Do Girls Like Quiet Guys? Eight Tips For Introverted Men

Do you feel like the dating world is working against you because you're an introvert? You may be less apt to go to mixers, events, or parties where one would typically meet new people, or you may fear that someone you like is into the outgoing, talkative, extroverted type. Before you throw in the towel on dating and decide that you’re destined to remain single, keep reading. You may be surprised to hear that what you thought was an obstacle could be an advantage for dating.

What makes an introvert attractive?

First, let’s go over how introversion can actually be an advantage in finding a match. Here are some characteristics that might help you out in the romance department as an introvert:

You tend to be more observant

Being observant—especially with regard to other people—can have a lot of benefits. It’s great in the workplace, and it can also be an advantage in interpersonal relationships.

People love it when you listen to what they’re saying, remember details about them, and so on, and many experts say that introverts are indeed more likely to display this trait.

You can come across as mysterious

While this may not be something to build an entire relationship on, it can be just the thing that you need to get someone’s attention. You can think of yourself as a little like James Bond.

You probably have a quietness about you—a quality that makes many people curious. One may not be able to read you right away, which can make them want to take the time to get to know you. Your quietness can actually help you engage in conversation with others, who may be more willing to start the conversation in order to find out what you have to say.

You often have interesting things to say

Again, introverted people tend to be listeners and observers. That means that when they do talk, they’ve often had time to craft interesting, well-formed thoughts on whatever the subject is. This can be an attractive trait in a partner. When someone doesn’t seem as purposeful about what they say, their words may not have as much of an impact as they otherwise would. A lot of people appreciate deep conversations, and having those meaningful discussions can help build a connection.

You can project self-confidence

You may not know it, but you can give off a level of self-confidence simply by being quiet. It shows that you don’t have to prove yourself. Given that research shows that people find confidence attractive, this can be quite beneficial.

The simple fact that you remain quieter when others are actively engaged in debate and conversation might give the impression that you are confident in your own opinions and beliefs. You aren't trying to persuade everyone listening to adopt your opinion, which can be attractive.

Tips for introverted men

You may look over the reasons a person could be drawn to introverted people and think, "Sure, that might work for some guys, but not me." If this is where you are, don't give up. Here are some tips that may help you along the way.

1. Address other possible concerns

This tip requires us to talk about what introversion actually is. Introversion is a personality trait that describes a person who gets their energy by interacting more with their own thoughts and feelings than with other people. Some may not feel as comfortable in a group as they do on their own. Introversion typically comes from your genetic makeup, though environmental factors and other considerations may also be at play. It can often be confused with certain mental health issues, like social anxiety. While social anxiety disorder may look like introversion, the two are not necessarily connected.     

Signs that you could have social anxiety include things like:

• Blushing

• Trembling

• Sweating

• Increased heart rate

• Fear that everyone is looking at you

• Believing that everyone is judging you

• Fear of embarrassing yourself in front of others

• Expecting the worst-case scenario when in social settings

This is not a complete list, but just a few of the possible symptoms that you may be experiencing. If you think you may be struggling with social anxiety, talk to a licensed therapist or another professional who can help. Social anxiety disorder is common and treatable. A therapist can also help you address specific concerns, such as the fear of rejection, which sometimes impacts people who are dating in such a way that it makes them withdraw from potential partners.

2. Focus on getting to know her instead of dating her

The pressure of thinking that you have to act quickly and ask her out can be intimidating.

If you aren't comfortable being so straightforward, work on becoming friends with the person you’re interested in and try to get to know them better. This can help you build up a comfort level with the person you like and may also help you see if you’re a good match.

Ask a potential partner questions. This not only allows you to learn about who they are, but it also gives them a chance to talk about themselves, which a lot of people enjoy.

3. Don't try to be something that you're not

It doesn't matter how much you like someone; to build something real, you want to be yourself—and if you’re not, it can backfire.

If you win her over by acting like an extrovert when it's not natural for you, then you're likely to run into problems down the road. Try to find a person who likes you for who you are. If you win her over by acting like an extrovert, she's likely going to be surprised later when your behavior changes. She may like your true, introverted personality more anyway—so lead with that.

4. Go where you feel the most comfortable

There are potential partners all over the place, and there are also a lot of first-date activities that are introvert-friendly. You don’t have to be part of the party scene or constantly heading out to bars to find someone you’re interested in. You can meet people through hobbies, dating apps and websites, or mutual friends. Go where you’re comfortable—you’ll have a better chance of meeting people with whom who you have things in common.

5. Learn to read the signs that she's interested

As an introverted guy, it can be a challenge to approach someone you find attractive. The fear of rejection can be a lot to handle. Although not sure-fire indicators, the following are potential signs a person may be interested:

• Physical proximity (they sit or stand close to you)

• Asking questions (they show an interest in your life and want to learn more about you)

• Body language (they preen, lean your way, or look relaxed and open)

6. Approach people confidently and respectfully

As discussed above, confidence can be very attractive, and those who are introverted are often viewed as being self-assured. You can further utilize that quality when approaching someone you’re interested in by doing simple things like maintaining eye contact, relaxing, and appropriately projecting your voice.

More importantly, you want to remain respectful no matter how you choose to approach a potential partner. Being confident does not mean you should feel entitled to a date or act disrespectful in any way if she isn’t interested in a relationship. It’s okay to internally be upset if you get turned down. But, when you’re looking for someone to date, you have to be able to say, “I respect that,” or “Thank you for telling me” and process your feelings away from the person who told you they weren’t interested.

This will help you attract the right people. You want to be with someone who’s just as wild for you as you are for them!

7. Ask open-ended questions

As an introvert, you probably don't want the pressure of having to carry the conversation. We talked a little bit about the benefit of asking questions, but what kind of questions should you ask? Open-ended questions require more than just one-word replies, which means they’re great conversation starters that give the other person an ample prompt to speak.

When you ask someone these types of questions, you can get them talking and learn more about them. This often helps you to find common interests and form a deeper connection with each other. When you pair this with being a great listener, you show that you’re an attentive person who cares about what they’ve got to say. You value their mind and their words. That’s extremely attractive!

8. Don't settle

Approaching people you’re interested in dating may be hard for you. It may be something that you want to get through as soon as you can, but it's not something you should rush. Avoid choosing a person who’s not a good fit for you simply because you’re both available and you want to hurry along the process. Just as you’ve got to be upfront about who you are, you’ve got to be upfront about what you want. If you’ve got an active dating app profile, for example, it can help to be clear about what you’re looking for using that platform.

Build confidence in online therapy

A therapist can help if you want to work on self-confidence, address a concern like social anxiety, or simply discuss your dating life. When you sign up for an online therapy platform like Regain, you can pair with a licensed, experienced professional quickly. When compared to the cost of in-person services, many people find that online therapy is a more affordable option. Regain is also convenient. Meet with a therapist at a time that works for your schedule, wherever you have an electronic device and an internet connection.

Online cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) can be a great way to work through self-esteem issues. Online CBT is an effective way to process negative thoughts about yourself and replace them with much more positive ones. Online therapy has become a popular way to get the help needed to get through day-to-day life.

Takeaway

If your introversion is keeping you from getting out there and meeting people, consider therapy as a way to figure out the best way to interact with people and, perhaps, start a relationship. You deserve to get support and feel good about your relationships, no matter where you are in the process.