Dating Bi-Curious Girls: Six Tips To Help Your Relationship Succeed

Bisexuality among women is the fastest growing area of the LGBTQ+ community, and has been for some time. While this may be in part because acceptance of bisexuality is growing, many women who identify as bisexual still keep that fact to themselves – especially when dating a CIS male. If your girlfriend tells you they are bi-curious – i.e., someone who is attracted to both sexes but does not identify as bisexual – what does that really mean? Is it something that can destroy your relationship? Should you support your girlfriend in exploring their sexuality? And if so, how?   This article covers tips to help your relationship with a bi-curious girl succeed. 

Bi-curious vs. bisexual

A person who is bi-curious is usually unsure about their sexuality. They may have historically identified as straight, but are finding themselves attracted to both men and women. They may be interested in experimenting with someone of the same sex, but don’t identify as bisexual – at least not yet.  

Overall, women may be more attracted to other women than they actually realize. According to a cross-nationality study of 28 countries, around 90% majority of women reported identifying as straight.  (Keep in mind that the numbers were likely higher in more traditional countries.) But, when women were asked about being attracted to other women, the answer somewhat changed. A cross-national study, for example, found that 66% of women said they were not “predominantly attracted to the same sex” – leaving 34% finding themselves at least a little bit attracted to other women. 

Bisexuality, on the other hand, involves a more open recognition and acceptance of being attracted to both men and women. The number of women identifying as bisexual may be higher than women are willing to admit. While identifying as bisexual is growing in acceptance, some people in both the CIS and LGBTQ+ frown upon the concept of bisexuality. For example, a large 2017 Danish study of people ages 16 to 26 who were attracted to the same sex found that many who identified as bisexual or bicurious felt pressure to either identify as straight or gay. Many admitted that they were not open about their bisexuality. 

What does bi-curiosity mean for your relationship? 

If your girlfriend recently informed you they’re bi-curious, it may understandably leave you feeling confused and concerned. However, you might be able to examine things from a different angle so that you can figure out how best to proceed. It’s normal to be a bit wary of this situation, but it’s crucial to approach the topic with an open mind and an understanding heart. If you love your girlfriend, then it’s certainly worth it to try to figure things out.

Discuss their feelings

Before you do anything, talk with your girlfriend. Their sudden curiosity about other women might make you feel uncomfortable at first. You could be worried that their newfound interest in women will diminish their interest in you. This isn’t necessarily the case, and it’s even possible that they might be feeling just as confused as you are. Some people start to realize things about their sexuality later in life, and they will want to figure out what is going on.

Your girlfriend might be interested in trying to work through their feelings with you. It might be good to start the conversation by discussing what made them think they may be attracted to other women. If there was a moment where things started to click for them, then it might help you to determine what they want or how they feel. Things like this can take time to understand, and some will ignore these feelings if they are in a committed relationship.

Being understanding of this situation is smart. You care about your girlfriend, and you want them to feel safe. Some girlfriends will be afraid of making their boyfriends angry by admitting to having feelings like this. If you understand that sexuality is something that a person can’t help, it makes things easier. The potential that they like other girls doesn’t mean that they don’t still love you. It’s possible to be attracted to other people while still being committed to someone.

Curiosity doesn’t mean they will cheat on you

It’s also crucial that you maintain your trust in your girlfriend. They haven’t done anything wrong by opening up to you about their potential bi-curiosity. Dating bi-curious girls might be difficult for some men due to the fear that there will be infidelity. You might be concerned that your girlfriend will start seeking sex with other women since you can't provide the same experience. However, this may not be as big of a problem as you think.

First, your girlfriend is simply curious about having sex with another woman. This doesn't mean that they are bold enough to act on it. Someone who describes themselves as bi-curious is interested in the idea of exploring things but might not necessarily be willing to act on these impulses. In fact, many who are bi-curious never act on the curiosity. Your girlfriend is simply exploring feelings, and it's a great sign that they are honest with you about how they feel.

Second, your girlfriend can be attracted to other girls without cheating on you. Do you still find beautiful women attractive even though you're dating your girlfriend? Being attracted to someone or acknowledging certain sexual preferences doesn't have to lead to infidelity. Your girlfriend will likely remain loyal to you if they are committed to you. If you’re open to the idea, you might decide to let them explore things, but don’t assume that your girlfriend will cheat on you with another woman.

Don't expect a threesome

Assuming that you will be able to have a threesome due to your girlfriend's bi-curious nature is wrong, too. You see, your girlfriend isn't suddenly going to become open to adventurous sex acts like this just because they are attracted to girls. Threesomes are a common sexual fantasy among men, and many women also find the idea appealing. Initiating a sexual encounter like this can often be tricky, and it can even wind up harming your relationship. There is nothing wrong with being excited about the prospect of having a threesome, but you shouldn't start pushing for one while your girlfriend is figuring things out.

Your girlfriend's first sexual encounter with a woman might be best-experienced one-on-one. This is, of course, assuming that you both agree that it is okay. You also need to know that the idea of you sleeping with another woman is something that could make your girlfriend jealous. This is a topic that is best brought up at a later date if it is something that you want to pursue. This time should be about helping your girlfriend. Don't let your sexual desires and ideas get in the way of being there for the one that you love.

Consider allowing your girlfriend to explore their sexuality

Allowing your girlfriend to explore this new bi-curious side might be appropriate. If you're in a committed relationship, then you might not be open to this idea. Not everyone is going to be comfortable with the thought of their girlfriend sleeping with other women. Some might find this to be a turn-on, and others will be morally opposed to it. Some people even think that homosexuality is wrong due to their religious upbringing. Whatever your stance is, it's important to consider your girlfriend's feelings and desires as well as your own.

Your girlfriend might need to figure out whether they are bisexual or not. It can be tough for some people to know definitively until they have experienced something. If you're open to understanding this process, it might be good for your girlfriend to meet other bisexuals to see how things go. They could start by talking online, and this could eventually lead to something more. It isn't uncommon for women to explore bi-curious feelings through an online chat with like-minded people.

If you can, take the time to reassure your girlfriend that it is okay to search their feelings. Their attraction to other women doesn't have to take away from their attraction to you. Being a supportive boyfriend while they figure things out can be helpful. They’ll appreciate that you aren't pushing them away or being dismissive. If they get to the point where they want to have sex with another woman, you can decide together how that impacts your relationship and whether it's going to be okay.

They might find out other women aren't for them

Your girlfriend might very well find out that other women aren't for them. Some people are turned on or excited by the idea of being with another person initially, but find out that they aren't as interested as they thought once they have indulged their curiosities. If your girlfriend is going to commit to you, they should be able to do so without any doubt. This might mean that letting them explore with other women will help your relationship in the long run.

If you try to prevent them from exploring, it could leave them feeling like they never figured things out. It could feel like a cloud hanging over your relationship. Let them work through their feelings and be the best partner that you can be. Show that you love and support them no matter what. They’ll determine whether they can move forward with you. Even if they wind up liking other women, they might find out that they love you even more.

An open relationship might work

Some couples find that open relationships work well when one person of the relationship is bisexual. If someone is bisexual, then they might have a strong desire to have a sexual partner of the same sex. This doesn't mean that they don't want to be with you, though. An open relationship allows them to stay committed to you while still seeking out other lovers. Some couples even stipulate that they  can only have same-sex partners in this arrangement.

Let Regain help you out

Are you bi-curious or in a relationship with a bi-curious individual? Are you feeling intimidated or confused by your girlfriend's bi-curious feelings? Allow the professionals at Regain to help you out. 

Statistics find that bi-curious and bisexual individuals are at greater risk for mental health disorders, such as depression, anxiety, and substance use disorder. While in many ways, psychotherapy for people of the LGBTQ+ community is similar to psychotherapy for other groups, but people of this community do often face some unique challenges – such as dealing with prejudice, significant stress, hostility, and rejection. It’s important to speak with a professional counselor who is trained in curricula for working with the LGBTQ+ community in a culturally sensitive manner

If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at (800) 662-4357 to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.

Regain’s online couples' counselors have worked with couples who are in your position. Online therapy has been found to be just as successful as in-person therapy for many, and offers unique advantages, such as added seclusion since you can talk with a counselor online from the comfort of your home. 

Takeaway

You may feel confused and concerned if your girlfriend tells you they are bi-curious. You might be worried about whether your relationship can succeed; seeking the help of dedicated therapists can help you work through relationship issues and give you a stronger chance of moving forward together. With Regain, you and your girlfriend will be able to discuss your feelings with someone who truly cares.