Advice For Boyfriends On Cultivating A Healthy Relationship

The definition of a “healthy relationship” may change from person to person. For some, it means you rarely argue. For others, you enjoy the same hobbies and interests. Regardless of what a healthy relationship means for you, it’s essential to actively participate in its growth so it will become stronger as time passes. 

Whether you’re a boyfriend in a brand-new relationship or you’ve been together for a long time, making an effort to nurture your partnership will benefit you both. Here are some steps you can take as a boyfriend to have a healthy relationship and encourage its success:

Be supportive 

Ambition is often linked to psychological health, and encouraging your partner as they pursue their goals and dreams is a tangible way to support their well-being. Your partner’s objectives and goals are likely important to them, and as a supportive boyfriend, they should be important to you too. 

If you ignore your partner’s wants or discourage them completely, it can create feelings of resentment and drive a wedge between you. If you put yourself in your partner’s shoes, it may be easier to understand the importance of having someone who will support what you love to do. If you are with someone who shows no interest or is unsupportive, you may be unhappier in the relationship and perhaps even end it altogether. 

Part of being supportive is also giving your partner space to work on those things they love to do. Individual growth is essential for the development of a relationship, too. 

Practice patience during times of conflict

Learning to be patient when things get difficult between you can be very helpful for opening lines of communication and ultimately resolving conflict. Remaining calm and taking turns to provide each other’s perspective will probably prove more effective than getting angry and yelling at each other. 

If there is an argument and the exchange becomes heated, you may try temporarily excusing yourself from the situation to cool down. Communicate to your partner that you’d like to have a calm conversation to resolve the conflict, but you feel you should both take a “time out” so you can gather your thoughts. If that doesn’t seem to work, writing down your thoughts and feelings in a journal or a letter can be beneficial. Not only will this help you understand them better, but it can encourage a more rational exchange than talking about a potentially explosive issue right after the conversation. You can keep your writing to yourself and re-read it when it’s time to revisit the issue with your partner, or you may want to give them the letter directly so they can read your point of view. 

Keep the lines of communication open

How people resolve conflict usually depends on many factors. One of the most impactful is the attachment style we learn from our parents during childhood. Some people were raised in households that modeled open, bi-directional conversations about conflict. Some have the opposite experience, with caregivers who displayed conflict-avoidant behaviors and little conversational interaction. No matter what attachment style we grew up with, we can’t go back in time and change the past. The responsibility of maintaining healthy communication with our partners lies in the present with us as adults. 

Relationships with strong, healthy bonds typically include partners who gain each other’s perspective on conflict through communication. They actively try to resolve those conflicts, move past them, and learn from them in the future. 

Avoid raising your voice when arguing

Shouting is seldom an effective way of managing conflict, but it can be challenging for some to control in the heat of an argument. Raising your voice while arguing shows aggression and may cause your partner to feel unheard and dismissed. You may wind up saying hurtful things that you don’t mean in the heat of an argument, place blame on your partner for the conflict, or make inaccurate assumptions about their actions and intentions. If aggression is your default way of handling conflict, it’s essential to manage it and learn healthier ways of communicating with your partner during difficult times. 

There are ways to change your communication style if it’s hurtful to your partner—including speaking with a couple’s counselor who can help you learn how to work through conflict constructively and approach your partner with empathy and respect. 

Show your partner you love and appreciate them

Many people have a “love language” that resonates with them, and learning your partner’s love language may be the best way to show your affection. Some people respond best to words and conversation, while others feel most loved and appreciated when their partner is physically affectionate. Giving gifts, doing thoughtful things, and spending quality time with your partner may be the most impactful way to express your love for them. 

Communicating and paying attention is the best way to discover your partner’s love language. Beyond that, you may try different things to see how they respond and better understand what makes them feel loved. You may try scheduling weekly dates to focus on each other or leave small notes of love and encouragement wherever your partner can find them. You can give abundant hugs, cuddle, and hold hands frequently. Many people find that small gestures of each can go a long way towards showing your partner you love and appreciate them regardless of what their love languages are.

Online therapy can offer you more support

As a boyfriend, you may feel it’s your “job” to make your partner happy. While this may be true in some ways, it’s important to remember that success typically takes two, and communication between partners is vital to cultivating a long-term, healthy relationship. With a few best practices and a little effort, it’s possible to have a strong partnership where you complement each other, enriching both of your lives. 

The most impactful way to learn excellent communication skills is to seek guidance from a professional relationship counselor. If you’d like to explore therapy but have scheduling challenges or accessibility issues that may keep you from attending appointments, platforms like Regain make online treatment accessible and convenient. Regain can match you with a licensed, accredited online therapist with the background and skills necessary to help you strengthen communication and identify, process, and resolve challenges within your relationship. They can also help you identify what being a good boyfriend means to you. You can talk to a Regain therapist from anywhere with a reliable internet connection via phone, text, video chat, and online messaging. Appointments can be booked whenever it’s convenient and fits your schedule.

A growing body of research shows that online therapy is as effective as traditional treatment in helping couples nurture strong relationships. For example, a recent study published in the National Library of Medicine measured the experiences of 74 relationship therapists regarding their perception of the effectiveness of online therapy. The participants noted an overall positive experience, high success rates, and treatment adherence. The results “pave the way for a new kind of couple therapy that aims to reach couples across spatial limitations in order to continue the transformational work of engendering relational change, healing, and growth among couples.”

If you’re ready to cultivate a strong, healthy relationship through active, empathetic communication, a Regain couples counselor can help.