Bad Experiences, Good Emotions: How To Process Hurt Healthily

Maybe you just had a big argument with your spouse, and they said some hurtful things to you. Or maybe your partner was unfaithful, a friend betrayed your trust, or you have experienced a devastating loss. In the midst of this intense pain, you may ask yourself, “How am I ever going to get through this? How am I going to heal?”

There are ways for you to process the hurt you are facing right now. Whether the experience had to do with your spouse, a work conflict, the loss of a friend, or some other challenge, there are things you can do to help you get through this pain. Read on for a few tips.

Tips for processing hurt in a healthy way

As you try to process a difficult experience and/or strong emotional pain, consider some of the suggestions below to help you process it healthily and maintain your mental health:

Give yourself enough time to heal and be patient

Emotional healing typically does not happen overnight. But unlike a physical wound that is pretty hard to ignore, emotional wounds can and often do get disregarded because they can be so hard to face but easy to hide. For instance, how many times have you witnessed someone who just lost a loved one go right back to work as if nothing had happened? It can be common for people not to face uncomfortable feelings and to go on with their lives. But in doing so, they can miss an opportunity for true healing because they have not necessarily processed the event. This is because avoidance does not equal healing, and typically, emotional healing takes time. 

So, try to be patient with yourself. You may need some emotional distance and literal space between you and whatever caused your emotional hurt. Give yourself that gift of being able to process what just happened fully. You could hit the road for a scenic drive, go visit a new city, or explore a new area. Sometimes, giving yourself time and space for a difficult experience can help you to understand it fully.

Allow yourself to feel your emotions

Physically getting away to give yourself time to heal does not mean emotionally checking out. As you give yourself time to heal, you can also allow yourself to feel exactly what is in your heart and mind. Bringing your feelings to the surface can allow you to acknowledge that what you feel is valid, and it can also make room for positive feelings. In contrast, ignoring your emotions and the hurt you are feeling can even be damaging to your health. So, try to let those tears run down your face and allow whatever emotions arise to exist. Doing so can be beneficial. 

Feelings are not always just about sadness and tears. Sometimes, you may also feel angry, frustrated, disappointed, confused, conflicted, and everything in between. Even these “negative” emotions have a place in our lives, and ignoring them can cause more problems. Try to give yourself the grace to feel whatever comes and allow those emotions to exist. 

Journal and write out how you are feeling

Journaling, the act of writing down your thoughts and feelings, can be another helpful way to process hurt. Writing down what you’re feeling can help you make sense of the experience, feel your emotions, and even gain a new perspective on the situation. 

Journaling may also help you to clarify exactly what your thoughts and feelings are, find new solutions, and identify new goals and ways forward. Using pen and paper to express your thoughts and feelings may also help you to release those swirling thoughts from your mind and let them go, rather than stewing on the experience over and over again. 

Talk to those you are close to about the bad experience

Beyond processing your emotions on your own, confiding in your friends and loved ones may also be helpful. Opening up to someone you are close to and trust can help ease the emotional pain, offer support, and even give you a new perspective on the experience. It can also help you to feel less alone as you navigate this difficult time.

Maybe a good friend might provide some insight into why your child acted the way they did, or why your boss treated you how they did in front of your whole team. You can gain insight that you had not considered before. Maybe your sister could reassure you that you are justified in your viewpoint. Sometimes, just getting affirmation from others about what you are already feeling is the catalyst needed to affect real healing.

Seek help from a licensed counselor

Dealing with painful emotions and processing the hurt from a negative experience is often much easier said than done. If you would like support with this process, a therapist can help. You can find a licensed therapist near you in person or connect with one virtually through online therapy. For some people recovering from very painful experiences, the thought of leaving the house may feel overwhelming. With online therapy, you can meet with a therapist wherever you have internet—so you don’t have to leave your home if you don’t want to. 

Plus, medically reviewed research has found online therapy to be effective for a variety of concerns, including depression, social anxiety, generalized anxiety disorder, phobias, and more. 

Takeaway

There are ways to cope with the difficult emotions you may be feeling after a painful experience and move forward. To start, you can consider trying to give yourself time to heal, allowing yourself to feel your emotions, journaling about your experience, and confiding in trusted loved ones. For additional support, you can meet with a licensed therapist online for help.