. There is not typically a specific list of questions that couples counselors ask during sessions. Rather, they are guided by the needs of the couple and the therapeutic approach they have chosen to take.
Where can I get free relationship advice online?
You might consider staring with a basic web search describing your relationship concern. You will likely find resources that could offer insight into your concern.
How do I know my relationship is over?
Knowing your relationship is over is a personal decision that often takes extensive consideration. You might want to reach out to your support network for assistance, as they may be able to offer guidance from an outside perspective. Consider asking directly for feedback, and many may not want to insult you or your relationship by appearing critical. It is okay to express that you are struggling to know if your relationship should continue.
Who can I talk to about relationship issues?
Many people speak to friends and family about their relationships, but if you’d prefer an alternate approach, you might consider seeking the help of a therapist. A counselor or therapist can help you understand your concerns and make substantial progress toward meaningful change. Even if you don’t have and aren’t concerned about a mental health diagnosis, therapists can still be helpful. There are many therapists who specialize in relationship issues who would be happy to address individual concerns.
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