Start Your Relationship Off Right: Tips For Second Dates
Starting a new relationship with a partner can be a fragile thing. You may feel an intense surge of attraction, but you could still be guarded as you get to know the person better. Still, this can be an exciting time. Getting ready for that first (or second) date can prove to be one of the most memorable parts of a new relationship. The stories that come from that first couple of meetings could last a lifetime.
Many of us may worry most over the first date. We may have been taught the value of first impressions since childhood. We may become so preoccupied with this first encounter that we don’t even stop to think about future meet-ups such as the second date, for instance. There are certain tips you may want to keep in mind for this follow-up date, which could turn out to be even more important than the first.
After the first date is over, you might have a good idea of whether you want to put effort into continuing to see this person. Second dates are highly coveted events for many new couples. When you decide to see each other again, there are a few second date tips you may want to consider to start your relationship off on the right foot. If you play your cards right, you may have a chance at a long-term relationship.What to do on a second date
Second dates can be a great time to enjoy new, fun things together. Perhaps the best rule of thumb for activities to do on the second date is to keep it interesting. You might want the experience to be memorable to this new person you are seeing. At the same time, you may not want to go over the top or beyond your means. Consider that it doesn't have to be overly costly to be memorable or fun.
For example, you could explore the other person's interests as well as your own. The goal might be to find something that you both enjoy doing and might enjoy doing together. You can start by talking about something you like to do and see if the other person shows interest. If you have no luck, you may want to ask more questions. Ask your date what they do in their free time or what their favorite restaurants or bars are, for example. Here are some other ideas that won't break the bank:
- Hit up a coffee shop, museum, or outdoor market in your area.
- Try a restaurant or bar neither one of you have been to.
- Go hiking, skating, or something physically demanding if you both are active.
- Consider karaoke, a paint-and-sip class, a comedy show, a tour of your city, or a bookstore.
- Go to a local event such as a fair or festival.
- Explore a farmer's market or a dog park with your pups.
- Do something weird like seeing a psychic or going to a haunted house.
Regardless of what venue you choose, you may want to ensure you keep the person you're dating in mind. Showing genuine interest in the other person's life and hobbies can be a big plus. Most people long to feel wanted and cared for in a relationship. If you can show genuine interest and thoughtfulness from the first few dates, you may have a much better chance of establishing a long-term relationship.
What to talk about on a second date
Perhaps the most important thing you can do on a date, especially the second date, is to be yourself. Consider talking about things that interest you rather than trying to impress the person you’re with. When you are not genuine, most people can pick up on that, and it might not make the best impression.
No matter how nervous or eager you might be, you may want to resist the urge to embellish yourself. Often, the key to building a solid relationship foundation is trust and honesty. You may want to ensure you are making these things a priority right out of the gate.
Your side of the conversation may be important. You may also want to make sure, though, that you are giving the other person a chance to talk as well. If you spend the entire date talking about your hopes and dreams, for instance, you may risk coming off as pretentious or egotistical. Ideally, you want your new partner to feel valued and heard. Perhaps the best way to do that is to make sure that there is a good balance in the conversation. Consider pausing for a moment after you finish a thought to assess your date’s body language and give them a chance to respond.
Keeping the conversation going
If the conversation seems to be slipping and you aren't sure where to turn, you may want to ask questions. Good second date questions can be wide-ranging. Talking about family or work might be safe topics that yield plenty to converse about. Chances are, you will splinter off to more interesting topics.
It could be that you’re both nervous, which can make it difficult to converse on the fly. Consider giving yourself and your date some grace here. You may not want to put too much emphasis on awkwardness or silence. It could be helpful to keep in mind that this is an adjustment period for both of you. If you can’t think of any conversation starters to ask your date, here are some examples:
- Where would you like to travel?
- What pets have you had?
- What's your favorite food that's not American?
- Have you binge-watched any tv shows lately?
- What weird job would you have if you could choose?
- What would you do with 50 million bucks?
- What five things would you need if you were stranded on an island?
- What song or movie do you love/hate?
- What's the most memorable movie you've ever watched?
- Describe your perfect getaway or vacation.
- What was your favorite subject in school?
You could also play the 'This or That' question game by asking things like:
- Hulu or Netflix?
- Call or text?
- Ice cream or snow cone?
- Football or basketball?
- Pop or country music?
- Pancake or waffle?
- Couch or recliner?
- Road trip or flight?
- Horror or comedy?
- Sandwich or soup?
- Book or ebook?
Questions like this might seem silly, but they can help break the ice during the second date and let you know what you two have in common.
Second date subjects to avoid
There are a few subjects that you may want to avoid completely on the second date. Unless you are confident that you have the same views, political topics might be a no-go, for example. These kinds of conversations can get heated and may ruin an otherwise perfect date. You might also want to avoid conversations about previous relationships or partners. These things can be discussed, but you may want to save them for another time.
What should happen on a second date?
Some people may have an idea that certain things will happen on the second date. If you haven't already kissed, for example, you might be anticipating this to happen. Still, it may be best to approach the date without expectations. Instead, you might want to focus on getting to know your partner to see if they are a good match for you.
Consider that second dates could be good opportunities to set the tone for the entire relationship. Whatever you do now may be expected of you in the future, should your relationship last. If you act one way now and change your behavior later, your relationship could suffer. It could be best to set an honest and trustworthy foundation for your relationship early on.
What we can learn on second dates
Additionally, you might find out new things about your love interest on a second date. Now that the ice has been broken, you could have warmed up to each other a bit more. The conversation may be flowing more freely, and you may feeling a bit more comfortable. For some couples, it might take a few more dates to get to this point, and that's okay. Not everyone will follow the same timeline.
The second date could also reveal to you that this isn't the right person for you. You may have a wonderful time on your first date but realize you're too fundamentally different on a second date. The conversation could steer in a direction where you realize certain incompatibilities. Getting to know a person sometimes means you learn that you want to cut ties with them. It’s okay to end the relationship in the hope of finding a better fit.
When you can't figure it out
If second dates cause you significant anxiety or the thought of dating makes you nervous, you might want to reach out to a mental health professional. For some of us, socializing and dating can be awkward or uncomfortable. This is an obstacle that can be overcome with the assistance of a licensed counselor.
Still, some of the same challenges you may face when dating could also stand in the way of seeking counseling, especially in person. If your palms start to sweat at the thought of sitting across the room from a therapist, online counseling could make you feel more comfortable. With this form of remote therapy, you can attend sessions from home or anywhere you have an internet connection. Online counseling can also save you time since you can skip the commute and the waiting list.
Online counseling is a legitimate mode of therapy backed by science. In a meta-analysis of studies, researchers in the field of mental health reviewed nearly 10,000 different cases in which various populations sought counseling for a wide range of mental health challenges, including anxiety. They found no significant differences in the outcomes experienced by those who attended therapy sessions online versus in person.
Takeaway
Dating can be challenging, and so can relationships. The online counselors here at Regain are here to help. Our team is fully committed to helping people grow personally so that they can be better partners and enjoy the love they deserve. Reach out today.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
What should happen on a second date?
After you have finished your first date and it has gone well, it's only natural to be thinking of second date ideas. While everyone has a different perspective on what should happen on a second date, it is entirely up to how you feel - there are no rules as to what is required for any date number that you are on.
When it comes to dating and relationships, we're often eager to please. Still, the idea of a second date is to get to know each other further, so it doesn't have to be anything you don't want it to be. Good second date ideas might be those that involve one-on-one activities that last a few hours long, or anything that you can come up with that feels right.
As another piece of dating advice, it's also important to remember that the second date does not have to be about getting sexually intimate with one another. Your main focus when planning date ideas should involve an atmosphere where it is easy for the two of you to communicate and have fun! Be wary of date tips or dating advice that suggests any intimacy is expected after or during a certain date.
If you are still unsure about what should happen on a second date, there is nothing wrong with seeking relationship advice from a licensed dating coach or relationship therapist. If you seek relationship advice from a professional, they will be able to provide you with an array of dating advice, including how to approach online dating, how to navigate dating sites, managing dating and relationships, and so much more.
How can I make a second date better?
Some people believe, and many online dating platforms claim, that the second date is crucial in a dating experience. And while some people may take this dating advice as a form of motivation to develop the best second date ideas, it can cause others to worry and experience anxiety. Here are some second date tips that you should be aware of regardless of whether you are feeling nervous or not:
- One of the best dating tips to keep in mind is to trust your gut. Many online dating websites offer date ideas and date tips, but decisions about your dates and relationships should ultimately be up to you and your partner. And while some people may use the second date to make more affectionate advances towards you, it is essential to listen to your gut and remove yourself from situations that you do not think are okay, do not feel comfortable with, or do not feel safe.
- Another one of the dating tips you should consider for your second date is remembering to remain mindful and respectful.
Aside from the above date tips, here is some dating advice that will make your second date better than the first:
- Think about giving your date a gift as a surprise!
- Keep things interesting: try to plan a date that incorporates your interests or gives you a different experience than your first date.
- Choose a date when you can further communicate with each other. Try to avoid dates such as the movies where you will not speak with one another. Instead, try going to dinner or going on a hike. Reserve the movies for future dates and make sure to know the movie date tips to make your date alive.
- Ask the other person more about themselves to try and get to know them better.
- Compliment the other person.
- Recall the memories of your first date. Even when you've first started dating, memories are quite personal and sure to make anyone smile!
When planning meaningful dates, it's easy to be stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed. If you are looking for more relationship advice, consider seeing a relationship counselor. These professionals can provide you with all types of dating advice, including on topics such as online dating, how to navigate dating sites safely, tips for 2nd dates, and more.
Should you kiss on a second date?
Opinions regarding whether you should kiss on a second date can sometimes depend on who you ask for dating and relationship advice. Whether it be a dating coach, looking on online dating sites, or asking for relationship advice from a close friend, the answers are going to vary.
The best, most inclusive answer to this question is dependent on you and your situation. Whether or not you kiss on the second date, first date, or any other date is up to you and your date; what feels more comfortable is far more important than what society may lead you to expect.
Often, advice dating or kiss-related coming from online dating sites or other sources may lead us to believe that others have certain expectations that they'll uphold. This may or may not be true - the best way to understand your boundaries and those of your partner is to discuss them openly, even if it's only the second date.
If you are still undecided about going into your second date, a potential piece of dating advice is to wait until the end of the second date to make a final decision about whether or not it feels right. Even when you're experienced, dating a new person can sometimes throw us for a loop. This way, you can build up your confidence, gain more information about the chemistry between the two of you, and better evaluate how you feel.
How long should I wait for the 2nd date?
When planning details for second dates, it's normal to be nervous and think quite a bit about all the specifics. A second date is crucial, and some dating sites indicate that it is even more important than the first.
Here are some date tips regarding how long you should wait and ways to possibly ask for a second date:
- Causally mention good second date ideas on your first date; this will indicate that you are interested in getting to know them.
- Before planning a second date, check how many days it has been since your last date. While it is important to let at least one or two days pass before asking for a second date, you don't want to wait too long before asking. This will make it appear as if you are not interested in pursuing things further. As a general rule of thumb in terms of tips for 2nd dates, try waiting 3 – 4 days before asking planning any date ideas.
- Before planning a date, check that your partner/former date is also interested in seeing each other again - it's not always safe to assume.
What is the 3-date rule?
The 3-date rule is a common dating rule that essentially indicates how long both you and the person you are dating should wait to become intimate with one another.
While both men and women use this dating advice, it is typically a rule applied more strictly toward women than men. As a result, many view this dating advice/rule as inherently sexist and degrading in nature.
Whether or not you follow the 3-date rule is up to you. Some may wish to abstain from any form of sexual interaction until the relationship becomes long-term, but others may not. Both and any options are okay, as long as both individuals consent to any sexual interactions.
If you need advice on dating sex-related or otherwise, there are always options to seek guidance. Even if you're new to dating can be difficult.
You can seek guidance from a dating coach or another professional who can provide you with relationship advice, advice on dating, and any other type of advice when it comes to intimate relationships you may feel worried or unsure about. It is better to seek dating and relationship advice beforehand to make well-informed decisions that you will not question later on.
What should you not do on a second date?
What does a second date mean to a guy?
What are good second-date questions?
How do you flirt on the second date?
How many dates make it official?
What are your expectations for your second date?
How can you conclude that you had a fantastic second date?
Must the guy call to ask for a second date?
What do you have to do to make sure you get a 2nd date?
Should the guy always pick the girl up on any date?
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