Can People Change? The Inner Dialogue Of Lasting Change
You might’ve grown up hearing phrases like, “a leopard can’t change its spots” or “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks,” both of which suggest that people don’t change. However, through research, we are learning that those old idioms are untrue. Despite the historical belief that people can’t change, there’s scientific evidence to suggest the opposite: people can and do change. You can change your behaviors, thoughts, work ethic, and even personality traits. Like most goals in life, though, you must want change, and you must put in the work to make it happen.
The importance of positive self-talk
To establish a dialogue for inner change, positive self-talk is crucial. Positive self-talk is a skill that allows you to be optimistic toward yourself and speak to yourself in an uplifting way. If you want to develop positive self-talk, consider how you would talk to one of your most cherished friends or family. For example, imagine that your best friend was putting themselves down or had a problem in their lives. Think about how you would console them. Consider your response if they were to say something cold about themselves such as, “I will never succeed at work” or “I will never be able to manage money”. You might give them a pep talk and tell them that you believe in them and their success. You can do the same for yourself.
Positive self-talk might not mean being entirely positive all the time. You can be realistic with yourself and acknowledge when you make a mistake. Still, it could be beneficial to talk yourself through it in a productive way rather than a self-deprecating one. Be honest and loving towards yourself to cultivate change. Even if it doesn’t feel natural at first, it might become more intrinsic over time. Positive self-talk can lead to a healthier mindset, and ultimately, positive change.
Neuroplasticity
As human beings, we can thank neuroplasticity for the ability to change. The dictionary definition of neuroplasticity is “the capacity of the nervous system to develop new neural connections”. That means that we can form new connections in our brains that allow us to think and react differently. You may have heard the phrase “train your brain,” and neuroplasticity explains how that is possible. Our neural connections may not change overnight, but if we think positive thoughts regularly and actively work to modify our behavior or responses, it can become more natural as time progresses.
For example, if you visit a new area, you’re not going to know how to navigate it at first. You may struggle, look at a map, ask for directions, and possibly get confused or lost. However, if you move to that new area and develop a routine there, you may find that soon, you can get to places with ease. Likely, you’ll feel like you’re on autopilot. That’s because, without even knowing it, you have developed new neural pathways that make getting around easy. The same is true for other kinds of changes or adjustments.
Change might be hard at first. Like making your way around in the new area, you might get lost, you might miss old habits, or you might struggle and have to ask for help. You could have growing pains, and that’s okay. Consider being mindful of your behaviors and try to make the decisions that will provide the most benefit for you and the people around you.
What makes a person want to change?
There may be two critical elements to change: a desire to change and the belief that you can change. Often, people decide to make a change when they hit rock bottom or get to a place where they’re truly sick and tired of how they’re living their life. Belief in oneself might ebb and flow, especially when you’re working to make a significant change in your life. Still, visualizing change and seeing it as a viable option can be helpful. This is where positive self-talk and other tools like cognitive restructuring and mindfulness may come in. You may not need to hit rock bottom to change. Consider that you can change at anytime.
Can a person’s personality change?
Personality may seem ingrained, but research shows that personality change is possible. A study conducted in the 1960s with a follow-up that occurred 50 years later showed that personality can change. Researchers looked at the big five personality traits: introversion vs. extroversion, openness to experience, agreeableness, conscientiousness, and neuroticism vs. emotional stability. They found that personality change can occur in all of these areas. You can change your personality by actively working on personality traits you’d like to modify, or you might experience a personality change naturally.
Can you make other people change?
While people can change, it may be important to realize that you can’t change someone else. People have to want to change, and they have to make the conscious effort to change. This can be a frustrating realization. Still, you can control your response to others’ behavior. If you have a friend that is rude to you consistently and your typical response is to take it in silence, for example, you can speak up and let them know that you don’t like being treated that way. When you confront them, consider using “I” statements and explaining the specific behavior that hurts your feelings. For example, you can say, “I know that you mean it as a joke, but it hurts my feelings when you call me names/say mean things about my partner, etc. Can you please stop?” If they aren’t willing to respect your boundary, it may be time to re-evaluate the friendship. Creating our own dialogue for inner change sometimes means being careful about who we surround ourselves with. Social connections are an important part of our lives, and they can influence how we feel about ourselves. It may be important to be around people who treat you kindly and respect your boundaries. People can change but remember that you can’t move anyone’s feet for them.
What holds people back from change?
Change indeed comes from inside of ourselves. That said, change may not always be easy. Sometimes, there may be certain obstacles that hold people back from change. It could go beyond an issue with their inner dialogue. If there is an underlying trauma causing someone to rely on specific behaviors, defense tactics, or coping mechanisms, it could be important to address the trauma. In some cases, working through trauma might be the only way to instigate lasting change. If you’re wondering why someone in your life hasn’t been able to change, the answer could be that there’s underlying trauma to address. If you have PTSD or have experienced a traumatic event, know that help is available and that you can get to a healthier, happier place.
If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.
Online counseling
Establishing a new inner dialogue might take some time, but it can be rewarding. Counseling is one place to gain support during this process. If you’re working hard to change an old habit or behavior, but aren’t seeing the results you want, a mental health professional can help. With the support of a counselor or therapist, you can work through roadblocks and develop new skills to further your progress.
Admitting that you need to change can be humbling, and it can be hard to talk about these feelings with a therapist in person. Online counseling can make you feel more comfortable as you confront problematic behaviors or other issues you might be ashamed of. With online counseling, you can also save time by skipping the commute to a therapist’s office. Instead, you can attend sessions from the comfort of your home.
Online therapy has been researched extensively, and it has been determined legitimate. In a meta-analysis of the existing studies on the topic, researchers found that internet-based counseling is just as effective as in-person therapy for diverse populations and a wide range of mental health conditions.
Takeaway
Establishing a healthier inner dialogue might not happen overnight, so be patient and kind with yourself while you work to make positive changes. If you stumble along the way, don't be afraid to reach out for the help of a counselor or therapist. Forms of therapy such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) are often beneficial for those who want to change their lives by changing their internal dialogue, working on goal setting, or establishing more positive thinking. The licensed mental health providers at Regain are here to help you realize your vision for the future. Search our extensive network of online counselors and find a compatible therapist today.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
How do you change the inner dialogue?
First, think of how you'd like to change your inner dialogue. What about it isn't serving you? Is it negative thinking that's holding you back? What about self-doubt? Maybe, you would like to work on positive thinking, or perhaps, you would like to work on goal setting. Many people say that you can change your life by changing your internal dialogue, and it really is true. Positive thinking is good for your mental and physical health, so if you are changing your internal dialogue to achieve more positive thinking, it will impact you. Another common saying is, "your thoughts determine your behavior" or "your thoughts determine your actions." This is another part of how you can change your life by changing your internal dialogue. Once you know how you want to change your inner dialogue, work on it without beating yourself up. For example, if you're working on positive thinking, don't beat yourself up if a negative thought slips in. Instead, work on challenging the negative thought.
Say that you have a negative thought such as, "I'm ugly." If you're working on positive thinking, you might reframe that thought by saying to yourself, "actually, I'm not ugly; I am different. Here are my good traits." Then, I think about your good traits. Beating yourself up would actually be counterintuitive both to the process of changing your internal dialogue and to positive thinking. Similarly, if you're working on changing your life by changing your inner dialogue to get better at goal setting, your thoughts determine your behavior in the sense that you're less likely to give up. Where you may have let thoughts determine your actions before in the sense that fear of not believing in yourself held you back from trying something at all or from trying new things after experiencing failure, your thoughts determine success and new learning opportunities when you work through the fear of failure or negative thinking.
Things like establishing more positive thinking and getting better at goal setting don't happen overnight, so be patient and kind with yourself while you work to change your inner dialogue. If you stumble along the way, don't be afraid to reach out for the help of a counselor therapist. Forms of therapy such as cognitive-behavioral therapy or CBT are often beneficial for those who want to change their lives by changing their internal dialogue, working on goal setting, or establishing more positive thinking.
Is it normal to have an internal dialogue?
Yes. In fact, we all have an internal dialogue. When you change your life by changing your inner dialogue or the voice inside your head, it's not so much that you're working to develop an internal dialogue because you already have one. What you're working on is changing it to be more beneficial to you and your life. When people say that thoughts determine your actions or that thoughts determine your behavior, you may be confused, but it's very true if you think about it. There is something called the "cognitive triangle" that can help you understand and remember how thoughts determine or influence both actions and feelings. There are your thoughts at the top of the triangle, then there are feelings on the lower right-hand side, and finally, on the lower left-hand side, there's behavior. These things move in a cycle and very much influence how you navigate life and your outlook on it. Your inner dialogue influences your confidence, goal setting, interpersonal relationships, and so much more. This is how you change your life by changing your internal dialogue or the voice inside your head. You'll be with yourself for the rest of your life, so the way you think matters.
How can I change my inner conversation?
To change your inner conversations or the voice inside your head, work on self-talk and thought to reframe. Thought to reframe or reframing your thoughts is exactly what it sounds like; when you have a negative thought, counter it with a more adaptive and positive one. You'll also want to work on your self-talk consciously and as a whole. Your thoughts determine how you feel about yourself, which influences how you act, so when you work on self-talk - which can help you self-soothe, feel more confident, better your reasoning skills, and more - you're working on making that voice inside your head a friend rather than an enemy or an unhelpful sidekick. An example of self-talk would be consciously thinking to yourself, "how can I do that differently?" or "I, fundamentally, am good enough." A counselor or therapist can help you change your inner conversation if it's something you're struggling with. They'll ask about your goals and struggles and help you move forward.
How do you get rid of inner dialogue?
You don't want to get rid of your inner dialogue because it is what guides you. Instead of trying to rid yourself of your internal dialogue, work to change your internal dialogue to make it more adaptive and beneficial to you and your life. You may work to change your inner dialogue through using self-talk, challenging negative thoughts, and possibly, seeking the support of mental health professional. Reframing negative thoughts is important to work for those who want to work on positive thinking and changing a cruel or maladaptive voice in their head.
How do you know if you have inner dialogue?
Everyone has an inner dialogue, though some people are more connected to theirs than others. Your inner dialogue is simply the voice in your head. It is not a hallucination but rather the voice that's there when you think to yourself in any capacity. For example, when you are faced with the choice to walk through a dark alley or a light street, your inner dialogue might go, "it's safer to walk down the light street to get home." It's also the voice that speaks to you about yourself, whether that is negatively or positively. For example, your inner dialogue might say, "I am strong, or it might say, "I am weak" or "I am bad." If yours sounds more like the latter, it is very achievable to develop a more positive internal dialogue that sounds like the former. It takes work to change the voice in your head, but it is possible, and although it's a process that takes time, it's worth it.
How do I know if I have an internal dialogue?
While some people describe an internal dialogue as "the voice inside your head" or "the voice in your head," an internal dialogue is simply another name for your thoughts. Think about times where you've made a decision, whether it's between what shirt to put on or something much larger, like the choice between two potential new homes. Think about the insights that you have while watching TV or listening to someone else speak. You might also think about how you talk to yourself or think about yourself as an example. Whether it's positive or negative, it is your internal dialogue because it is what you're thinking. It's the voice that applies judgment, the voice that applies reason, the voice that applies your opinions, and everything else. Every thought that you have is, technically, your internal dialogue. If your internal dialogue isn't serving you, the good news is that you can change your inner dialogue.
What is inner change?
How do I change my inner self?
What are the 3 types of change?
Why inner change is important?
- Previous Article
- Next Article