Using Marriage Counseling Worksheets To Think Through Your Relationship Challenges
Once you and your spouse decide to work on improving your relationship, beginning marriage counseling is often the next step. You probably know this will involve honest discussion, introspection, and practicing new ways to communicate your feelings. What you might not expect is homework. But checklists, questionnaires, assessments, and other kinds of worksheets often form a significant part of the marriage counseling process.
These can seem a bit silly or strange if you’re not used to them — you might feel a bit like you’re back in grade school. However, if you approach them with the right mindset, marriage counseling worksheets can be valuable tools for improving the way you relate to your spouse.
Why are marriage counseling worksheets helpful?
If you’ve never encountered worksheets for couples therapy before, you might not see the point of them. What can you get from filling out a form that you can’t get from a therapist-guided discussion with your spouse?
Actually, marriage counseling worksheets can offer a wide range of benefits, including:
Personal reflection
It’s one thing to hear from your partner that you’ve engaged in hurtful or neglectful behavior. Coming to that conclusion yourself may be a more powerful motivator for change. Worksheets can give you a structured way to think about how you’re contributing to the challenges facing your marriage.
Clarifying insights
Many of the unhealthy patterns that can develop within relationships are hard to see from the inside. They may be much more obvious to you once they’re written down. Marriage counseling worksheets often prompt you to make lists and records of things that occur in your day-to-day interactions with your spouse. In the process, you may notice that certain problems you thought were minor are actually frequent sources of conflict.
Practice of positive mental habits
Some couples therapy worksheets are less about diagnosing issues and more about building up more positive views of your spouse. Simply telling yourself you should try to pay more attention to the good things about your partner may not be enough. Taking the time to write them down on paper can cement and reinforce a more loving view of your spouse.
Reference materials
Writing out thoughts, feelings, needs, and goals in a worksheet offers you something you can refer back to later on in therapy. This may help make sure that important issues don’t get skipped over. It could also assist you in clarifying your thoughts so that you can better communicate them in the future.
Resources for pre-therapy couples
Lots of relationship therapy worksheets are available for free online. They can be valuable resources if you’re interested in improving your relationships but aren’t yet sure if counseling is right for you. While simple worksheets can’t take the place of a trained and licensed marriage counselor, they may be an effective way to prepare for more in-depth work with a professional.
What kinds of marriage counseling worksheets are there?
Let’s take a look at some of the worksheets you might be given by a marriage counselor. These are broad, general categories, not standardized exercises. The details can vary a lot between different therapists, and some worksheets may cover more than one of the approaches below.
Relationship goals worksheets
Research on couples counseling suggests that it’s most effective when both partners agree on what they need to work on. A relationship goals worksheet may help you and your spouse get on the same page.
Values worksheets
Some worksheets may ask you to identify the things you value most in a partner, a relationship, or life as a whole. This can be somewhat similar to a goal-based exercise. But instead of specifically asking about the changes you want to make, it’s giving you a chance to define what’s most meaningful to you in love and life. Possible examples include
- Affection
- Trust
- Quality time
- Kindness
- Intellectual stimulation
- Reliability
- Spirituality
- Responsibility
While filling out one of these worksheets, you may notice that your partner already fulfills some of those values for you. On the other hand, you might learn that you disagree about the importance of certain things, which can be an opportunity for discussion and negotiation.
Gratitude worksheets
Some researchers have found evidence that feelings of thankfulness between spouses are strongly associated with marital satisfaction. When a relationship is in a rough patch, it may be hard to remember the things that make you grateful for your partner’s presence in your life. Some marriage counseling worksheets focus on helping you recover your appreciation for what your spouse does for you.
A gratitude worksheet may ask you to list the things your husband or wife does for you, or it may suggest a list of reasons to be thankful for them and ask you to check those that apply. Alternatively, it might take the form of a journal for you to carry with you in between sessions, noting whenever your spouse does something for which you’re grateful.
Similarities and differences worksheets
Tensions and dissatisfactions can sometimes arise in relationships because you expect the other person to think as you do and want the same things you want. In other cases, you might run into difficulty because of the way you’re too similar — for instance, both of you always want to take the lead in planning and decision-making.
You can use marriage counseling worksheets to identify the ways your similarities and differences clash, as well as the ways they work together. This can be good for working out how the two of you can fulfill complementary roles in your partnership. It could also help you spot areas of shared weakness that you may need to work on in therapy.
Sexual intimacy worksheets
Not all people have high levels of sexual desire, and low libido isn’t necessarily a sign of health or relationship problems. People with certain kinds of sexual orientations or identities may feel little to no need for sex, or they may only desire physical intimacy in very specific situations.
However, a satisfying sex life is an important part of marital happiness for many people. Sadly, couples often find it hard to discuss their sexual needs openly, or have trouble addressing sexual dissatisfaction without causing arguments and hurt feelings.
Worksheets can provide a more neutral, less emotionally charged way for you and your partner to communicate about your sex life. They can prompt you to write down your desires, fantasies, insecurities, and boundaries, helping you come to a better understanding of how to satisfy each other. In the process, you may find some unexpected areas of common ground and get ideas for new things to try.
Self-improvement worksheets
It’s common to arrive at marriage counseling with strong ideas about how your spouse should change. But many couples therapists agree that this is unlikely to be helpful in bridging the gap between you. Usually, it’s more productive to focus on what you can do differently to make the marriage more functional and satisfying.
This type of worksheet is all about helping you identify ways you could be a better partner. It may ask you to write down ideas about how you could improve in various domains of married life, such as:
- Communication
- Showing affection
- Finances
- Sex
- Household chores
- Childcare
- Relationships with in-laws
Love language worksheets
Have you ever felt like your husband or wife doesn’t seem to notice all of the ways you try to show them affection? Does it seem like they rarely reciprocate, leaving you feeling neglected? The problem might be that you’re speaking different “love languages”.
Psychological researchers have found support for the idea that different people instinctively express love in different ways. If you have a different love language from your partner, you may not recognize it when your partner is trying to communicate how much they care for you. And you may be trying to show love to them in ways that don’t speak to them.
Filling out and sharing love language worksheets may help you adapt to each other’s relationship styles. For instance, you might learn that while you prefer to give thoughtful gifts to express love, your spouse responds more to physical touch and quality time. Knowing this can help you show affection in ways they’ll appreciate and recognize when they’re reaching out to you.
Getting guidance from a therapist
Though marriage counseling worksheets can be a helpful way to start repairing your relationship, they’re likely to be much more effective with help from a licensed couples therapist. If the prospect of seeking professional help seems daunting, you may want to try online marriage therapy. With no need to travel to a therapist’s office, this can be a much more convenient way to get assistance. As a result, it may be easier to schedule appointments around both partners’ schedules.
Online marriage counseling often works very well, despite being a somewhat newer technique. A 2022 research paper reported that couples receiving counseling over the Internet had equally positive outcomes as those attending sessions in person. Participants in web-based therapy showed improvements in relationship satisfaction, happiness, and overall mental health.
Takeaway
Although filling out marriage counseling worksheets may feel odd at first, it can be an informative and helpful process. You may identify important areas for improvement in your relationship, learn how you can be a better partner, and discover unexpected new ways to connect with your spouse. These tools can be even more effective when used with the guidance of an experienced therapist.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
How can I do marriage counseling at home?
If you are seeking couples counseling or couples therapy, you can either find an in person marriage and family therapist or couples counselors online. Either way, finding a marriage and family therapist should be relatively easy so that you can start to tackle whatever you are seeking marriage counseling for in the first place.
Whether you have a good relationship with your partner that you want to achieve longevity with, or you are having a challenging time, marriage therapy should not be a painful experience. Sure, you may talk about things that may be hard to discuss, but the goal of couples therapy is to achieve a healthy relationship with your significant other.
Sometimes, getting out of the house for couples counseling is not ideal; you work odd hours, have small children, have a disability that limits your outside activities, etc. However, you should still be able to strive to have healthy relationships with those around you. While counseling books can begin to help you identify issues, counseling can be done online with free relationship consultations and then online couples therapy.
Most online counselors will offer you some element of free relationship counseling, as an initial session, and then determine how often you would like to have scheduled sessions. For couples therapy, it is typically best to see licensed couples counselors; however, there are always free trained support individuals that you can also seek advice from while waiting for your official appointment.
What should I ask in couples therapy?
Depending on why you are seeking couples therapy will determine the types of questions you may want to ask in your sessions. Couples counseling can be utilized for a variety of reasons. These may include:
- Past traumatic relationships
- Death of a child
- A sincere effort to work out differences within the marriage
- An affair
- Assistance to build a healthy marriage
- A desire for a happy healthy relationship
- Drug or alcohol abuse
- PTSD from military service/re-engaging in civilian life
- A new relationship that you want to ensure has a healthy foundation
- Trouble with finances or mismanagement of funds
- Lack of trust or lack of support
These are just a few reasons why you may want to attend couples therapy or couples counseling. When you are in a relationship and marriage, sometimes things happen that cause a healthy relationship to go sour. Communications may break down, or trust, and the relationship marriage is not as strong as it once was at one time. You do not need to live in sadness or misery. Relationship and marriage counseling can help you regain what you lost and rebalance and refocus your marriage.
Therefore, there are no one or two questions that you should ask in counseling. In fact, your counselor will help make things easy on you both and ask you questions to get to know you and your relationship better. They may give your worksheets for couples that are designed to help identify the strengths and weaknesses of the marriage through both your eyes. Relationship worksheets are a great tool for positive psychology couples counseling.
What is the success rate for marriage counseling?
This depends on how much effort each person in the relationship puts into couples therapy. Couples counseling is only as successful as the people participating in the sessions make it. If they both want to achieve a happy outcome, the success rate of couples therapy is quite high. However, if one party nearly drags the other into couples counseling, the success rate will be very low. Couples therapy needs to be a team effort in order to find success.
How can I fix my marriage without counseling?
While marriage therapy is specifically designed to help couples achieve a happier relationship, with hard work, you can sometimes fix your marriage without counseling. However, this takes complete and open communication and a joint effort at reconciliation.
Many people are not able to do that alone, and in those instances, couples therapy can help. Couples counseling uses evidence based practices to create a positive psychology atmosphere. Together, couples work with their counselor to talk through differences and explore strategies that they may not be able to fully engage in on their own. Couples therapy worksheets and counseling exercises are utilized and analyzed by a therapist who has an impartial position in the relationship; the counselor has nothing to benefit from, only the clients do. While free relationship worksheets can be found online, without the background to properly analyze them, couples therapy worksheets cannot be utilized to the greatest potential.
However, if you want to use free relationship worksheets prior to attending couples therapy, you may find that you have a starting point for your sessions.
How do I reconnect my marriage?
Lack of communication is often the demise of a marriage. When there is a breakdown of communication, all else starts to fail. The best way to reconnect with your partner is to attend couples therapy. In your couples counseling sessions, your therapist will most likely provide you with relationship worksheets for couples. The relationship qualities worksheet will start to help your therapist to understand where your partnership started and where it is currently. As you navigate couples therapy, your counselor may use what the worksheet describes to be lacking and build upon those qualities first. If you are asked about your relationship this worksheet you are given is a good start to getting to the core of the problem. In addition to the relationship worksheets for couples, counseling exercises will be used to help you learn how to communicate and deal with problems better. Something as simple as the body language you exude may be causing turmoil, and your couples therapy counselor can help you work through these challenges. Being open minded definitely helps.
Couples therapy should be a positive psychology experience for both parties. Sure, you may not always walk out of every session beaming with love and joy, but you will slowly be making strides to a happier relationship.
Can you fix a broken relationship?
If you feel like your relationship is broken, giving couples therapy a chance is a worthwhile endeavor. While not every marriage can overcome every issue, unless you give couples counseling a fair shot, you may be bowing out prematurely. However, if you are set on ending the relationship and have no desire to repair it in couples counseling, no amount of worksheets for couples can mend a broken marriage.
How do you know when the marriage is over?
Sometimes couples amicably agree that they are no longer in love, or they want different things in life, and they choose to end their marriage. Other times, these epiphanies happen in couples therapy.
Every relationship is different, and while couples counseling is designed to help couples work out their differences, sometimes there is a realization that both parties have been hanging onto a marriage that has long been over. You can have a positive psychology experience and still decide the relationship is over. Couples therapy is there to help you work towards an end goal; sometimes, the best goal for everyone involved is to end the relationship.
What is the difference between marriage counseling and couple therapy?
While both are nearly the same, some people who are not yet married want to attend counseling together. In these instances, they would attend couples therapy. Marriage counseling is for those who are married and either way to work out a difference or ensure they have the best marriage possible. Couples therapy, on the other hand, is for people who are in committed relationships and want to work through something as a team.
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