Dating With Depression: 12 Things You Should Know

Dating with depression can be challenging. Whether you're the one in the relationship living with depression or it’s your partner living with a depressive disorder, you may feel torn and entirely out of your element. It can be challenging to get through the day when navigating the symptoms of depression, yet you likely want to stay with this person you care about. Knowing a few things that can make your relationship a little easier and help you through some of those tough times may be the answer you're looking for.

If you're living with depression

If you're the partner in a relationship living with depression or another mental health condition like bipolar disorder, keeping the following in mind can be very helpful in managing your relationship.

1. Take things slow

You might be tempted to jump into a new relationship. Or you might be terrified to start a relationship because you don't know what will happen. Slowing down and taking things a little at a time can help you handle stress better. This may give you a chance to get into a relationship that's more comfortable for you.

2. Understand the effects of depression

Being depressed may make you more prone to intense emotions or feeling overly sensitive to things. You may overreact to how your partner talks to you, for example, even if they are joking or teasing. The sensitivity could seem extreme even to you, but understanding how and why it can occur may put you in a better position to manage and talk through intense emotions. That’s why it’s important for many people to understand depression symptoms and how they may show up in a relationship.

3. Trust your feelings for your partner

Living with depression, you may sometimes feel like your feelings for your loved ones are different than they used to be. You may not feel love for your partner in the same way when you're experiencing more intense feelings of depression. This does not necessarily mean you're not interested in being with them. Instead, it may just be your mental health and the depression symptoms causing your brain to react differently.

4. Be open about it

Be willing to talk to your partner about your thoughts and feelings. Let them know that you're living with depression, and make sure they know what you need to feel supported throughout this journey. Let them know what your bad days may look like and what your good days look like. Also, be willing to talk to them during those good and bad days. Open communication can be a great way to manage stress and navigate mental illness in a relationship. 

5. Don’t depend wholly on your partner

When you're depressed, it can be easy to latch onto someone you think will make it better or who you think can help you. However, if that person is not your therapist, they may feel no obligation to help you. Your partner may love you and want what's best for you, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they are solely responsible for you. Depending whole on your partner can not only put you in a permanently vulnerable position, but it may also be exacting for them.

6. Keep moving forward

Every relationship you enter can open up new opportunities and new experiences. Don't let yourself get too hung up on mistakes you've made in the past or anything that you've done with different relationships. Enter into this one with the hope and the drive to improve it.

If your partner is living with depression

If your partner is the one that is currently living with depression, there are some different ground rules that you likely should know. You want to make sure that you're supporting them in the best ways possible and not compromising your mental and physical well-being, which can be a complicated process.

1. Have realistic expectations

Even if your partner is going through therapy and seems to be doing well, you should likely be careful about how much you expect from them. Depression can be an extremely complex mental health disorder, and that means they may have days and even longer when they seem to be doing great but may then slip back into depression. Expecting too much of them, expecting them to “snap out of it” more quickly, or believing that you could be the miracle they need might not be the best way to help them or your relationship.

2. Accept their limitations

There may be times when your partner just may not be able to do what you want. Even if they've agreed to do something special with you, they may face challenges when the time comes. They may have days where they have a hard time doing anything. You should generally try your best to be understanding and supportive even in difficult situations. There may be times when you feel let down or disappointed but understanding that your partner may be doing their best and that sometimes they just can't make it may help you feel better.

3. Know they may pull away

This can mean more than just physically wanting to be alone, though that may be a big part. Your partner may want to spend time entirely alone, or they may want to spend time only with you rather than going out. People living with depression may exhibit a tendency to be isolated, but that doesn’t mean they’re disinterested in spending time with you, so don’t feel like it’s your fault.

4. Provide support in a healthy way

When you continue giving and giving to your partner, you may feel like you're draining your energy and well-being. Find a healthy balance between supporting them in the way they need and supporting yourself. Encourage your partner to seek professional help so that you aren't the only one they are talking to about their experiences. When you're trying to act as a therapist and a romantic partner, it can wear on you in many ways. Ensuring they get the help they need may take some pressure off you.

5. Recognize what depression is and what it isn't

It’s likely that not every problem you and your partner have will be because of depression, so you may want to make sure you understand what's happening in the relationship. If you find it difficult to make the relationship work, separating what is causing the problem might be challenging. Living with depression is not an excuse for your partner to be mentally, physically, or emotionally abusive. It is also not an excuse for them to make you feel guilty for your actions. 

If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.

6. Consider your mental health

Dating someone with depression may be mentally and emotionally tasking, so keeping your mental health in mind can be a necessary step. While it can be helpful for you to be around them constantly, you may feel weighed down by the responsibility without leaving time and space for yourself. Walking away can be a good decision in that event, though you should handle this with care.

Getting professional support

No matter which side of the relationship you may be on, getting professional help from a licensed therapist or counselor can be a vital part of forming a healthy bond and mutually supporting one another. 

Either individual or couples therapy, especially online therapy, might be a great place to begin. When you find a therapist through the web, you can access the care you might need right from the comfort of your own home, which can help save you time and money.

Many people find that online therapy can produce noticeable and significant benefits for themselves and their relationship. In fact, according to a medically-reviewed study, 95% of couples who go through couples online therapy found it to be helpful. That means that you and your partner might, too.

Takeaway

When it comes down to it, whether you are a person living with depression or your partner is, these tips can come in handy in terms of managing the ups and downs you might encounter. Remember too that getting professional support can be important, as can communicating frequently and openly about your needs and concerns.