The Pros And Cons Of Dating A Coworker
One of the most common places that people develop an attraction to others is at work. In fact, one poll showed that more than half of employees have engaged in a workplace relationship. Coworkers spend a large amount of time together during the week. Therefore, it can be understandable that an attraction could develop every now and then. Some places of employment have rules that prohibit their employees from dating coworkers, but that doesn’t stop everyone. Once an attraction between coworkers develops, it can be a challenging decision whether to pursue something more. Is it wise to move forward and hope things work out? Do you ignore the feelings and try to overcome the attraction? Before making any decisions, consider the following pros and cons of dating a coworker.
The pros of dating a coworker
The following are some reasons you might choose to date a coworker.
You're familiar with that person
The attraction between coworkers doesn't usually develop until the two have been around each other for a while. Having a coworker crush eliminates the need for people to get to know each other. Some people squirm at the thought of the initial process of dating. They worry that they'll spend days or weeks getting to know a person, only to decide that they're not attracted to them. Coworkers get to know each other by chance and develop an attraction from what they've learned while working with each other.
You've identified similar interests
Most likely, the attraction has developed based on both physical and emotional aspects. It can be common for coworkers to spend time talking and learning about each other. Dating a coworker removes the possibility of boring your partner with your long work-related stories because they have first-hand knowledge of it themselves.
You already spend a lot of time together
This may be a pro and a con based on how far the relationship goes. Many couples worry that they don't get to spend enough time with their mate due to their work schedule. Since you work together, this may not be much of an issue when dating a coworker. Sometimes working together and dating may be too much for one or both parties. Creating a healthy balance of time can remove some of the challenges regarding spending time together.
It can be an adrenaline rush
Even in workplaces where dating someone you work with is prohibited, the idea of discretely forming a relationship turns some people on or gets their adrenaline flowing. It can be a daring adventure, but some people thrive on taking those risks. Calculate the depth of the loss to ensure that you can tolerate the punishment that could accompany the misconduct.
The cons of dating a coworker
While there can be advantages to dating a coworker, the cons may outweigh them, making the risk not worth it. Here are some disadvantages to consider:
You may be a little too familiar with the coworker
It is possible that the initial attraction was prompted by the number of things you had in common. Over time, you may begin to discover that those things you once found appealing aren't things that really interest you. The newness of it may have contributed to the excitement. Now that the thrill is no longer there, you may decide that dating isn't such a wise idea.
Jealousy may prove to be an issue
It may be challenging to date a coworker because of jealousy issues. Once one person sees the other being too friendly with another coworker, it could cause issues between the two. Workplace relationships can create uncomfortable environments inside and outside of work. Jealousy is usually founded on feelings of inadequacy, and this could present major interference with production and peace in the workplace.
Disputes can make working together difficult
It's often challenging to be around your mate during or after a dispute. Imagine how difficult it could be to still have to interact and work with your mate during a fight. Conflict in the relationship could lead to disciplinary actions or, worse, termination of one or both parties. This is one of the biggest challenges that people may face when dating one of their coworkers. If you're quick-tempered or have difficulty working through relationship problems, dating a coworker maybe something to avoid.
Workplace competitiveness may become an issue
It may be more practical to have a relationship with your coworker if the two of you work for different departments. When working for the same department or division, opportunities for advancement could present themselves to both individuals in the relationship. This could cause a couple to become competitive with each other, creating conflict not only in the relationship but in the workplace.
How to make a relationship with a coworker work
Studies have shown that the workplace is one of the most common places for people to date or make lasting relationships. Couples who work together and date will likely eventually encounter obstacles that make maintaining a relationship difficult. However, although challenges may arise, coworkers can make their relationship work with effort from both sides. If the relationship is supported by love and familiarity, it can be important to establish respect and set expectations early on.
It is possible to preserve a healthy work and dating life while seeing a coworker. You can be proactive in avoiding the embarrassment due to gossip or rumors related to dating a coworker by considering the following tips:
Research the legalities of workplace dating
There are certain technical guidelines put in place that address personal or romantic relationships in the workplace. Some of these laws are local or state-mandated, and employers are tasked with managing them. Research the terms and how they apply to your particular workplace relationship. Some states are governed by the Nepotism Act, which makes it illegal to supervise any person involved in a close relationship. This can include those who are dating a coworker. Know your state laws and how they could impact your relationship and employment with the company.
Review the policies that hr has in place
Local or state laws may govern every company, but HR might have specific policies in place to dictate relationships between coworkers. They often have these policies in place to encourage a comfortable work environment for all employees. HR may have policies that reflect those set forth by some states. Most corporate, financial, and legal firms enforce strict guidelines about personal relationships in the workplace. They rely on HR to enforce these guidelines to prevent the company's exposure or breach of agreement, conflicting interests, or incongruous consent. To gain clarity on what guidelines are in place, visit your HR department. Most companies distribute HR guidelines and rules in new hire packets. Employees who had no intention of dating a co-worker may have tossed or destroyed the handbook, but additional copies can often be obtained in the HR department.
Adjust to the workplace culture
When there aren’t local laws, state laws, or HR guidelines to follow, it can be helpful to familiarize yourself with the workplace culture and its perspective on dating people you work with. This can be achieved by striving to familiarize yourself with the background, personalities, and beliefs of those you work with. This can be imperative when working abroad or remotely or in any place where the culture differs from your own.
Establish a plan with the coworker you're dating
Before things go too far, establish a plan for the relationship that both of you can agree on. Generally, others are often aware that you're seeing a coworker before you make it public knowledge, even if you don’t realize it. How you choose to move forward as a couple is a mutual decision. Do you both prefer to keep the relationship concealed, or do you let everyone at work know that you're dating? It can be important to talk about setting and respecting boundaries. Establish what expectations you both have, how much time you want to spend together at work, if you'll eat lunch or take breaks together, and other similar discussions. Ensure that you're both on the same page about the relationship's boundaries and the perception you want to give while at work.
Remain professional
Other coworkers or colleagues may be accepting of the relationship. There may be no guidelines or restrictions set forth by HR, state, or local agencies. However, it can still be important to remain professional at all times, especially when dating a coworker. It can be uncomfortable for your coworkers to witness PDA in the workplace. Disputes that pour over into work can cause moments of awkwardness or spill over into other workplace relationships. Making decisions outside the workplace that affect the team can lead others to resent you and your mate. Ensure if one of you has a management or supervisory position over the other, you exercise caution and are fair in assigning tasks and making decisions. Consider the feelings and comfort of those you work with when you're engaged in a workplace relationship. Exercise empathy towards others' feelings to help ensure that they don't misunderstand certain factors related to the relationship.
Online counseling with Regain
We don’t choose who we’re attracted to, but we do have a choice in who we date. When deciding whether to date a coworker or not, you may be torn between your heart and your head. Logic might tell you it’s not a wise idea, while your emotions may say otherwise. Regain is an online counseling platform that can connect you with a professional to work through these feelings with you. Sometimes, having an unbiased mediator to run your thoughts past can help you come to the right decision for you. Regain allows you to chat with your therapist throughout the day through in-app messaging, and you can schedule sessions over voice or video calls after the workday has ended. Taking control of your life by going to therapy can allow you to make choices you can be confident in.
The efficacy of online counseling
Liking or deciding to date a coworker doesn’t mean that those feelings will be returned. If you’ve been rejected by a potential love interest, you may feel anger, sadness, anxiety, or depression. Each of these emotional concerns can be treated through online therapy, as one study showed. Researchers compared online counseling interventions to those that were face-to-face and found that they were equally as effective for a variety of issues. Those participating in the online therapy intervention experienced less psychological distress and more satisfaction with their lives. They also had fewer symptoms of depression, interpersonal sensitivity, and anxiety.
Takeaway
Dating a coworker may seem exciting, but it could also come with drawbacks that can be important to consider before making any moves. Carefully weighing the pros and cons can help you recognize the reality of the situation instead of falling for a fantasy. Finding love with the right person in the right place and at the appropriate time can increase your odds of creating a healthy, satisfying relationship. If you’re struggling to make a decision that feels right, confiding in a licensed relationship counselor could be a beneficial next step to pursue. The counselors at Regain can help guide you down a path you feel confident in, allowing you to feel more assured about what it is you want and are looking for.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
Is dating a coworker a bad idea?
Creating a relationship with a coworker is not inherently a bad idea. However, there are circumstances in which a workplace romance can be unwise. There are plenty of pros and cons if you date a co-worker, so it can be essential to consider all these aspects before committing to a workplace romance or a relationship at work.
Relationships at work can have plenty of advantages, but these might be outweighed by the drawbacks. It can be crucial not to let personal relationships damage your career, and you could be risking a lot by having a workplace romance. Whether or not it’s a good idea ultimately depends on what you’re willing to risk, your ability to communicate healthily, and if the individual in question is worth potential conflict or consequences.
Is it unprofessional to date a coworker?
If you want to date a co-worker, one of the most essential first steps you may want to take is consulting legal guidelines and HR policies that your company has in place. By following these rules, you can increase your chances of having a successful and professional workplace romance. Of course, it can still be important to act professionally around each other while on the clock. For example, you probably want to avoid kissing or showing public displays of affection while at the office. Even after entering into a relationship with someone at work, it can be important to continue working in the same manner you did before you started to date your co-worker. As long as you can maintain the same professional practices you had before, you may be able to avoid issues with dating a coworker. Your peers may be more respectful and understanding of your choice to date a co-worker so long as it doesn’t impact the office relationships or your ability to complete your work.
Can an employer fire you for dating a coworker?
It is within the rights of an employer to fire somebody for causing disruptions in the workplace. If these disruptions stem from dating a coworker, then it may be entirely legal and allowable. Any company needs to prioritize productivity, so if an office romance is the cause of a loss of productivity, you may be risking getting fired. At the end of the day, an office romance can be a very fulfilling way to meet somebody. If you’re smart about maintaining professionalism around the office and abide by your company’s rules surrounding workplace romances, you can reduce your risk of getting fired.
What is it called when you date a coworker?
If you’re dating a coworker, you could call it an office romance or a workplace romance. Take the workplace out of the equation, and it’s just a normal relationship between two people.
Are workplace romances unethical?
Workplace romances are not inherently unethical. However, certain behaviors within those relationships could be considered unethical. For example, constant public displays of affection in the office could be regarded as unethical because it could make your other coworkers uncomfortable. Further, you may not be using company time wisely or appropriately by engaging with your significant other in this way while at work. Workplace romances aren’t unethical unless you express clearly unethical behaviors in the office. It is also noteworthy that a workplace romance could be unethical if it is between a worker and their boss or manager. These types of romances can lead to imbalances of power and therefore may deserve more attention to ensure they’re appropriate and healthy.
How do you tell if two coworkers are dating?
It can be tough to tell if two coworkers are dating if they don’t come outright and announce it. Two people could simply be close friends at work. In many cases, an office romance is officially submitted through HR, so it can be rare to see a secret office relationship. However, some signs could be present such as the pair spending more time together at work, having inside jokes, or seeing each other outside of working hours.
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