Beyond First Impressions: Eight Second Date Tips

When it comes to dating advice, second dates rarely get much attention. Most advices center on the first dates, but what about the tips for second dates? Second dates may not be as anxiety-provoking as first dates, especially if the first date went well, but they may be more important. That’s why in this guide, we’ll talk about how to get a second date and how to ensure it’s a good one. These tips can help you find success not only on a second date but also on the third and beyond.

1. Ask for the date!

So you had a great first date and found someone you're interested in. How do you get that second date? And how do you decide on what to talk about on a second date?

It doesn't have to be a formal request that you agonize over. Asking someone for a second date does not have to be a grand affair, either. It can be as simple as messaging the person and asking them out, or, if you run across them in person, suggesting somewhere you can go again.

All of this assumes that you had a great first date. But what if it was only so-so, yet you still think you're interested in the person? Maybe you had a great talk but detected little chemistry? Or maybe you both struggled with an awkward conversation? First dates can be awkward since one or both parties may feel nervous and worried about making a good impression.

It may help to know that it's common not to feel much chemistry until the second or third date. In fact, many people find that they don’t expect to know whether someone is a good match just from the first date alone. A good date might be a sign you’ve found someone special, but that doesn’t mean an average or even poor date spells trouble.

If you still think you might want to get to know the person better, consider going out for a second date. You can let the other person know you’re interested with a call, text, or even stopping by to see them in person, if you can. Letting them know you had a good time and want to get to know them more may be all you need to do to initiate date number two.

2. Have the right expectations

It can be common for a first date to be less like a scene from a movie and more like a casual, semi-awkward interaction. After all, both people are probably nervous and may feel anxious about impressing one another. The second date can take some of this pressure off, making you more comfortable with getting to know each other.

During the first date, you're likely just getting to know the basics about one another. There often isn't much to work with other than your chemistry and first impressions, which aren't always accurate. The second date can give you a better feel for your date. The masks usually slip, and you'll likely see more of the person's actual character and personality.

Going in with this in mind can help you feel less nervous and more confident, which may make it easier to have a great second date.

3. Plan ahead

As we've mentioned, you've likely already had one successful date, so there can be less pressure for both parties during a second outing. Your potential partner has already enjoyed your company enough to agree to a second date, which should hopefully bolster your confidence.

Consider what you want to talk about before you go on a date. It may help to prepare yourself beforehand by brushing up on current events and searching your memory or messages for things that your date is interested in.

If you weren't sure whether you were into the person after the first date, really give them a chance during the second date. Think about what you want to know about them and what you hope to do together. By the end, you'll likely be able to determine whether you're interested in pursuing the connection further.

You may feel the opposite way: perhaps your first date was amazing, and fireworks were going off everywhere. You may be hyped for your second date. However, it's likely a good idea to keep your expectations realistic. If the second date isn't as amazing as the first, but you still enjoy yourself, it may still be worth trying a third time.

4. Make it interesting

Do something different than your first date. This can help you have a good time together and get a sense of how you act in different settings. If you went out to dinner the first time, try sightseeing or going to a concert the second time.

You can choose from standard ideas, such as a movie or an unusual restaurant, or something more creative. It likely all depends on you and your date's interests, the available locations in your vicinity, and your budget. Consider what both of you seemed to have in common the first time to help you narrow down your options.

5. Ask questions

You may worry that your second date conversation will be harder since you used up most of your topics on the first date. You likely don't want to say the wrong thing or blow it with too much uncomfortable silence.

Most people like talking about themselves and appreciate it when someone genuinely cares about what they have to say. Ask your date questions about their work, hobbies, and interests. According to one Harvard study, participants were more likely to want to go on a second date with (or give a better job to) people who asked more questions. 

It might also mean a lot to your date if you bring up something they said on their online dating profile or during the first date, like their favorite food, a place to go, or family information. Showing that you were paying attention can help make the other person feel valued. Ask them to tell you more about a hobby they mentioned or what they like and dislike about their job. This also can help you gauge whether your personalities, interests, and priorities align.

6. Allow yourself to open up more

While a first date may involve getting to know the basic surface-level facts about one another, a second date can allow you to delve deeper. This can allow you to gauge whether you'll be a realistic fit in the future. Compatibility is much more than just your level of attraction and chemistry, after all, which may be the only things that are clear from date one.

7. Establish and understand physical boundaries

Whether you pursue physical activity, whether it be something like a kiss or hug or full-blown sexual intercourse, likely depends on you and your date's personal preferences, beliefs, and comfort levels. 

It's always up to both you and your date to determine how intimate you want to get and when. A second date kiss can be pretty common, especially if you lock lips on the first date. Go with the flow, read their body language, and see what happens, making sure to check in for your date's consent along the way.

8. Don't assume you're in a relationship

No matter how strong a connection you seem to have with another person, don't assume that a second or even a third date means you're now in a relationship. It usually takes a while of getting to know each other for both people to decide they want to be in a relationship. Your date might be at a different point than you are, so don't assume you know what's on their mind.

Instead of constantly questioning whether you're exclusive, try to stay in the moment and make the most of the second date. You can't worry yourself into a relationship, but you can take proactive measures to get closer if you focus on what's going on right in front of you.

The role of therapy in relationship formation

Many of us have had crazy, unexpected, or disappointing dates. However, if you've been trying to find someone for a while, it can start to erode your confidence. You may lose hope that you'll find someone worth spending your time with, let alone building a future with.

Working with a counselor can help you identify and change negative thinking patterns that may be contributing to your difficulties. With the support and guidance of a counselor, you can regain control of your dating life and figure out exactly what you're looking for. When you choose to pursue online therapy, you can get a connection to professional support right from the comfort of your own home.

Plus, research suggests that there could be a positive connection between good self-esteem, strong mental health, and positive, fulfilling relationships with others. The better a person feels about themselves, the better they tend to feel about their partner and the more likely they may be to enter healthy, meaningful romantic relationships. Online therapy can make it simple to work on your self-esteem and learn more about your relationships, no matter what point they may be at.

Takeaway

A second date can be a great chance to get to know someone better and determine whether your growing relationship may have a future. Going in with the right expectations, working to make things interesting, and remembering to be open can help you have the best second date possible.