What You Should Know About Dating Alpha Males
If you recently started dating an alpha male or are thinking about starting a relationship with a guy who sees himself as one, there are some things you may want to know about how he is likely to think and act. Read on to learn more about alpha male thought and behavior patterns and how they can affect your relationship.
What is an alpha male?
The American Psychological Association defines an alpha male as the most powerful or dominant male in a group, with preferred access to resources such as food and available mating partners. While this perception may have originated from studies of animal behavior where one stood out as a clear leader, it may not always translate perfectly to human behavior patterns. In fact, the accuracy of “alpha wolf” studies is debated because the behavior is only seen among captive wolves.
It can be essential to note that while this article focuses on alpha males and the challenges of dating one, these behavior patterns and personality characteristics are not confined to one gender and can apply to anyone.
“Not only does it greatly simplify the multi-dimensionality of masculinity, and grossly underestimate what a man is capable of becoming, but it also doesn’t even get at the heart of what is really attractive to women.” — The Myth of the Alpha Male
The myth of alpha vs. beta males
Researchers at the University of Berkley shared insight into the perception of “Alpha” and “Beta” males and the associated misconceptions in The Myth of the Alpha Male. The study states that people may often perceive alpha males as more potent, confident, masculine, and the epitome of "real men." By contrast, the study suggests that people may view beta males as weaker and submissive or subordinate, who can only find a partner when women are looking for a "nice guy."
Understanding the alpha male archetype
An alpha male may be different from other men you know. They are often confident, intelligent, and charismatic, with a high opinion of themselves and higher standards for the people they allow into their lives. In addition to the personality characteristics discussed throughout the article, researchers suggest that many men who see themselves as alpha males often share some physical features. Height, a deep voice, and a handsome face are typical traits associated with social dominance. Studies show that men with higher testosterone levels may demonstrate more dominant behaviors.
Alpha male personality traits
- Territorial
- Domineering
- Aggressive
- Often sexually active
- Confident
- Feeling superior to others
- Controlling
- Ambitious
- Self-aware
- Emotionally intelligent
- Goal-oriented
- Rigorous self-care
What to expect when you’re dating an alpha male
While each man and each relationship are different, researchers have compiled some common behaviors you can expect from an alpha male in a relationship.
Possessiveness and territoriality
Many alpha males consider their romantic partners theirs and may express possessive and territorial sentiments. You can expect him to react badly to threats of competition or anyone pushing boundaries with you that he may view as encroachment into his “territory.”
Controlling behavior and unwillingness to compromise
He may not value anyone’s opinion as much as his own, and you may notice that an alpha male is unwilling to compromise when he feels strongly about something. He may exhibit controlling behavior if he thinks you’re doing something wrong or if he doesn’t like your behavior.
He may not get along well with others
Many alpha males may see themselves as superior to others and may not always expend the effort to show interest in their thoughts and opinions in social settings. Because he likely sees himself as the “king of the jungle,” an alpha male may be selective about whom he allows into his life.
He attracts a lot of attention
One of the things you should consider before getting into a relationship with an alpha male is that he will often be the center of attention. With his personality and charisma, many people may be drawn to him, which can make trust and confidence in the strength of your relationship a crucial aspect of a successful connection.
Appearing confident while needing support
He may always appear confident, but alpha males are human too, and they occasionally need to feel loved and supported by their partners, close friends, and family. He may feel comfortable taking charge of a situation and handling it efficiently but still struggles to express when he feels upset or vulnerable.
What do alpha males want from a relationship?
If you feel drawn to an alpha male, examining what he might seek from a relationship could be helpful.
Someone who understands his personality
Alpha males may have trouble expressing their emotions, which could make them seem aloof or uncaring about how they feel when the opposite is often true. He may seek a partner who understands his unique mindset and how he expresses love.
A partner he can care for, protect, and provide for
Many alpha males like to feel in control of any situation and often show their love by protecting, caring for, and providing for their romantic partners. You may notice that he’s willing to help you make repairs around the house and take care of duties he sees as “man’s work.” However, he may also be a generous lover who goes out of his way to make you happy and meet your needs.
Someone to match his loyalty
In addition to being protective and territorial, alpha males are often fiercely loyal to their partners and those they deem worthy of a place in their lives. Because they don't bestow this honor on many people, they may expect you to recognize the gravity of it and behave in the same way.
A partner willing to let him take the lead
Research shows that many alpha males look for romantic partners willing to let them take the lead most of the time. However, the data indicates that partners who are too subservient to an alpha male's needs may cause irritation and resentment. He likely doesn’t want total control but does want to take a leading role in the relationship.
Someone who will join his active lifestyle
Many alpha males take great pride in their appearance, including rigorous self-care in their daily routine. He may frequently visit the gym or work out elsewhere and seek a romantic partner to jump into his active lifestyle and hit the ground running.
A partner who appreciates his honestly and blunt attitude
Alpha males rarely display fear over anything and may often be seen as too honest or with a blunt attitude that can be off-putting to some people. He is likely seeking a partner who knows and appreciates who he is, how he communicates, and the benefits of speaking plainly.
Differences Between “Alpha” Behavior And Abuse
- Ignoring or dismissing your boundaries, limits, thoughts, feelings, or ideas.
- Making decisions for you or asserting more control over you than you’re comfortable with
- Consistently acting as if their desires, needs, or whims are more important.
If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.
Reach out for help
If dating an alpha male leads to emotional and relationship complications you’ve never encountered, you may benefit from speaking with a therapist for the support and guidance of a mental health professional as you adjust your expectations and learn how to love an alpha male and how he is most likely to show his love for you.
How therapy can make dating an alpha male easier
Men who identify as alpha males can often behave differently from other men, which may leave you confused about their feelings and behaviors and unsure how to react. Consider working with a licensed therapist online through a virtual therapy platform centered around relationship issues like Regain. Therapy can help you learn the emotional intelligence, awareness, and literacy to help you recognize, understand, and express feelings and needs—in yourself and your partner. A therapist can help you explore your feelings about an alpha male’s behavior, develop practical coping skills to manage stressful situations, and communication strategies to ensure he knows what you need and how you feel.
Recent research shows that individual and couples therapy provide similar outcomes in person and online. Virtual treatment is usually less expensive, and shorter wait times mean you can speak to someone sooner. Online therapy platforms offer access to a much wider variety of mental health professionals, so if you don’t find someone who fits well with your situation and personality on the first try, it’s easy to connect with another therapist.
Takeaway
Dating someone who identifies as an alpha male can present some unique relationship challenges. The information in this article provides insight into the behaviors alpha males often demonstrate in relationships and how therapy can help improve communication and emotional understanding.
FAQs (frequently asked questions)
What Are Alpha Males Attracted To?
An incisive study shows that alpha males are individuals with domineering characteristics, highly valued, vigorous, and energetic. An alpha male is someone people naturally respect and follow, and in most cases, they are the most sought-after men in terms of professionalism and are perceived by most ladies as the ideal man.
Below are some of the characteristics that attract the interest of an alpha male:
- Alpha males are attracted to their opposite (Feminine women): Every woman has a feminine side and a masculine side, and it’s the same with men, but obviously, alpha men tend to show more of their masculine side and because they are showing that masculinity, they are naturally attracted to women that tend to show more of their femininity.
Note: Being feminine isn’t just about how you look. It’s your attitude as well.
- Be Submissive: Because Alpha males tend to be more dominating, and controlling, one of the groups who naturally intends to lead, expects you naturally to follow them. If you’re considering dating an alpha male, it is worth noting that confronting their decision gets them upset; it may seem to them that you’re trying to take the role of leadership from them, and it will definitely not end well.
When dating an alpha male, be prepared to be more submissive to avoid awkward arguments in public about where to eat or what to do; you might as well go along with what they want because they are naturally the type of guys who will not ask what you want.
- Be A Good Listener And A Good Supporter: Because they are ambitious, they have their own ideas and like to talk about their philosophies on life, and their interest. And because they are very highly opinionated, they need an audience.
So, they require very good listeners, who show a lot of enthusiasm in their views everything. When dating an alpha male, you have to be good at listening, observing them, and supporting them on all the things they are talking about. In other words, they are watching to see if you can be their cheerleader.
- Positive: Once again, you need to think about the world that an alpha man comes from. He is often working in a highly stressful environment.
- They are often CEOs, people with many responsibilities, and even if they don’t have many responsibilities currently, they are always looking for more. So they’re never satisfied in their position in life; they always want to strife for more. Because that’s their natural tendency of how they are, they don’t want to come home to you and be in another similar stressful environment.
To date an alpha male, you need to be less demanding and have a high level of consideration for their stress level when they come back and to make sure that when you’re with them that the atmosphere will be relaxing, fun but most importantly, stress-free.
- Be Adaptable: This is similar to the previous point; dating an alpha male requires you to be adaptable because an alpha man has large goals, large dreams, and it’s very clear where they are headed in life.
This means you may have to sacrifice temporarily at least some of your own ideas; you may have to move, you may have to change careers, change jobs to suit and accommodate him.
Tip: Even if you don’t have goals or ambitions, and you happily oblige to everything the guy wants, I really advise against it because to have a long-term happy relationship, you need to have your own life, goals, and dreams separate from that of your spouse.
What do alpha males want in a relationship?
Dating an alpha male has been every girl’s dream at some point in their life.
- Loyal: Alpha males are leaders of a pack, and it is required if their followers to be loyal to them. If you’re dating an alpha male, it should be noted that resolute loyalty is required of you as his queen.
- Companionship: Alpha males are purpose-driven and, as such, require a partner who will actually support their goal.
- Control: They desire to control to make their dreams a reality. They desire control over their pack. If you’re dating an alpha male, you should understand that you’re part of him, and as such, he requires his queen to have control over her affairs just like he does over his business.
How do you tell if a man is an alpha male?
So you want to spot an alpha male, or you’re dating someone, but you’re not certain if he’s alpha or not.
- He Takes the Lead: A true alpha male is a take-charge kind of guy. He has a life filled with ambition and purpose. According to research, an alpha male carries himself with confidence, not arrogance.
He likes to take charge of his relationship, such as taking you out, courting you properly, looking for the restaurant, picking you up, and many more.
An alpha man takes responsibility for his life and goes after what he wants.
- He Wants To Inspire You: If you find a man who wants to help you reach your goals and dreams without being jealous about them or feeling insecure. Then that’s a confident alpha male.
He desires to keep you as inspired as he is about his goals; he understands what value it brings to both of your lives.
- He Practices Self Control: He doesn’t depend on outside circumstances to affect his mood. He is in control of his life and takes full responsibility for it.
- He’s a Man Of His Word: The attributes of an alpha male aren’t limited to just dominance and aggressiveness but nobility as well. An alpha manfollows through with his promises and intentions.
- He Doesn’t Need Validation: A real alpha man will never post selfies of his rewards on social media; he doesn’t need that validation. He’s comfortable in his skin, confident, and very busy.
What is a sigma male?
The first important aspect of the sigma male is that he opposes the alpha and beta males. The sigma male is outside of the hierarchy; imagine it like a wolf pack, the wolf pack hunts in a group, and it has a clear structure and a clear hierarchy but doesn’t belong to the pack.
He’s outside of it, he hunts on his own, and he’s the lone wolf. But just because he’s outside of the hierarchy doesn’t mean he always has to be the lone wolf.
Some of the characteristics of a sigma male include:
- Adaptive: He can easily adjust to situations; if he needs to be social, he can be social. But most of the time, he’s just doing his own thing.
- Does Not Follow Rule Or Social Norms: The sigma male believes rules don’t apply to him. His mindset says rules are meant to be broken.
- Silent Person: He doesn’t talk a lot; he focuses on himself. Instead of talking a lot, he indulges in activities and doing things people are not doing. He’s not constantly babbling about his goals or the money he makes.
Note: The sigma male does not talk a lot does not necessarily mean that he’s not able to, he could do it, but he doesn’t want to.
- Intelligent: He values learning and education. He doesn’t talk a lot, but he says something useful or important; therefore, people see that he has sufficient knowledge in multiple areas.
Are alpha males jealous?
Jealousy is a common attribute within males and females, and being an alpha male isn’t an exception. They tend to be very possessive and desire the attention and loyalty of their pack. And if they sense in any way that your attention has been shifted to someone else, they feel threatened and become really angry and jealous.
So, dating an alpha male warrants you being cautious of your dealings with people, especially of the opposite sex.
Can alpha males be faithful?
Yes and no. Like all males, alpha males can be faithful, but it all depends on the woman's part. A woman who is with an alpha male has to enjoy being his woman.
She has to accept him as the dominant male, stay loyal, and show more of her feminine side. Making him feel like the dominant male will earn his loyalty and love forever.
Is alpha male aggressive?
Alpha males love to take charge and are accustomed to barking out orders for people to follow. They tend to be aggressive to impose dominance and scare off the competition.
Is an alpha male good for a relationship?
How an alpha male pursues a woman?
How do you know an alpha male likes you?
How do you keep an alpha male Interested?
What is an alpha male personality?
How do alpha males take care of their women?
Are alpha males attention seekers?
Can alpha males also be emotional people?
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