Strategies To Improve Emotional Detachment In Relationships

If you are currently in a relationship and want to do your best to ensure that it works out, being emotionally invested is key. Some relationships will fail due to one person becoming emotionally detached from the other, leading to communication and intimacy problems. However, it is important to note that learning how to emotionally detach from stressful situations can also be a positive coping mechanism. 

Emotional detachment can be either a healthy distance or boundary a person uses during stressful situations, or an emotional state defined by a lack of connectivity or intimacy with another person.  Experiencing emotional detachment creates obstacles in communication and can make it very tough for someone to truly feel invested in a relationship. While some people have an underlying mental health condition that is causing the disconnection, many people struggle with attachment due to their childhood environment or a conscious decision not to deeply connect with another person. 

If you are feeling emotionally detached or notice these tendencies in your partner, you most likely have noticed how it is negatively affecting your relationship. Forming meaningful bonds with others is blocked when you avoid becoming emotionally attached. You or your partner most likely have a good reason to react this way, however, to grow a healthy bond, these walls will need deconstruction. Read on to learn more about the reasons why people experience emotional detachment and how to work together towards attachment. 

Mental health reasons for emotional detachment

 Various factors can contribute to an individual becoming emotionally detached. Past experiences play a significant role, as individuals who experience significant trauma, abuse, or loss are more likely to become emotionally detached as a defense mechanism following distressing circumstances. Medications such as antidepressants can also cause an individual to feel emotionally numb and lead to emotional detachment. Mental health disorders, including PTSD, major depressive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, and borderline personality disorder, can cause a person to feel dissociated or emotionally detached from certain people and situations. 

An emotionally detached person may decide to seek treatment if they are experiencing symptoms that interfere with their ability to function and a decreased quality of life. Treatment for persistent emotional detachment might treat any underlying mental health issues such as a stress disorder and psychotherapy to work through past traumatic experiences When there is a diagnosed mental health problem causing these detachment issues, you're going to want to work with your doctor. A doctor will be able to ensure that you get the right medication to manage your condition. People who struggle with forming emotional bonds might also need to speak to a therapist to get help. This can help them learn how to open to others, and it can change the way they look at social or romantic relationships over time.

If the reasons for the emotional detachment are not caused by an underlying mental health disorder, the following suggestions may help improve the health of your relationship and bring you closer together. 

Allow yourself to feel

If the emotional detachment is occurring for another reason, you can start using normal advice to work on your relationship. Many people detach themselves, for example, a husband emotionally disconnected, to avoid being hurt. Unfortunately, when you keep yourself from feeling your emotions, you may miss moments that can bring you joy. Being emotionally numb is safe because you are nut vulnerable to being hurt, but you may be keeping yourself from feeling happy. 

You need to allow yourself to feel if you want to give a relationship a true shot. Love is about experiencing deep emotions, and it can be difficult to cope with sometimes. Love is also intense and this intensity can be a bit frightening at first. When you start to develop feelings for someone, it's easy to see how painful it would be if you were to lose them suddenly. Some choose to close themselves off completely rather than allowing themselves to feel true love for the fear of loss.

Open your heart to someone and let yourself feel the true joys of love. It might not come naturally to you if you have been closed off for a long time. However, it's important to understand that you may miss out on one of the most beautiful aspects of life. Emotions can be both good and bad, but love is going to be worth it.

Communication is important

Communication is another important part of the process of attachment to someone you love. You may recognize that you are not allowing your significant other learn more about you or you are neglecting to get to know them better. Remember that communicating with your loved one effectively will help you to become more emotionally invested in the relationship itself. Also, discovering new things about each other can be a fun part of your relationship as you discover things about each other you never knew before. Other healthy communication tips include:

• Listening to understand as opposed to waiting to respond
• Ask open-ended questions that encourage longer conversations
• Validate each other’s thoughts, feelings, perspectives
• Do not interrupt, raise your voice, or assume your partner’s feelings

Many couples wind up getting the help of dedicated counselors to work on improving communication skills. During therapy, you can learn to speak with your partner healthily and vice versa. Often, people are emotionally distant because they never learned appropriate communication skills growing up. If you this happened to you or your partner, you both may benefit from relationship counseling. 

Make goals together

If you can bond with your partner and work toward goals together, it will strengthen your relationship. The time you spend together working on achieving your goals helps prevent you from becoming emotionally detached. It keeps you invested in the relationship by acting as a reminder of your bond.

These goals could be major life milestones such as purchasing a home or having children. Other goals that are bond-forming can simply be going on one date in a new place every week, losing weight together or working on other personal achievements as a team.

Vulnerability is a part of successful relationships

Know that vulnerability is part of being in a successful relationship. When you give your heart to someone else, there is always the chance that they will hurt you. This reality is what often causes people who are experiencing post-traumatic stress (they have been betrayed or hurt in the past and are feeling the consequences of it in the present) to shut down emotionally. People will use emotional detachment as a coping mechanism to avoid having to deal with heartache.

To experience true happiness inside of a relationship you need to be emotionally invested. You may have the tendency to detach from your feelings as a safety mechanism. While it will be difficult at first, take steps to recognizing why you feel this way and allow yourself to be vulnerable. You can start by letting your partner know how much they mean to you. Your honesty is important, and your partner will appreciate being let into your life.

Try not to be afraid

When you have been hurt in the past, it is very difficult to not have a fear of the same thing happening again.  To deal with your fear, try think about your relationship from an objective or logical perspective. Ask yourself if you are shutting yourself off from feeling due to a valid concern or something you are carrying from the past. You may be keeping yourself from a healthy and loving relationship due to you being unwilling to invest emotionally. If you could find it in yourself to push the fear out of the way, you might find that the reward is worth the effort.

True love is almost indescribable. When you love someone deeply, the entire world will appear to be that much brighter. There are bad things in this world, and nothing is without risks. You can understand this while also realizing that the beautiful things in life make all the tough times worthwhile. You are stronger than you know, and your relationship can succeed if you are ready to put in the time to make it happen.

Consider couples counseling

You can also consider signing up for couples counseling if you need assistance. Couples counseling is a highly effective way to work on your relationship where you will learn about each other and build strategies in effective communication and improved intimacy. It might take time to work through all your issues. Even so, these licensed counselors will be happy to assist you with many different things. You can go to counseling sessions together as a couple, or you can work on issues individually. This will help you to grow your bond while learning how to communicate more effectively. 

People have even been able to work through issues that cause emotional detachment by working with online counselors using a form of talk therapy known as iCBT (internet-based cognitive behavioral therapy). Similar to cognitive behavioral therapy, this virtual method of treatment involves helping people identify and modify maladaptive lines of thinking and negative behaviors through positive behavioral changes and restructuring thought patterns. This highly beneficial therapy has been shown in research to be equally effective as in-person therapy in the treatment of several mental health challenges, including anxiety and depressive disorder that can lead to emotional detachment. 

You can sign up for online couples counseling to make things as convenient as they can be. You will be able to speak to a counselor from the comfort of your own home while working on improving your relationship. 

Best of all, this is an incredibly discreet service. You need not worry about anyone knowing that you are going through counseling and you can attend sessions in the comfort of your own home. This is a cost-effective and simple way to get the help that you need. Your relationship can thrive with the help of dedicated counselors, so do not hesitate to reach out if you need assistance.

Takeaway

Navigating emotional distance in romantic relationships can be challenging, especially when managing the fear of being hurt from your past. If your partner is distant, you can begin to work with them by accepting their tendencies, giving them space to process, and focusing on your own goals and interests. You may also be feeling distant yourself for several reasons. No matter if one or both of you is feeling emotional detachment, know support is available when you are ready.