Recognizing Intimate Partner Violence: Types Of Domestic Abuse
Domestic abuse, also known as spousal abuse or domestic violence, is a serious issue that can happen to anyone, regardless of gender, race, age, or culture. Intimate partner abuse stats show that in the United States, every nine seconds, a woman is harmed or assaulted. One out of every three women and one in four men worldwide has experienced physical violence from their intimate partner. This can include anything from pushing to slapping to punching. There are many forms of abuse, including verbal, emotional, sexual, controlling, and financial. Learning these types of domestic violence can help you identify the signs and know how to keep yourself safe.
Types of domestic abuse
Intimate partner violence can manifest in several different ways, some of which can be difficult to detect. The following are some of the most common types of domestic abuse.
Physical abuse
Physical abuse can happen early in a relationship, or it may start so gradually that you do not even realize it is happening. It can start with pushing or shoving and escalate to shaking, slapping, kicking, and even punching or strangling. In many cases, the abuser is loving and caring at first and may not show any signs of abusive behavior for years. They may apologize and say it will never happen again. But, often, it does. Nobody has the right to do that to anyone. It is against the law, and you need to prioritize your safety and get away.
Verbal abuse
Whether it is threats, name-calling, yelling, or terrorizing, verbal abuse can be just as frightening and damaging as physical abuse. Threats and cursing at you are not healthy or acceptable-no one deserves to be treated this way.
Emotional abuse
Emotional or mental abuse includes intimidation, insults, accusations, ignoring, belittling, manipulation, and more. Like verbal abuse, emotional abusers tend to insult or humiliate their partner in an attempt to make them think they are worthless or to scare them into doing what they want. Your abuser may threaten you or tell you that you are crazy and that everything is your fault. They may ignore you for days or neglect your needs, not letting you talk to or see anyone. Emotional abuse is about manipulation and coercing you to behave how your abuser wants you to.
Sexual abuse
Sexual abuse may not feel like abuse. You may think that your partner is having sex with you because they love you and that a change in your sex drive means you are the problem. In the past, many people thought that if you were married or in a relationship with someone that you were always obligated to have sex with them. However, this is not true; your body is always your own, regardless of your relationship status. If someone touches you against your wishes, that is sexual abuse.
Manipulation
Like other types of abuse, being controlled by someone can begin so gradually that you do not notice it is happening. It may begin with your partner asking you where you have been or checking your phone or car's mileage. They may start questioning your family and friends as to what you do when you are with them. Eventually, your partner may prevent you from hanging out with friends or family and may even stop you from working. They can cut you off from everyone by taking your car, money, and phone so you cannot get help. Do you feel that you have no other choice but to do what they want, or as though you are walking on eggshells around them? If so, you may be experiencing abuse.
Financial abuse
Also known as economic abuse, this is a way to control someone by controlling their income. Your partner may not allow you to have any money or may take your paychecks. They may spend your money on whatever they want and blame you for not having the money to pay bills. It may start as your partner simply asking you to deposit your check into their account to combine your income and pay shared bills. They may say they will pay the bills, so you do not have to worry about it. However, eventually, it can be a control issue as your partner does not allow you to the account and does not pay the bills or buy groceries and other needs.
Your abuser may also make it difficult for you to find or keep a job. This type of abuse can make it difficult for you to get money to get away from your abuser. That is part of the plan as your partner knows that if you have no money, it will be hard for you to leave.
Isolation
This can seem innocent at first as your partner wants to spend time with you "alone" and keeps you at home with them rather than visiting family or friends. They may tell your family and friends that you do not want to see them or may even threaten to hurt them or you if they keep trying to talk to you. Eventually, you notice that you have nobody to turn to when you need someone to help you. However, there is always someone to turn to. Even if you do not have money or cannot get in touch with family or friends, someone can help. Professionals such as police or a social worker can help you get away from your abuser, and a counselor or therapist can help you heal.
Responding to intimate partner violence
Safety should be your first priority. You may want to call the police. If you’re not sure where to go, there are plenty of domestic violence shelters that can help you, even if you have children.
If you are being abused, no matter what type of abuse it is, you should prioritize getting out of the situation. Sometimes it can be difficult to prove that your abuser has hurt you, especially with emotional, verbal, or financial abuse. In these cases, it is best to get away from them. If you do not have any family or friends nearby, go to the nearest police station or hospital. Find a shelter that helps abuse survivors and visit them. They will help you or find someone who can help you.
Once you get away from your abuser, it is important to stay away from them. Many abusers will apologize, and might promise to get help and change. However, until you are sure you’re safe, and until the abuser has proven that they have changed, you should not continue to put yourself in danger. Stay away from them, and surround yourself with loving, supportive friends and family. Of course, you may want to believe that they are sorry and will never do it again. You might love them and want your relationship to work. But for them to change, they need to acknowledge that there is an issue and that they need help.
How online therapy can help
Please note that couples counseling is not recommended for couples experiencing violence. Couples counseling can help people in healthy relationships manage common issues. Speaking with a therapist by yourself can help you find safety and focus on healing, and may be able to alleviate symptoms of stress, anxiety, depression, or PTSD. Your focus should be your own safety, healing, and wellbeing.
Takeaway
Abuse can take many forms, including physical, verbal, emotional, and financial abuse. If you think or know that you are being abused, make yourself (and your children, if you have any) your number one priority. Reach out to loved ones, even if you’ve been cut off from them, and let them know that you need some help. You can also reach out to a therapist, domestic violence shelters, the police, domestic violence support groups, and more for help and support.
Additionally, please do not hesitate to contact the national domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233, available 24/7, every day of the week and year. You can also visit their website for help at https://www.thehotline.org/.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
What are the five most common types of domestic abuse?
According to the United States Department of Justice, there are five major categories of domestic violence. These are certainly the most common but do not encompass the entire range of types of domestic violence. Refer to the national domestic violence hotline website if you believe you could be experiencing any of these or other forms of abuse.
Physical abuse - Also referred to as physical violence can include any physical force one partner uses to control another. Punching, kicking, slapping, and choking can all be forms of physical abuse. Physical abuse can also be the act of forcing a partner to consume unwanted substances or withholding necessary medical care.
Sexual abuse - Also referred to as sexual violence, sexual abuse is unwanted sexual behavior. This can include rape, molestation, non-consensual sex acts, or unsolicited, continuous sexual advances. Like physical abuse, sexual abuse is forced upon a partner to exert control and cause severe injury or psychological harm.
Emotional abuse - Another form of emotional abuse is directed at manipulating one’s partner’s emotions to cause doubts of self-worth and lowered self-esteem. A partner may demean or criticize their partner for gaining power and control. This can often be used in conjunction with other types of domestic violence.
Financial or economic abuse - This is a domestic violence version that involves one partner controlling the other’s financial freedom. This may include taking paychecks, limiting to and knowledge about money, or interfering in your partner’s work and career.
Psychological abuse - psychological abuse, like other abuse types, involves demeaning one’s partner and exerting control through threats. It can also involve convincing one’s partner of untrue things, isolating them, or harming things they love. This type of abuse also includes gaslighting, which refers to the practice of making someone question their idea of reality by excessive lying or convincing the experiencer that they are “crazy.” Their emotions and perceptions are not valid. This practice of gaslighting is one of the many reasons that leaving an abusive relationship can be so complex and difficult- because the individual may begin to question his or her entire interpretation of reality.
All these types of domestic violence are very real and harmful. However, learning violence facts can help you to detect if you are experiencing domestic violence. If you believe you or someone you know requires domestic violence support, don’t hesitate to call the national domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or visit the website at https://www.thehotline.org/.
What is the most common form of domestic violence?
The most common types of domestic violence are physical, sexual, emotional, and psychological abuse. The national domestic violence hotline can help if you believe you are experiencing family violence or you need domestic violence support. Call the national domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233.
What are some examples of abusive behavior?
Abuse can come in many different forms. The main categories of abuse are physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, and psychological abuse. However, there are many more categories. Most often, these forms of abuse are referred to as violence against women or domestic violence. Physical violence can include physical harm such as hitting, kicking, or slapping, while emotional abuse involves insults or yelling. Sexual abuse can include any form of non-consensual sexual behavior, including rape or unwanted touching. Psychological abuse can be anything from demeaning a partner to convincing them that what they believe is not true to forced isolation. For more details on different types of abuse, you can read about violence facts at https://ncadv.org/learn-more. For domestic violence support, please call the national domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233.
What is the worst types of intimate partner violence?
Neither mental abuse nor physical abuse is “worse” than the other because they both can include a wide array of different behaviors. They can both lead to long-term trauma and psychological damage. Rather than pitting different types of abuse against one another to create a sort of competition, we should focus on learning more about abuse, identifying it, and helping yourself or a loved one if they are in a situation of abuse.
Mental abuse and physical abuse are common domestic violence types. Physical abuse, sexual or not, can be extremely harmful, as it can cause physical and psychological harm. Sexual violence can lead to anxiety, depression, PTSD and chronic pain, and short-term physical pain. The effects of domestic violence are often long-lasting and extremely painful even after the physical harm has ended. However, mental abuse is often overlooked as a type of domestic violence. Partners experiencing mental abuse may not even know to seek domestic violence support. It is harder to know when you are experiencing the effects of domestic violence when they are not physical. In any case, it is important to reach out to the national domestic violence hotline if you suspect you may be experiencing domestic violence. You can reach the national domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233.
What type of abuse is the hardest to detect?
Often when we think of domestic violence, we think of sexual violence or physical violence. Abuse, sexual or physical, can be easier to detect for individuals as it often involves physical actions. However, it is still stigmatized and thus can be very difficult to acknowledge. However, emotional abuse is widely regarded as the hardest to detect. If you feel controlled by your partner, if they are constantly bringing you down with words, or if you feel your partner does not take your emotions seriously or feel trapped and controlled, you may be experiencing emotional abuse, a form of domestic violence.
Questions to ask your therapist about abusive behavior
What are the most common forms of domestic violence?
How can emotional abuse manifest in a relationship?
What are the mental health effects of sexual abuse?
How can I respond to abusive behavior?
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