Emotional Abuse, Physical Abuse, And Beyond: Types Of Domestic Violence

Not all abuse is physical. This article will discuss different types of domestic abuse and what resources are available to help you safely leave and heal from the trauma of abuse.

Emotional abuse, physical abuse, and other types of domestic violence

Before we get into the types of help available for domestic abuse, it may be helpful to review what constitutes domestic abuse. Domestic abuse or violence refers to a pattern of abusive behaviors that are intended to gain influence, power, and control over someone the abuser is married to, living with, dating, or shares a child with. Intimate partner violence (IPV) is a term often used interchangeably with domestic violence. 

Most people think of physical violence or sexual violence when they think of domestic abuse. While this is certainly a type of domestic abuse, it's not the only type of abuse. It can be the easiest to recognize, however, because it generally leaves visible marks such as cuts, bruises, and broken bones, or it may require medical care. But there are other types of abuse that are also damaging to a person—even if the damage isn't outwardly visible.

Emotional abuse, physical abuse, financial abuse, sexual abuse, technological abuse, and psychological abuse are all types of domestic partner violence. Someone in an abusive relationship may experience one, some, or all these types of abuse. 

Abuse often progresses gradually, making it difficult to recognize when it’s happening, especially if you’re being gaslit by the abusive partner. Victims of domestic violence (DV) may lose self-esteem and erroneously believe that they deserve what’s happening to them or that abuse is normal.  

Abusive relationships can slowly (or quickly) erode your self-confidence, sense of self-worth, and power. Eventually, many people find themselves becoming dependent upon their abuser, which is often exacerbated by financial abuse (like job loss or lack of access to resources). Many survivors find that the longer they stay in an abusive relationship, the harder it is to leave. 

There is no type of abuse that is OK. And there is nothing that you can do to deserve being abused in any way. When you recognize that you are in an abusive relationship, it's important that you take the next step—getting help.

Finding support as a survivor

If you recognize that you or someone you care about is in a domestic abuse situation, there are some choices you’ll likely need to navigate in the process of getting help. You will need to examine your situation and decide what will work best for you.

Getting to a safe place

One of the first things many survivors of domestic abuse will likely need to navigate is how to leave the abusive relationship. When leaving an abusive relationship, it’s a good idea to do something to safeguard yourself, as the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) says that leaving is often the most dangerous time for victims.

Find a friend or family member, someone you can count on, to help you move your belongings out of your space. Getting out may be as simple as walking out the front door while your partner is at work or as difficult as trying to sneak out when they aren't paying attention. No matter what it's going to take, make sure you at least tell someone what you're planning and arrange to check in with them afterward. You may want to consider calling, texting, or messaging a 24/7 domestic violence hotline to help you plan how to safely leave, get emotional support, or learn about resources in your area. 

It's also a good idea to have a place to go where your partner won't be able to find you. For example, this might be a friend’s house or a safe house for survivors. Then, only tell the necessary people where you are staying until you can get back on your feet in a place of your own.

Notifying the authorities

Next, getting a restraining order is an important next step. When you go to the police, you will need information about the abuse itself. Keep in mind that the police are generally trained to handle physical abuse, sexual assault, and some types of threatening situations rather than mental or emotional abuse. That doesn't mean that mental or emotional abuse is any less serious, just that the police aren't necessarily as well equipped to manage these situations. Also, keep in mind that while a restraining order can be helpful and provide additional legal protections, it cannot always protect you from an abuser.

Seeking social support

Friends and family can be an extremely important part of the process when it comes to leaving a domestic abuse situation. The longer the situation has been ongoing, the more distant your friendships and relationships with others may have gotten, but that doesn't mean that those people won't help you if you call. Chances are they're aware of the problem and may have been waiting for their opportunity to step in. All you need to do is ask them to help, and that's all it will likely take to rekindle the relationship and get their assistance.

A shelter is another place you can go for help if you're leaving a domestic abuse situation. Shelters can be for families, for men, or for women. In general, a shelter will be separated so that men and women are not near each other. Shelters are generally a short-term solution, but they can help you get set up with housing, jobs, legal help, mental health help, and more.

Considering therapy

Therapy can help you see what you need to do to help yourself heal after being in an abusive relationship. If you are still in the relationship, couples therapy can help you and your partner learn what changes need to be made for your relationship to carry on more healthily.

If your partner is unwilling to go to therapy, then you can go on your own. The therapist will be able to help you see how to set boundaries to yourself. They will also help you to learn how to identify unhealthy behaviors in your relationship that you may have been missing.

Since a therapist is an outside third person and doesn't know either of you personally, you can trust that you are getting the professional advice of someone with the knowledge and expertise to help you.

If you are in a physically abusive relationship, then it's important that you get out before you are seriously injured.

Recognizing violence in a relationship

Now, it's important to back up a step and focus on something else. Maybe you're just not ready to leave yet. Maybe you're not sure that you're a victim of intimate partner violence (IPV), or you know that you are, but you believe your partner can change and will change. Maybe you just can't imagine leaving either because you don't know how or you don't want to give up yet. That's okay, too. 

Understanding the signs of domestic violence may help convince you to stay away from an abusive partner and realize how it affects you. Know that there is a lot of help available when you’re ready for it. For you, the first step may be seeking out professional help. Not that there's anything wrong with you, but professional help can allow you to look at the situation objectively and see what you want to do next more clearly.

If you're in a situation that's dangerous, getting help is important, and maybe talking with someone about what you're going through and how you're feeling will help you to make a definitive choice about what to do. The most important thing is making sure that it's your decision. No one can tell you to leave or not to leave your partner (even if they think they can, it's not their choice). You are the one who needs to be comfortable with the decisions that you make.

Again, if you are a victim of physical abuse, it's important to get out before you are seriously hurt. You need to get away to get the help that you need and make sure that the other person doesn't continue to hurt you.

Unfortunately, the truth is that someone abusive is extremely unlikely to change. There are a few people who can get professional help and make changes in their lives, but those changes likely won't happen during your relationship. The best thing that you can do is walk away for your health and wellbeing—and even for theirs.

Seeking help and trying to make changes while you are in the relationship is nearly impossible. If you have a hard time walking away, talk with a professional. Tell yourself that it's possible that they will get the help they need, and it's possible that you will be able to return to your relationship in the future, but now is not a safe time to stay.

Once you are safe, you can address the next steps.

Processing trauma with online therapy

If you're struggling with leaving a domestic abuse situation and you are in immediate danger, you need to leave the situation as soon as possible—seeking help from family, friends, or an organization nearby that can help you.

If you're in a situation that does not pose an immediate threat but is not sustainable, the first thing you might consider is seeking out professional help. A professional can help you understand your thoughts and feelings and all of your options with a completely objective view. 

Online therapy can offer affordable care, easier scheduling, and the convenience of attending sessions from wherever you feel the safest and most comfortable. Online therapy, and particularly online cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), has a significant amount of research supporting its efficacy. For example, a 2017 study on online CBT found that it can be very effective for challenges including panic disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, and depression. If you’ve experienced abuse, you’ll likely navigate trauma responses and reduced self-esteem, which you can address with online therapy on a platform like Regain. This platform offers both individual and couple’s therapy, so you can make the choice that’s best for you.

Takeaway

Your friends and family, if they see what is happening, will likely tell you to leave immediately, but an online licensed therapist can help you process the abuse you’ve experienced and learn how to identify abuse you might not have recognized. Through education and non-judgmental support, you might find yourself becoming more confident in yourself and prepared to make tough decisions. 

You do not have to stay in a dangerous situation. If you find yourself in need of help—reach out to get out.