How Can Stepfamilies Achieve Success?
Stepfamilies are becoming more and more common as people marry, have children, divorce, and then re-marry, often to people who also have children. Stepfamilies often face unique challenges when it comes to achieving success as a unit. The extent and the gravity of these challenges depends on many factors—how old the children are, the relationship with exes, and the comfort level of all involved, to name just a few.
These challenges may leave people wondering how to achieve stepfamily success. Thankfully, with time, persistence, and the right actions, stepfamilies can blend together and learn to work well together. Stepfamily success might not happen overnight in all cases, but it’s certainly possible with time. Knowing what to do, what not to do, and some of what to expect will certainly prove to be valuable in this type of situation.
Seven ways to achieve stepfamily success
Stepfamilies can achieve success, but it doesn’t come without work and effort. Regardless of whether exes, co-parenting, new siblings, etc., are involved, there are some general rules for stepfamilies to be mindful of.
Individual factors will certainly play a role in the dynamics of a stepfamily, but they don’t have to hinder success and harmony with one another. Stepfamilies everywhere may benefit and improve their situations by adhering to the following guidelines.
1.Foster healthy relationships with one another
The success of a stepfamily will greatly depend upon whether or not everyone is able to bond with each other. In many cases, children may take longer to warm up to a stepparent. Of course, if children are gaining stepsiblings close to them in age, they may have an easier time bonding with their stepsiblings than with a new adult.
Stepparents who are interested in bonding with their stepchildren should refrain from immediately acting as parents. In most cases, it’s best to allow the biological parent to take the front seat when it comes to being a parental figure. Stepparents can still bond with their stepchildren by engaging in family activities and simply being a supportive, older figure.
Sometimes, stepchildren can struggle with embracing stepparents due to the fear of seeming disloyal to their other parents. This is why fostering a healthy relationship is as important as not trying to rush things or forcing oneself upon stepchildren. In many cases, the significant other of the stepparent can encourage their children to gradually warm up to the newest member(s) of the family.
2. Give and take
Give and take is important in any relationship, but it’s imperative for stepfamilies that are serious about success. Stepfamilies are different from relationships where only two people are involved; this means that not everyone will get their way all the time. If one or more of a stepfamily insist on always having their way, this will create problems sooner or later. Giving and taking allow for balance in a stepfamily and show that empathy and respect for one another are present.
3. Allow for one-on-one time between parents and children
Stepfamilies must bond with one another for there to be family success. Still, it’s also important for children to know that their new stepparent isn’t trying to take their biological parents away from them. This message can unintentionally come across when the children’s only interactions with their parents involve the presence of a stepparent. For this reason, it’s healthy for parents in a mixed family to get some one-on-one time with their children. In adjusting to the newness of a stepfamily, children will do well to know that they haven’t lost the intimate bond they have with their biological parents.
4. Allow for one-on-one time between spouses
Children will need time to adjust to a new stepparent, but a stepparent will also go through an adjustment process. For this reason, both spouses need to make time for each other. This can involve date nights, day trips, or otherwise carving out time for spouses only. One-on-one time between spouses ultimately ensures that the romantic bond remains intact; this bond will greatly contribute to the overall success of a stepfamily.
5. Try to get along with the other parent
It’s not uncommon for stepfamilies to face challenges when it comes to dealing with the other parent. However, when children are involved, it is in the best interest of all parties for the new spouse to get along with their significant other’s ex. This will help cut down on overall tension, and it will furthermore prevent children from feeling as though they have to choose between their parents and stepparents.
Obviously, there are some general rules as far as getting along with the other parent. Being respectful and ensuring they know you’re not trying to replace their role as the mother or father is imperative. Also, under no circumstances should a stepparent badmouth children’s parents in the children’s presence. Not only is this disrespectful to the other parent, but it can also be upsetting or confusing for the children involved.
6. Approach conflict as a team
Even with the best of actions and intentions, conflict is bound to arise from time to time. This is inevitable and something that happens in all relationships and families. What ultimately makes the greatest difference is how stepfamilies approach and handle conflict. At the end of the day, teamwork, unity, and togetherness are the greatest anecdotes to any present issue.
7. Try to network with other stepfamilies
No two stepfamilies are the same; however, this doesn’t mean that they can’t connect and help each other. Understanding how other stepfamilies have achieved success can be immensely valuable for those still learning the ropes. One of the best ways of learning in life is to get advice from other people who have been where you are going. No matter who you are or how long you’ve been part of a stepfamily, there is always something new to be learned.
Trusting the process
A huge part of enjoying a successful stepfamily is to trust the process. Following each of the above tips will almost certainly prove to be of value, but life is full of twists and turns. Sometimes, stepfamilies naturally get into a groove with one another and have a smooth transition; in other cases, achieving success as a stepfamily requires greater work and commitment from all parties involved.
Joining together as a stepfamily inherently involves change. Often, adults will have an easier time adapting and adjusting to certain changes than children. This is especially true for children who are in their adolescent or teenage years.
Ultimately, various factors will impact how children adjust to having a stepparent, how the new spouse adjusts to being a stepparent, and much more. In many cases, it can take months or even years for a stepfamily to achieve success, and that’s OK. Stepfamilies should move at their own pace and ensure that everyone is in a good place during this transition.
The merits of professional help
Many stepfamilies can make things work on their own without any professional guidance or assistance. Then again, some stepfamilies greatly benefit from having the help of a counselor or therapist. Neither one of these families is better than the other, but professional help may make a positive difference for stepfamilies.
Stepfamilies as a whole can take therapy and so can separate individuals within a stepfamily. Working with a professional comes with many upsides, namely the ability to get credible and professional advice that is uniquely applicable to a stepfamily’s or an individual’s situation.
Therapy is an amazing service that helps stepfamilies understand one another, gain unique insight, and learn the best steps for their situation. Individuals who work with a therapist can also reap the benefits of having someone to confide in while they adjust to a new stepparent or stepchild.
Strengthen family bonds in online therapy
You may be building a stepfamily and know you need help, but you're not sure when and where you can get it. Life can be busy for so many reasons. We all have work and other commitments which demand our time and energy, especially if we have kids. As a result, this can significantly complicate the process of being at a designated location to receive therapy.
Thankfully, the world of technology has made online therapy possible. Online therapy can be a great option if you have a busy schedule and are trying to find time to meet with a therapist. An online therapist can work around however many schedules you are dealing with to find a time that works for everyone involved. Online therapy will provide the same helpful services you would find with in-person therapy.
When you sign up for online therapy with a platform like Regain, you will be matched with a licensed therapist trained to work with those in your situation. They will be prepared to work with individuals or with partners together. Regain-based online therapy can change your life and is available regardless of where you live, how big your family is, or what issues you may be facing.
Takeaway
At the end of the day, working with an online therapist is all about ensuring that you have the tools and knowledge to be happy and well in all areas of your life, including your family life.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
How can a blended family be successful?
Blending families or creating a stepfamily can be both a fulfilling and challenging stage of family life. Many blended families have succeeded in creating a working family unit, however. While you and your new partner may be excited to start a new stepfamily, your children and their children may not be as willing to accept the new family dynamic.
If you are experiencing difficulties making your stepfamily work, here are some things to keep in mind to boost your success and lessen stress in your family life :
- Both children and stepchildren alike need to feel safe in their new environment.
- All of the children in your new stepfamily need to feel loved and valued.
- You need to earn the respect and trust of your new children, and your partner needs to earn the respect and trust of your own.
- You need to know your boundaries as a stepparent. Work with your new stepfamily and establish a trusted and respected relationship.
- A big part of having a successful stepfamily is creating bonds as a family. Establish family rituals such as having breakfast and dinner together every day, weekly game nights, or other fun activities that will allow everyone to let their guard down and have fun.
How do stepfamilies work?
The dynamics of stepfamilies can be different from biological families for many reasons. It can take more effort to make a stepfamily work, but through communication, trust, patience, and kindness, your home life will likely come together.
Here are some tips on how to make your stepfamily dynamic work:
- Ensure your children feel safe in their new environment.
- Try your best to have a cordial relationship with the children's biological parent even if it is challenging.
- Ensure all children feel loved and valued.
- Create new traditions with your family.
- Earn the respect and trust of your new stepchildren.
- Set boundaries early on and only discipline your own children, at least at first.
- Have a good relationship with your partner's ex.
- Love your new partner and set an excellent example for what a healthy marriage is.
What is the success rate of blended families?
Every new family is unique, and thus so is the success rate. However, researchers have conducted studies that indicate a stepfamily success rate of between 60 and 70% in the U.S.
What are the advantages of a step-family?
While stepfamily success can be difficult at first, there are many advantages to your new family life, including:
- Improved family finances. Being a single parent is difficult. It is often common for single parents to struggle with their finances when they are on their own. When two people provide for a family, it can ease the burden of tight finances that can cause strain on a new family dynamic.
- More parental guidance and new family relationships. Your children will have the opportunity to have unique relationships with their stepsiblings and their new stepparent.
- Your children will get to see what a happy and healthy family dynamic is and, in turn, feel satisfied with their new situation.
Who comes first in a blended family?
This is a question that many newly blended families struggle with. It's essential to establish clear boundaries in your relationship when raising each other's children and creating family house rules.
Here are some suggestions for how to set effective boundaries:
- Establish your new stepparenting role as being a friend as well as someone who has authority.
- Let the biological parent in your new family handle serious discipline issues until you have created a solid and trusting relationship dynamic.
- Create a list of rules that apply to the whole family and allow your children to establish these rules and boundaries with you, so everyone is on the same page.
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