Exploring The Benefits Of Pre-Engagement Counseling For A Successful Marriage
After reaching the point in a relationship where you begin considering the rest of your life with your partner, it may be time to think about pre-engagement counseling. While many couples attend marriage therapy to help repair damage or work through problems in their relationship, pre-engagement counseling is intended to help you avoid problems in your future marriage by shedding light on topics you may not think to discuss before proposing. Read on to learn what pre-engagement counseling is, how it works, and the ways it can help couples get to know essential facts about each other before committing to marriage.
What is pre-engagement counseling?
Pre-engagement counseling is a form of psychotherapy that helps couples discuss important facets of their relationship to help them align their needs and expectations in a marriage before they commit to a lifetime together. For example, pre-engagement counseling would reveal if one partner doesn’t want children and the other does, allowing the couple to discuss potential solutions before planning their marriage.
Defining pre-engagement
Romantic relationships often go through multiple stages involving different levels of attachment and commitment. For example, most couples are much more involved and know their partner better after a year together compared to their first month. The early stage covers the first date until you decide to see each other exclusively. The next step is pre-engagement, where you are committed to your partner, know them well, and think of a life spent alongside them. Subsequent stages include engagement and marriage, as the commitment and merging of your lives advance.
Exploring how pre-engagement counseling works
In practice, pre-engagement counseling works like most psychotherapy treatments. Find a provider, make an appointment, and attend the session with your therapist.
How long do couples wait before getting engaged?
Studies show that many couples get engaged between two to five years after they start dating, though plenty of couples don’t fit into that time frame.
When should pre-engagement counseling start?
Ideally, pre-engagement counseling should begin when you’ve both expressed an interest in getting married, but neither has made a formal proposal. Once you’re engaged, many mental health professionals recommend pre-marital education.
How many therapy sessions are required?
The number of pre-engagement counseling sessions necessary depends on your situation and what your therapist thinks you need. The process can vary in length, with some couples attending only one or two sessions and others going for a complete treatment course of 12 sessions.
Does pre-engagement counseling make a difference?
Studies show that couples who participated in pre-engagement counseling or pre-marital education experience a significantly lower divorce rate than couples who don’t see a counselor before tying the knot.
How counseling before engagement helps you know each other better
There are many things it can help to know about your partner before deciding to spend the rest of your life with them. However, it can require awkward or intrusive questions to gain that information. Pre-engagement counseling allows you to discuss sensitive subjects like children and finances with the support and guidance of a mental health professional, so you and your partner can get to know each other better.
What does pre-engagement counseling cover?
You may be curious about what topics pre-engagement counseling typically delves into and how they can help build a stronger, healthier marriage. While each couple differs, these are some of the most common topics covered in pre-engagement counseling.
Learn about each other’s family history
Many couples haven't taken the step to introduce their partners to their families until they know the relationship will last. One of the topics pre-engagement counseling covers is your family history and dynamics.
- Share what family means to you, how they impact your life, and their influence over your behavior.
- Discuss the values you were raised with and how you agree or disagree with them.
- How close are you to your family? Do you have relatives you don’t talk to or can’t live without?
- What was your childhood like?
- Did your parents get along or fight a lot?
Expectations for progressing from dating to marriage
Before you commit your life to someone, it can help to know what they expect from a marriage partner. Studies show that a lack of communication is one of the top reasons for a failed marriage. Pre-engagement counseling can help you both express what you want and need from a spouse and what healthy marriage looks like to you.
- Is marriage a lifelong commitment, or are you relying on divorce if things don't work out?
- How do you expect your spouse to behave?
- Who will be responsible for specific chores in the household?
- How often will you go on dates?
- What sleep schedule do you want to maintain?
- How often do you want to socialize with other people?
Discussing financial status
Your financial status can have a massive impact on your partner once you merge your finances. If one of you has a mountain of outstanding debt or needs to be more reliable about paying bills, your partner deserves to know.
- Talk about how the bills and expenses of your shared home will be split.
- Will you combine all your accounts, money, and debt?
- What constitutes a major purchase, and how much can you spend without talking to your partner?
- Do you want to buy a car or a home together? Does your credit allow for it?
- How will you handle financial emergencies?
Defining rules for sex and physical touch
Sexual and physical intimacy in a marriage is crucial for many people. It can help you manage expectations and disappointments if you discuss how often you want sex, how much non-sexual physical touch matters to you, and boundaries you aren’t comfortable crossing or even approaching.
- How often do you expect to be physically intimate?
- Explain how you feel about public displays of affection.
- Do you want to hold hands in public?
- Does cuddling matter to you?
- Discuss sexual boundaries, limits, and curiosities.
Talking about having and raising children
One of the most critical conversations to have during pre-engagement counseling covers whether you both want children and how you want to raise them when (or if) they come.
- Do both of you want children? If one partner doesn’t want children, how do you plan to deal with that?
- When do you envision yourself becoming a parent?
- What values do you want to raise children with?
- Is there anything you don’t want your potential children exposed to?
Resolving conflicts
Pre-engagement counseling can lead to healthier marriages by teaching practical conflict-resolution skills to help you and your partner work through your problems together. Unresolved issues can lead to resentment and repressed anger later.
- Create a “pause button” if one of you needs to step back from the argument before saying something hurtful you don’t mean.
- Find healthy ways to process your emotions and let go of anger.
- Understand how to see things from your partner’s perspective.
How counseling before engagement can build healthier marriages
It often takes more than love to build a successful, healthy marriage. If you and your partner are discussing taking the next step in your relationship, consider pre-engagement counseling before you pop the question. Working with a licensed couples therapist online through a virtual relationship therapy platform like Regain can help you discuss issues that could affect your marriage and help you plan for the future. Pre-engagement counseling can help you address problems before they become problematic, teach you healthy ways to communicate and resolve conflict, and help you plan your future together.
In recent years, versatile options for mental health treatment have drawn increasing interest. Studies show that online couples therapy and pre-engagement counseling works as well as in-person treatments. Both groups in the study showed decreased symptoms related to anxiety, stress, and depression and increased relationship satisfaction. Teletherapy platforms offer the added benefit of a much more comprehensive network of licensed therapists, making it simple to find someone you connect with who makes you both feel comfortable.
Takeaway
When you reach the point in a relationship where marriage becomes a real possibility, pre-engagement counseling could benefit you and your partner by allowing you to explore significant issues together before making that commitment. The information in this article offers insight into how pre-engagement counseling works and the benefits it can provide for a lasting, loving marriage.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
What is involved in premarital counseling?
Premarital counseling is a type of therapy that engaged couples can choose to take part in before they get married to find common ground on various subjects and prepare, enrich and guide their relationship for marriage. Once you find a counselor, engagement counseling pre-marriage can include discussions of:
- Finances - how much will you as a couple spend versus save, and will you have the same bank account?
- Sex and touch - how often you would like to be intimate and communicate this to your partner.
- Schedules - what times of day would you prefer to relax, and when do you work? When do you need alone time and when do you want to spend time together?
- Chores and work distribution - who does which chores and will you both work outside the home, or will someone be the primary breadwinner?
- Will you have children?
- How to resolve conflict
- How to agree on and plan the marriage ceremony, or if you’d like to have a traditional wedding at all
It is highly recommended that people who decide to get engaged find a counselor and attend counseling sessions as premarital counseling can really prepare, enrich and organize a relationship.
For more information on premarital counseling, you can visit this informational page or begin browsing counselors at Regain.Us/start. ReGain can help you find a counselor to discuss all of these topics and set you on the right path for a fruitful and successful marriage!
What does pre-engagement mean?
Many couples find it beneficial to define a period of pre-engagement in their relationship. But what does this really mean? Before you decide to get engaged, you may seriously begin to discuss marriage with your partner. You are not yet engaged and not in the phase of marriage preparation; however, you are seriously deciding if this is something you want to do with your partner.
This phase of your relationship is unique and exciting. While you haven’t leaped to make an official commitment yet, you should be putting in the heavy lifting of asking the difficult questions, making plans, and figuring out your future together. It’s the perfect chance to make sure you’re on the same page with your partner. If you do both decide that you want to get engaged and get married, this will ensure that there will be no major surprises later on. In short, the pre-engagement period of your relationship is when you both figure out what you’re really getting yourselves into.
During the pre-engagement phase, you should both understand the other’s position regarding:
- Your finances and budget
- Family planning and children
- Major purchase decisions like cars, homes, travel, etc.
- Sex and intimacy
- Distribution of labor both with paid and unpaid labor, namely, time for work and breadwinning and how you will split up the household chores, cooking, and childcare
- Major opinions regarding religion, moral code, gender roles, etc.
- How to work through fights and tough times when they come up
- What sort of wedding ceremony you’d like to have if any at all. If you’d both like to have a large wedding ceremony, who will handle the planning and who will pay for it
This is the perfect time for many couples to seek counseling with a marriage and family therapist. Pre-engagement counseling can help a couple decide to get engaged and iron out the difficult conversations that come up when you take the next steps. Prepare enrich and create a happy marriage through pre-engagement counseling or pre-marital counseling and find a counselor with ReGain today.
When should you start premarital counseling?
You should begin premarital counseling when both you and your partner have started talking seriously about getting engaged, and you both know that a marriage proposal is something coming up in the future.
Premarital counseling with a trusted marriage and family therapist can really help a couple with the big task of marriage preparation. Many couples seek counseling before they are even engaged, called pre-engagement counseling. This part of the counseling process can help a couple discuss their value in their partnership and how to transition into a new phase.
You can also start premarital counseling after engagement for marriage preparation. Pre-marital counseling such as this can help a couple move smoothly from engagement to marriage. Engagement counseling pre-marriage can help engaged couples prepare, enrich and guide their relationship, so they are on the same page. A couple can start premarital counseling any time they feel it is right and when they find a counselor they trust.
What is the average time before engagement?
According to specialists, many couples decide to get engaged between two to five years after dating, although many couples do not fit into this time frame. It is very important for engaged couples to be on the same page and have healthy communication during this step of their relationship. To do so, many engaged couples elect to attend counseling sessions with a marriage and family therapist.
Engagement counseling pre-marriage can help a couple discuss how they will work together as a married couple. However, many couples also seek counseling before they are even engaged, attending what can be known as pre-engagement counseling. This can help you and your partner decide when is best for you to get engaged or even discuss differences if they arise. It’s easy to find a counselor to prepare to enrich your engagement with ReGain.
How many sessions are needed for premarital counseling?
Premarital counseling sessions can help many engaged couples discuss subjects to prepare, enrich and guide their relationships before marriage. The counseling process can vary in length; some couples attend over 12 counseling sessions while some only attend one or two.
Pre-marital counseling is a different experience for each couple. Still, many choose to start premarital counseling when they decide to get engaged, thus continuing the counseling processing throughout their engagement. Depending on the couple's needs and when they find a counselor, premarital counseling can be a longer or shorter process. When you find a counselor, they will also help you start premarital counseling to know how many premarital counseling sessions you will need to prepare, enrich and care for your relationship.
Is pre-marriage counseling worth it?
According to the Huffington Post, couples who participate in premarital counseling experience a much lower divorce rate than couples who don’t find a counselor. If you and your partner start premarital counseling before marriage, you can discuss heavy topics in advance to prepare, enrich and learn more about your relationship.
Premarital counseling can establish a communication culture between you and your future spouse before you even get married. Premarital counseling can also help you discuss anything you need to regarding the marriage process itself.
Find a counselor to start premarital counseling if you feel like your partnership could benefit from more open communication before marriage. Feel free to check out this article to see more ways pre-marital counseling can benefit you.
- Next Article