What To Talk About On A Second Date To Get To Know Them Better

You’ve already gotten through what should be the hardest part of seeing someone new: the first date. However, many people are surprised to feel more anxious and uncertain when the second date rolls around. If you like the person and you had a great first time out, you may worry about living up to the expectations set on date one.

If you had a great conversation during the first date, you might feel tongue-tied when you consider what to talk about when you see the person again. How do you know what to talk about on a second date, especially if the space between has been filled with feverish texting and you’ve already asked all the questions you can think of?

We’ve compiled some sure-fire ideas for topics you can broach to get closer to your date on the second time out. Knowing these tips for second-date conversation starters before you meet up with your person of interest can help you feel more relaxed and confident. That confidence will, in turn, keep your mind clear and engaged to speak freely.

How to get a second date

Assuming the first date went well, arranging a second date can be as easy as suggesting another place or event that the person may want to accompany you to. Let them know that you’re interested in a casual way. While you don’t want to come across as too forward, you can put old-fashioned stereotyped rules of playing hard-to-get to rest. If you want another date, ask.

What should happen on a second date?

There are no hard and fast rules for what should happen or what to do on a second date. In general, you want a setting where you can both enjoy your time while getting to know each other better. Feel it out, and don’t be too set in your expectations. Try not to make your second date questions sound too much like you're grilling them. If you’re expecting a second date kiss, you may feel let down if your date declines, even if they’re still into you. Try to put any worries or pressure you’re experiencing to rest since the person likes you enough to have agreed to a second date.

What to do on a second date

It’s a good idea to do something slightly different from what you did on your first date. Maybe even something opposite. This will allow you to get to know your date in another setting. It also naturally expands your possible topics of conversation.

Try to pick somewhere that will give you enough of an opportunity to talk to one another. If you choose a venue like a concert or a movie, allow some time to discuss things before or after. Walking, such as around your town, through the woods, or on a beach, has been suggested by therapists to be ideal for open conversation.

What to talk about on a second date

When in doubt, make sure you’re focusing on learning more about your date. While there’s nothing wrong with being proud of your accomplishments or discussing your likes and dislikes, it’s better to put the focus on the other person. People enjoy talking about themselves with someone who makes an effort to listen and care about what they’re saying.

Second date tips for a memorable conversation

Aim for a balanced back and forth

Neither of you should dominate the conversation. It’s best to have an equal give and take between the two of you. Some people, when they get nervous, respond by either clamming up or going on and on about themselves. If you fit one of these categories, be mindful during your second date conversation to balance things out.

Opt for complex questions that require more than a yes or no

The best questions are those that demand thoughtful answers. If you’re firing questions back and forth at each other that can be answered with one or two words, it can lead to a stilted conversation.

Watch for boredom

Pay attention to your date’s body language and level of interest. If they look like they’re about to fall asleep while you’re discussing your favorite book, it’s a good idea to switch topics.

Don’t panic if there are breaks in the conversation

Everyone dreads the awkward silence when your conversation is moving along great, only to hit a wall. If this happens, take a deep breath, compose your thoughts, and crack a joke. The less you let it affect you or make you anxious, the more confident you’ll feel.

What to talk about on a second date: 10 second date conversation topic ideas

Inquire about their family

If neither of you spoke much about your family on the first date, now’s the perfect time to delve into that topic. If they already mentioned having a sister or playing golf with their father on your previous date, show them you’ve been listening by casually mentioning that during an appropriate moment. Steer clear of any area that they seem reluctant to talk about, however.

Dreams and goals

One of the best ways to get to know another person better is to find out what they envision for their future. If you didn’t get to it during the first date, the second date is the perfect time to inquire about their dreams and goals in life. Ask them where they see themselves in one year, or even five years. Are they planning on going back to school? Do they want to relocate? Do they want a family someday? These are also important ways to gauge whether or not your plans ultimately run parallel to one another.

Ask about their travels

According to a study by Richard Wiseman, traveling is one of the top conversation topics that people mention enjoying talking about on early dates. It will also give you a solid indication of whether you and the other person are a good fit in terms of your lifestyle. Ask them what states they’ve traveled to or if they’ve ever been out of the country. What are their favorite haunts? Do they go somewhere during the summer every year?

You may find common destinations that you both want to visit.

“What would you do if there was an apocalypse?”

This is a rather random, off-the-wall question that can bring a little levity into the conversation. Your date is probably not expecting you to inquire about their survival plan in the face of a zombie outbreak, but it can reignite discussion if it’s begun to dull.

Keep in mind: this is meant to be a playful conversation topic, not a chance to discuss politics or doomsday scenarios. Keep it light.

Ask what they do to waste time

This seemingly silly question can help you learn more about how your date prioritizes their hobbies and other activities in their free time. If your date lives by a rigid schedule and abhors wasted time, while you enjoy many hours on the couch eating pizza and watching Netflix, it’s better to know that your interests clash now rather than later. It can also give you some ideas for a third and fourth date if things are going well.

“If you could change anything in your past, would you?”

If you want to get more serious with the discussion, this is a good question to probe their past. Most people have at least one or two mistakes from their past that they wish they could go back and change. This type of question can prompt an exploration of your regrets, which can help you connect with your date on a deeper level.

Ask them about their dream job

Along the same lines as the hopes and dreams topic, asking about their dream job can help you get to know what truly interests them and where their passions lie. Do they have a dream job that they’re actively working toward? Or is it something zany that they don’t hope to achieve?

Stick with positives instead of negatives

Studies have shown that people prefer dates that appear happier and more positive versus those that display negative traits. Coming off as positive and confident can have a halo effect on other factors of attractiveness. Talk about the movies, shows, and people you like, and don’t dwell on what you don’t. If they have interests that bore you to tears, don’t pick them apart. Don’t be phony, but let your optimistic side shine.

Learn creative ways to get to know someone better

Sometimes we can have a great first date, feel sparks flying and appear to be making a connection, but things don’t work out. And sometimes, we get stuck in a cycle of first dates that go nowhere, unable to find someone with whom we truly connect. Over time, as rejections and bad experiences add up, this can hurt our mental and emotional health.

Counseling can be the answer when you feel overwhelmed or discouraged by your dating experiences. The right therapist can help you identify any self-limiting beliefs or self-sabotaging behaviors you may be engaging in that are keeping you from finding success in love. Regain will connect you with an experienced, affordable counselor on your terms, no matter how busy your schedule. 

Online therapy has helped many people deal with self-esteem issues that may be affecting their relationships. It can be difficult to find the right in-person therapist. With online therapy, you have a wide range of options, and you can find just the right person to work with.

Takeaway

Dating isn't always easy, but you can build your confidence and your skills so you feel more comfortable when you're out there meeting new people and getting to know them.