Is Making Out On A First Date A Good Idea?
First dates can be exciting. You get to learn more about a new person, find out how compatible you are, and hopefully have a bit of fun. You may even find that you’re so drawn to a potential partner that you’d like to have that all-important first kiss, which could turn into a make-out session. But is engaging in this kind of intimacy appropriate for a first date? While the decision of whether to make out with someone is entirely up to you, there are some considerations that may make kissing more or less appropriate. Below are some tips for deciding whether you should lock lips on a first date.
Be respectful of the other person
The most important thing to keep in mind when determining whether a kiss is appropriate is that both you and your date should be consenting prior to any kind of physical contact. Asking your date if you can kiss them is the best way to ensure you aren’t crossing any boundaries. Prior to asking, though, you may pick up on signs (which we’ll discuss below) that they are or aren’t interested in a kiss. If your date is in any way uncomfortable with physical closeness, be respectful of their space. There are many ways of establishing a connection with someone that don’t involve making out.
Is there a rule?
Everyone seems to have their own dating rules, particularly those surrounding when physical intimacy is permissible. For example, some people say you shouldn't kiss on the first date, or if you do, it should be only a light kiss. Other people choose to go further with a date.
Ultimately, there are no hard and fast rules for dating. You're not going against established dating etiquette if you kiss, or don’t kiss, on a first date. It's perfectly acceptable to have that first date make-out session. Sometimes the chemistry and sexual attraction between two people is there right from the beginning. It's ok to act on it. You and a potential partner get to decide what you are comfortable with and how you want to approach the date.
Signs that they’re open to a kiss
Kissing on a first date can be a delicate question as two people may have completely different expectations.
If you’re interested in kissing your date, knowing whether they’re also open to it is important. The following are some signs that a potential partner is interested in a kiss.
Body language
You can often tell whether someone is interested in becoming closer physically by the way they position their body. Nonverbal cues like lingering eye contact, touching of the arms and hands, leaning in closer to the other person, and smiling at moments when the conversation may lull all can point to interest in a kiss. They may also attempt to draw your attention to their lips by licking them, touching them, or talking about them. Your date might also look at your lips frequently, which can signal that they’d like to explore them more.
If your date’s body language has been closed off, they may not be interested in getting closer physically. This can look like folded arms, legs that are crossed away from you, a lack of eye contact, or objects put intentionally between the two of you. While body language is not a guaranteed indicator of interest in physicality, it can help you determine whether they’ll be receptive to a kiss.
Words of encouragement
If your date starts to talk about subjects like physical intimacy, who your first kiss was, etc., this can be a good sign that they’d like to have a kiss later and, possibly, engage in a make-out session. Of course, if they come out and say that they’d like to kiss, that will be the clearest indicator of their intentions. This kind of communication can be healthy, ensuring you’re both consenting and interested in becoming closer.
Breaking the touch barrier
Respectfully touching your date’s hand or shoulder can be a good way of moving toward a slightly more intimate form of interaction. If you don’t initiate it, try to notice whether they have broken the touch barrier with you. Have they put their head on your shoulder, made an excuse to touch your face, or even jokingly nudged you? These can signal their intention to take things a bit further later.
Again, you should only break the touch barrier if it’s clear your date is comfortable with this. If their body language is closed off or they haven’t shown any indication that they’d like to get closer, then physical touch, much less kissing, is likely off the table.
Does this mean we’re a couple?
For some people, kissing another person can be a rite of passage into being an official couple with them. However, it doesn’t have to be that way. Kissing can just be a fun way of interacting with your date.
It can help to be upfront about your expectations. Speaking up before something happens can help you avoid hurt feelings. For example, if kissing is something you only want to do in a committed relationship, consider letting the other person know this. It can be better to have a bit of an awkward conversation than to put yourself in a position where either you or your partner feels uncomfortable.
An excellent first date that leads to a make-out session can quickly turn into more dates. Kissing, according to research, can help you determine whether a potential partner is right for you—and allow you to foster a closer connection with them if you decide they are. Although it isn’t a necessary component of a first date, it can be a gateway to a long and healthy relationship.
When to kiss on a first date
As with most dating etiquette, there is no rule about when to initiate a kiss on a first date. Maybe it is at the end of the date with a kiss goodnight. Maybe it's in the middle of the date when you both feel that attraction and chemistry spark. In fact, getting the first kiss out of the way earlier on can help you both feel more comfortable the rest of the date.
Making out on a first date can be a way to continue the fun of the date, letting sexual chemistry lead the way. Again, there's nothing wrong with this. If both parties consent and are into it, go with the flow. Remember, you make the rules for how you date.
Fostering intimacy with online therapy
Studies show that online therapy can help couples navigate the physical aspects of a relationship. For example, in a follow-up on a study of 151 couples, participants reported that positive relationship quality—which, according to researchers, includes sex—increased significantly, even 12 months after an online therapy program was completed. Additionally, the study mentions the improvements in individual mental health participants experienced, including decreases in anxiety and depression, and increases in overall quality of life.
Online therapy can help you better understand how to introduce a physical component into your dating life in a healthy manner. With an online therapy platform like Regain, you’ll be matched with one of thousands of mental health professionals—who have a variety of specialties—based on your needs and preferences. So, you’ll have a good chance of working with someone who can help you understand your relationship to intimacy. You can also reach out to your therapist outside of sessions; so, if you have a question about dating, sex, or similar subjects, you can send them a message, and they’ll respond when they’re able. A mental health professional can help you set expectations and develop a healthy romantic relationship. Read below for reviews of Regain therapists from those who have sought help for similar concerns.
Therapist reviews
“Austa has been wonderful thus far. She has helped my partner and I during an unimaginably difficult time... She has also guided us in communicating effectively and setting appropriate boundaries in our relationship. I was hesitant to pursue counseling at the beginning, but I truly believe that it is making a difference for our relationship. Austa is easy to talk to and she is a great listener. I would wholeheartedly recommend her as a counselor.”
“Sessions with Natalie are very insightful and give practical advice on implementing new habits and changes. Be prepared to engage and be challenged to think in a different way. I know that my partner and I can already see improvements in our relationship and feel more positive about working through our issues together.”
Takeaway
Ultimately, whether you kiss on a first date is up to you and your potential partner. As long as you’re both comfortable with it, making out can be a great way to become closer to your date. If you’d like to learn more about intimacy while dating and similar topics, know that support is available. With the right help, you can maintain a healthy and satisfying dating life.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
How long should make out last?
A good makeout session can really take the intimacy in your relationship up a notch. However, there is no cut-and-dry guide for how long that makeout should last, so you may be wondering what you should be aiming for with your partner.
A short but passionate kiss can be a great way to leave them wanting more, or if you want to come across as a little more mysterious after the first date. Take it up a notch and allow the french kissing to creep over the 5-minute mark if you could see things getting a little more steamy later on.
If you find yourself kissing for over 15 minutes, you know there’s some serious chemistry going on. As always, you can be the one to make the first move as long as it’s consensual or call it quits if you aren’t feeling good.
Making out should be fun and a great way to be intimate with someone you want to be close to, but there’s no need to push it if it becomes uncomfortable.
Is making out normal in a relationship?
If you’re new to the dating scene, you may be wondering just how normal it is to make out with your partner.
French kissing could feel somewhat “off” to you if you’ve only ever a peck on the lips with someone or if it wasn’t a regular occurrence with your last partner. However, making out is a great way to be intimate with someone and is a normal, exciting occurrence for many relationships.
There’s no right way to kiss someone, and every couple enjoys different things. However, if you would like to kiss your partner for longer and more often, you can always ask them if you can incorporate it into your relationship.
Some good ways to spice up the french kissing or to make out you do include:
- Incorporating surprises
- Teasing your partner
- Revisiting locations where you made out early on in your relationship
However, if the making out is too much for you, by all means, let your partner know. There’s nothing wrong with taking things down a notch, either.
What do you say when making out?
While a passionate kiss, you may find yourself wanting to increase the heat by telling your partner just how much you like it. You may also want to guide them to do something that makes you feel good with your words.
In any case, it can be hard to speak eloquently in the heat of the moment, so having some backup phrases can be useful for your next makeout session.
- “I like when you touch me like that/kiss me there.”
- “Kiss me harder.”
- “You’re so hot/beautiful.”
- “You’re an amazing kisser.”
- “Don’t stop.”
- “I want you so badly right now.”
- “Where else do you want to kiss me?”
- (To bring things back a bit): “That was so hot, but I need a little air now.”
Should you make out on a first date?
As always, whether or not you kiss on the first date is up to you and your partner.
Because a first date might be the first time you’re even meeting them, a passionate kiss might seem like an awkward choice. However, if you’ve felt the chemistry building up throughout your time together, a little makeout session could be the perfect progression.
Many women choose to feel it out and let the situation dictate whether a kiss will happen. They also say it could depend on the type of date; for instance, an evening out for drinks is a little bit more sensual than a casual brunch.
You will likely sense a build-up or lack of chemistry and attraction with your partner, but it is always your choice whether or not you want to be intimate. If you aren’t feeling up to a kiss at that moment, there is no reason why you can’t turn it down.
Your partner should always respect your boundaries, and, likewise, you should respect theirs. But, at the same time, if you want to make out on the first date and your partner is also into it, by all means, go for it.
How often should couples make out?
Every relationship is different, so it is up to you and your partner’s needs and desires how often you make out or are intimate in other ways. There is no specific amount that couples “should” make out; however, you and your partner decide to express intimacy and in what ways it is valid.
Many couples, especially new couples, can spend hours just kissing. However, it is also normal for makeout sessions to happen more infrequently as your relationship goes on.
According to modern studies, the average adult has sex about once a week. However, if you feel like you and your partner lack intimacy, increasing makeout sessions and other intimate activities can be a great way to up your sex drive.
Try to make each time exciting and different by incorporating elements of surprise or breaking out of your usual routine. For example, you can surprise your partner with a kiss when they’re cooking dinner or you’re riding an elevator.
By doing this, you might find that new makeout sessions come more easily and frequently. Of course, this type of intimacy isn’t for everyone, but if you think that more of it will strengthen your bond with your partner, it never hurts to try.
What does it mean when you make out on first date?
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