Anxious Feelings: How To Navigate Anxiety At The Beginning Of A Relationship
The beginning of a relationship is fragile and can be anxiety-inducing for everyone. For those who experience relationship anxiety, it doesn’t go away with time. In fact, it can get stronger the more attached they become to their partner. If this sounds like you, you might think that it’s just easier to be single. Eliminate the source of the relationship anxiety, and the problem is solved!
But that means you miss out on finding someone truly special for you. While love can’t solve all of your problems, you can overcome your relationship anxiety. It will take work and won’t be easy, but it will be worth it when you find the right person. Knowing how to approach your anxiety will be the first step to not letting it control your relationship.
Be mindful of anxiety symptoms
You know your anxiety better than anyone. You know what it feeds on, how it works, and where it manifests in your life and mind. By acknowledging that it’s there and dealing with it, you separate yourself from those feelings so that they don’t consume you or cause relationship issues down the road. Of course, it is easier said than done.
Maintain a sense of independence
You might be tempted to throw everything you have into the relationship. Don’t do this. Give yourself some things that are just yours that you can return to when your anxiety creeps in. When feelings of insecurity, comparison, and fear take hold, you will have a place you can go to build up your strength again. Maybe you’re creative and like to paint, read, or dance. Perhaps your confidence lies in school, with family, or another talent. Don’t let the relationship be tied up in it. Because when the relationship gives you anxiety, that’s where you can go to recharge. This will also help you remember who you are so that you don’t change yourself just for the sake of the relationship.
Try to avoid constantly seeking reassurance
New relationship anxiety comes from insecurity about the relationship, yourself, the past, or the future. It can also stem from your attachment style. Making plans for the future might be hard for you. Trusting your partner might take a lot of work for you. Knowing this, you might constantly need to apologize for your fear. You may need to be continuously reminded that you are loved. It’s hard to stop asking for reassurance once you’ve started getting it, but you mustn’t rely on your partner for reassurance every time you feel anxious. That’s why it’s essential to have places where you are independent. You can reassure yourself when things get hard. Asking your partner for reassurance constantly can hurt the relationship. Constant reassurance starts to get old, and your anxiety could come off the wrong way to someone who doesn’t understand what you’re going through. Your partner may begin to feel insecure or even used. Drawing from within for your strength will help eliminate that.
Stop comparing yourself or your partner to your past experiences
If your relationship anxiety stems from experience, it will be easy to compare yourself and your partner to what happened in the past. Sometimes, your bad experience can lead to your fear of dating, which is unfair to your partner and yourself. Your partner is a unique person with their own set of good and bad traits. Getting to know them will help you to see that this relationship isn’t like the last one. Trust might be hard for you, but give yourself some time to let it build. You don’t have to trust right away, but you can eventually believe that trust will come.
Avoid lashing out due to anxiety
Does anxiety sometimes make you angry? When you’re afraid, do you act out? Are you mean when you don’t know what else to say? Unfortunately, it’s easy for people with anxiety to take out their fears on those they care about. Fear can turn into anger quickly when your partner doesn’t understand what’s happening and fails to help you the way you need. Know that it’s okay to make some space for yourself. You can walk away from a situation to regroup before the anger comes out. When you are calm, you can explain your feelings and what your partner can do differently next time.
Talk to your partner
Communication is always important, but it is especially so when you have relationship anxiety. Your partner won’t know what to do with your need for reassurance, unwillingness to trust, and moments of panic. They may have the instinct to fix the problem, but only you can know for sure how someone else can truly help you. Whether you need space, a hug, or a distraction, it’s okay to ask for it. Your partner will do their best if they truly like you. They may not always succeed, but they will try. The longer you are together, the better you two will become at communicating what you need. It takes time, but it’s worth the work.
I don’t have anxiety, but my partner does
If you aren’t the partner with anxiety, there are a few tips that you can benefit from as well. The biggest thing you can do is listen to your partner. They may not always make sense, and it might be frustrating to see them in so much pain and not be able to do anything about it but know that you truly are helping just by listening. Anxiety isn’t something that you can put a band-aid on to fix. Getting back on the right track takes a lot of inner strength and self-work. It may also be helpful to learn each other’s attachment styles so you better understand how the other behaves in relationships and why they behave that way.
Another thing you can do is be a source of encouragement. Remind your partner how strong they are. Tell them that they are going to be okay, no matter what. You will realize there are right and wrong times to tell them. Sometimes they will hear it loud and clear, and other times it will fall on deaf ears. They also might try to cling to your reassurances. If you start to see that they rely on you for your assurance, help them find it on their own without giving in to their false need.
If relationship anxiety is too hard to work through on your own, a counselor or therapist is an option worth considering. Anxiety manifests in ways that don’t make sense, leaving you feeling like the world will end anyway. There’s no reason for you to go through this on your own. Therapists and counselors are there to help you.
Online therapy can help
Whether you’re interested in therapy for yourself, encouraging your partner to seek support, or want to attend sessions together, online therapy is an accessible and convenient option. With online therapy, you attend sessions from the comfort of your own home or anywhere you have an internet connection. You can communicate with your therapist via online chat, text, email, phone, and/or video chat, whichever works best for you. Research shows that online therapy. One review of 14 studies found that online therapy led to a 50% improvement in symptoms of generalized anxiety, panic disorder, social anxiety disorder, and depression, to name a few. To learn more, get started with Regain.
FAQs
Is it okay to experience anxiety at the beginning of a relationship?
It is entirely normal to deal with anxiety at the beginning of a new relationship. Many people develop anxiety early on in a relationship.
Dealing with a new partner is truly a life-changing experience. Starting a new chapter in your life, whether a new relationship, a new job, or something else, inevitably brings stress and anxiety. The most important thing is communicating your feelings with your new partner. An early relationship can become stronger if you openly talk to your new partner.
Sometimes, though, new relationship anxiety can persist into long-term relationships, which you want to address with your partner as early as you can. For some, talking with a relationship coach, couples counselor, or another professional can be a great way to start the conversation and receive relationship advice.
How do you know if you have relationship anxiety?
Many people experience relationship anxiety. One of the most critical steps to having a fulfilling and successful relationship is recognizing your relationship anxiety early on.
Relationship anxiety affects people differently, but some common thoughts could indicate relationship anxiety. The below symptoms might indicate anxiety related to your relationship:
- Constantly worrying about whether your partner will break up with you
- Worrying if the early relationship won’t last long-term
- Feeling like you aren’t enjoying their company to the fullest
- Worrying that your partner won’t find you desirable or will otherwise reject you
Being nervous for first dates and wanting to impress a partner are normal parts of a new relationship, but excessive and chronic worry can significantly impact an individual’s well-being. Those experiencing signs of chronic anxiety or an anxiety disorder must seek the help they need and deserve.
Additional questions
Is anxiety at the beginning of a relationship harmful to mental health?
It’s common to experience anxiety at the beginning of a relationship, and while it can be uncomfortable, it isn’t always harmful. However, if anxiety starts to affect your daily life or mental health, it’s important to take care of yourself by acknowledging your feelings and seeking support if needed. Healthy communication with your partner can also make a big difference in managing this anxiety.
Can anxiety at the beginning of a relationship indicate an anxiety disorder?
Not necessarily. Anxiety at the beginning of a relationship is often related to the fear of the unknown, wanting to make a good impression, or uncertainty about the future. If the anxious feelings are extreme, persistent, and interfere with your ability to enjoy life, it could be linked to an anxiety disorder. If you’re concerned, consulting a mental health professional can help you understand what’s happening and offer support.
How can couples therapy help with anxiety at the beginning of a relationship?
Couples therapy can be a helpful way to navigate anxiety in the early stages of a relationship. It provides a safe space to openly discuss worries and build communication skills that foster emotional security. By addressing anxiety early, couples therapy helps create a stronger, healthier relationship foundation.
How does cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) help with anxious feelings?
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can be very effective for managing anxiety. It helps you understand and reframe negative thought patterns that contribute to your anxiety. When starting a new relationship, CBT can help you challenge worries about rejection or failure, allowing you to enjoy the connection without being overwhelmed by anxious thoughts.
What can you do if your anxious feelings are affecting your relationship?
It’s important to recognize when anxious feelings are impacting your relationship. Talk openly with your partner about your feelings so they understand what you’re experiencing. It can also help to practice self-care, whether setting aside time for yourself or learning relaxation techniques. If it becomes overwhelming, seeing a therapist could be beneficial for both your relationship and mental health.
Why do people feel anxiety at the beginning of a relationship?
Anxiety at the beginning of a relationship often stems from fear of the unknown or worrying about making a good impression. Feeling anxious about whether the other person likes you or the relationship will work out is natural. These feelings are normal, and the key is to focus on getting to know each other rather than letting those worries take over.
How can I manage anxiety without letting it damage my mental health?
Managing anxiety at the beginning of a relationship starts with acknowledging your feelings instead of ignoring them. Practice healthy coping techniques, like journaling, talking to a supportive friend, or doing deep breathing exercises. Also, remind yourself that feeling anxious is normal, and try not to judge yourself for it. It may take time, but these approaches can help keep anxiety from overwhelming your mental health.
Can anxiety at the beginning of a relationship lead to an anxiety disorder if left unaddressed?
Anxiety at the beginning of a relationship is normal, but if anxious feelings are left unaddressed, they could contribute to a more serious anxiety disorder. It’s important to pay attention to your mental health and seek support if you notice anxiety interfering with your daily life or ability to enjoy the relationship.
How can couples therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) work together to address anxiety at the beginning of a relationship?
Couples therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can complement each other well when dealing with anxiety at the beginning of a relationship. Couples therapy helps build communication and trust, while CBT helps individuals work on anxious thoughts and feelings. Together, they provide both partners with tools to strengthen the relationship and manage anxiety more effectively.
What role do anxious feelings play in mental health when starting a new relationship, and how can they be managed?
Anxious feelings are common in new relationships and can impact mental health if not properly managed. These feelings often come from a fear of the unknown or concerns about vulnerability. Managing them with healthy coping strategies, such as open communication with your partner or using techniques from cognitive behavioral therapy, can help maintain your mental health and the quality of the relationship.
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