Finding Your Inner Beauty And Building Your Self-Esteem

In a world where Hollywood and the media often set standards for beauty, feeling up to par can be challenging. Unrealistic expectations can result from depictions of what beauty is “supposed” to look like or is staged or edited to look like. 

However, one definition of beauty highlights “the qualities in a person or a thing that give pleasure to the senses or the mind.” Beauty is much more than physical, and beauty — both inside and out — is highly unique and individual to the beholder. There are many effective ways to find your own beauty and strengthen your self-esteem.

Understanding inner beauty

Before attempting to find your inner beauty, exploring what inner beauty is can be a helpful step. The well-used phrase, “It’s what’s on the inside that counts,” is a simple way of understanding inner beauty. You might think of it in this way: “What is it that can’t be seen in a person’s outward appearance that you find beautiful?”

Some people may struggle with identifying those unseen qualities within themselves, but with care and helpful tips, you can find your inner beauty and feel better and more confident.

Try exploring who you are

Getting to know yourself better may help you find your inner beauty. By rediscovering yourself and exploring who you are, you may discover beauty and strengths within yourself. You may also find ways to develop qualities that you consider beautiful and would like to embody internally.

You might try to get to know yourself better by asking yourself questions such as:

1. What is important to me?

2. What do I value?

3. What are my skills?

4. What drives me?

5. What do I admire in others that I might embody in myself?

6. How do I make people feel?

7. What makes me proud of myself?

8. What do I want from my life?

9. What are my passions, interests, and skills?

10. What qualities are meaningful to me in myself and others? (Examples might include honesty, compassion, intelligence, curiosity, courage, and other personal qualities).

Try to be yourself and embrace your authenticity

Research shows that being your authentic self can help you lead a happier, more satisfying life. You can try learning to treasure your original self. An authentic life can include following your own passions and embracing your abilities, strengths, and talents — all of which can make you feel beautiful.

Understand the impact of comparing yourself to others

Comparing yourself to others can have some positive and negative effects on your self-esteem. By comparing yourself to others, you may engage in some self-discovery, finding what you value or admire. 

However, comparing yourself to others can also lead to feelings that can harm your self-esteem. Instead of focusing on your strengths and beauty, you might find yourself making unhealthy comparisons that deter you from self-improvement and growth or that make you feel insecure. 

To find your inner beauty, might try appreciating the beauty of others without comparing yourself to them. At the same time, you can also remind yourself of your own inner beauty and your goals to feel fulfilled and to appreciate yourself.

Look for your sense of purpose

Exploring your sense of purpose in life can not only allow you to know who you are but can also shine some light on your inner beauty. When you dig deep, you may discover that your purpose isn’t to be like what you see online or in the media; after all, those depictions are often staged or idealized. 

Instead, you may find inner beauty by finding meaning in what you do and who you are. Suggestions for finding purpose include:

• Finding what you care about.

• Reflecting on what you believe matters most to you and in the world.

• Recognizing your strengths and talents and determining how you can use them for good.

• Envisioning your best self. You can be mindful about being realistic about your best self. You can also take “baby steps” on the path to growing and improving.

• Practicing gratitude. You might try writing down specific things for which you’re thankful. When you are trying to find inner beauty and strengthen self-esteem, writing things your grateful for about yourself and your interactions with others and the world can be enlightening.

• Look at small things about the people you admire. Instead of thinking something like, “That person is so beautiful/talented/amazing (and so on),” you could try looking at small, specific things about them that you admire. You might also try looking at them realistically. Remember that everyone faces challenges and things may not come as naturally or as easily to others as they appear. So, instead of comparing yourself to others, you might try taking inspiration from them.

Love who you are

Despite what many believe, loving yourself is not vain. If you’re not feeling the love for yourself or you’re having trouble recognizing your inner beauty, you might try imagining what someone who cares about you would say about your strengths. Or you might even try asking them! You could even try writing a letter to yourself focusing on your positives.

Work on your self-esteem

Building your self-esteem can help you feel better about yourself and even boost your mental and physical health, your relationships, and your functioning (at work, school, or in your social interactions, for instance). Ways to boost your self-esteem include:

• Identifying situations that deflate your self-esteem. For instance, you might find that you feel down about yourself after certain interactions with certain people, after a crisis or change in life, or after a particular challenge at work or home. Once you’ve identified what hurts your self-esteem, you may be able to take steps to address the issues or minimize the situations.

• Reflecting on your negative thoughts and feelings and challenging them. You may find that your negative thoughts aren’t completely realistic or are inflated. You might find that you’re focusing so much on the negative that you’re not recognizing the positive.

• Adjusting your thoughts, beliefs, and mindset and fostering inner change. You might try avoiding negative self-talk, forgiving yourself, focusing on the positive parts of your life, on what is working, and on what you’re doing well, or encouraging yourself.

• Considering what you’ve learned and how you’ve grown (and how you can keep growing). If you’re feeling bad about something, try thinking about what you’ve learned from the situation and how you can grow stronger from it.

Try practicing radical acceptance

Sometimes in life there are things that we can’t change. A simple example is wishing you were taller or shorter. There’s really nothing you can do about changing your height. In some cases, radical acceptance involves accepting your reality and recognizing things that are beyond your control. In other cases, you may try radically accepting that you’ve done or are doing your best to handle challenges or to make positive change.

Radical acceptance does not mean that you are giving up or not trying. It does not mean that you can’t or won’t feel negative feelings about things that are painful. However, you can feel the way you feel and still accept the problem so that it holds less power over you.

Radical acceptance can reduce feelings of shame, guilt, and anxiety. It can also help with the management of mental illness and reduce distress. Tips for radical acceptance include:

• Recognizing when you are resisting reality. For example, you might find yourself thinking that life isn’t fair. Accepting the reality that life isn’t fair can help you feel more positive. Making peace with reality can help you feel better about yourself and the world around you.

• Reminding yourself that you can’t change the past. If dwelling on the past is hurting your self-esteem, you might try reminding yourself that can’t change the past, but you can accept it and learn from it.

• Feeling your feelings. You might try accepting your feelings without judging them. For instance, instead of dwelling on negative feelings, you can accept that you’re feeling them and work through them.

• Pretending that you are accepting reality. Even if you’re struggling to accept the reality of negative thoughts, feelings, or circumstance, you might imagine what it would be like if you actually did accept them. Think about how you would act and feel if you practiced acceptance and what your next steps would be. This may help you develop a new perspective.

• Using coping statements. Examples of coping statements include, “I can only control my own actions and reactions,” “This is uncomfortable, but I can handle it,” “Fighting these feelings doesn’t help,” or “I’ll do the best I can and accept that that must be enough.”

• Relaxing your body and mind. You might try progressive muscle relaxation (tensing and then relaxing your muscles one group at a time from head to toe), deep breathing, or doing something you find relaxing, like taking a walk, listening to music, or enjoying a warm bath.

Be good to yourself and to others

Research shows that acts of kindness can be a win-win. Not only can they help the recipient of the kindness, but they can also help improve the well-being and self-esteem of the person who is being kind. Even small acts of kindness can make a substantial difference in the way you and others feel. Being kind can help you feel beautiful.

Consider the benefits of therapy

If you would like help and support to strengthen your self-esteem and find your inner beauty, licensed mental health professionals are available. Therapy can be highly effective. Counseling is a tool that can help you to see yourself in a more positive light. You can connect with a licensed mental health professional through Regain. 

Online therapy platforms like Regain enable users to schedule appointments at convenient times and from preferred locations – all you need to meet with your therapist is a secure internet connection. If you are having a moment where you aren’t feeling beautiful or are struggling with your self-esteem, you can text your therapist in the moment for a reminder or coping strategy.

Many people have experienced positive outcomes from engaging in online therapy for self-esteem challenges. Treatment approaches like eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy or cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) have been shown to be effective in assisting people with self-esteem, and both modalities can be conducted online. 

In one study involving 840 participants, researchers sorted people into two cohorts in which one group would receive online CBT and the other group would participate in face-to-face treatment. The goal of the study was to examine the efficacy of online CBT, and results showed compelling evidence of its efficacy.

Takeaway

It is normal to feel down about our appearance, capabilities, and self-worth every once in a while. When these feelings are persistent, however, or interfere with your ability to function or sustain nurturing relationships, that is a sign that your self-esteem is in need of boosting. Regardless of what you’re going through, the online therapists at Regain are licensed and compassionate practitioners ready to support you in achieving your specific goals. When you’re ready, reach out to connect to a Regain therapist and start feeling more confidence in yourself.