Love After Loss: Dating A Widow

Dating someone new can be exciting, but it can also come with unexpected challenges. Managing a new relationship can be even more complex if the person you’ve started dating is a widow. When a person loses their partner, it can have a significant, long-lasting impact on their life. This can make it tough to move forward at times, and there could be lingering grief that stems from losing a partner in this way. There may be some  important things you need to know about dating a widow if you want to move forward with the relationship.

You might need to take things slowly

First, you may need to realize that the person might not want to move too fast. Recovering after such a significant loss may take time, and they might want their next relationship to advance slowly. For instance,  they might not feel fully comfortable about the new relationship at first. In some cases, they might still feel a sense of loyalty to the spouse they lost.

It may be important to ensure that the new person in your life is comfortable with the pace that the relationship is moving forward. Consider letting them take the lead.  If you care for them, try to be supportive of their decisions regarding the relationship and practice patience when necessary. They may open up to you more as time goes on.

Ensure that your intentions are pure

Dating a widow might require you to evaluate your own intentions in the relationship. If you don't want to be in a committed relationship and are simply looking to have fun, then be honest with yourself and them. Some widows can be very vulnerable as a result of the loss they’ve endured. If it’s clear that they’ve developed feelings for you, try to avoid leading them on. If the feelings aren’t mutual or you desire a more casual arrangement, consider making that clear early on to avoid hurting the person. 

Don't shy away from their past

A widow’s past may be a touchy subject. Remembering what was lost might be painful. Even so, you may not want to shy away from their past. 

Some people feel threatened by the specter of the deceased spouse. They might feel as though they will never be able to live up to the memory of the person who passed. It could be helpful to accept that you might not fill the same place in their heart. Consider that their relationship was unique, and yours will be special in its own way.  Try to avoid competing with or comparing yourself to their former spouse. 

If you end up successfully dating a widow, you might move into the same house together. When this happens, you might notice that they will want to hang up pictures of their family from the past. It might feel weird to have their deceased partner's pictures on your wall first, but this could be important for them. Your openness to it might mean the world to them.

The subject of children might be complicated

Your partner might have a complicated thought process when it comes to children. And it could depend on whether they have children from the previous relationship or not. If they have kids, then they may have to prioritize their needs, and this could impact the new relationship. If they don't have children, then their desire to have them might be tough to come to terms with. If they had plans to start a family with a former partner, they might feel strange about starting a family with someone else.

This doesn't mean that these feelings won’t change as they navigate the grieving process, though. They might just need more time to sort out their feelings about having children. Many of their emotions might be wrapped up in the prior relationship. If you want to have kids with your partner at some point in the future, then you may want to do your best to give them time to process their feelings. 

If your partner already has kids, then you may need to practice a different kind of patience. That is, you might need to allow them to let you into their life slowly. Consider that the children are also grieving. This could lead them to have problems accepting you, and you might feel unwelcome at first. You might want to try to understand things from the children's perspective and recognize that their feelings towards you are not personal.

The issue of friends and family

Dating after a spouse's death isn't easy, and your partner is trying to move forward in life. They might even avoid taking you around their friends or family at first. Once they do introduce you to these people, it may be a sign that they are taking your relationship seriously. This could mean that they see a potential future together.

Still, their friends or family may not be receptive to you at first. This could be a normal reaction. Keep in mind that they knew your partner's deceased partner, and it might be tough for them to accept that your partner has someone new around. It might not feel right to them, and they may need time to warm up to you. They may also be protective of their loved one who has recently suffered a loss. 

Let your significant other decide when the time is right to bring you into their inner circle. When the time comes, do your best to showcase that you have good intentions. It can be tough when you're dating a widow, but it can also be fulfilling. They may have a lot of love to offer, and you could potentially build something beautiful together.

Online couples counseling can help

Online couples counseling can be a helpful resource when you're trying to make the relationship work. Dating a widow can be tough, and there might be significant challenges that need to be worked through. A professional therapist can help you both make strides towards strengthening your relationship.

When dating someone new, life can get hectic. You may be focused on spending time together while juggling work and other responsibilities. It might be hard to find time to attend a therapy session, especially in person. Online counseling may be the solution to this problem. With internet-based counseling, you can access professional mental health and relationship services from the comfort of your home. You can also schedule appointments day or night, which might help you fit therapy into both of your busy schedules. 

Online therapy for couples has also been proven effective by researchers in the field of mental health. A recent study determined that couples who attend counseling via videoconferencing experienced similar benefits as those who attended sessions in person. 

Takeaway

Dating a widower can certainly come with challenging feelings, but a fulfilling and loving relationship is possible. If you have been struggling with your relationship, help is available. The licensed, compassionate counselors at Regain are here to support you both as you build a future together. You'll be able to attend counseling sessions individually or together as a couple. Reach out today to start reaping the rewards of a stronger relationship.