Feelings Of Loneliness and Mental Health: Why You’re Feeling Alone In A Relationship

A partner is physically present but seems mentally unavailable. Another may be reluctant to speak to their partner about complex topics, fears, or thoughts. Some even alienate their mates so they no longer feel valued or heard. 

Whether they’ve been together for two weeks or twenty years, these are just a few examples of behaviors that make partners feel alone even though (and maybe because) they’re in a relationship. If you aren’t sure whether you’re isolated in your relationship, ask yourself: 

• Do you feel misunderstood by your partner?
• Does your partner seem dismissive?
• Do you have an open line of communication?
• Do you spend quality time together?
• Does it seem like your partner is frequently distant?

While it can be painful, loneliness in a relationship doesn’t necessarily mean it has to be over. There are many reasons why people behave in ways that isolate their partners, and they’re not always conscious. There are also many opportunities for misunderstanding, and often, poor communication can contribute to feelings of isolation.

Feelings of loneliness: Reasons people feel alone in a relationship 

Here are a few common reasons why people feel isolated and lonely in relationships:

1. Communication problems: Why you’re feeling alone in a relationship

A lack of effective communication can lead to problems in a relationship and can cause one or both partners to feel lonely. Sometimes, if couples don’t connect verbally, they may only communicate superficially or stop talking altogether. In these cases, conversations may be one-sided.  If you try talking to your partner and it seems they aren’t listening, interested, or paying attention to you, it can make you feel lonely and sometimes like you need to avoid “getting in your partner’s way.” 

While we all may feel a little like that sometimes, in a healthy relationship, it isn’t typical to feel like that most or all the time. It’s vital for you and your partner to feel comfortable confiding in one another to maintain a healthy partnership. Many couples with trouble communicating seek help from a professional specializing in relationships and intimacy. Relationship counselors teach couples to open up about their thoughts and feelings and come closer together through better communication.  

2. Inattentiveness

Feeling ignored can be isolating and hurtful, whether emotionally, physically, verbally, or in combination. 

Does your partner turn their body towards you or away from you when you are speaking to them? Do they seem alert and attentive, or are they slumped and uninterested? Do you feel that no matter what you say to your partner, whether that be a compliment, a genuine question about their life, or thanking them, you will be ignored? 

Body language and verbal communication are the two most common ways we communicate, but they’re also the most common ways we misinterpret each other. If your partner behaves as if they don’t care, it may be tempting to avoid them entirely, but doing so is likely counterproductive in finding out how they feel. It may turn out that the reasons for their behavior have nothing to do with you or your relationship.

3. Difficulties outside the relationship

Sometimes people feel alone with their partner because of difficult circumstances outside the relationship that either or both sides aren’t discussing. One of you might have difficulty at work, but you don’t want to bring work problems home. Or perhaps one of you is worried about the well-being of a friend but doesn’t know how to express your feelings. 

Regardless of the reasons, the solution again often lies in communicating. Let your partner know that you’ve noticed the distance between you and inquire about what’s going on in their daily life—and if you’re having problems outside the relationship, open up to them about that. Once you begin talking through the issues, you may feel more like a team and better able to communicate in the future.  

4. Not spending quality time together, which may impact mental health

It’s common for the demands of daily life to interfere with relationships. When partners have conflicting schedules or outside commitments that make it challenging to spend time together, it can adversely affect marital well-being. This, in turn, can adversely impact each person’s mental health and the quality of life within the family unit. 

If you feel alone in your relationship, try to organize more time with your partner doing things you enjoy together. Regularly set aside one evening or day to enjoy each other’s company and reconnect. If your partner seems reluctant to do so, consider letting them know that it’s important to you and find out why. They may not want to be alone with you because they feel discontent in your relationship. Or it can be just as likely that they’re worried about practical matters like spending money on date night or leaving the kids with a babysitter. You may never know unless you open up the communication channels between you. 

5. Trust and intimacy difficulties

Trust is a key part of a healthy relationship, but cultivating trust can take time, and it should come from both partners. There are many possible reasons why people have “trust issues,” Sometimes, they don’t originate with their current relationship. Childhood experiences with parenting styles, past relationships, and other variables can significantly impact a person’s ability to trust others. In addition to outside influences, mistrust in a relationship can occur because of infidelity or dishonesty from one or both partners.

Talking about it when feeling alone in a relationship

Regardless of the reasons, trust issues can make individuals in a relationship feel vulnerable and reluctant to talk about it, potentially harming their mental health and causing further feelings of alienation and loneliness. If you suspect difficulties with trust and intimacy are the root cause of feeling lonely, working with your partner to find the source of those feelings is imperative. The subject may be sensitive and challenging to discuss. Many couples choose to see a relationship counselor to help identify the causes of mistrust, process those feelings, and learn to move forward.

An online therapist can help you feel less alone

Like many things, relationships need attention to thrive. If it isn’t thriving, it can create difficulties within the family dynamic, impact the mental health of everyone involved, and cause feelings of loneliness and isolation. Often in circumstances like these, communication between partners also weakens. 

If you find yourself in this situation, it’s essential to understand that you don’t have to feel alone. It’s common for people to blame each other for the difficulties within their relationship, but that’s often because they don’t understand the roots of their conflicts. With the help of a relationship expert, it’s possible to uncover the origins of a couple’s conflicts and resolve them to move forward in a happier, more balanced way. 

It can be challenging for some couples to see a counselor due to practical issues such as scheduling limitations, accessibility to therapy in their area, or affordability. Online therapy through platforms like Regain provides an excellent solution to these challenges. 

Regain matches couples with licensed, accredited professionals with experience helping people work through relationship challenges. You can speak with a Regain counselor online when it’s convenient for you via phone, text, online messaging, video chat, and more from anywhere with a reliable internet connection. There’s no need to commute to and from an office, and online therapy is often more affordable than traditional therapy without insurance. 

Efficacy of online therapy for your mental health

A growing body of research indicates that online couples therapy is as effective as in-person counseling, as well. For example, a 2021 Australian study measured the progress of 30 couples receiving treatment via videoconferencing over six sessions. At a three-month follow-up interview, the couples reported they experienced improved relationship satisfaction and better mental health throughout the treatment schedule and beyond. 

Researchers found that the study “provides evidence for couples therapy via videoconferencing as a viable alternative to face-to-face interventions, especially for those couples who may not have access to the treatment they require.” 

Takeaway

Feeling alone in a relationship is sometimes painful. Still, the proper support may help you repair communication breakdowns, resolve the issues at the root of your feelings, and cultivate a healthier relationship with your partner.