Does Your Partner Have A Diagnosis Of Borderline Personality Disorder?

Borderline personality disorder can contribute to various relationship problems, even if it is diagnosed and treated. The effects of this personality disorder can be quite overwhelming for those who have a partner with borderline personality disorder (BPD), and sometimes it can make you feel as if your back is against a wall and that you've run out of options. Despite the challenges that you can face when with someone who has a borderline personality disorder, this article will discuss how you can notice the signs and symptoms of BPD, how you can go about certain situations, as well as help him or her get help.

What is borderline personality disorder?

Borderline personality disorder is one distinct mental health condition that belongs to a group of nine others, appropriately known as personality disorders. There is a good chance that you've heard of some of them, such as avoidant, antisocial, narcissistic personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder, and schizoid, to name a few.

Personality disorders, like histrionic personality disorder and borderline personality disorder (BPD) can last a lifetime if left untreated, and according to medically reviewed research by the American Psychiatric Association, they affect at least two out of four of these areas:

• Way of thinking about oneself and others
• Way of responding emotionally
• Way of relating to other people
• Way of controlling one's behavior

While these are generalized guidelines for all personality disorders, borderline personality disorder (BPD) can be a bit more specific than other personality disorders, and according to the DSM-5, by the American Psychiatric Association, diagnosing this particular condition involves meeting five out of nine of the following criteria and symptoms of borderline personality disorder, which can be divided into domains:

 Domain A: 

1. Affective (emotional) instability including intense, episodic emotional anguish, irritability, and anxiety/panic attacks
2. Anger that is inappropriate, intense and difficult to control, and
3. Chronic feelings of emptiness

Domain B: Impulsive behaviors that are harmful to you or others

1. Self-damaging acts such as excessive spending, unsafe and inappropriate sexual conduct, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating.
2. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats.

This category also includes engaging in other behaviors that are harmful and destructive to yourself, others, or property.

Note: If you or a loved one is experiencing suicidal thoughts or behaviors, reach out to the suicide hotline immediately by dialing 988. Help is available in many languages and at all hours of the day and night.

Domain C: Inaccurate perceptions of yourself and others, and high levels of suspiciousness

1. A markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of yourself (your perceptions of yourself, your identity), and
2. Suspiciousness of others' thoughts about you, and even paranoid ideation, or transient and stress-related dissociative episodes during which you feel that you or your surroundings appear unreal.

Domain D: Tumultuous and very unstable relationships

1. A person with BPD may engage in frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment, and
2. Their relationships may be very intense, unstable, and alternate between the extremes of over idealizing and undervaluing people who are important to them.

In this domain, a person with these traits might also be clingy, believe that others think negatively about them, and have trouble being rational in stressful situations.

While Domain D, specifically brings up relationships, all four of them can have a significant impact on relationships, and if you're with someone who has BPD, you may have experienced some of these symptoms already.

Borderline personality disorder, on the surface, can often be confused with bipolar disorder I and II. Despite both being able to be abbreviated with BPD and having mood changes and emotional instability, the patterns are entirely different. For instance, borderline personality disorder involves this instability in response to an interpersonal event, whereas mood changes in bipolar disorder are more sustained and patterned and can sometimes happen for no apparent reason. 

The term borderline originates from being on the border of psychosis and neurosis, hence why some symptoms of borderline personality disorder can sometimes overlap with bipolar disorder. It is estimated the 2% of all adults in the United States are diagnosed with BPD. Women are also more likely to have it than men.

How borderline personality disorder can affect relationships

With assistance, most people with borderline personality disorder can stabilize.

 Idealization and over-eagerness

It's one thing to be committed and passionate to your partner, but those with borderline personality disorder in relationships may be pathologically eager and may want to spend every single moment with the person that he or she is currently with. People with BPD may be affectionate and thoughtful, but, unfortunately, their actions may eventually become destructive. It can cause the person who they are with to feel suffocated, villainized, or overwhelmed.

 Fear of abandonment

People with borderline personality disorder can have a fear of abandonment and be sensitive to any sign of abandonment or rejection, whether they are real or imaginary. They may sometimes focus on their partner to the point of obsession. Emotions in response to this can be very unstable; some patients can become extremely depressed, whereas others can become angry and combative, maybe accusing their partner of not caring about them. A lot of these problems can be attributed to the fact that they might depend on others for emotional support and stability.

 Becoming withdrawn

If someone with borderline personality disorder notices that his or her partner is not happy about something, even if it's something very minor, they can withdraw from the situation, instead of addressing the issue productively.

 Emotional impulsivity

On the other side of the coin, instead of becoming withdrawn in response to a situation that's perceived as negative, those with this disorder can be impulsive, and this can potentially lead to embarrassing public outbursts of rage. In some cases, it can put people in danger, not just those in the relationship, but those around them as well. 

How can borderline personality disorder be treated?

Borderline personality disorder can be treated, and people with BPD can still live productive lives.

This is done through the management of the symptoms, which can involve medication and therapy.

Although there is no medication explicitly made for borderline personality disorder and BPD symptoms, antidepressants, antianxiety, and antipsychotic prescriptions can help keep emotions more stable. However, before trying any prescription medicine, always speak to a professional first for personalized medical advice.

Therapy methods, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy and dialectical therapy, can also be extremely useful for the long-term treatment of mental health conditions like BPD by giving people the skills they need to respond to situations with better judgment. 

Benefits of online therapy

Online couples therapy can make a huge difference for mental health, relationships, and more – regardless of the challenges you face as a couple. One study, for example, found that 95% of couples who engage in online therapy find it helpful. Another survey found that many couples feel they can tell more over online mediums as opposed to in-person.

Takeaway

Having a romantic relationship with someone with borderline personality disorder can be challenging, but it's possible to have a healthy one. For things to work, both of you will need to be proactive about it. The scientific literature is clear: online couples counseling can do great things for your relationship or marriage.

On your part, you will need to be open and understanding about what your partner is experiencing. As with most mental disorders, things will likely be stressful when episodes happen, but knowing that it's the disorder and not your partner can make them less burdensome. Patience and emotional support from you will go a long way to keep things under control.

Couples therapy can be beneficial for both of you, as well. Not only can it give your significant other the ability to respond more appropriately to situations, but it can also teach you how to react and be more supportive as well. At ReGain, licensed and professional therapists are available online who can help you and your partner make coping with BPD and relationships less difficult.