Changing His Mind: Can You Win Over A Guy Who Has Given Up On Dating?
Finding an incredible man that you would love to date can be very exciting. But if you find out that he has completely given up on dating, that excitement can quickly switch to disappointment. Guys who give up on dating usually have a reason for not wanting to date any longer. They might have gone through something traumatic in the past, which could have soured them on romantic relationships.
If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.
It is important to respect someone’s boundaries and preferences, and if they are adamant about not wanting to date, that should be honored. But if he is open to it, there are a few things you can try that may help you to win him over when he’s ready.
Tips for approaching a guy who has given up on dating
If you’re in this situation with a guy, consider some of the following tips:
Be his friend first
Since the guy you like may not be ready for a relationship right now, it might help you to focus on being his friend. If this guy doesn’t feel like he is fit for a relationship right now, it’s important to respect that. We shouldn’t try to force someone to do something that they are not comfortable with. You can enjoy building a friendship while getting to know him better. This can allow him to learn about you and your personality, and vice versa.
As much as you would like to be dating this guy, it can also be nice to just have a good new friend. Being a good friend to someone is something that can be satisfying on its own. If something more develops, then that might be great, but friendships are very important in life, too. You can be there for him as a friend and see how things develop. You might find that having him as a friend is very worthwhile even if you never start dating.
Show him that you’re a genuinely good person
Showing him that you’re a genuinely good person may help you gain the interest and affection of someone else. This may also help counter any feelings of distrust this man may have developed from possible prior relationships he has had where he was mistreated or hurt. It may help to show him that you aren’t going to treat him the same way. If the guy has given up on dating because he felt he couldn’t trust his previous partner, showing him that you are honest and trustworthy may help to shift his perspective.
If you do care about this guy, then that is going to shine through during your interactions. It might take him some time to warm up to you completely. Your warmth and genuine nature might be able to thaw an icy exterior. And again, even if this doesn’t lead to dating, it can be a very positive experience for you both as friends.
Just have fun together
Try not to take things too seriously at first. Someone who has given up on relationships or dating completely will not likely want to quickly jump into a serious relationship. This is why just having fun together can be a great step to take. You can focus on having a good time without putting too much pressure or expectations on how things unfold. Try to figure out what it is that he likes to do, and then you can spend time enjoying those things together.
If he is a big music fan, maybe he would love going to concerts whenever cool bands come to town. He might be a sports fanatic, so going out to see a baseball game together could be a very nice outing. Maybe these fun times together will gradually lead to romance, or maybe they will lead to a strong and fulfilling friendship—either way, it can be a positive endeavor for you both.
Take things slow
Taking things slow is also probably a good idea. Someone wary of the dating scene is likely not going to want to have things progress too quickly. It’s fine to be interested in a serious and committed relationship with this guy, but try to keep your expectations reasonable when the relationship is starting. He might be nervous about things getting too serious if he needs time to become comfortable with dating again.
Try to let things progress naturally, and don’t push him to move faster than he is comfortable moving. By taking things slow, you two can develop a strong bond that works for you both and may grow into a healthy long-term relationship. Just continue to show him that you care and that you’re willing to take things at a pace that is comfortable for you both.
Be understanding
There is a good chance that this man has emotional scars from a past relationship or that he is still getting over a bad breakup. Guys who give up on dating often don’t do so for no reason. Giving up on dating and relationships often happens when someone has been severely hurt. Perhaps his fiancé cheated on him, or he might even be a widower. Whatever the situation is, try to be there for him and be compassionate and understanding of what he’s going through.
There might be some things that he is not going to be comfortable doing. Maybe certain activities remind him of the past, and they dredge up too many unhappy memories. Many people need time to heal. Try not to push him on certain issues and let him open up about the past when he is ready. If you can build your relationship up, it may help him feel safe about opening up eventually. If he knows that he can trust you and that you will have his best interests in mind, it may allow the relationship to develop more smoothly.
Consider counseling
If you two decide to give dating a shot and need support as you navigate this new relationship, online couples counseling might be a good idea for you two. Dating can come with ups and downs, and especially if one person had reservations about dating again, it might be helpful to work through some of those concerns with the help of a trained professional. And, research has found online therapy to be an effective option for improving both relationship and individual functioning.
It can sometimes be tricky trying to coordinate multiple schedules and find time for something like therapy. But with online therapy, you and your partner can meet with your therapist from wherever is most convenient for you both—even if that means joining the session from separate locations.
Takeaway
Meeting someone you are interested in dating and then finding out that they have given up on dating can be very disappointing. It’s important to respect other people’s boundaries and preferences, but if this other person is open to it, there are things you can try that may help you win them over when they’re ready. If you would like to discuss your concerns with a relationship expert, you can speak with a licensed therapist online.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
Can a guy change his mind after rejecting you?
If a guy rejects you, he might change his mind. But it’s not necessarily something that you should get your hopes up for, expect, or necessarily try to force or encourage. Depending on your situation, trying to change his mind may or may not actually be worth your time. It can be tough to cope with rejection, especially from those we care about a great deal, but focusing on changing his mind instead of accepting his decision can be unhelpful for your own mental health and self-esteem.
If this person indicates that they’re unsure of how they feel, you might find it best to give them the space they need to reflect and come to their decision on their own. You should not have to convince someone of your worth.
How do you go about changing his mind about commitment?
If you and your partner have different expectations about your future, both in and outside your relationship, it might not be the best approach to try and get him to change his mind. Someone who is genuinely uncomfortable with or has decided not to get married (or otherwise commit) has every right not to do so, but it can be challenging when your partner has this mentality and you don’t.
It might help you to try to understand why your partner isn’t interested in commitment in the way you expected; it may be a personal issue that can be talked to or otherwise discussed, or it may be a firm decision that is important to him. Either way, have an honest conversation with yourself about what you want and what you are unwilling to compromise on. Once you know what you truly want, tell your partner, and see if you two can find ways to move forward that you are both comfortable with. If your partner isn’t ready or willing to give you what you need, then it may make sense to move on to someone looking for the same things as you.
Additional questions
Can you change someone's mind about a relationship?
Changing someone's mind about a relationship isn't something you can control. People's feelings and decisions are personal. While it's possible for someone to reconsider their stance on a relationship, it usually requires both individuals to be open and willing to make adjustments. You can influence their thinking through honest communication, patience, and showing them your true feelings. But ultimately, if someone isn't ready or interested, you can't force them to change their mind.
Why would a guy change his mind about you?
Guys, like anyone, change their minds for a variety of reasons. Maybe he didn't initially see the potential in the relationship or wasn't in the right place emotionally. But as he gets to know you more, or as circumstances change, he might start to see things differently. It could also happen if he realizes that he genuinely likes you more than he thought. Sometimes, time or a shift in his personal life can make him reconsider his feelings.
How to let go of a guy who doesn't want a relationship?
Letting go is tough, especially when feelings are involved. But the first step is accepting his decision, as hard as that might be. Recognize that you deserve someone who wants the same things you do. Giving yourself space to grieve, spending time doing things that make you happy, and leaning on friends and family for support can help. It's about healing, focusing on yourself, and knowing that you will find someone who wants a relationship with you.
Can a guy change his mind and want to date you?
Yes, it's definitely possible for a guy to change his mind and want to date you, but it's not guaranteed. People's feelings evolve over time, and sometimes, someone realizes they're more interested than they initially thought. However, if you're hoping for this, it's important to avoid waiting indefinitely or changing yourself to fit what you think he might want. The best approach is to live your life fully and let things unfold naturally. If he sees your worth and decides he's ready, it could happen, but only if it's truly meant to be.
Does a man change when he loves someone, or is it just a matter of changing his mind?
A man can change when he's in love, but it's not always a drastic shift. Love can encourage a man to be more open, considerate, and emotionally available. But, it's often more about growth rather than complete transformation. Love can change his priorities, making him more willing to make compromises or put in the effort in ways he didn't before. Sometimes, though, it's simply about him realizing he wants to make it work with you.
How do you know if he is confused about his feelings?
If a guy is confused about his feelings, you'll likely see him act inconsistently. One day he might seem interested, texting you often and making plans, and the next, he's distant and unavailable. He might hesitate when you talk about the future or avoid making any clear commitments. If you're noticing these mixed signals, it's possible that he's uncertain about his emotions and isn't sure what he wants. Open and honest communication is key here—sometimes, he just needs to express what he's going through.
What happens if you keep thinking about a guy?
When you keep thinking about a guy, it's natural to get caught up in feelings and wonder what might happen. If you can't stop thinking about him, it could mean that you have deep feelings for him and might want something more. It's important to check in with yourself to see if your thoughts are leading you to a healthy place or if you're over-analyzing and building expectations. The best thing to do is focus on your own happiness, pursue your interests, and try to find a balance so that you're not letting one person consume your thoughts.
How does a man act when he's falling in love?
When a man is falling in love, his actions often speak louder than words. He might start prioritizing your happiness and showing interest in your life and well-being. He could be more affectionate, spontaneous with gestures of care, and more emotionally available. You'll notice he's listening to you more closely, seeking ways to spend more time with you, and showing genuine investment in the relationship. He may also start sharing more about his feelings and plans for the future, indicating he sees you as a significant part of his life.
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