Four Lesser Known Reasons Why People Divorce

Want to know what causes divorce? The reasons for divorce can be as varied as the unique people who are ending their marriage. Many marriages end in divorce for reasons that may be more well-known, such as infidelity or a lack of intimacy. In other cases, the reasons for divorce might not be as clear-cut or easily understood. There may be no single cause for divorce, but there can be some characteristics that are more commonly found in marriages that end in divorce. However, whatever the reasons are for divorcing, it can help to know that there may also be hope. People can find paths to move forward in positive ways after divorce no matter why it might occur.

What are some of the most common reasons why people get divorced?

Here are some of the biggest reasons people choose to go through the stressors of the divorce process:

Infidelity

According to marriage and divorce statistics, cheating on a spouse is the number one reason for divorce in America. Extra-marital affairs are linked to 20-40% of marriages that end in divorce, and it is one of the most common grounds for divorce worldwide. There can also be co-existing reasons for divorce that might be related to extramarital affairs, such as anger, resentment, and a lack of trust. 

Finances

Money issues can cause problems in relationships. In fact, around 35% of people in relationships blame finances for the stress that they experience. Financial concerns that may affect marriages can include spouses having different spending habits, varying financial goals, or resentment that one partner earns more money than the other. Also, couples who go into debt in order to fund their wedding may be more likely to divorce. A lack of financial resources can also put a strain on marriages. Even having plenty of money can become an issue. Those with high incomes may have difficulty agreeing on what to spend money on or may engage in overspending, for example.

Communication

Healthy communication can be the foundation of a solid marriage. Poor communication can be considered a leading cause of divorce. When couples no longer talk to each other or don’t use healthy forms of communication, feelings of isolation may result. Communicating in a positive, productive way can not only help make sure the needs of both partners are being met but can also promote intimacy. 

Arguing

Disagreeing with your partner can be expected from time to time. Two people agreeing all the time may be rare (or perhaps even non-existent), but how you handle disagreements can make a difference in a marriage. People who argue repeatedly might not feel they’re being heard or understood. These arguments can lead to frustration, insecurity, or isolation, which in turn can shake the stability of a marriage. Nearly 60% of couples who divorce say that arguing was an issue in their marriage.

Substance use

A commonly cited reason for divorce can be addiction. Often this is an addiction to drugs, alcohol, or another form of substance use. However, other addictions can also be reasons for divorce, such as sex addiction or addiction to pornography or gambling. There is also research about alcohol use that suggests that when one person in a couple is a heavy drinker and the other isn’t, the likelihood of divorce may be greater; the divorce rate is about 50% for these couples.

If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at (800) 662-4357 to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.

Lack of love

According to one study, 47% of participants who’d divorced said that a lack of love or intimacy led to the end of their marriage. When spouses are no longer emotionally connected, their sense of partnership can be damaged. Without commitment, love, or closeness, some people may find that growing apart becomes a reality. Additionally, if sexual incompatibility is an issue between the spouses, physical closeness and sexual satisfaction can be impacted and can affect the relationship. When there are serious issues with emotional intimacy and commitment, infidelity might become more likely, too, as partners begin to turn elsewhere for connections.

Lesser-known reasons for divorce

It can be difficult to say with certainty what causes the end of a marriage. However, there is some research that shows that the likelihood of divorce increases according to certain circumstances, even those that we might not commonly talk about. These less-common reasons for divorce include: 

Domestic violence 

Intimate partner violence (IPV) is, unfortunately, quite common. Approximately one in four women, one in seven men, and around half of all transgender and nonbinary people experience IPV at some point. Abuse is never the fault of the victim, but many survivors experience shame that can make this type of marital issue less commonly talked about.  

Spousal age

Research shows that those who get married when they’re under the age of 26 may be more likely to get divorced and that almost 50% of those who marry before the age of 18 are likely to divorce within ten years. However, other research also shows that the divorce rate for couples over the age of 50 has doubled since the 1990s. This information does not mean that marrying too young is a cause for divorce, or that being over 50 leads to divorce; instead, it shows that divorce rates may statistically tend to be higher among these groups.

Religion

Studies have shown that people who are actively affiliated with a religion may be less likely to divorce. A person with no religious affiliation may be 14% more likely to divorce than average.

Education

Both IQ and level of education may be linked to a greater likelihood to divorce. People who have dropped out of high school are 14% more likely to divorce. Those whose IQs fall in the “below average” range are 50% more likely to divorce than those whose IQs are in the “average” range or above.

Divorced parents or friends

Children of divorced parents may be more likely to also divorce, according to some interesting research. The rate of divorce is also greater among people who have close friends or family who divorced. The likelihood of divorce may be 50% higher if one spouse’s parents are divorced. It may be as much as 200% higher when the parents themselves are children of divorced couples. However, relationship history does not necessarily repeat itself. 

How common is divorce?

No matter what causes a marriage to end, divorce is quite common in the United States. However, in recent years, the rate of divorce has actually decreased, after a rise in divorce that spanned many decades. Between 1960 and 1980, the rate of divorce more than doubled. The divorce rate stayed steady into the 1980s before beginning to decline. By 2007, the rate was decreasing — 40% of marriages ended in divorce. In 2020, the divorce rate hit a 50-year low. 

Since 2016, both the number of divorces and the number of marriages has been on the decline. There are some theories as to why this may be the case. For instance, people may not feel the pressure to marry as early they did in past generations. They may feel more freedom and less urgency to get married and, as a result, take more time to be sure they’re compatible with a future spouse. They also may wait to get married until they are more financially stable, which can ease or help prevent some amount of marital stress.

There are some things you can do to reduce the likelihood of marital dissolvement. For example, premarital interventions through premarital counseling improves relationship outcomes for 80% of couples and reduces the likelihood of divorce by 50%. In a study titled, “Reasons for Divorce and Recollections of Premarital Intervention: Implications for Improving Relationship Education,” researchers found that divorced individuals who had gone through premarital interventions found that these interventions should include supporting relationship education before engagement or marriage, providing space to practice these skills, and information on typical martial development. 

Therapy can help

If you are considering divorce or if you have any relationship concerns in general, therapy can help. Couples therapy and individual therapy can be very effective. In relationship counseling, a therapist can help you learn healthy ways to resolve conflict, build trust and intimacy, solve problems, set relationship goals, communicate effectively, and more. Individual therapy can also be a valuable option. If a couple decides to divorce, therapy can help individuals and families move forward. 

No matter your situation, resources like online therapy can help you find the right professional for your needs and pursue treatment at a time and from a place that makes sense for you. You can communicate by phone, messaging, or video, which can make effective therapy comfortable and convenient. 

Research suggests that online therapy can be helpful for individuals and couples alike, with some people finding a digital medium to be a more comfortable way to open up. One study found that most people who pursued online therapy felt they could divulge more to their therapist through the web, which means that online support may be an ideal way to navigate challenging or emotional topics like divorce. This can be true whether you seek it for yourself or as a couple.

Takeaway

There can be many reasons a divorce might occur, some of which may have more to do with a person’s past experiences and personal philosophies rather than the strength of the relationship. In any case, learning to navigate conflict, communicate well, and be open with your partner can help you avoid and manage conflict when it arises. A mental health professional can also help you decide whether divorce is the right choice for you.