Dating A Shy Girl? How To Help Her Open Up

If you have recently started dating an inherently shy girl, you might face the challenge of getting her to open up and feel more comfortable around you and others. While a person can be introverted and shy, every shy person isn’t necessarily an introvert. Remember that someone isn't fundamentally different just because they're shy or reserved. It might take them a bit longer to warm up to you about certain things, but building a bond with the person will be just like with someone who isn’t shy. 

It's normal for these things to take time. Putting extra time and effort into the relationship may create a special bond between you that may have been different if you sped along the process. If you like her and see a future with her, putting in some effort will be worth it. 

Here are a few tips on getting her to open up and get comfortable with you:

Tips for dating a shy girl

Starting a romantic relationship with a girl who is reserved can be rewarding and enjoyable. Often, people who are shy have rich inner lives that may be slowly revealed by others. If you’re dating a girl who is shy, consider the following tips to help her open up while ensuring she feels comfortable.

Find activities she's comfortable with

If your girl is shy, it may not be a good idea to thrust her into a situation where she’ll have to interact with many people she doesn’t know. Find out about the things she enjoys doing and plan around those. If she likes fine dining, take her someplace nice and quiet where you can focus entirely on her. If she’s outdoorsy, hiking or canoeing are good options. If she’s a music fan, find a venue where you can watch the show without having to jockey to the stage for a view. 

It's important to consider, however, that when someone is shy, avoiding social functions altogether isn’t always the best plan. Say, for example, that your friend is having a house party and has invited both of you. If you decline for her sake, your intentions may be good, but your girlfriend can misinterpret that and feel you don’t want to introduce her to your friends. 

Shy people can enjoy parties and other types of gatherings, and the things your girlfriend will want to avoid will be up to her. Some shy girls might not enjoy big parties but might be comfortable getting together with a smaller group of friends. Talk to her about what she wants to do and try to include her in the plan. She will let you know whether she is up for it, and the fact that you’re considerate enough to ask will have an impact. 

Open up to her

If you reveal things about yourself and show her who you are, she will naturally open up to you gradually.  If you haven’t already, tell her about your background, family, friends, etc. If she’s comfortable doing so, take her to meet them and let her into your life. Making yourself vulnerable can go a long way toward getting her to relax, and spending time with you will get easier and easier. 

Match her energy level

If you are naturally extroverted and outgoing, consider balancing your energy level to match hers in social situations. You don't have to be a different person to do this, and you can clarify to her that you’re typically very extroverted but play it low-key in the beginning. If she feels that your persona is too dramatically different than hers at the beginning of the relationship, she may not want a subsequent date. 

Avoid forcing her out of her comfort zone

Like most, shy people usually don't like being put in awkward situations, especially socially. You might be interested in introducing her to your friends or family right away. That's a great thing, and she will likely be excited to meet them eventually, just not in the very beginning. Being around new people without knowing how best to interact will likely wind up feeling overwhelming for a shy girl. 

Take an interest in her hobbies

It can be helpful to take an interest in her hobbies as well. Many people have interests they spend a lot of time and energy on. For example, some might be interested in reading, and others might like board games or video games. Your girlfriend could be a film buff, or she might be really into music. 

Taking an interest in activities she likes will be an excellent way to bond with her, but it will work out better if your interest is genuine. If you're tagging along to events or going through the motions, then she'll likely see that it’s a hollow gesture and you aren't actually interested. 

Consider finding an activity or hobby that you can enjoy together. If she doesn't have a current hobby that you're able to enjoy together, you might be able to think of something that you will bond over. It could be anything that might interest both of you that will still allow her to feel comfortable. 

Give her time to open up

Always remember to avoid pestering your girlfriend about opening up about things. Being a shy person and needing some time to build up trust in someone isn't necessarily a bad thing. She doesn't mean to offend you by not confiding everything to you right away once you start dating; she’s just getting to know you at a pace that makes her feel comfortable. Some people are so shy that telling someone they find attractive can be a big step.

If you constantly bombard your girl with requests for more information and openness, she may feel put off by it. If you love or care about your girlfriend, letting her direct the pace will be much healthier. She will open up to you over time and notice the effort you're putting in to make her feel comfortable. 

Remember that being shy doesn't mean she isn't confident or capable.

It's also important to know that being shy doesn't mean your girlfriend isn't confident or capable. People sometimes mistakenly think being shy is due to a lack of self-confidence. This is only sometimes the case. You shouldn't look down on her for being shy or feel she needs to change her personality. Acknowledge how strong and capable she is, and don't let her shy nature be the only thing that defines her for you. 

You must also acknowledge that, like introversion, shyness isn’t the same as social anxiety. Being shy is just a personality trait that can make it more challenging to open up to people. Shy individuals can still be brilliant and confident in many situations.

Can online therapy help improve my dating life?

If you’re ready to look towards the future with your girlfriend but are having difficulty connecting, relationship counseling can help. A couples counselor will work with you to identify the issues that create challenges and explore ways to overcome them together.  

Despite the broad benefits of couples therapy, many people choose not to seek treatment with their partner. The reasons can be practical, such as scheduling or availability issues, or personal, such as cultural or familial stigma around seeing a counselor. 

The benefits of online therapy for dating a shy girl

Online therapy is an excellent solution to these barriers and more. With virtual therapy, you don’t need to worry about coordinating schedules or commuting to appointments. You can talk to a relationship professional from the comfort of your home when it’s convenient for you via phone, text, online chat, and video message. And unlike most conventional therapy scenarios, you’ll never need to feel uncomfortable encountering others at an office or speaking to your counselor in person, which can be especially beneficial for shy people.   

Platforms like Regain match experienced, licensed relationship counselors with couples from diverse backgrounds and lifestyles. Regain is easy to use and often more affordable than conventional therapy without insurance. Although more study is needed, a growing body of evidence indicates that virtual treatment is as effective as traditional therapy for helping couples achieve better communication and deeper connection. 

No relationship is without its challenges, but with a Regain therapist, you can find harmony and balance together.