Navigating A Relationship With A Clingy Boyfriend: Mental Health And Behavior Tips
Having a boyfriend who’s attentive, loving, and interested in spending a lot of time with you can be great. However, there is a point at which a partner’s desire for your attention can be unhealthy and detrimental to your relationship. Clinginess can be a sign of a potentially problematic relationship dynamic as well as possible mental health concerns. If you have a boyfriend who is clingy, knowing how to navigate this behavior can help you safeguard your emotional well-being and develop a healthy relationship. Below, we’re going to discuss how you can identify and address clingy behavior on the part of your boyfriend.
Signs that you have a clingy boyfriend
While some behavior may indicate neediness in an obvious way, other interactions may leave you questioning whether your boyfriend is clingy. If you aren't sure whether you’re experiencing this type of behavior in your relationship, here are some signs of a clingy boyfriend.
He tags along. It's nice to spend time with your boyfriend, but a bit of space can also be healthy. If your boyfriend is clingy, he might invite himself to nights out with your friends or even show up places unannounced.
He doesn't have a social life outside of you. A clingy boyfriend may eschew spending time with his friends in favor of being with you and your friends. Prior to exhibiting other clingy behavior, you may notice that he slowly loses contact with people in his social circle.
Your interests become his interests. Has your boyfriend abandoned many of the activities he once enjoyed and adopted yours—even those that you know he doesn’t like? He may be making your lifestyle his own so that he can spend as much time with you as possible.
He's emotionally needy. A clingy boyfriend may ask for support from you more often than you’re comfortable with. Your boyfriend may want frequent reassurance of your feelings for him and the status of your relationship.
His feelings are easily hurt. Related to the above characteristic, clinginess is also often related to emotional vulnerability. A clingy boyfriend may become upset frequently when he feels slighted by you, particularly if you choose not to spend time with him.
He keeps tabs on you. It might seem nice for you boyfriend to occasionally check in on you, but it might also be a sign of clinginess is he does it all the time. Frequently keeping tabs on your whereabouts, immediately reacting to all your social media activity, or texting you to ensure you’re giving him attention can be unhealthy behavior.
He gets jealous easily. Does your boyfriend get upset when he sees you interacting with other people? Is he uncomfortable with you spending time with friends he views as potential threats? This can be an indicator that he’s formed an unhealthy attachment.
Reasons your boyfriend is clingy: Emotional and mental health factors
There are many different reasons why your boyfriend may exhibit clingy behavior, many of which are related to emotional struggles or mental health challenges. People often become clingy because of low self-esteem or insecurity. This can cause your boyfriend to want your attention and reassurance that your relationship is secure. This can also cause him to be jealous when you give any attention to other people.
Your boyfriend could also have an insecure attachment style due to his upbringing or experiencing an unhealthy relationship in the past. Or it could be the exact opposite, and his clinginess could be a learned behavior from caregivers who exhibited the same behavior as he was growing up. The anxious attachment style, specifically, can produce a fear of abandonment, causing an individual to want to stay as close as possible to their partner.
His clinginess could also be a response to something that happened in your relationship. For example, if you’ve broken up before and then gotten back together, he may be worried about losing you again. Or, if there’s been infidelity in your relationship, he may be concerned about that happening if he’s not with you. This can result in him spending a lot of time with you so that he is reassured about the status of your relationship.
How to address clinginess
Depending on the reasons for your partner’s behavior, there are several ways you can address clinginess in your relationship. The following are some suggestions you can follow to navigate a relationship with a clingy boyfriend.
Have a conversation with him about his behavior
Your boyfriend might be experiencing serious mental health-related challenges that he hasn’t been comfortable telling you about. Now that you know about possible reasons your boyfriend is being clingy, you can talk to him about his behavior. You may want to explain how his actions have affected you and ask him if there are emotions or thoughts he’s having that he's not discussing with you.
The importance of open communication with a clingy boyfriend
This conversation provides your boyfriend with an opportunity to talk to you about what he's experiencing. It also gives him the chance to correct his actions if he didn't realize that he was coming across as overly attached. For example, he may tell you for the first time that he was once cheated on, and that a subsequent lack of self-esteem is why he wants to be as close to you as possible. This conversation may be one he’s been wanting to have.
In addition to allowing him to discuss his feelings, it provides you with the chance to address the situation. You can help him see how his behavior has affected your relationship and start to develop constructive solutions. A conversation can be the first step toward creating a healthier bond with your boyfriend.
Empathize with him
Once you have a better idea of why he’s engaging in clingy behavior, try to put yourself in your boyfriend’s shoes. Empathy can help you provide support to your boyfriend as he goes through what is likely a difficult time. Viewing things from his perspective can help you better understand his desire to be with you so frequently. In the above example regarding infidelity, you may be able to remember a time during which you experienced something similar that caused you to develop low self-esteem. Empathizing with your boyfriend can make it easier for you to decide how to move forward in the relationship.
Set healthy boundaries
If you find that your boyfriend is still displaying clingy behavior after you talk with him, it is likely time for you to set boundaries. Your mental and emotional health are important, and you should not feel pressured to do things that might negatively impact your well-being. For example, you can tell your boyfriend, in an empathetic way, that you don’t want him to text you while you’re at work. Or you can tell him that, going forward, you’re going to spend a certain amount of time with him and a certain amount of time with your friends. Once you’ve set healthy boundaries, try to enforce them strictly.
Decide whether you should move on
There's a chance that your boyfriend's behavior is something that he needs to work through on his own, and that your relationship is not going to be healthy for either of you at the moment. If he continually tries to expand the boundaries you’ve set or puts pressure on you to spend more and more time with him, you may have to end the relationship. Continuing to engage with him when he wants you to can lead to an even stronger attachment.
If the best thing for you is to part ways, you can explain that you’re doing what’s best for both of you. You may even decide that a temporary break is the best solution, instead of a full breakup. If you decide to stay together, though, couples counseling can help you improve your relationship and work through mental health challenges.
Forming healthy bonds with online therapy
Studies show that online therapy can help couples improve their relationship and address individual mental health concerns, such as those that may be related to an insecure attachment style. In a study examining the efficacy of online therapy, participants reported experiencing significantly enhanced relationship functioning as well as decreased symptoms of anxiety and depression. The study also notes the increased availability provided by online therapy platforms.
For those who are looking to work through clingy behavior or similar challenges, online therapy is a convenient and affordable option. With an online therapy platform like Regain, you and your partner can address concerns like insecure attachment styles remotely, through video call, voice call, or in-app messaging. Online therapy is also cost-effective, with Regain memberships starting at $65 per week (billed every 4 weeks). A licensed mental health professional can give you and your partner the tools to form healthy bonds and thrive as a couple. Read below for reviews of Regain therapists from those who have experienced similar concerns.
Therapist reviews
“Austa has been wonderful thus far. She has helped my partner and I during an unimaginably difficult time... She has also guided us in communicating effectively and setting appropriate boundaries in our relationship. I was hesitant to pursue counseling at the beginning, but I truly believe that it is making a difference for our relationship. Austa is easy to talk to and she is a great listener. I would wholeheartedly recommend her as a counselor.”
“With Cassandra’s help, we’ve been able to bring our relationship to a new, healthier, and much happier level, working through painful situations, growing as individuals and as a couple, and with tools to stay on this path. She’s very responsive, and it has been great to have her facilitate our messaging through the app all week. I highly recommend Cassandra. She’s skilled, supportive, and down-to-earth. We feel totally comfortable with her.”
Takeaway
Clinginess can be a sign that your boyfriend is living with low self-esteem, an insecure attachment style, or other emotional challenges. So, it can help to remain empathetic as you address this behavior so that it doesn’t negatively impact your relationship. If you'd like help working through a potentially unhealthy attachment or similar concerns, consider getting matched with a licensed therapist online. With the support of a professional, you and your partner can form a healthy bond and move forward in your relationship.
Frequently asked questions
What is a clingy person?
In the dictionary, clingy is described with words like "adhesive."
The definition of clingy in terms of people is someone who sticks close to you, doesn't give you room to breathe, and is hard to get away from. The word clingy, an adjective that can be used to describe many things. And it's a very visual word. Picture plastic wrap and how it plasters itself up against something you want to cover and put in the fridge. In fact, plastic wrap is better if it's clingier – the clingiest plastic wrap is, by definition, the best plastic wrap.
Now picture a person who clings to others with the same tenacity as plastic wrap clings to your bowl. They stick close to you wherever you go. They demand to be a part of whatever you are doing or at least watch you do it. Their constant presence seems inescapable. You have no personal space, and your friends joke that that person is attached to your hip. They're always with you whenever they can arrange it, and if they can't, they're calling or texting you constantly. These are just a few examples of clingy behavior.
However, unlike plastic wrap, when a person is super clingy, it's definitely not better. Having a super clingy person in your life can make you feel suffocated, frustrated, and resentful. Beyond that, it can spoil your plans, keep you from pursuing your own interests, damage your relationships with other people, and make your life all about one person.
Another clingy definition for a person relates to a clingy child. A clingy child is a little one who literally wraps themselves around their parent at every opportunity. If their parent tries to break free, the child cries, screams, throws a tantrum, or grasps their parents tight enough to cause physical pain. In this case, the clingy definition is not a pretty sight.
Here's another way to visualize the definition of clingy. Imagine you wanted to hike to the top of Clingmans Dome, the highest point in the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. The climb to Clingmans Dome could be an adventure that ends in a beautiful panoramic view. But wait! You have a super clingy person in your life! Like a clingy child, this person overshadows your quest with a level of neediness that takes all the excitement out of your experience. You can't move freely because they're always trying to hold your hand or wrap their arm around your shoulder. You might like that at other times, but it just isn't helpful as you face the physical challenge of a tough climb to the top. And if you do reach Clingman Dome, you'll be too distracted by their clingy behavior to focus on the view. You're trying to enjoy a magnificent view of nature, and the clingy person is saying in every way they can, "No! Look at me!"
What does it mean to have a clingy girlfriend?
The definition of clingy girlfriends is girlfriends who seem to need you constantly in an unhealthy way. Some examples of clingy behavior you might see from such a girlfriend include:
- Calling you multiple times when one time would have been enough.
- Texting you repeatedly whenever you aren't together.
- Demanding constant physical contact even when you are trying to use your body in other ways to work on something important to you.
- Tagging along wherever you go, even when you say you'd rather go alone.
- Giving up all her previous interests to focus on yours.
- Getting jealous any time you talk to someone else.
- Joining groups, she really isn't interested in being with you.
- Getting pouty when you suggest spending the day without her.
If you have a clingy girlfriend, she rarely gives you a chance to be without her. Even when you go somewhere on your own or with friends, she finds a way to insinuate herself into the situation. The clingy adjective describes the way she sticks to you and smothers you with her overwhelming neediness. In the dictionary, clingy is described as tenacious, and that's exactly what a clingy girlfriend is. She is committed to holding onto you as tightly as she can, both physically and emotionally. You try to break free for a moment of solitude, but she persists in grasping your attention all the time.
How does clinginess in a relationship manifest through social media, texts, etc.?
Being clingy in a relationship means showing excessive neediness in physical or emotional ways. Physically, this clingy definition might show up as constant handholding or touching in situations where such physical contact interferes with other activities. But even if the person doesn't actually touch you, they feel the need to be in the same room with you. Then, when there's no possible way for them to be with you, or when you finally put your foot down and demand they let you do something on your own, they make up for the lack of physical closeness by blowing up your phone or tagging you in a long string of social media posts. You can't escape their physical or virtual presence easily. And because you're in a relationship with them, you might feel guilty for wanting time alone. What's more, that clingy adjective might be hard to admit into your vocabulary if you want to believe you have a healthy relationship.
The good news here is that with therapy, you can learn to understand how the definition of clingy applies to your relationship. Together, you might be able to loosen the tenacious grip someone has on you or learn how to be less clingy yourself. Then, whether the relationship survives or not, you can live a freer, happier life.
What is a needy or clingy boyfriend?
The definition of clingy boyfriends is boyfriends who always have to be close to you in an overly needy way. A clingy boyfriend gets anxious or upset if he can't be with you all the time. He wants to be in physical contact at all times, even when you are doing something that requires your attention elsewhere. If he's super clingy, your boyfriend wants to be included in everything you do. He might pass on things that were once more interesting to him if it means he can be with you while you do what you enjoy. And a clingy boyfriend hates it if you spend time with someone else, even if they're just a friend or relative. He wants to be considered in every decision you make, even if it has nothing to do with your relationship with him. Although it's healthy to be close to your boyfriend, both emotionally and physically, you also need time to be you as an individual and not part of a couple.
Is being clingy cute?
No, if you understand what clinginess is, being clingy really isn't cute at all. You might think to yourself that wanting someone's full attention shows your love for them, but in reality, it only shows that you feel a deep lack of something within yourself. That's not cute; it's sad. And for the person you're clinging to, it can be a drain, an irritation, or a burden. What's more, if you keep going from clingy to clingier, clingiest behavior eventually comes up, causing the relationship to end if you don't find a way to change.
Is clinginess bad?
Although it doesn't help to beat yourself up about being clingy, there's really nothing positive about clingy behavior. Being super clingy doesn't help you achieve real intimacy with someone. In fact, if you get clingier, clingiest behaviors will thwart your relationship. As you try to get closer and closer, your neediness may repel the very person you want to be with.
How can I overcome clingy behavior?
And aside from your relationship, being clingy prevents you from fully developing your own interests and achieving personal goals. If you see yourself when you look at the dictionary – clingy to the point of tenacious grasping – it can be devastating to think of yourself that way. However, by addressing your inner needs in therapy, you can heal from old traumas and resolve your issues to put your clinginess behind you.
How do I know if I'm clingy?
If you think you might be clingy, consider the definition of clingy. Do you behave as if you want to be stuck to someone like an adhesive? Are you constantly in touch with them, even when they've expressed to you that they need to have some time to do their own things? Are you tenacious about holding onto them physically or crowding their virtual space with your demands? Do you see examples of clingy behavior in yourself when you look back at your day?
In the end, you'll know if you're clingy when you evaluate your behavior honestly. If you don't ever let someone be on their own, can't accept that they don't always want your presence, or feel hurt when they show more interest in someone or something else, it might be time to do something about your clinginess. With help, you can discover and appreciate who you are as an individual, whether someone else is close to you or not.
Is being clingy a turn-off?
In most cases, being clingy is eventually a turnoff, even if it isn't right away. What might feel like positive attention at first gets old after a while. And anyone who has experienced the pitfalls of a clingy relationship before will want to avoid those problems now. The only people who really get turned on by clinginess in the long term have unhealthy needs of their own, such as wanting to control other people.
Addressing clinginess for healthier relationships
The best way to avoid turning people off with your clinginess is to address the underlying issues. You need to find out why you cling to others so tightly, change the way you think about relationships, and practice healthier behaviors. Then, others can appreciate you for who you are and enjoy being with you on healthier terms.
Questions to ask your therapist about clingy boyfriends
What behaviors do clingy boyfriends exhibit?
What causes men to be clingy?
How do you know if a guy is too clingy?
Is my boyfriend too attached to me?
How do you break up with someone who is clingy?
How much texting is too clingy?
How can I avoid being clingy through social media?
How can mental health challenges contribute to clinginess?
- Previous Article
- Next Article