Help! I'm In Love With My Best Friend's Girlfriend – What Do I Do?
Have you ever experienced falling in love with your best friend’s girlfriend? If not, let me play out the scenario. Your best friend of 10 years has been going out with his girlfriend for a couple of years now. You go out with them once in a while and, well, lately, you’ve been experiencing romantic feelings for his girlfriend. You can’t stop thinking about her, you’re confident that you and she would be the perfect match, and you’ve had thoughts of, what if, just what if they broke up and you could be the love of her life? You’ve had thoughts of telling her how you feel about her. It’s intense, and it’s getting to the point that you can’t hold in your feelings one day longer. So, what do you do?
It’s important to handle this situation in the most graceful way possible. Some feelings could be wounded, friendships could be fractured, and relationships on several levels at stake. There’s a lot to the lose-the friendship between you and your best friend, the relationship between your best friend and girlfriend, and the great possibility that trust will be broken.
Trust is difficult to rebuild once it’s been violated. It takes a lot of effort and time to restore it, and it’s not just one side because when we break this trust, it’s not just with the other person, but often with ourselves. The person being betrayed questions not only why the other person did what they did, but they also question why they let the betrayal happen and why they didn’t see it coming. Trust is the glue that holds relationships together. It’s what allows you to feel safe to be vulnerable enough to connect with another person emotionally. So, when that trust is broken, the glue begins to peel away from the very foundation, and the trust that was once deep-rooted and firm becomes cracked.
So it goes without saying that the primary focus, once you realize you have these feelings for your best friend’s girlfriend, is to prevent it from moving any further. Here are some steps to do just that.
Help! I’m in love with my best friend’s girlfriend – what do I do?
First, consider the consequences of cheating
Consider the scenario if you were to move forward with advances toward your best friend’s girlfriend. If she reciprocates your move, then you’re cheating on your best friend, and not only will your friends take a drastic hit, but their relationship might be destroyed as well-two relationships and three people are affected because of an emotional and romantically charged decision. On the other hand, if she doesn’t reciprocate, then it is just as devastating; for if she confides with your best friend, then again many relationships are negatively affected; and even if she doesn’t tell him, you will feel awkward around them, she will feel like she’s keeping secrets from her boyfriend, and your best friend will make more likely sense something is wrong. It’s a lose/lose situation. Additionally, consider how you would feel if you had to ask yourself, "Am I in love with my best friend?"
There’s too much temptation and too much to lose to risk it.
Keep silent
If you feel you can refrain from acting on your impulses, then time will hopefully remove and lessen your desire for the girlfriend, especially if you shift your focus on someone else (this is described later in this article). However, it’s important to note that even if you aren’t physically acting on your feelings, you could still have emotional, romantic feelings for her and, in essence, be having an emotional affair which could subsequently lead to a physical act.
Keep your distance from the girlfriend
If you’re truly honest with yourself and you find that you can’t refrain from the temptation of making a move on his girlfriend, then distance is the remedy. It’s better to remove yourself from the get-togethers than risk losing so much and hurting close friends in the process. Whether you decide to tell your friend why you’re not joining them on their outings is an individual choice. If you’re already not around them too much, then it makes it easier, but if you are and suddenly you’ve ghosted them, then a one-on-one conversation with your best friend might be in order.
Seek out your own special someone
One way to keep your distance from your girlfriend is to hang out with someone else. Someone you like being around, who you think is special, even someone you’re attracted to. It doesn’t have to be a love interest or a romantically involved relationship; it can be a good friend who you have fun with and like being around. This will place your focus and emotions on someone new and away from your best friend’s girlfriend.
However, be careful not to replace the void of not being around your best friend’s girlfriend with a rebound relationship. That’s not only unhealthy but no fair to the new person you are now hanging around. Be honest with yourself whether you’re truly building up a healthy friendship or relationship with the new person or if it is an impulsive move.
Tell your best friend how you feel
Sometimes the best way to keep it safe and healthy when you have romantic feelings with your best friend’s girlfriend is to tell your best friend your feelings. The decision on whether to do this depends on a couple of important factors: how close of a relationship you have with your best friend and whether keeping your distance from the girlfriend is not an option. This decision cannot be taken lightly because it could backfire on you and your friends if your best friend becomes offended or negatively affected by your confession. Furthermore, he might still lose trust in you, thinking that there could be a chance in the future that you might act upon your feelings for his girlfriend. So it will more likely be somewhere in the back of his mind.
On the other hand, if your relationship with your best friend is solid, it might strengthen your bond because of your honesty and decision to be completely open and transparent. How close are you? How long have you been best friends? How close are your best friend and his girlfriend? Could your friendship be negatively affected by your admission? There are all things to consider before deciding whether to confess to your best friend about your feelings for his girlfriend.
Tell someone elseabout your feelings
If the prospect of telling your best friend is not in the cards, then the next best thing to do is tell someone else. Tell another friend about your feelings (as long as you’re confident they won’t reveal it to your best friend). Tell a family or a pastor, priest, rabbi, or other spiritual people. Telling someone else who is not involved with this triangle can be very helpful in both giving you objective insight and advice. You’ll often find the people you’re reaching out to have experienced similar situations and can give you priceless counsel from their own experiences. Reaching out for help rather than keeping your emotions inside is always the best route.
Be honest with yourself
Sometimes, the answer to how to act or respond when you’re in a situation such as this is to soul search and be completely honest with yourself about why you have the emotions and desires. This is especially relevant if you see it recur over time or with several different relationships. If this is the case, there may be underlying issues that are causing your feeling and desires.
Seek professional help
If there’s a chance that underlying issues are triggering the feelings you’re experiencing, then simply refraining from acting out on those feelings or keeping a distance from your best friend and his girlfriend might only put a band-aid on the issue. It could very well resurface in the future with other relationships, including your marriage. Seeking out a mental health professional can be very beneficial in identifying the triggers and any deep-rooted issues and help you heal and position yourself for healthy and positive relationships in your future.
Whether you have questions about your feelings toward someone already in a relationship, friendships, relationships, or anything else, Regain is always available to those in need of help. Know that you are not alone and that we at Regain are here to help you work through it. With Regain, you can speak with a therapist 24/7, seven days a week. With chat, text, phone, and video chat options, you can speak with a therapist in a way that is most convenient for you.
FAQs (Frequently asked questions)
What do I do if I like my friend's girlfriend?
· Stay at a friendly distance
Because we have no control of our feelings, there is nothing inherently wrong with taking a liking to your friend's girlfriend. However, when you find yourself liking your friend's girlfriend, it is good to stand by your friend. Don't lose a friend by forgetting that your happiness is as important as his too.
· Don’t forget that she is not the only girl around
Rather than wasting your time on someone you wouldn’t probably get, it makes sense to move on with your life. Go out and hang around with some friends. If you play your cards well, she may even have you introduced to some of her friends. When you begin to get in touch with other people, you may realize that your lack of meeting other people made you think she was the best thing that could ever happen to you.
· Be happy for your friend
Your friend just got in a relationship with a great; you want to be happy for him instead of becoming unnecessarily jealous. If you were in his shoes, you would want the same.
· You admire her, but she's your best’s girl
You heard that right. Best friends are meant for the most trying moments, worst days, and also best days. Real friends stand by themselves, and when the girl is finally gone, you have your friend to fall back to. You sure don’t want to lose a friend because of greed and selfishness.
· Don't get in the way of their relationship
Even things are not going so fine with them, you owe it to your friend to keep your distance. If your friend or his now-estranged girlfriend comes to you for advice, give them a listening ear and don't influence either of them in a direction that will only favor you. Most times, what they really want when they come to you is to get their heads cleared. After then, you'll discover that they're still bound to follow their decisions.
What is a platonic girlfriend?
Being a platonic girlfriend to a man means that you’ll always be relegated to the second position, in some cases, third. And if the main girlfriend to your platonic boyfriend does not like you, she can make things a little bit difficult for you.
How to handle being his platonic girlfriend
If you a platonic girlfriend to a guy, you certainly know that he has a more intimate girlfriend. So, you must be well equipped with some tips about handling him and his girlfriend to checkmate her jealousy and safeguard you from any sour emotions that may be directed at you. That said, how do you deal with being your male friend’s platonic girlfriend?
- Tell him to talk to her.
Tell him to tell his main girlfriend about your friendship with him. This makes sense because if she incidentally gets to know about you two when he's not mentioned anything about your friendship, it may cause problems for them both and may even result in a breakup.
If possible, monitor him to make sure he did tell her. As much as you don't want your male friend having an issue with his girlfriend, you also don't want to attract unnecessary drama to your life.
- Make friends with her.
This move would is one good way of making her feel relaxed and less suspicious about your friendship with her man. But, it is important always to want to keep your distance from their affairs. Also, strive not to be the mediator they look to when they have issues.
Can you be friends with your friend’s girlfriend?
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with it. First, though, you always need to keep it at the back of your mind that she’s your best friend’s girlfriend. If your friend does not have any problem with this, you are both cool together as friends. When you are a close friend to your best friend’s girlfriend, you’ll become a mutual friend of some sort to both of them.
This mutual position is great; you three can even have fun together.
But it is also important to note that this mutual position can sometimes be problematic. Of course, you'll always be the middle ball tossed here and there during their fights or arguments. But, most time, you'll become their mediator whenever they are at loggerheads with each other.
Sometimes, when you are in the middle of a deep sleep, courtesy of a hectic day, you may receive a call in the middle of the night, needing your mediation services to calm the waters. And because you are their mutual friend, they don’t mind hanging upon you, only for you to initiate a conference call in your attempt to convince them to reconcile. But, until you help solve the issue between them, you may not be going back to sleep anytime soon.
All in all, if you must be your friend’s girlfriend, know your limits and responsibilities. You owe that to yourself!
Is it OK for my girlfriend to have guy friends?
The answer can be a yes or no, depending on your unique situation. If you have a woman of good character who you can vet is trustworthy and loyal, then it’s not a problem. Being friends with the opposite gender, even when you are in a relationship, is quite common and normal for many people.
But, if your girlfriend has given you enough reason to question her loyalty and commitment, if she has cheated with any of her male friends in the past, then your relationship may be heading to the bricks.
Most times, if your girlfriend respects, adores, and loves you, she’ll most time like to spend her time with you instead of spending it with other guys.
Is it cheating to have a crush?
Crushing on someone that is not your partner even when you are still in a relationship with your partner is completely normal. When this happens, don’t see yourself as an imperfect girlfriend or shady boyfriend or that your relationship is on the verge of splitting. As humans, we do not have total control of how we feel about someone.
According to studies from credible experts, it is not uncommon for individuals in a romantic relationship to develop crushes with someone else, especially when the relationship has been ongoing for a while.
Because you are in a relationship does not mean that you’ve suddenly stopped noticing or meeting attractive people around you.
It is a normal occurrence, and it has absolutely nothing to do with the overall happiness and health of the relationship. Having a crush on someone means that you are alive and attractive, and most people get them even when they are in the most serious relationship.
When you start acting on how you feel about these crushes, it becomes necessary to take drastic actions to save your relationship.
Do guys tell their friends about their crush?
Like most girls, most guys want to chip in a girl they find attractive in discussing with their friends. However, the motivation for such actions is different for different men. Sometimes, when a man discusses his crush with his friends, he may be seeking tips on how best to approach her. At other times, he may only be making passive and innocent observations.
Still, some men bring their crushes into discussions with their friends because they want their friends to help them talk their crushes on their behalf. Sometimes, they feel their friends could do a better job convincing their crush to date them. At other times, they may lack the confidence to approach their crushes for obvious reasons.
Is your girlfriend your best friend?
Your girlfriend may or may not be your best friend. But, if she doubles as your best friend and your girlfriend, then you are probably among the lucky few out there. She’ll understand so many things about you, how you feel towards someone or something, your love language, your needs, and even your ambitions.
Most time, when you are in a relationship with a girl that loves and adores you, you almost always will become her best friend. However, if you are in a relationship with her and do not adore her, you may never be her best friend. This is a sign that you may not be in the right relationship.
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How do you know if your girlfriends best friend likes you?
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