Why Do I Miss Him So Much? How To Manage A Broken Heart

When romantic relationships end, it can be hard not to miss that person you spent so much time with and invested so much emotional energy in. You might find yourself asking yourself or your friends questions like, “why do I miss him so much” or “will I ever stop missing him”. He might have been your best friend as well as your romantic partner, and he might have become a huge part of your life, spending time with your family and friends. Or it’s possible that you were never in a serious relationship with this person, but some very strong feelings were there regardless, and now you are feeling heartbroken and missing them. 

In this article, we’ll explore why you might miss a former partner so intensely, and we’ll also offer a few tips for those who are going through a difficult time after experiencing a broken heart.

Missing someone you dated

If you are feeling like you really miss someone you used to date, this feeling can make a lot of sense. Some researchers have suggested that romantic love can be seen as a “natural addiction”.

And, a study in 2010 found that the same areas of the brain that are active in cocaine addiction were also active when heartbroken people saw pictures of their former partners. When you’re apart from someone after a breakup, it can be natural to think about them a lot. You might think about them every single day, or even multiple times a day, especially at first. 

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You might be thinking about what he’s doing now, who he’s dating, and whether he is thinking about you and missing you, too. When you think about him, you might also be thinking a lot about when you first got together and how you fell in love. This might create an idealized view of him and the relationship as a whole, and then you end up missing the idealized version even more than the real thing.

There are certain occasions during the year that might intensify the feeling of missing someone, too. Birthdays, holidays, and other special occasions that you would normally have spent together might bring up certain memories and make your feelings even more intense, as you reflect on spending that time with the person you’re missing. All of these feelings can be very common and natural, so try to be kind to yourself. 

How to move forward

Missing someone after a breakup can be intense and even overwhelming at times, and you may have moments where you feel like you can’t imagine how you’ll move on. If this is something you’re experiencing, read on for a few tips that might help you as you try to move forward: 

Try to remember all parts of the relationship, not just the good parts

Often when you’re missing someone, it can be tempting to only remember the best parts: you might think of all the great times you had together, the great qualities they had, and what you miss most about them. Looking back with rose-colored glasses, you might remember the relationship or the partner as better than they were. 

To try to counter this, try to remember all aspects of the relationship and the person, and not just what was good about it or them. Love and relationships are complex. Not all relationships are healthy, but even in healthy relationships, there will often be highs and lows. It may be helpful to try to remember some of the low points as well, to get a more balanced view of the relationship you had, rather than idealizing it as something better than it was. 

Try to engage in new experiences

If you’re missing your former partner really intensely, this could be a good time to try to gain new experiences—allowing you to focus on other things, broaden your horizons, and gain a new perspective. There are many different ways to try new things, and it can look different from one person to the next. 

You could find a new club, make new friends, try a new hobby, visit a new place, or pick up a new sport. Maybe you’ll find that you love gardening, baking, or a craft, or even learning a new language. You could take lessons which will help you to further your skills, and this also gives you opportunities for meeting new people. Whatever you try, you can also consider creating some achievable goals for yourself, so that you can set your sights on them and work towards them. 

Spend time with your family and friends

As you’re dealing with a broken heart, it may also be helpful to spend time with the people you love and care about most, and who love and care about you. Spending time with your friends and family may help you to feel comforted and less alone, and you may find it helpful to talk about some of what you’re feeling to these people who know you best. Whether you want to discuss the situation or not, they can keep you company, distract you, and remind you of the other things and people you have in your life. 

Talk to a counselor

If everything seems a bit too much, or if you want additional help as you navigate a breakup, you can also speak to a counselor for support. You can find a therapist near you to meet with in person, or you can connect with a therapist online if you prefer. Experiencing a breakup can be difficult, and you may have times when you feel sad and low energy as you mourn the relationship. With online therapy, you can meet with a counselor from the comfort of your own home, which may feel easier if you are finding it hard to leave the house. 

A breakup can bring up all sorts of thoughts, emotions, and challenges, and research has shown that online therapy can be effective for a range of concerns. 

Give yourself time

If you are finding it difficult to move forward after a separation, remember to also give yourself some time to heal. Moving on after experiencing heartbreak often takes time, so try to be gentle with yourself. Even if you try some of the tips above, you may find that the difficult feelings still resurface at times—that is alright. Try to be patient with yourself and the process. There is no set timeline for healing and moving on. 

Takeaway

Missing someone after a breakup is very common; you might find yourself thinking about them often and replaying some of your favorite memories in your head. If you are feeling like you are missing your former partner too intensely, you can consider some of the suggestions above for how to move forward, such as engaging in new experiences, spending time with friends and family, and connecting with an online therapist for support.