Eight Emotional Manipulation Signs To Watch Out For When You’re In A Relationship

Romantic relationships are often complex, causing intense emotions and attachments. In some cases, people may behave manipulatively in relationships due to intense emotions and a lack of understanding of what healthy behaviors look like in a relationship. Being able to pick up on manipulation may help you know when to set boundaries, talk to your partner, seek couples counseling, or decide to let go. In some cases, manipulation is a form of abuse. If you’re experiencing abuse, getting help can be crucial. Below, learn ways to identify these tactics and find support.  

What is emotional manipulation? 

Emotional manipulation is a behavioral tactic aimed at getting someone to believe something or do what a person wants without directly asking them. Some people may knowingly use manipulation, whereas it may be more subconscious for others. Often, these techniques are used as a form of control over another person. Emotional manipulation uses someone’s emotions and thoughts to attempt to control them. This behavior can be challenging to identify, especially if not taught about healthy relationship patterns. 

Is emotional manipulation a form of abuse? 

Emotional manipulation can be part of abuse in some cases. This behavior may also escalate to abuse. Infrequent or occasional manipulation is toxic but not necessarily abusive. The United Nations (UN) defines abuse as “a pattern of behavior in any relationship used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.” Abuse can be emotional, physical, sexual, financial, economic, or spiritual and often involves threats, manipulation, and targeted behavior that frightens, hurts, humiliates, harms, or injures someone else. Abuse can occur to anyone of any race, ethnicity, age, gender, sexuality, class, or background. In addition, abuse can occur between people who aren’t in a romantic relationship, such as roommates or family. Often, emotional manipulation is a warning sign of emotional abuse.

Eight types of emotional manipulation to look out for in a relationship 

If you think you might be experiencing emotional manipulation or want to look out for patterns to be wary of, consider the following eight types of manipulation.

Gaslighting 

The National Domestic Violence Hotline defines gaslighting as behavior in which a person withholds information, blocks, trivializes, and denies someone’s experiences. For example, someone might be gaslighting you if they tell you that you didn’t take the trash out yesterday when you know you did. They might use gaslighting on minor events like these or in bigger conversations, such as conversations about past arguments. They might say, “I don’t remember doing that,” to minimize their behavior. This type of emotional manipulation is a significant sign of emotional abuse, especially when paired with other controlling behaviors.

Love-bombing

Love-bombing is a red flag for abuse and involves showering an individual with attention, love, and kindness, often before using other forms of manipulation to control them. Love-bombing is not just an expression of grand love. Instead, it is loving behavior meant to manipulate someone else’s actions. For example, someone who has mistreated their partner might love-bomb by overly apologizing, buying lots of gifts, and attempting to make them not upset. They might use phrases like, “I got you flowers, so why won’t you forgive me?” Love-bombing can also happen at the beginning of a relationship.

Guilt-tripping

Guilt-tripping is behavior meant to elicit guilt in another person, even if they haven’t done anything wrong. For example, someone might say, “You never give me support, even though I constantly support you.” Guilt-tripping is also an attempt to minimize someone’s experiences or to change the conversation back to the person who is being manipulative.

The silent treatment

The silent treatment is a technique used to ignore another person’s emotional expression or to “punish” someone. In this technique, a person completely ignores the other person over text and potentially in person, as well. Someone might also go silent during a conversation to avoid having to respond. This technique may be associated with an avoidant attachment style.

Triangulation

Triangulation is a technique in which a person involves a third party in a conflict between them and their partner. They might also tell the other person lies to get them on their side and manipulate their partner into thinking they’re wrong. Triangulation can also take the form of cyberbullying or mass group cancellations.

Controlling

Controlling behavior regarding emotions may be emotional manipulation. For example, a partner telling you what you can and can’t wear or who you can talk to is a form of control. This type of control is abusive.

A lack of respect

A lack of respect can be used to emotionally manipulate someone by withholding affection or kindness. This technique can also be a sign of emotional abuse in relationships. If your partner is not respecting you, talk to someone you trust.

Lying

Lying can be a form of gaslighting but can also be used as a manipulation tactic. Someone may lie to avoid taking responsibility for their actions or hide behaviors they don’t want their partner to know about. Lying can lead to a lack of trust and a broken connection.

How to proceed

If someone you love uses manipulation tactics against you, you’re not alone. You might be at risk for emotional abuse, so talking to someone can be crucial. Below are a few steps you can take to address the manipulation.

Talk to someone you trust

Tell someone in your life what’s happening in your relationship. They might not be aware of the extent of the manipulation. Be sure this person is someone you can trust who doesn’t have much contact with your partner. If they are close to your partner, they might tell them what you said, which can be dangerous. If you don’t have anyone you trust because of social isolation or another reason, you might try going to a free support group for abuse in your area to learn more about signs of abuse and to talk about what you’re experiencing. You can also call the Domestic Violence Hotline.

End the relationship

If a person frequently uses manipulation tactics with you, your relationship may not be healthy. Ending a relationship because of manipulation is normal and okay, and you’re not alone. However, manipulation and potential abuse can make leaving more difficult. In these cases, calling a hotline or talking to someone you trust may be helpful. You can also speak to a therapist about what you’re going through and practice the phrases you want to use when breaking up with your partner. You might also try couples therapy if you’re not ready to end the relationship or want to work it out with them.

Talk to a professional

A professional, whether an individual or couples therapist, can help clients understand relationship conflicts. In couples therapy, couples can discuss healthier communication techniques, learn how to address disagreements, and avoid controlling behavior. In individual therapy, clients can learn to set boundaries, end relationships, and cope with challenging emotions. People who use manipulation tactics in their relationships may also benefit from therapy to learn healthier ways to get their needs met.

If you face barriers to in-person therapy, you might try online counseling through a platform like BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples. Online treatment for couples has been proven effective, with clients reporting greater satisfaction over video therapy than face-to-face options. In addition, online therapy can be more cost-effective, and you can choose between phone, video, or live chat sessions, giving you more control over how you receive support.

Takeaway

Emotional manipulation is a toxic strategy used in relationships to get someone to act in a certain way. Manipulation can be a warning sign of emotional abuse, so understanding the signs of this behavior may be helpful for individuals in any type of relationship. If you’d like to explore healthy relationship patterns in more depth, consider contacting a therapist online or in your area.