Dating A Younger Guy: Pros And Cons Of An Age Gap Relationship

If you’re older and you’ve recently started dating a younger man, you’re probably excited and want to learn more about how this relationship dynamic works. 

Dating a younger man can be a truly exhilarating experience. On the other hand, some people who are dating younger men may have insecurities or concerns about building a lasting or long-term relationship due to the age difference between them. In this article, we discuss some dating advice for men and women, including a few of the pros and cons that can come along with dating a younger man, and provide resources for you to get support. Let’s start with the fun factor.

Dating a younger man: The fun factor

Do you miss going out and just having a good time? Dating a younger man can be just what the doctor ordered. Someone who is younger than you can help you keep up with the latest trends and keep you on your toes. The relationship can be mutually rewarding as you and your younger man are introduced to new perspectives and activities that you may have never even thought about on your own. This fresh perspective may add a little much-needed spice back into your life.

Attitudes are contagious. When you date a younger man, their exuberance can be infectious as you begin to look at life from your younger man’s perspective. You may find yourself laughing and smiling the way you did ten or fifteen years ago as you remember what it’s like to be a little more carefree. As we get older, many of us tend to focus on what we “can’t” do anymore.

The positive side of dating a younger guy

Dating a younger man can give you a new perspective on life that results in positive changes in your day-to-day living. You may find that you’re paying closer attention to your physical fitness levels or spending a little extra time getting ready for your date. In the beginning, these things may start out as an effort to impress your younger beau. Over time you may find that bumping up your level of self-care can help you to realize your worth—outside of your relationship. This new awareness may result in more positive outcomes than you can count.

The choice is yours

Being physically attracted to your lover is crucial. As you’ve grown and matured throughout the course of your life, this has likely led to higher levels of confidence as you’ve successfully tackled some of life’s hardest challenges. When you were younger, your thoughts of dating may have been more along the lines of “I wonder what they think of me” or “Am I good enough?" Now that you’re older and more confident, these thoughts are more likely “What do I think of them?” and “Is this someone that I can be compatible with?” The increased self-confidence that comes with age allows someone who is older to have a clearer idea of exactly what they’re looking for in a partner—and the ability to go out and get it.

By now, you know your likes and dislikes as well as your “must-haves” and deal-breakers. You understand that you don’t have to limit yourself to a dating pool based on societal norms or expectations. Understanding this concept makes your dating pool and chances of relationship success that much larger. You can choose to date a younger man or any other man that strikes your fancy. At this stage in your life, a new level of confidence that comes with age means that dating is about choosing—instead of waiting to be chosen.

Assuming both of you are of consenting legal age, the sky’s the limit when it comes to choosing a younger mate. When you decide to date a younger man it's important to be open and honest with yourself and your chosen younger partner about why you chose them. Check in with yourself to make sure you’re not choosing your younger mate to be a “prize” or “trophy.” Pay attention to all of your potential beau’s characteristics—and not just his age.

Ask yourself important questions such as “What am I hoping to gain from this relationship?" A healthy answer is companionship, love, friendship, etc. An unhealthy answer is dominance, control, status, or any other potentially negative factor. In other words, make sure you’re in it for the right reasons and that you’re not using your mate (at any age) to work out other darker or unresolved issues. 

Increased sexual chemistry

Perhaps the biggest reason you’re attracted to younger men is because of sexual attraction. Now that you’re finally able to choose the partner of your dreams with no constrictions (or youthful insecurities), you’re free to enjoy a more uninhibited level of sex than ever before. This is especially true if you’ve already raised a family or had children that are now adults. With the heavy responsibilities of parenting and family behind you, you’re free to explore your sexual prowess with the person you feel the most comfortable with—regardless of age.

Older adults may be more comfortable having uninhibited sexual experiences as they shed insecurities and become more in tune with their bodies. Being able to clearly express your sexual likes and dislikes in the bedroom can go a long way toward leading you and your partner down the pathway of mind-blowing sex. Open communication with your partner is the first step to identifying what you both need and want in the bedroom. Talking with your partner is also a great way to learn about their fantasies, likes, and dislikes, which can make you both more comfortable around the topic of sex.

Less emotional baggage when you date a younger man

One perk of dating a younger man is that (in theory) they usually have less emotional baggage. This lack of baggage has less to do with age itself and more to do with a lack of life experience. The potential result of having a relationship with someone who has less emotional baggage is that the relationship may progress more smoothly as each partner allows it to grow at its own pace. Instead of focusing on healing wounds that can still be festering from past relationships, you and your younger beau can really get to know each other and decide if this relationship is something you both want to pursue long-term. 

It's not just your younger partner who may have less emotional baggage. People dating younger men may also have less emotional baggage as they have come to terms with the struggle of their youth and are satisfied with the path their lives have taken and the people they’ve become.

You’re an expert

As the older adult in the relationship, it can be satisfying to introduce your younger lover to new experiences. These experiences span a wide variety of categories that range from sexual to financial. If you’re someone who likes to teach, introducing your younger lover to newer experiences can be mutually rewarding. You may be established in your career, an expert hobbyist, or other have other specialties. Whatever your “thing” is, you’re good at it, you know it, and you don’t mind taking the time to teach your partner something new.

The great part about this kind of relationship is that this learning and teaching thing works both ways. Your younger lover can keep you in the know on the latest trends and happenings in the world from their perspective. They can also reeducate you on things that may have changed since you first learned them and give you completely new insights on things you (thought) you already knew. With open communication and mutual respect, dating a younger man can be a truly satisfying experience—for both parties.

Three potential drawbacks of dating someone younger

Even as seasoned experts, we all need advice from time to time—regardless of our age. This concept is no different from dating a younger man. While dating a younger man can be mutually satisfying, there are also some potential downsides to consider before you and the young man of your dreams consider going any further. The following are three potential dangers to consider that often show up in May – December relationships.

Power imbalances

A power imbalance is one of the more common issues in relationships where one party is significantly older. Here, a power imbalance can occur when the older partner dominates the younger partner and takes on a more parental role. Either party can reinforce the resulting power dynamic (often a power struggle) as the younger person in the relationship may also respond by depending on their older partner for financial or emotional support in an unhealthy way.

Lack of understanding (especially if there is a large age gap)

Oftentimes, close friends and families may question the validity of your relationship. Well-meaning relatives may assume that you’re being taken advantage of or exploited—or that you may be taking advantage of your younger mate or exploiting them. If you enter a relationship with a large age difference between partners, be prepared to field a lot of questions (and unsolicited advice) from concerned friends, family, and even well-meaning strangers.

Unhappiness

Being misunderstood or ostracized by your friends or family can result from this age-based relationship. People who lack familial support because of family misunderstandings or feeling dominated or used by their partner (with power struggles) may find themselves extremely unhappy or often down-in-the-dumps about their relationships which can lead to issues with depression long-term.

Talk about dating age differences in online therapy

If you’re interested in learning more about the pros and cons of dating a younger man, reach out to an expert for advice and support. A licensed relationship expert can help you and your partner facilitate new routes of communication or learn other ways to make your relationship more satisfying for both of you. Board-certified therapists like those practicing on the Regain platform can help you and your partner learn more about each other and why you entered this relationship.

Reaching out to Regain online relationship counselors is very simple, all you need to do is sign up and you can be matched with a counselor trained in working through the issues you're experiencing. Distance therapy and online counseling are great options for couples who have busy schedules and want (or need) to make counseling a priority.

When you take part in therapy online, you can learn how to have a relationship with a younger man that is satisfying and mutually beneficial for both partners. If you feel you need to work to get the relationship where you want it to be, then you don’t have to do things alone. The online counselors at Regain are available in an “always-on” environment to provide relationship counseling therapy, support, and advice 24 hours a day.