How Do I Help My Girlfriend Feel Less Jealous?

It happens often. You and your girlfriend feel very connected, spend lots of time together, and you go out of your way to do things for her, but she still seems to have trouble trusting your intentions. She may feel jealous or want to know everything that you do when you’re not with her. Why is this? That answer often can’t be answered. Some people feel insecure in their relationships because of experiences from their childhood or their past. Others have trouble trusting their partners because they struggle to manage their anxiety and wrestle in overcoming jealousy throughout the relationship.

No matter the reason that your girlfriend feels jealousy, it’s understandable that it can be challenging to deal with as her partner. If your girlfriend is displaying irrational or sporadic episodes of jealousy, it can damage your relationship A healthy relationship needs trust to thrive, and yours is no exception. Let’s look more into the feeling of jealousy and ways you can work together to combat it. 

What causes her jealousy?

sometimes occurs when a person feels insecure about who they are. However, it may also be a reflection of their insecurity about the relationship itself. A person who has low self-worth may question why their partner wants to be with them and their motives. Many relationships have moments where one or both partners doubt the fealty of their significant other, and they turn into a jealous boyfriend or girlfriend. Many people who have these feelings have difficulty discerning the difference between rational and irrational thought patterns. They may feel a strong sense of fear or anger as their thoughts become increasingly challenging to put aside. Therapy can be a great help to your partner in helping them cope in these moments, as it will give them tools to work against these negative thoughts.

Certain situations can also cause a jealous reaction. This can be a result of past traumatic events or because it makes them feel further away from you in some regard. Abuse and trauma that happens during childhood can have a direct effect on a person’s attachment style later in life, leading to problems in romantic relationships, especially in terms of trust and their ability to connect. Though you likely want to comfort your partner in these moments, it’s important not to allow this issue to prevent you from being yourself and spending time doing things you can enjoy. Instead, there may be ways you can reassure them in those moments that you still love and care for them.

Common situations that can cause jealousy

Here are a few of the most common reasons why some people feel insecure in their relationships:

• She sees you talking to other girls. Your partner may display signs of jealousy if she sees you conversing with another girl. Even if the conversation is spiritual or business-related, your girlfriend may feel concerned that it will become inappropriate.
• She notices your cell phone use. For example, she sees you texting and then you stop. Or you are getting off a call as she walks into the room.
• There is a break in conversation or communication. In our day-to-day lives, it’s common for people to become too busy to answer a text or phone call. For some people who experience insecure feelings in a relationship, these silences may heighten their anxiety.
• You want to enjoy a night out with friends. It can be challenging for people who have feelings of jealousy not to be invited to social engagements. Your partner may worry that it will lead to infidelity or other breaches of trust.
• You plan a trip without her. Like the previous point, extended periods away from each other can make some people feel jealous or afraid.
• You want to visit your family without her. It may be for personal reasons or to get away, but sometimes you may want to visit your family alone. This can also come up if you take your time introducing a new partner to your family for the first time.

These are only a few situations that can lead to her becoming jealous.  The best thing that you can both do is communicate regularly about her feelings and how you can help her work through them. Your partner must put some effort into working against their feelings of jealousy, as resentment can quickly develop when it becomes a recurring pattern. It may help to have individual or couple counseling to find a way to work through jealousy.

How to intervene with your girlfriend’s jealousy

To be clear, jealousy is something that will have to be overcome by the individual. Though you can find ways to comfort your partner when they are feeling jealous, without finding ways to manage their feelings effectively, the problem will likely recur.

It’s important to maintain your individuality and not allow jealousy to overshadow you or the relationship. Begin by having an open conversation with your girlfriend to see if you can work together to combat jealous feelings.

Once you open the dialogue for conversation, keep these tips in mind:

• Make sure you are both calm and in a healthy head space before you have this conversation. Don’t strike up the conversation during a moment of heightened emotions or when your partner may already feel defensive.
• Speak with a mild and friendly tone.
• Be sure to remain calm throughout the communication exchange.
• A rational conversation is going to yield the best results. If the situation becomes heated, aggressive, or makes you feel unsafe, remove yourself immediately.

Once you have talked, give her a little time to make the necessary adjustments. See if you notice any changes or if she is at least putting forth an effort to end the jealousy.

If the conversation does not work, here are a few other tips to calm your girlfriend’s unwarranted outbursts of jealousy.

1. Watch for the early signs of jealousy

Signs of a person feeling jealousy often show up early in a relationship. When you start getting to know someone you are interested in, pay attention to their emotional reactions. Though a little jealousy is completely normal in a relationship, it can quickly develop to unhealthy levels if you do not intervene and communicate early. Make sure to have open conversations with anyone about boundaries and expectations before settling into a romantic partnership.

2. Manage your emotions 

You may have an initial reaction that causes you to become upset when she acts jealous about something that feels irrational. It may feel confusing, challenging, or frustrating if you feel like your partner doesn’t trust you. Do your best to try to understand what underlying reasons are leading to her insecure feelings. If you are unable to, tell your girlfriend you need to take a moment to process her reaction and step away. 

3. Talk with her about why she feels jealous

A specific person or occurrence usually sets off jealousy. She may become jealous if you:

• Have a best friend that intimidates her.
• Spend time with your friends, and she’s not always invited.
• She believes you are not responsive to phone calls, texts or you have a different idea of the necessary amount of communication.

Gaining insight into the root cause of her jealousy will help you both develop a strategy to counteract these feelings and work towards resolution. 

4. Try to help her understand your position

Empathy and the effort of putting yourself in another’s shoes can be helpful for many couples during the conflict. Try to help your partner understand how her reactions make you feel. Remind her of the times you have been okay with her meeting friends after work or spending time with her friends. Try to remind her how much you trust her and why you want her to feel the same.

Ask her questions to cause her to reconsider her actions. Make sure the questions are open-ended and unaccusatory to prompt a quality response. Consider asking her the following.

• How would you feel if I asked you to stop communicating with “John” because of my jealousy?
• Would you stop going out with your girls because I get upset each time you go out?
• How would you feel if I became possessive and wanted you to spend every available hour with you?

Make sure to keep the tone friendly and not combative. Allow her to answer and express herself freely.

5. Establish communication expectations

If you are available to talk when she calls, answer the phone. Sometimes you may only be able to answer and have a brief conversation, but at least you acknowledged her call. This could be a way to calm her concerns. You can also discuss guidelines with your partner about the best way for you both to communicate when you are not physically present with each other. Sometimes a small gesture can help keep jealousy at bay.

6. Support her concerns when jealous of your friends

If you have a friend that your girlfriend is jealous of, make an effort to respect her feelings. You can also try to help her feel less intimidated by bringing them together. Invite your girlfriend to go out with the two of you to try and forge a relationship as a group. Once she feels more comfortable with them, it may be easier for her to trust your behavior when you are together.

7. Invite her to go out with your friends

This applies to hanging with friends of both sexes and not just you and the guys. If other females will be there, why not invite your girlfriend? You may be surprised to see that after a few times out with the gang, she may decline a few of the invitations, and you can enjoy a night out without her.

8. Reassure Her

She may be feeling insecure about your relationship simply because she is not feeling valued or recognized. Try your best to show her that you are interested in her goals, compliment her regularly, and show compassion for her emotional wellbeing. The more she feels that you value her worth, the more comfortable she will feel with your relationship. 

9. Be honest about any interactions you have with your ex.

Even after breaking up with a person, many people will have an occasional interaction with their ex, especially if they have the same social circle or work together. It is important to let your girlfriend know if you plan to see your ex or even if you happen to bump into them in the grocery store. Do not complicate things by trying to cover up little encounters. Your girlfriend will find it easier to trust you if you are upfront and honest about any communication or interaction that occurs between the two of you.

Getting professional advice

There are few relationships that do not have moments where one or both parties experience bouts of jealousy. You may notice that the jealousy subsides once you acknowledge the jealousy and openly talk to your girlfriend about it. It may be helpful for you to recognize that this emotion may be caused by your girlfriend being afraid that she will lose you. No matter the cause, extended or repeated periods of jealousy are an unhealthy sign in your relationship and can indicated a deeply rooted problem that needs to be addressed. If your girlfriend’s jealousy negatively impacts the relational dynamic, you both have the opportunity to resolve the underlying causes in couples therapy.

When in-person therapy is inaccessible or inconvenient, many couples are now using virtual therapy to work on communication and improve their relationship dynamics. Furthermore, when people are managing anxiety-related symptoms, such as increased paranoia or low self-esteem, online therapy offers them the ability to receive professional advisement from the comfort of their own home. A recent study published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy looked at the unforeseen advantages of virtual couples therapy when compared to in-person therapy. The study authors found several, including flexibility, convenience, and enhanced connection during sessions. The study’s participants found that having the sessions in their personal space helped them to feel more comfortable in opening up to their therapist because of the familiar environment. Of course, not having to travel to and from appointments was another plus in terms of convenience. 

If virtual therapy seems like the right fit to help you and your girlfriend resolve the jealousy cycle, consider Regain. You can get matched with a therapist based on your preferences and meet with them remotely via phone, video, or live chat sessions. If you and your partner have alternate schedules, you can meet your provider from two locations. 

Takeaway

Some women have endured painful past relationships that make it difficult for them to trust in new relationships. It is not recommended that you remain in an unhealthy relationship that is filled with jealousy. With help from professionals at Regain, you can communicate effectively to work against insecurity in the relationship as a team.