How Impulsive Behavior Hurts Your Relationships

In life, the ability to control impulses is critical to the quality of your relationships. Inevitably, how you conduct yourself will impact how other people feel when they are around you, especially if you tend to act erratically and without concern. Your behavior determines how you manage life’s opportunities, your relationships, and your overall perception of personal outcomes. If you have recognized a tendency towards impulsivity within yourself, you may have noticed how it is affecting your relationships and ability to function normally in some spaces, such as work or school. 

Having a mental health disorder (like attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, ADHD), experiencing trauma, and a person’s mental state can cause poor impulse control. Furthermore, at more difficult moments in your life, you may find yourself more likely to make impulsive decisions. In this article, we will discuss how poor impulse control can negatively a person’s relationships and introduce strategies that help you to recognize and stop these behaviors before they hurt you or those around you. 

An overview of poor impulse control

Impulsivity can be defined as the absence of control over your behavior. This inability to stop yourself from engaging in behaviors that are problematic or harmful to yourself or others is known as poor impulse control. Now, depending on the nature of a person's inability to control their impulses, they may suffer from a clinical issue known as impulse control disorder. Examples of impulse control disorders include impulsive gambling, hypersexuality, and compulsive shopping. However, not every person with poor impulse control suffers from an impulse control disorder. Sometimes, their problems are simply a lack of discipline or a misunderstanding about the true gravity of their actions.

Causes

Various risk factors are linked to poor impulse control. Sometimes, stress and the quality of your environment can make a difference. In other cases, past trauma or hereditary factors can impair someone from the ability to control themselves. Sometimes, genuine disorders, like impulse control disorders and other mental health conditions, like attention deficit hyperactivity disorder are involved. 

Some examples of impulse control disorders, personality disorders, and other mental health conditions that can impact impulse control include: 

• Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) – attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is characterized by inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. People with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) can have difficulty with impulse control. 

• Intermittent Explosive Disorder – intermittent explosive disorder involves sudden episodes of unwarranted anger and aggression. People with this impulse control disorder often lose their temper and react impulsively to surges in anger, hence the name intermittent explosive disorder. 

• Bipolar Disorder – this condition is marked by periods of depression and mania. During manic phases, decision-making skills are impaired, and individuals can exhibit impulsive and risky behaviors. 

• Antisocial Personality Disorder – people with antisocial personality disorder have little regard for rules or social norms and often treat people poorly and commit crimes without remorse

• Borderline Personality Disorder – borderline personality disorder is a personality disorder that impacts emotional stability, which can result in impulsivity. 

Each person has their own unique experiences in life, contributing to who they are and how they move through the world. However, despite the causes linked to poor impulse control or impulse control disorder, the impacts are still very grave.

One of the most devastating impacts of all is that which impulsive behavior wreaks upon relationships.

Impulsive behavior and harm to your relationships

There are a series of ways in which impulsive behavior hurts your relationships. The very nature of healthy relationships relies upon two people having one another's best interests at heart and acting accordingly. Generally, relationships begin to run into trouble when there are major imbalances, especially in the form of personal treatment.

If one person is always going above and beyond for the other who doesn't care, that tends to be problematic. Likewise, when someone behaves impulsively without thought for others, this tends to cause problems unless a change is enacted quickly.

A lack of trust

One of the negative effects of being in a relationship with an impulsive person is the gradual or sudden loss of trust. Would you trust someone who constantly did whatever they wanted, regardless of the consequences? Would you feel comfortable leaving a friend like this in your home or around your children? Most other people would experience the same levels of distrust and discomfort around impulsive individuals. You can learn a lot from a person's behavior and how they choose to carry themselves. This doesn't mean that no one makes mistakes, but if you have a pattern of simply doing whatever strikes you, regardless of how it impacts others, this will change how people perceive you.

Irresponsibility

By its very nature, impulsive behavior is not well-thought-out or planned. Therefore, when you regularly engage in this type of conduct, you are not considering how your actions will affect other parts of your life. This can quickly cause problems, especially if you have commitments and obligations to other people. This does not mean that you cannot ever have some impromptu fun or do something unplanned. However, when your behavior reaches a point where you are not fulfilling responsibilities, then it has become a problem that needs an intervention. Otherwise, over time people may begin to distance themselves from you if you are viewed as reckless and irresponsible. You may also run the risk of losing your job or relationships with people you care for because of your consistent irresponsible behavior. 

Work troubles

The harm which impulsive behavior has is not mutually exclusive to your relationships. Believe it or not, your relationships in the workplace can also be negatively impacted. This adds a new level of devastation since your income and career are inherently linked to workplace performance, regardless of your occupation. For example, if you work for a company and routinely behave impulsively, your supervisor may fire you or your colleagues may talk poorly of you behind your back. 

Likewise, if you own a business and are habitually impulsive, this will hurt relationships with your clients and partners. People supporting businesses want to know that they are devoting their time and energy towards ones that they can count on. Concomitantly, people who go into business with others want to know that their partner isn't going to do something reckless, which could tank the entire establishment.

General alienation

Everyone has dark days and tough times. This is entirely understandable and to be expected. However, impulsive behavior is not a way to deal with issues that may be happening in your life. A lack of thought for how your behavior impacts other individuals around you is guaranteed to make any bad situation ten times worse. The ultimate harm to relationships takes place when people decide to stop interacting with you entirely. This could happen personally, professionally, romantically, etc. For better or for worse, your behavior reveals things about yourself to other people who will judge accordingly.  If you do not like the message you are sending to others in your circle, it may be time to change.

Putting an end to impulsive behavior

Fortunately, whether your impulsivity is caused by a condition like attention deficit hyperactivity disorder or a lack of discipline, impulsive behavior is something that you can change about yourself, with dedication and perseverance. Even if your relationships have suffered because of impulsive actions, the potential for a new behavior pattern is always there. The following suggestions are specific steps you can take to ending impulsive behavior and sending a new message to people in your life about who you are.

Think before you act

Thinking before you make a decision is the number one way of changing impulsive behavior. Before you make a move, take time to consider how other people will be impacted. Will your actions hurt or help those around you? Likewise, ask yourself if what you are thinking of doing will adversely impact you or conflict with any prior commitments, stances, or promises which you have made. Sometimes, people become impulsive when they are in upset, emotional states; it is more critical than ever to think before you act during these times.

Get feedback from other people

If you feel unsure about whether you should do something, getting advice from other people around can be very helpful. Granted, you should only turn to trusted individuals who have your best interest at heart when you are seeking advice. Listening to other people's feedback can make a difference in your ability to control your impulses. This outside perspective may shed light on the consequences of your behavior and how it makes people close to Looking at a situation through new lenses makes a meaningful difference. Furthermore, it can potentially stop you from making a reckless and devastating decision.

Stand down

If certain behavior has the potential to do more harm than good and if others have advised you against it, standing down might be a good idea. Once you make a move, it can never be taken back, regardless of how much you regret it later down the line. This is always important to remember. Moreover, if you know that you are someone who has previously struggled with impulsive behavior, then this is all the more reason not to do whatever you may think of doing. An ounce of prevention is worth more than a pound of damage control. Never forget that.

Remove bad influences

The quality of influences in your life can significantly contribute to your behavior, especially when you have an impulsive track record. Therefore, removing bad influences from your life will make a very positive difference. The people with whom you spend your time reflect your values and your aspirations. If the people you socialize with tend to make poor, impulsive decisions that are bad for your physical and mental health, it is time to make new friends. What are those people like for you? How do they live their lives, and what choices do they make when you are around them? How do you feel when you are around these influences? It would help if you asked yourself each of these questions. If you answer honestly, you will most likely be able to determine whether it is time to modify your inner circle.

Seeking professional help

If you find yourself in a situation where you truly feel unable to stop impulsive behavior despite subsequent harm, there might be a deeper issue beneath the surface, like attention deficit hyperactivity disorder or another mental health condition. In this case, seeking professional therapy, like cognitive behavioral therapy, is the next best step. Many people are looking for effective therapy in person and are running into reachability challenges due to their busy schedules or living in a location that makes attending therapy difficult. Online therapy is a beneficial alternative to in-person therapy through which you can receive professional support from the comfort of your home and at a time convenient for you. Furthermore, online cognitive behavioral therapy has been shown in research to provide low-cost, innominate, and self-directed interventions to those seeking care who may not have mental healthcare services. 

Signing up for online therapy comes with a plethora of benefits. First, you can get help from anywhere in the world. This help can pertain to impulsive behavior or another matter entirely. If you are experiencing obstacles in life that are keeping you from self-fulfillment, know these obstacles should not stop you from getting the proper care and guidance. 

Online therapy also comes with the added benefit of having a professional who can get to know you, assess your situation, and be of value. If you are struggling in certain areas, working with a therapist can help you learn why and guide you to discover the necessary actions and strategies to improve your situation.

While online therapy is not an overnight solution, it is a solution that can give you lifelong skills. Knowing how to overcome your present challenges and prepare for any future obstacles is a pathway to happiness and fulfillment.

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Takeaway

If you are having difficulty in controlling impulsive behaviors or feel entirely out of control of stopping impulsive actions, consider making an appointment with a mental health therapist for behavioral therapy. Not only can they give you tools to better process stressful moments but are trained to help you understand where the impulsive urges come from, how to identify the underlying reasons for the behavior, and ultimately help you change for the better. There is no need to allow impulsive ideas, thoughts, and actions to be a factor in your happiness long term when therapy is an option available to you.