Life After Divorce: Support For Those Learning How to Start Over After A Divorce

Finding a way to move on with your life after a divorce can be difficult and often takes time. After all, you have probably spent a lot of time with that person, and the memories you share can make it difficult to move forward. Nonetheless, it is possible, and this article will cover divorce advice that can help you cope, move on, and possibly get back to searching for a person who’s a better match for you.

How to start over after a divorce

Here are some steps that can help you accept the reality of your divorce and begin the pick up the pieces and heal your mental health: 

Accept your feelings

First and foremost, it is important to understand that your feelings are completely normal. Divorce grief can vary from person to person, and everyone processes things differently, which is something to be mindful of when trying to start over.

You might still be in shock and disbelief that you got divorced; you may also feel grief, anger, and resentment towards your former spouse. These are natural emotions after divorce, but they should decrease over time, especially with some assistance.

While these are typical responses following a divorce, you will still need to learn how to cope and not let yourself ruminate for too long on such feelings. If you are struggling to do this on your own, a therapist can help teach you the necessary coping skills and aid you in feeling less apprehensive about the future.

Open up and find support from others

In addition to therapy, it can be beneficial to reach out to your friends and family during your time of need. These are the people who are closest to you, know you, and can give you reassurance and comfort during this difficult time. You can also look for divorce support groups in your area or online. Many people find it helpful to connect with others who are experiencing similar hardships, hear advice, and gain a sense of community. 

You might feel low right now, but these individuals can also try to help take your mind off things and look at the positive aspects of life. It is even possible that they have also gone through a divorce and can give you some guidance.

Unfortunately, men are less likely to seek support from others, despite having the same emotional needs as women. You’re not alone and going through a divorce is nothing to be ashamed of, but being willing to connect with others can markedly aid the process. 

Enjoy some alone time

In contrast to spending time with others following a divorce, finding some time for yourself can also be valuable. Although you can try to wind down and relax, it is also important to try to be productive with your time to yourself; do your best not to get wrapped up in your thoughts regarding your ex-spouse.

Dedicate this time to you and try hobbies and other activities that interest you. Perhaps there were things that you could not do while you were married, like taking up painting or a musical instrument or organizing social events on the weekends. Some people might also use this time to travel to new places and experience new things. Take advantage of this time to get to know yourself better and find things that make you happy.

It is normal to feel like you are less functional after a divorce, and taking a break is understandable. You might find it difficult to get out of bed and go to work, and your performance might suffer, but your mental health matters, and finding some time to heal and recuperate is necessary. 

Take care of yourself

Getting through a divorce can feel burdensome, and as tempting as it might be to light up a cigarette or drink alcohol to cope with your feelings, this can be one of the worst strategies in the long term. Studies show that smoking, alcohol dependency, and other forms of substance use are all correlated with divorces, and the odds of them surfacing after a divorce is high. 

Instead, use healthy and productive ways to deal with stress. For example, you can start exercising regularly and manage what you eat better. If you physically take care of yourself, you are setting yourself up to be in a better place mentally.

Additionally, taking care of yourself can also mean that you should try not to make any sudden and drastic decisions if you don’t have to. Give yourself some time to recover and settle into your new life. Try to keep a stable routine as much as possible, because this can allow you to relax more. However, you can make smaller changes that can better yourself, like the lifestyle changes mentioned before, or trying out new clothing or a hairstyle. 

During this time, you can also take care of yourself by reaching out to friends and family for support. This might include having a listening ear to explore difficult emotions with, or perhaps someone to help with logistics, errands, or other personal responsibilities while you navigate divorce. 

Avoid arguing with your ex

People who have undergone a divorce do not always have the luxury of staying away from their ex-spouse entirely. For example, you may have had kids or must sort out how assets are divided after the divorce.

Having children, in most cases, means that you cannot avoid each other, as there will be many situations where you will need to schedule time with them unless one of them gains full custody. Divorces are hard for kids as well, so it is ideal for both parents to try to be on their best behavior and not involve their kids in any arguments or details about the divorce to minimize the damage. Never put them into conflict or make the kids pick sides. 

While you might have negative feelings towards one another, arguing and struggling for power with your ex is not productive. Instead, if it seems like a fight is brewing, try to calmly suggest discussing the issues at another time when everyone is level-headed. 

Learn how to love yourself

Before attempting to try starting over after a divorce, you must learn how to appreciate and respect yourself. To be successful here, you will need to improve your sense of confidence and self-worth. Knowing, caring for, and respecting yourself enables you to make better decisions for yourself, and can help with finding and maintaining healthy relationships in the future.

You might blame yourself for the separation, and you may also begin to feel like you are not good enough. After all, in your mind, you may be thinking, “If they left me, why would anyone else want me?” Working through these negative feelings, working on yourself, and recognizing your needs and worth are important during this time.

Meet new people (when you’re ready)

In addition to the first tip in this list, this one will most likely be one of the hardest. After all, you’ve dedicated time, energy, and emotions to another person already, and it did not work out. You might have hesitation about meeting someone new because of your past experiences, and it is normal to feel that way, but one of the best ways of moving on from a divorce (when you’re ready!) is to put yourself out there again. You may also be navigating feelings of guilt, or worried about what your ex will think. Some people find it helpful to establish a personal life “secret policy” with their ex so they can start to move on to new relationships without worrying about whether their ex will approve. 

This step might take a lot of time to get to, and most likely, you will need to practice the other tips in this list to help yourself feel comfortable in your skin again and start dating. This means that you may have to reinvent or rediscover yourself. Take your time and be patient with this process; there is no need to rush into anything, and though it may take time, this can be an incredibly empowering process of growth and self-discovery.

After a divorce, some people willingly choose to stay single as well, and that’s okay too! No one is obligated to date. You can also try to find new friends with whom you can spend time and develop new memories. Nonetheless, finding someone new allows you to invest yourself in new relationships and stop dwelling on your ex.

Online therapy for navigating life after divorce

Many people ask, “How long does it take to get over a divorce?” but realistically, there is no set time, and it depends on the individual. The most important thing is that you go at your own pace and try not to put pressure on yourself.

Learning how to start over after a divorce in online therapy

Licensed counselors and therapists who are trained in helping others through family, marriage, and relationship issues can assist with the healing process after going through a divorce. Online therapy from a platform like Regain offers convenience, and it’s often a more affordable option than in-person therapy. 

Takeaway

Negative emotions surrounding your divorce and your ex do not have to rule your life, and hopefully, these tips can help you try to start over. You don’t need to go through things alone, and support is always available from Regain.