Help! I’m Dating A Nice Guy And I Don’t Want To Screw It Up

When you have finally met a really nice guy, it’s normal to want to do what you can to make sure things go well. If you don’t have a good history of successful relationships, then you might be worried about messing things up with your new partner. 

When you’re dating a nice guy, it’s important to try your best to put effort into the relationship. Take a look at the advice below so that you can nurture your relationship over time and build the strong bond you’ve been seeking.

Communication is imperative

Learning how to talk to your boyfriend is important when you want to avoid and/or resolve problems. Communication issues often lead to complications in relationships. If you can’t talk to each other properly, you might wind up fighting about things more often than necessary. This can even lead to hurt feelings if someone takes things too far and says something that they will regret later. If you tend to argue with boyfriends, you might want to work on your communication skills to avoid familiar pitfalls.

Instead of yelling at your boyfriend when he does something you don’t like, you could try speaking calmly about it. Oftentimes, arguments occur for simple reasons. You might be annoyed by your boyfriend tracking mud into the house, but if you can communicate about it calmly, an argument need not result. Calmly asking him to be more mindful about taking his shoes off or wiping his feet may be enough to prevent a repeat occurrence. Everyone gets angry from time to time, but better communication can lead to improved results.

When you’re able to communicate properly, you can be better able to avoid fighting for no reason. You’ll also likely have an easier time telling each other what your expectations are. If your boyfriend doesn’t feel that he can talk to you without you getting mad, then he’s more likely to avoid telling you things. Open and honest communication can lead to a healthier relationship. You have to be willing to work on things.

Be understanding and try to avoid excessive arguing

Working to empathize with your partner can help prevent avoidable conflict. By looking at things from someone else’s perspective and being open to hearing their views, you can learn all the sides of a situation before an unnecessary reaction occurs. 

For instance, it might be easy to get mad about him not spending much time with you during the week. Maybe you made plans, but he couldn’t keep them and went to bed early, instead. This is certainly something that can bother you, but there might be room for understanding.

Your boyfriend might be working long hours, and he could be so tired that he didn’t have the energy to go on your planned date. This can feel disheartening, but it might not be something that requires an argument. Calmly telling him that it’s important that plans be kept or that you’re able to spend time together each week may do the trick.

Avoid rushing things

You also don’t need to rush things just because you really like this guy you’re dating. Sometimes taking things too fast can sabotage a relationship. Moving in together before your relationship is mature enough to handle that can be detrimental. Take things at a comfortable pace and try to let your relationship evolve naturally.

Just enjoy being together and try to make sure that your relationship goals match. Be honest about your expectations for the relationship. Let him know if you want to date exclusively so that there is no confusion whatsoever. When you’re ready to take the next step in a relationship, you’ll be able to talk about things and move forward as a couple.

Take an interest in his hobbies

Taking an interest in your boyfriend’s hobbies is a good way to get closer to him. Being genuinely interested is a lot better than feigning interest, though. If you wind up liking some of the same things, then it’s going to give you something else over which you can bond. Even if you don’t love the same things that he does, he’ll still be happy if you are interested in his activities simply due to your love for him.

Support each other

Supporting your partner in everything he does can help show him how much you care. Being supportive doesn’t come naturally for everyone. Some people are a bit more self-centered by nature, and they might need to learn how to focus on others rather than being so self-involved. 

Try to spend time supporting your partner and showing him that you care about what he is doing. This could mean listening to him after he has had a bad day at work. Support can also mean being there to cheer him on. Whether you’re sending him a supportive text message or doing your best to be there for him during important events, those actions can help to deepen your relationship.

Maintain a healthy sex life

Sex is a crucial part of a healthy relationship. If you don’t have a good sex life, then it’s likely going to impact the relationship at some point in time negatively. Of course, not every couple is going to be sexually active. Some abstain for various reasons. Even so, most couples like to be able to develop a healthy sexual relationship over time. This isn’t always easy when working a full-time job, but you have to do your best to make the time for sex and romance.

Try to set aside a bit of time every week to have fun with your boyfriend. Show each other how much you care and let the worries of the work week fade into the back of your minds. Spending time together like this can really help you to get closer as a couple. Relationships are about much more than sex, but sex can be a great way to express your love, too. Try to keep that spark alive between you, and don’t be afraid to ask your boyfriend about things he would like to do in the bedroom.

If you’re worried about your relationship getting stale, then spicing things up in the bedroom can make a huge difference. Just remember that no one should ever feel pressured into doing something that they aren’t comfortable doing. Understand your boyfriend’s limitations and be sure that he understands yours as well. Otherwise, try to be a bit open to new ideas and don’t be afraid to have fun. Good sex can bring you closer as a couple, making you a happier person overall.

Avoid being too needy or clingy

When you like your partner a lot, it’s normal to want to spend a lot of time together. The problem is that some people create relationship problems by trying to monopolize their partner’s free time. It’s important to try to have your own life outside of the relationship. Each of you needs to be able to maintain your own interests and friendships alongside the relationship itself.

Communicate directly

Texting has become a cornerstone of most modern relationships. Even when you can’t be together, it’s possible to at least send a text message to your significant other every day. Doing so can make it easier to maintain a romantic connection even when you’re a busy professional. 

It’s important not to be too focused on text communication, though. Some people wind up putting too much stock on the text messages that they receive. Others get upset if their partner forgets to send a goodnight or good morning text. Something like this can indeed brighten someone’s day or make them feel special, but not everyone can or wants to text at certain times.

With all of this in mind, it’s important to recognize your own value in a relationship. Your partner being a “nice guy” is wonderful, and the chances are that their choice to be with you is based on their opinion of you being a nice, caring person, etc. Know your limits and your expectations and communicate them honestly and openly with your partner.

Reach out to online counselors

Don’t hesitate to reach out to online couples’ counselors if you need help. Every relationship is going to go through ups and downs. If your relationship with your partner has been a little rocky lately, then you might want to get the help of dedicated relationship counselors. They can help two people who love each other to overcome issues. It’s possible to grow your relationship, and you can learn how to communicate with each other more effectively.

Compassionate couples’ counselors will be ready to assist you as soon as you reach out. You can talk to them to help with individual problems, and they will also be ready to work with you as a couple. By using online therapy platforms like Regain, you (and your partner, if you wish) can schedule sessions at times that are compatible with your schedule. If you and your partner are in a long-distance relationship, you can both attend therapy from any location, provided you have a secure internet connection.

Countless couples have sought guidance from licensed online therapist in resolving myriad relationship issues. From substance use and opposing parenting approaches to pre-marital counseling and overcoming infidelity, there are hardly any issues that a professional counselor cannot help you address.

If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at (800) 662-4357 to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.

Online therapy has also been shown – by multiple studies – to be as effective as in-person psychotherapy when it comes to relationship satisfaction. Additional studies have also discovered that online therapy simultaneously reduces participants’ symptoms of anxiety, depression, and stress.

Takeaway

Coming across a “nice guy” can be a welcome surprise after a dating history that includes lackluster partners. That said, just because someone is “nice” doesn’t mean that they are necessarily compatible with you, and it certainly doesn’t mean that you owe them anything. However, if you are truly connecting with a nice guy and have concerns that you will sabotage the relationship, you can turn to a licensed therapist at Regain for support. Your dedicated therapist will work with you in an empathetic, nonjudgmental way to address your insecurities and detrimental behaviors – reach out today to get started.