How Compatible Are We? Explore Your Relationship Compatibility
There’s a lot of contradicting information when it comes to who you should be dating. Things like “opposites attract” and “you need to have a lot in common” both seem to make sense. So, which is true? How do you know if you and your partner make a good match? Instead of continuing to wonder, here are a few signs to help you decide. If you're having trouble parsing through your compatibility with your partner, it may be helpful to speak with an online therapist to talk about your feelings or you can try some compatibility tests for relationships.
You have things in common like best friends
Yes, opposites might attract, but if everything about the two of you is different, there may not be much for you to connect over. This doesn’t mean that you need to have everything in common. You may have separate interests, but if you both stand for the same thing and care about the same things, having different interests won’t be as big of a deal.
But even if you don’t have things in common, it’s important to support one another's preferences.
You accept each other as soul mates
Another sign that you and your partner make a good match is if you want to be with one another exactly as you are. You can accept each other even with your imperfections. If you are with your partner but secretly hope that eventually, certain things you don’t like about them will change, you may be disappointed.
Definition of compatibility
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the definition of compatible is “capable of existing together in harmony.” It doesn’t say anything about needing to have things in common; you need to exist together in a good way. When you can accept the differences that the two of you have, it makes a big difference in helping you understand each other. You don’t have to be exactly alike as long as you are both OK with how each of you is.
You balance each other out
Being a good match means that you go well together. Together you balance each other out. It’s not that one of you has more control over the other. You have balance within your relationship. This is important for compatibility. If one of you is trying to control the other or have the upper hand in the relationship, it will cause trouble.
When you balance one another out, your strengths cover their weaknesses and vice versa. This creates a nice unity that helps the relationship to be even stronger.
You like each other
This seems obvious in a relationship, but there are times when two people are drawn together based on pure attraction, and they don’t realize right off the bat that they don’t really like one another. They may have a strong attraction to one another, but the more they get to know the other, the more they realize they don’t like the other person.
It doesn’t matter how much you are attracted to the other person or how well your strengths and weaknesses balance each other if you just don’t really like one another at the end of the day.
Part of being a good couple is enjoying being in the company of the other person. If you would prefer your own space more than you would prefer to be with your partner, you may not be a good fit.
You feel like you’re a better person because you are with them
When you’re a good match for someone, they help bring out the best in you. You can feel yourself becoming a better person because you are with them. You’re motivated to do things that you wouldn’t normally think about doing on your own. And you care more about things that you might not have cared about before you met them.
You aren’t afraid to argue with each other
When you're compatible with someone, you feel free to be yourself around them even when you disagree. You and your partner aren’t afraid to argue. You feel confident that you have a healthy relationship, making you unafraid to be honest with each other even when you don’t agree.
Building trust through honesty
This kind of honesty allows couples to build trust with one another. They don’t try to hold their feelings in because they are afraid of what the other will think. Working through arguments or a difference of opinion is important for helping a couple be more compatible.
How compatible are we? Learn to build a stronger connection
Are some people more compatible than others? Sure, but that doesn’t mean they are the only ones that should be together. If you find out that you aren’t naturally compatible with your partner, it doesn’t mean that you need to plan on splitting up. You can learn how to better understand one another. Here are some things that can help:
Create goals
When you are working on becoming more compatible with your partner set some goals together. Even if you don’t have a lot in common to start with, you'll create something important to both of you.
Try new things together
Just because you feel like you don’t have a lot in common right now doesn’t mean that you won't discover things you have in common. If you feel that you’ve both tried to like what the other does and haven’t made any progress, then it might be time to try new activities. Work on finding new things to try together for the first time until you find a few things you both enjoy.
Work through differences
If you and your partner have differences standing between the two of you, you need to address them. This could be simply agreeing that there are some things you aren’t going to agree on. It could also mean working through past hurts and arguments so you can be a stronger couple together.
If you feel that you used to be more compatible earlier in your relationship, but things feel differently now, it might be worth exploring what’s standing between the two of you. Then, you can work on addressing those areas.
Be empathetic
Learning to see things through your partner’s eyes can go a long way in helping you to connect. If you're struggling with compatibility, stop trying to see everything from your perspective and try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes.
Please do your best to feel what they're feeling. Being empathetic can go a long way in helping to make you understand each other.
Explore what makes a partner a good fit for you
Couples counseling can be very effective at helping you and your partner to become more compatible. A licensed professional can also help you decide if you don’t think that the relationship is right for you. It may be that when you stop and look at your relationship, you can see that you aren’t a great fit for one another. You may look at your relationship and see that you aren’t naturally compatible but still want to make it work.
A counselor can help you find the areas in your relationship that you can improve upon to build a strong foundation. If you don’t feel that you and your partner are compatible, but you love them and want to make it work, involving a licensed therapist can help you find ways to make it work. A therapist isn’t going to tell you what the outcome of the relationship should be. They are going to help you arrive at the decision that you want to make healthily.
Counseling done online can be just as effective as that done in person. There are benefits to working on your relationship online, including that it's a flexible way of seeking help. No matter where you live, as long as you have access to the internet, you will have many therapeutic options to choose from.
Regain is an online platform where you can be matched with a licensed relationship therapist. You can meet anywhere you can get online, and appointments can be scheduled at your convenience. Regain is an affordable option if you're seeking help with your relationship.
Takeaway
There are plenty of compatibility questions and tests that you can do online, but they aren’t necessarily going to give you a good prediction of your relationship’s success. Well-matched couples can split up, and couples that aren’t a good fit can work on their relationships and end up happy together for years to come. It’s all up to you and your partner.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
How compatible are we?
Being compatible really depends on the people involved. For some, being good fits for each other might mean having the same hobbies and interests. In contrast, it might mean being quite different from each other and challenging one another to do different things and see different perspectives. It could mean working in the same field and being passionate about the same things, or it could mean finding someone who is just as independent as you are and enjoys doing your own thing while you do yours in your spare time.
Overall, knowing whether or not you and your partner are a good match generally comes down to a matter of feeling: when you’re with them, do you feel overall good or bad? This can, of course, vary as relationships inevitably experience challenges, but overall, you should feel good around this person. Do you feel loved or know that you’re loved? Can you two communicate your needs and goals without judgment and reach compromises? Do you feel supported and empowered, and does your partner as well? Feeling, well, “good vibes” from your partner, feeling and being loved, supported, respected, heard, and valued are all important components that go into compatibility and are signs that you and your partner are a good match. Conversely, you must also be able to provide these for your partner.
How do I find a compatible soul mate?
Finding a good partner often requires you to know yourself pretty well. After all, how can you find someone who’s a good fit for you if you don’t even really know who you are or what you need in life or from a partner? Partners in healthy relationships often have a fairly strong sense of self and possess self-love and self-value. Once you possess these things, it’s much easier to find partners who suit and provide what you know you need. Sometimes, a good partner is found completely out of the blue, such as when shopping at the grocery store and bumping into someone or while attending an event in your spare time. You may find someone purposefully via online dating platforms that allow you to get to know someone before meeting them.
How do you know if you’re a good match?
As discussed in the first FAQ, the questions “Is my partner a good match?” or “Are we a good pair?” are a matter of communication, trust, and feeling. If you and your partner can communicate, even in difficult and high-stress times, both listening and expressing your thoughts and feelings equally, then you’re well on your way to being compatible if you aren’t already! Additionally, having at least some mutual interests and enjoying doing some common things together in your spare time are good indicators, as well as both of you feeling respected, loved, valued, heard, and supported/empowered. All of these are solid indicators that you and your partner are compatible with. There are also many science-backed studies and tests to determine whether you’re a good match for one another and how to get there if you aren’t currently potentially.
Does "like attract like" in a relationship?
You may have heard “opposites attract” as well as “like attracts like,” and both are technically true! We are hardwired to be drawn to what we’re familiar with and follow our views and values. However, many of us recognize that challenge is often critical to personal and relationship growth. Being with someone a bit different from us can be beneficial. One study found that healthy and established couples tend to possess at least some similarities, but it also found that many of these couples “grow together” as time goes on. They learn to communicate more effectively and compromise. This indicates that like can indeed attract like, but so does getting through differences and challenges together!
How do you know if you’re not compatible?
This may sound cliché, but answering the question of “Is my partner a good match for me?” can really come down to listening to your gut. Do you genuinely like and care about this person? Do you enjoy being around them overall and spending time together? Are you able to be yourself? Do you challenge each other in healthy ways while also communicating with and supporting one another? If the answer to these is “no,” then it’s possible that you’re not a good match. If the answer is “yes,” or even “sometimes,” then you and your partner are compatible or on your way to it! You know deep down whether someone is right for your life, and this goes for romantic and platonic relationships alike. Know yourself and value yourself, and in doing so, you’ll be better able to listen to yourself and what you need.
- Previous Article
- Next Article