Free Premarital Counseling Vs. Paid Premarital Counseling
Many couples decide to pursue premarital counseling to discuss challenges that could come up in the future, including financial intimacy, parenting styles, and how to handle conflict. Even if your relationship doesn’t seem to have any problems, premarital counseling can be a beneficial way to further strengthen your relationship before you enter marriage together.
When it comes to premarital counseling pricing, there can be a lot of options to consider. Some of these options—like faith-based counseling, government offered counseling, and couple’s counseling hotlines—are often offered free of cost. Whereas others (like premarital therapy at an individual practice) may be covered by health insurance or paid for out-of-pocket. Some providers also offer online therapy, which typically costs about the same amount that you’d expect from an insurance co-payment.
The best type of therapy for you and your partner will depend on many factors, such as your geographic location, financial means, and the severity of any relationship challenges you’re facing.
Does free premarital counseling work?
If you and your partner think you would benefit from premarital counseling, but can’t afford it, free may be available.
If you need free relationship help as soon as possible, you may want to reach out to a relationship hotline, like Love is Respect or Mental Health Hotline. Otherwise, you can often find free premarital counseling through churches, local organizations, government funded groups, workplace benefits, and community centers. Many places offer free therapy (individual and/or group) for specific challenges, such as trauma survivors, veterans, or people affected by substance use disorder.
You may also be able to get free therapy services from a charity like Give an Hour.
In addition to free therapy services you might find, there are some other free or low-cost options available. These include:
- Apps: There are many apps that can be helpful for relationships. For example, the LoveNudge app can help partners learn and speak each other’s love languages, and an app like Honeydue can make it easier to navigate shared finances with your partner.
- Books: There are many relationship books available. When possible, it’s recommended that you choose a book written by a licensed mental health professional, like these:
- “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide From the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert,” by John Gottman and Nan Silver
- “Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love,” by Sue Johnson
- “Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life,” by Emily Nagoski
- “Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship,” by Terrence Real
- Podcasts: You and your partner might find some benefits from listening to relationship podcasts, such as “Where Should We Begin? With Esther Perel,” or “That Relationship Show.”
- Worksheets: There are many free worksheets available online. Some examples include the High-Quality Relationships, About Your Partner, Three Things We Have in Common, and Interviewing Your Partner worksheets from Positive Psychology.
Note that while these resources can be very helpful, they’re not considered an alternative to synchronous therapy sessions with a licensed therapist.
However, you may notice that free counseling services are not always offered by qualified mental health providers. Instead, they may be led by chaplains, peers, or therapists-in-training. Additionally, these services might only be available for short-term use, and they may only be offered to clients in crisis.
In short, free premarital counseling can “work” (i.e. improve your relationship satisfaction and improve overall mental health), and many people benefit from it. However, it might not be the best or highest quality option for you and your partner.
The benefits of paid counseling
The advantage to paid counseling over free premarital counseling is that it’s usually offered by licensed counselors, who typically have experience in marriage and family therapy or couple’s therapy.
When looking for a paid therapist, it’s a good idea to ensure they meet a few requirements: They should have a state license and certification from an organization like the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT). Licensing and certification require not only supervised work experience and examination, but also graduate or postgraduate degrees. Licensing, education, and exam requirements can help ensure therapists are working within their legal and ethical bounds and providing evidence-based therapy services for their clients.
The cost of paid therapy can vary depending on a variety of factors:
- Insurance: Some therapists accept health insurance, which may make therapy free, though many plans require a co-payment. If you’re looking for pre-marital or couple’s therapy, however, you might notice that many health insurance plans cover individual therapy for a diagnosed disorder, but they often do not cover couple’s therapy. Furthermore, therapists who accept health insurance may have longer waiting lists than therapists who take out-of-pocket payments.
- Income-based discounts: Therapists who do not accept your insurance may offer their services on a sliding-scale, meaning clients pay what they can. Oftentimes, sliding-scale payments can reduce the cost of seeing a therapist by half (or more).
- Education: According to the American Psychological Association, master’s-level clinicians often offer lower-fee services than those with doctoral-level education. Additionally, licensed mental health providers early in their career may offer lower-cost services while they build their business and experience.
- Other factors: Therapy prices can vary dramatically based on geographic location, expense of renting office space, specialized training, and whether they offer services in-person or online (or both).
Psychotherapy (talk therapy) has been highly researched by scientific experts. Different types of talk therapy have been shown to help clients navigate mental disorders and challenges such as depression, anxiety, grief, PTSD, substance use disorders, and difficulties with interpersonal relationships.
Therapy can teach people important skills, including healthy coping skills, communication skills, conflict de-escalation, executive functioning skills, and building a growth mindset.
Does online premarital counseling work?
Online couples’ therapy, when provided by licensed professionals, is typically very similar to in-person therapy. While it’s not done face-to-face, research have found that people grow a strong therapeutic alliance in both online and in-person couple’s therapy, and both types of delivery can effectively improve both relationship quality and overall metal health. Furthermore, online therapy is often more cost-effective and convenient than in-person therapy.
What’s better: Free or paid premarital therapy?
The best type of therapy for you and your partner will depend on multiple factors, including your financial means and the degree of your challenges.
In general, it may be a good idea to explore paid therapy options with a licensed professional and see if there’s a way to make it more affordable (such as asking about sliding scale therapy or working with a therapy student under the supervision of a licensed professional). However, if you need help more urgently, you could consider calling a hotline for crisis support or to get connected with other therapy services.
Online therapy provided by licensed professionals can be a good option for many people. It’s often more affordable than in-person therapy (usually about the price you’d expect from an insurance co-payment), and platforms like Regain offer online couple’s therapy in many different forms—including videoconferencing, in-app messaging, and voice call options for sessions. These options can make therapy less intimidating and easier to schedule for some couples.
By using online therapy services, many clients find that they don’t have to sacrifice quality to afford premarital counseling.
Takeaway
This article can be summarized well with this quote from Ryan Smith, LPC, NCC: “When enlisting help from a professional it is always important to do your research and consider their credentials. Whether free or not, finding someone with the preferred experience will make sure they are a good fit for you. Whatever choice you make, enlisting the help of a counselor is a healthy and wise choice before your marriage begins.”
Free therapy and paid therapy can both be great options, but either way, it’s a good idea to ensure that the therapist you work with has adequate education and credentialing to increase the likelihood that they provide evidence-based therapy, and that their services are within the legal and ethical standards that licensed professionals are held to.
Does insurance cover premarital counseling?
Some insurance plans may cover premarital counseling, but many people find that their plans only cover individual therapy in the treatment of a diagnosed mental disorder.
If you have health insurance coverage and you’re trying to find licensed therapists that can help with premarital counseling, it’s probably a good idea to start by looking at your insurance coverage. On your insurance website, you may be able to find a list of couple’s therapy providers in your area who are covered by your plan, and you can call to see if your partner can also be covered by your plan for premarital couple’s therapy.
You may also want to consider online couple’s therapy. Though it’s often not accepted by insurance providers, the out-of-pocket prices are typically comparable to what you might expect to pay for a therapy co-payment with in-network insurance.
Also, remember that when it's time to find a licensed marriage and family therapist, it's okay if the first therapist doesn't work out. If, after a few therapy sessions, you feel like the therapist isn't a good fit for you, it’s perfectly fine to look for a different counselor. In fact, almost half of people who try therapy meet with at least two therapists before finding the right one.
The quality of therapy relies on the trust and relationship between the patients and the counselor, so it's important to find a premarital counseling expert that makes you feel comfortable and understood.
How does online premarital counseling work?
When you get therapy online, it will likely operate similarly to face-to-face premarital counseling or marriage counseling services.
With platforms like Regain, you'll have several other options for how you would like to contact your counselor or therapist. These options include services like asynchronous in-app messaging, live chatting, videoconferencing, and voice calling.
Many people find online premarital counseling is more comfortable and convenient than in-person therapy, and some people report it helps them feel a greater sense of autonomy during their therapy sessions.
What are the best online marriage counseling programs?
The best online marriage counseling programs or couples therapy options will vary from person to person, depending on several factors. In general, people are likely to have the best experiences from programs led by licensed therapists, with options for synchronous meetings (such as live chatting, voice calls, or videoconferencing).
Other things to consider when looking for online marriage counseling include the cost and the experience level of the therapists.
When should you start premarital counseling?
Just like the name suggests, premarital counseling should be started and completed before you get married. However, many couples can benefit from couple’s therapy at any point in their relationship and marriage.
You might want to start premarital counseling after you get engaged, in the months leading up to your wedding, or in a serious, committed relationship. If you didn’t have time to attend premarital counseling before marriage or are realizing it could be beneficial after getting married, that’s okay. You can likely still work with a premarital counselor after you’ve gotten married.
How do I find a good premarital counselor?
There is no one right way to find a good premarital counselor.
If you have health insurance, you might want to start your search by looking at your coverage to see if you can get couple’s therapy covered. If so, you can use your insurance provider’s website to search a database of licensed therapists offering couple’s therapy in your area.
Alternatively, you might use a site like Regain to find a licensed couple’s therapist. This option can be more affordable, especially if your health insurance doesn’t cover couple’s therapy or premarital counseling. Additionally, many people find this option more convenient for scheduling.
Do you pay for premarital counseling?
There are often options for both paid and free premarital counseling. For example, non-profit organizations, faith-based resources, community centers, and government-sponsored programs may offer low cost or free therapy services for couples. Individual practice couple’s therapy almost always costs money, but that cost may be covered (fully or partially) by your insurance, and many therapists offer sliding-scale payment options.
Additionally, while online therapy isn’t usually free and often doesn’t accept insurance, it’s usually offered at a lower cost. This price is typically comparable to what you might pay for an insurance co-payment for in-network therapy services, which can make it a more convenient option for some couples.
What is the average cost of premarital counseling?
The average cost of premarital counseling can vary greatly, but you might expect to pay anywhere from $0-200+ per session.
How many sessions are needed for premarital counseling?
A typical premarital counseling course may last for five to seven sessions, though the amount varies from couple to couple.
You may have a paid or free consultation session with a provider before you engage in premarital counseling so that you can learn more about the process and discuss why you're there. If you decide to engage in couples therapy as a married couple in the future, the number of couples therapy sessions you attend will vary, too.
You may go to couples therapy online or in person for anywhere from 4 to 30+ couples therapy sessions. The number will vary depending on what you and your partner are there for, what your needs are, what your goals are in couples therapy, and the type of therapeutic modalities practiced by the therapist. Couples therapy can be highly effective for many people in relationships, but those who put in significant effort to practice the skills they learn in therapy may gain the most from the experience.
What is divorce counseling?
Divorce counseling or therapy isn't the same as couples therapy or premarital counseling. Divorce counseling is meant to help couples separate peacefully. If someone wishes to seek one-on-one counseling post-divorce, an individual counselor can assist you or someone you know through the divorce recovery process.
What questions do they ask at premarital counseling?
The exact questions that are asked at premarital counseling will depend a lot on the marriage and family therapist who is conducting your sessions. In general, though, you can expect plenty of premarital counseling questions about expectations for the future. That's true for online counseling as well. This usually includes questions about your goals for the future, and how your partner fits into those goals. The marriage and family therapist can also help couples revise and refine their goals and expectations of marriage.
Most of these discussions will help the counselor to understand how you resolve issues and respond to love happiness. The marriage counseling couples therapy will also teach you tools for better communication skills that you can use throughout the relationship.
What should premarital counseling cover?
Usually, the first thing that online premarital counselors will do is gather information about your backgrounds and relationship quality, often by using relationship questionnaires.
You'll likely spend a lot of time discussing your visions and expectations for the future with your partner. You'll also talk about the expectations that you both have in the marriage, in terms of roles and the structure of the marriage. This also involves diving deep into topics like finances and time management. It may also include topics such as expectations for sex and having children.
Premarital counseling also covers different ways to resolve conflict. This is done by looking into your and your partner's past, identifying areas that could cause conflict in your marriage, and then coming up with ways to work through that conflict when it arises.
How long should premarital counseling last?
Premarital counseling is usually done in five to seven sessions, with one session per week. But the exact time you're in premarital counseling will vary depending on many factors, such as what you'd like to address during your time in counseling and how many sessions you can afford to attend.
Is premarital counseling necessary?
While premarital counseling isn't a prerequisite for getting married, it can be a useful tool for building a healthier relationship and marriage. Premarital counseling can give you and your partner a whole toolbox of communication and conflict resolution tools that will really benefit you throughout the course of your whole marriage.
There are many different forms of counseling or couples therapy that can benefit people in a relationship. A couple might seek emotionally focused therapy (EFT), cognitive behavioral therapy, imago relationship therapy, or see a provider who specializes in the Gottman method, for example.
Whether you're in therapy prior to or during a marriage, a therapist or counselor is there to help you build and maintain a healthier, most satisfying relationship.
How do I keep the love alive in my marriage?
If you are looking for premarital counseling or counseling programs, you are likely taking a step already to build a healthy, loving marriage. As premarital counseling often teaches couples to actively listen to each other and address challenges more proactively, it may help reduce the severity of future conflict and prevent them from escalating further.
To keep the love alive in your marriage long-term, you may want to follow some of these general tips:
- Try not to take each other for granted
- Use active listening skills
- Spend quality time together
- Resolve conflict proactively
- If you notice signs of the “four horsemen” (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, or stonewalling), it’s probably a good sign to sign up for marriage therapy
Most marriages will experience fluctuations in their emotional intimacy, closeness, and connection. However, people in a healthy marriage may recognize these signs sooner and work together to improve.
What happens at premarital counseling?
In premarital counseling, most therapists will spend time getting to know their clients’ background, help them set goals, and help them develop stronger relationship skills.
A lot of the common goals and training that you'll see in premarital counseling focuses on communication and conflict resolution. You can expect deep and serious discussions with your partner and the marriage counselor about topics such as marital roles, sex, money, time, and children. This discussion is the cornerstone of premarital counseling, and it makes up most of what typically happens at premarital counseling.
Why is premarital counselling important?
Premarital counseling is intended to help set couples up for healthy married life. It can help you solve problems that may arise in marriage proactively, and it can provide a safe space to address any underlying issues you’d like to discuss.
Who is online premarital counseling for?
Online premarital counseling, couples therapy, or online marriage counseling can be good options for people in serious relationships or marriages. The online format may be particularly helpful for people with busy or conflicting schedules, frequent travel plans, or people living in rural areas. Additionally, online therapy can be preferable for its cost-effectiveness, the comfort of attending sessions from home, or the sense of autonomy and convenience it can provide.
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