Should We Kiss On The First Date?

Ah, first dates. They can be fun, full of chemistry, and leave you hopeful for the future. Or, they can be awkward, last too long, or end abruptly. You never know which it's going to be until you're actually on the date. This fact can make anyone nervous. So, how do you make sure a date that starts out well stays that way? How do you know whether the chemistry is strong enough for you to kiss them or if a kiss would be a terrible idea?

The truth is, people think differently when it comes to kissing on the first date. There's no rule book telling you that you should or that you shouldn't. You have to go with your gut and pay attention to your date. To help you out, here are some pros and cons about kissing on the first date, along with some suggestions for things to consider. Hopefully, these will help you make the right decision when the time comes.

Pro: Embrace the awkward first kiss

Thinking that the first kiss should sweep your date off their feet? Worried that you'll never be confident enough to pull it off? There is good news for you, dear friend. An awkward first kiss may have much more potential than one that ignites serious sparks.

Awkward kisses show that you care, oddly enough, according to relationship expert Susan Winter. You might lean in and kiss the corner of their mouth by accident. Maybe you click teeth. Maybe they go in for a hug, but you go in for a kiss, and you get their nose or their ear! Let those nerves settle down now because your date will probably feel just as awkward about it as you do.

But that awkwardness doesn't mean the date is officially ending badly. In fact, you've now opened yourself up to your date in a new way. You allowed yourself to be vulnerable and show your feelings. If they like you just as much as you like them, feel free to make plans for a second date. If things go well, then good for you—you might just get a chance at a second date kiss!

Con: Swagger and suaveness can make you look like a player

You're on a perfect date that you don't want to end. But like all good things, it must. So, they walk you to your door. There they are, leaning against the door frame with a gorgeous smile. They place a hand on your cheek and, with perfect practice, lean in to kiss you. Talk about sparks! But then you go inside, and they go to their car. They didn't say they'd call you; they didn't even ask for your number. Didn't that kiss mean something?

Unfortunately, those foot popping, sparks flying, world-ending kisses that are talked about in books and movies don't generally lead to long-lasting relationships. Sure, they can. But if your date is good at kissing you on the first date, Susan Winter also says that they probably have had a lot of practice. If that doesn't send up a red flag, it should, because that could indicate that they're either a serial dater or a player, neither of which bode well for a happily ever after.

Pro: Kissing shows potential

In a study of 1,041 college students, Susan Hughes from Albright College found that 50% of men would have sex without kissing a date first, but only 10% of women would do the same. The same study found that when deciding whether or not to go for a kiss, men look at a partner's face while women look at their partner's teeth. These facts show that physical features are an important aspect of attraction, especially on a first date.

Men trying to attract women might make sure their teeth are clean before they go on a date. Women attracted to men might choose to dress and wear makeup that will accentuate their face. It should also be considered that even though 50% of men would have sex without kissing their dates first, another 50% need to have kissed their date first. Therefore, that first kiss with your date, whether on the first date or after, is an important step in the dating process.

Con: First kisses may be a chemistry test

Beware of the people who use kissing as a chemistry test. Yes, awkward kisses are signs that someone may like you, but an awkward kiss could also send someone running in the other direction. To know which camp your date is in, you're going to have to do a bit of listening and watching their body language. Is your date cautious? Do they seem standoffish or have a lot of questions? Do they have one foot out the door? An awkward kiss would probably turn this person off. Conversely, are they leaning in when they talk to you? Are they making excuses to touch you, making eye contact, and sending signals of attraction? This person may want you to go for it.

The first kiss between you and your date is a moment both of you will remember for the rest of your relationship. It sets the stage for more physical intimacy and shows your partner that you like them and that you are physically attracted to them. In the end, you may decide to keep the first kiss for a future date and not kiss them on the first one. That's okay!

Since there are no hard and fast rules, you must consider what you are comfortable with, too. Maybe you think you want to kiss on the first date, but then the date ends, and you change your mind. You have every right to make that choice at any point during the date. Kiss or no kiss, if your date likes you, they will stick around whether it happened or not.

Things to keep in mind when considering that first kiss

Before that first kiss, you probably won't know how your date feels about public displays of affection. To keep things on the safe side, try to land that first kiss when you are in a safe space without prying eyes. A good place is a front door when saying goodbye after the end of a date. You don't want to make your date feel unsafe or cornered, so it should be in a place where they're comfortable and open to you.

It can be hard to read signals. And some people prefer to be asked before they are kissed for the first time. It's better to ask for permission and not need it than to realize you should have asked first. Asking can feel awkward, but a moment of that feeling is a hundred times better than ending a relationship because you were trying to avoid it. 

Your date may tell you that you don't need to ask. Your date also may make it super obvious that they want you to kiss them; they may even say it out loud. In that case, permission has been granted before you even have the chance to ask. Your safety and your partner's safety is of the utmost importance when it comes to physical intimacy. Make sure you pay attention to your date's demeanor before you decide to move in for the kiss.

Explore dating pros and cons in online therapy

So, how do you feel about that first kiss? Excited? Nervous? Do you have more questions? At Regain, online therapists and counselors can help you with any number of dating questions and issues. Whether you are dating, in a relationship, or single, Regain can connect you with the right person to help you in your time of need.

Many with relationship concerns are turning to online resources, such as online therapy, for help. This is an affordable and convenient way to get support. Sessions can be easily planned around a busy schedule, and they can take place anywhere you have an internet connection. Online therapy can be just as effective as in-person therapy in helping you sort out your relationships.

To begin with an online platform such as Regain, you will be asked to answer a short survey with information about yourself and your needs, including whether you would like to include a partner in the counseling sessions. At a predetermined time between you and your counselor, they will enter a shared chatroom to read and respond to your messages. Since the counseling is in real-time, you can use it any time of the day or night to write in, and your counselor will respond when they can do so. You may also have sessions via phone or video.

If you don't want to add your partner right away or don't have a partner right now, you will always have the option to add a partner at a later date. 

Takeaway

When deciding whether to kiss on the first date, remember to listen to your gut. And remember that there are people available for you to ask any questions you might have about those gut feelings.