Comforting Words For When Someone Passes: Condolences During A Difficult Time

Updated October 16, 2024by Regain Editorial Team

When someone you know has lost a loved one, it can be hard to find the right words to say. You might not want to give them lukewarm platitudes or half-meaning promises. You want to do the right thing, to comfort them in a time of great sadness. Remember that it typically starts by just being there for them. Your presence can be a comfort when someone is lost. If you need help thinking up things to say, take a look at some of these suggestions. Remember that there’s really no “right” thing to say, and everyone reacts differently to receiving comfort. Follow the lead of the person who has lost someone and let them tell you what they need.

Are you looking for the right words?

“I love you.”

As simple as it sounds, saying “I love you” when a loved one dies can be helpful. It can be a reminder that they haven’t lost everybody, and they know they can turn to you if they need help or support. “I love you” can hold a lot of power and might help them feel just a little bit better. 

“Can I check on you this week?”

A lot of times, when a loved one dies, people are often told to let others know if they need anything. But amid grief, they might feel like a burden if they ask for help. By asking if you can do something concrete for them, like checking in, you are giving this person an option. Instead of forcing them to reach out, you are already there ready to help. And by forming it as a question, you give your friend or family an out. If they don’t want to be checked on, they can tell you no, and you can be respectful of that. If you’re thinking of stopping by, you can say something akin to, “I’m thinking of coming by on Saturday or Sunday. I’ll be in the area and wanted to know if I could check on you this week. Is that okay?” Don’t push them if they aren’t up for it. Instead, ask if there’s a time that works better for them. It’s important to socialize with others, but there can be a place for alone time, too.

“Take care of yourself.”

When said in the right context and with a lot of empathy, letting your friend or family know that you want them to keep taking care of themselves can do a lot of good. It shows that you care about them, and it is a reminder that they are still living. Even in all of the sadness, they can still get up every morning and live the day well. Hopefully, it will bring comfort and let them know that you are thinking of their well-being and want what is best for them.

“I’m bringing dinner this week - is [day] okay?”

Letting your friend or family know that you will be dropping by can bring relief and comfort. If you know this person well and know that they need the company, offering to bring dinner at a specific date and time can give them something to look forward to. By letting them know ahead of time, your friend or family can be prepared for your visit or let you know if it doesn’t work with their schedule. Offering a meal to someone who is grieving might seem pretty simple, but it can be a tangible way to help out and provide love and support. When you can offer up a simple meal to them, you’re giving someone a gift of comfort and ease during a difficult time. It can hard to put into words how much loss can affect a person’s life, and giving them a hand, whether it’s through offering meals or assistance with housework and other tasks, can be an excellent way to help out and show that you care.

“I will keep you in my thoughts/prayers.”

Your friend or family may find comfort in knowing that you are thinking of them. And if they are religious, knowing that you are praying for them can be an even bigger comfort. It can feel rather lonely to lose a loved one, and your friend or family may feel like they have to do everything on their own. This simple statement is a reminder that they have you in their life and that they don’t have to face it all by themselves. Just knowing that you are thinking of them can help them feel less alone and get a sense of love and support during a particularly hard moment.

“I’m so sorry for your loss. They will be missed.”

This is the most typical thing to say when you know someone who has lost a loved one, but it can be a popular way to offer kind words of comfort for a reason. Extending your condolences can work when done well. Be empathetic or sympathetic when you are talking with them, making it known that you really are sorry and that the person they lost will be greatly missed. Most of the time, your friend or family will be grateful for the gesture, even if it is small. 

"What Is Your Favorite Memory Of Them?”

Sometimes, after a friend has lost someone, it can offer them comfort to talk about them and their happy times together. This can help them feel closer to the person they’ve lost. You can share your favorite memories as well, if you also knew the person, and maybe even share a few photos of the good times. 

“Can I give you a hug?

Your friend or family might need physical comfort after the loss of a loved one. Not everyone should offer a hug, but if you know them well and think they would be comfortable hugging you, offering to hold them for even just a few seconds can help ease their pain. There’s something about physical touch, especially hugs, that help bring comfort and ease when we are sad. 

“Can I just sit with you?”

Being present with a hurting friend or family is a simple yet profound offering you can make. After the loss of a loved one, your friend or family may not be in the mood to talk; they may not want to be touched; they may not be able to stop crying. But you can offer to sit with them and be present while they feel what they feel so that they know they aren’t alone. They may appreciate the company, even if they don’t say so. You can be a comforting presence without having to say a single word. Sometimes that is all that is needed.

“I don't know what to say, but this must be very hard for you.”

Are you looking for the right words?

If all else fails, just let your friend or family know that you don’t know what to say. Sometimes there aren’t any words that can help a situation. But even saying that you don’t know what to say can be the right thing to say. Acknowledge that your friend or family is going through something hard by saying, “I can’t imagine what you’re going through; I’m here for you.” Don’t try to make it better and don’t offer to try and fix it, but admit that the situation is rough. Sometimes, it’s okay to just be sad.

Counseling for grief

If you need help dealing with the pain of loss, you might feel lost and wonder where to turn. Have you considered trying out counseling? To get started on ReGain, you fill out a brief survey that helps match you with the best therapist based on your needs. ReGain can be used for one-on-one counseling as well as couples counseling. So, if your partner lost a loved one and you need help figuring out how to help them, ReGain might be a great platform for you.

Benefits of Online Therapy

Online therapy has many benefits, sometimes even more than traditional in-person therapy. For example, one holistic study found that online therapy tends to be more cost-effective than in-person therapy. Another study supported this finding and added that online therapy is just as effective, and sometimes even more effective, than in-person therapy in treating anxiety and depression. 

Takeaway

While we may feel sometimes like we have to offer words of wisdom or insight when the loved one of a partner or friend dies, it’s often enough to simply be with someone, sit with them, and show them that you can listen. And if you still want more support, you can always speak to an online counselor or therapist about your thoughts and concerns.

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