Do Older Women Like Younger Men? How Age And Attraction Are Related

When it comes to romance, people of the same age can fall in love, or people of varying ages can fall for one another. Love often isn’t about age so much as it is about romantic connection. When you meet someone you’re interested in who understands you on a deep level, you may develop romantic feelings for that person, regardless of their age. In this article, we’ll explore one example of an age-gap relationship: older women with younger men.

Exploring age-gap relationships

There are age gaps in many relationships. Perhaps the most commonly seen version involves older men dating younger women, but age gaps can exist in a relationship between two people of any gender. Younger men can date older women, older women can date younger women, older men can date younger men, older women can date younger non-binary people, etc. 

As long as the relationship is between two consenting adults, you can love who you love regardless of age. Love is largely about connection and commitment, so if two people of different ages are interested and committed to each other, they can certainly build a successful relationship. 

Research on age, sex, and love

In fact, researchers who have investigated relationships with age differences have found that in some cases, the age gap can even beneficial to the relationship in some way. For instance, one such study published in Psychology of Women Quarterly examined commitment in age-gap and similar-age romantic relationships of heterosexual women. It found that "woman-older partners were the most satisfied with and committed to their relationships, relative to woman-younger and similarly aged partners, consistent with socio-cultural predictions."

Some studies have also challenged some common assumptions about women who date younger men and have explored some of the dynamics in these relationships. For instance, in 2019 study published in Gender & Society, Dr. Milaine Alarie found that “contrary to common cultural representations of “cougars,” very few women depicted themselves as seductresses who pursued younger men, with younger men passively waiting to be courted.”

A 2020 study published in The Journal of Sex Research also explored these dynamics further. The study conducted 55 interviews with women who were between the ages of 30 and 60 years old who date younger men. It found that in comparison to their sexual experiences with men of their own age or older, women perceived age-gap intimate relationships as “a context in which they can more easily disrupt some facets” of the “traditional cultural script for heterosexual sex.” In particular, those facets included the following: “(a) the expression of sexual desire, (b) sexual assertiveness, and/or (c) the importance of female pleasure.” 

Potential challenges in age-gap relationships 

When there is an age gap, it can create friction at times in the dating world. For instance, being different ages can often mean you have had different experiences growing up, different backgrounds, and even different tastes. You might have different music tastes, different pop culture references, and more; but, this can happen in similar-age relationships, too. These differences don’t have to create divides, though they may in some cases. They can also be opportunities to learn from each other and introduce each other to new things. 

Other challenges that may arise in an age-gap relationship can include judgments from others and mismatched timing on certain life stages. For instance, couples who want to have children together may worry about how the age difference will affect that part of their lives. A younger man might want to wait a little bit longer, whereas an older woman might be ready earlier. Of course, this isn't always the case. Every couple is unique, and sometimes, people are on the same page despite their age difference. 

It's important to note that everyone has a different path in life. Some people become more stable in their careers or more confident in themselves earlier or later in life than others, which could be part of what can make an age gap work when you're dating. Similarly, people find themselves ready to commit at different points in life. These ideas can have little to do with age and more to do with personal development, so judging if a relationship will work based on age alone often isn't very productive.

Couples counseling

Every relationship can come with its own unique challenges to work through. Whether you’re grappling with age-gap concerns in your relationship or something else, couples counseling can help. You can find an in-person counselor near you, or if you would feel more comfortable discussing your relationship from your own home, you can use online therapy to meet with a counselor wherever you have internet.

Plus, research has shown online couples therapy to be effective for improving relationship satisfaction, among other concerns. 

Takeaway

There are age gaps in many relationships. If two people of different ages are interested and committed to each other, they can certainly build a successful relationship. As long as the relationship is between two consenting adults, you can love who you love regardless of age. If you would like help with these or other relationship concerns, an online counselor can help.