Grief And The Grieving Process: How To Cope With A Death In The Family
The death of a loved one can be one of the most trying things a person can go through. Whether it is the death of a child or the death of a parent, there's no "right answer" on how to deal with a death in the family. Everyone grieves in his or her way, and no one should feel shame for how they grieve.
How to cope with a death in the family: The five stages of grief
Maybe you’ve heard of the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and acceptance. But did you know there are more stages to the process than that and that not everyone feels every stage?
In addition to the chief five stages of grief, there are also resentment, yearning, and suffering, which typically occur after anger and before sadness. It is possible to feel a combination of these emotions all at once. It's not so clean-cut that you will feel each emotion separately, as the idea of the "stages" might lead you to believe. Every person is an individual, and so everyone's grieving process will likely be different. Additionally, experiencing a death in the family can mean that multiple people in a household are grieving at the same time, which can affect the grieving process for everyone.
One thing to keep in mind is that grief can be very different from depression and that both can be experienced simultaneously. If, in addition to symptoms of grief, you may also feel worthlessness, helplessness, and extreme guilt, you may want to consider speaking with a professional to help manage your grief, as it could develop into a depressive episode.
Grieving process after the death of a parent
The death of a parent can be a complex and challenging process, regardless of the circumstances. You might find yourself experiencing a range of emotions. For example, you could feel guilt, frustration, sadness, and confusion, and all of those feelings are valid and nothing to be ashamed of.
Remember that there is no time limit on grief, and this may be the time to care for yourself, perhaps as your parent once cared for you. Do some things to give yourself a sense of normalcy, like cooking, reading, taking a long bath, or going on a walk. This could also be a good time to depend on your support system, such as your spouse, children, or friends, and ask them to distract you or just listen to your feelings; whatever you think will be most helpful. Be gentle with yourself while you heal.
Grieving process after the death of a sibling
Losing a sibling can be like losing a family member and a long-term friend all at once. Siblings often grow up together, experiencing every up and down together, so to lose a sibling can feel like losing a part of yourself. It can also feel like losing a role model. A sibling can also serve as a confidant, and you may feel a sense of emptiness now that your sibling has passed.
The emotions involved in losing a sibling may be more complicated for one family than another. Siblings may not be on speaking terms at the time of the sibling's passing, or there may be feelings of resentment that have driven a wedge between the siblings and that the surviving sibling or siblings must now confront in addition to their grief.
Family roles may shift
The surviving sibling or siblings may also experience a shift in the role(s) they play within the family. For instance, if the eldest sibling passes away, that means the remaining siblings become the new eldest and middle siblings, or maybe even just an only child with no sibling at all. This can present a significant shock to the family order.
Grieving process after the death of a child
What is true for the loss of anyone may be especially true for the loss of a child. Don't let anyone tell you how to grieve or when your grieving time limit has run out. The same goes for your spouse. Remember to give them space and compassion in their healing process and be available for them as a support system.
Something important to remember is that you may remain numb for the first year after the loss of a child. In the second year, however, the numbness might begin to wear off, and you may experience more powerful grief than ever before. This is normal.
Wait before making big decisions
Immediately following the death of a child, you may want to sell your house, file for divorce, change careers or take on some other major life event. It is recommended that you wait at least a year to do so. It may be difficult to see all those daily reminders of a child who is no longer with us, but it is important that you take the time to evaluate every aspect of a major life event before embarking on it.
Some people adopt a "life is short" mentality and feel that their current situations are holding them back, but this may be another aspect of the grieving process, and you don't want to do anything now that you'll regret later on.
Grieving process after the death of a spouse
You may feel like you can't go on after the death of a spouse. You may find it comforting once the initial stages of grief have passed to do something to keep your spouse's memory alive. For example, you may want to regularly partake in an activity that the two of you used to do together. You can also take flowers to their grave and spend a few moments talking with them. This may feel silly for some people, but it can be rather cathartic.
Above all, remember that you will feel normal again with time. It is important to feel your grief and not rush the grieving process. Don't feel like you have to jump into a new relationship right away.
Conversely, if you find someone new who you want to spend time with, don't let anyone make you feel guilty that it's "too soon" after the death of your spouse to find love again. Everyone is an individual, and everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time.
Inspirational quotes about the death of a loved one
Sometimes, it can be hard to find words for when someone dies; nevertheless, it can be helpful to read some inspirational quotes after the death of a loved one.
"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live." - Norman Cousins
"What is lovely never dies, but passes into other loveliness." - Thomas Bailey Aldrich
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." - Maya Angelou
"Words, however kind, can't mend your heartache, but those who care for you after your loss and wish you comfort and peace of mind." - Unknown
"What we have once enjoyed we can never lose; all that we deeply love becomes a part of us." - Helen Keller
Coping with grief can be overwhelming: Support is available online
Death is a common fate for all people, and almost all families have, at some point, gone through a powerful loss. If you are having difficulty managing your perspective after the death of a family member, it can help to talk to a counselor. The counselors available at Regain are trained to help you with your specific needs. Through Regain, you can fill out a brief questionnaire to match you with a counselor trained in helping with grief. Studies show that online counseling can help with symptoms of anxiety and depression, PTSD, and phobias. Other studies have demonstrated that online therapy tends to be more cost-effective than in-person therapy as well.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
How do you cope with a death in the family?
Coping with the death of a loved one may be one of the most challenging things a person will ever have to go through. Losing family can be one of the biggest fears held by most people, and the truth is that everyone has a different way of coping with grief. That said, two ways to cope that tend to be universally important are grief support and processing your feelings.
Grief support can be crucial, and if you are coping with grief or the pain of grief and loss, it’s vital that you have ways to cope that don’t leave you fully isolated. You can find support groups, reach out to loved ones such as other family and friends, or talk to a mental health professional such as a therapist or counselor. Additionally, if you know someone who is processing the death of a loved one, make sure to check in on them and consider conducting acts of care such as cooking meals for them. Give them space when needed, but do not stop checking in.
What are the five stages of the grieving process when coping with a death in the family?
The five stages of grief for those coping with the loss of a family or the death of a loved one are the same as the five stages of grief related to any other form of loss. The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Healing isn’t linear, and it’s common for people to revisit the different stages of grief during the grieving process. For example, someone might reach the depression stage and return to anger temporarily.
How long does it take for our mental health and emotions to recover from a death in the family?
Various sources conclude that there is no set amount of time that it takes to recover from the death of a loved one. When it comes to grief, coping tends to be different for everyone, but it is also important to note the existence of complicated grief when answering this question. The criteria for complicated grief exist in the DSM-5. What complicated grief refers to, essentially, is an ongoing and pervasive form of grief that impacts people severely and often makes it difficult to focus on anything save for the loss of a loved one. For those facing complicated grief or the symptoms of complicated grief, the pain of grief and loss does not seem to subside, alleviate itself, or improve. Symptoms of complicated grief include rumination, intense sorrow, bitterness, trouble accepting the loss, a lack of trust in other people, the inability to enjoy life or think back on good times, trouble functioning or carrying out your routines and obligations, believing that you could have prevented the passing, and again, trouble focusing on anything except for the loss. By no means is this an extensive list, but if you are having trouble managing complicated grief or unresolved grief and loss, therapy or counseling can help.
What are the seven stages of grieving?
Rather than going by the five stages of grief, some people say that there are actually seven stages of grief or more. The seven stages of grief are said to be denial, pain and guilt, anger, bargaining, depression, reconstruction, and acceptance and hope.
What does grief do to your body?
There are physical symptoms of grief. Mental and physical health go together, so it only makes sense that the pain of grief and loss would impact the body. Grief and loss can impact your immune system. You might also experience fatigue, body aches, and inflammation, among other symptoms.
Additional questions
What are some tips on how to cope with a death in the family in a healthy way?
Coping with a death in the family involves taking care of your mental health, reaching out for support, and giving yourself time to grieve. It's important to lean on friends, family, or support groups and to practice self-care during this difficult time.
What role does mental health play in the grieving process?
Mental health plays a crucial role in how we navigate the grieving process. Grief can significantly affect mental health, causing sadness, anxiety, and emotional exhaustion. Seeking support from mental health professionals can help you cope with these emotions.
How can mental health professionals help when coping with grief?
Mental health professionals, such as counselors or therapists, provide a safe space to process emotions and explore ways to cope with a death in the family. They can help you understand your grief, identify coping strategies, and support your overall mental health.
How does the grieving process differ from person to person?
The grieving process is different for everyone because people cope with grief in unique ways. Factors like personality, previous experiences, mental health, and the relationship with the person who passed away all influence how one grieves.
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