How To Approach Anxiety At The Beginning Of A Relationship

The beginning of a relationship is fragile and can be anxiety-inducing for everyone. For those who experience relationship anxiety, it doesn’t go away with time. In fact, it can get stronger the more attached they become to their partner. If this sounds like you, you might think that it’s just easier to be single. Eliminate the source of the relationship anxiety, and the problem is solved!

But that means you miss out on finding someone truly special for you. While love can’t solve all of your problems, you can overcome your relationship anxiety. It will take work and won’t be easy, but it will be worth it when you find the right person. Knowing how to approach your anxiety will be the first step to not letting it control your relationship.

Be mindful of your anxiety

You know your anxiety better than anyone. You know what it feeds on, how it works, and where it manifests in your life and mind. By acknowledging that it’s there and dealing with it, you separate yourself from those feelings so that they don’t consume you or cause relationship issues down the road. Of course, it is easier said than done.

Maintain your independence from the relationship

You might be tempted to throw everything you have into the relationship. Don’t do this. Give yourself some things that are just yours that you can return to when your anxiety creeps in. When feelings of insecurity, comparison, and fear take hold, you will have a place you can go to build up your strength again. Maybe you’re creative and like to paint, read, or dance. Perhaps your confidence lies in school, with family, or another talent. Don’t let the relationship be tied up in it. Because when the relationship gives you anxiety, that’s where you can go to recharge. This will also help you remember who you are so that you don’t change yourself just for the sake of the relationship.

Don’t seek reassurance from your partner constantly

New relationship anxiety comes from insecurity about the relationship, yourself, the past, or the future. It can also stem from your attachment style. Making plans for the future might be hard for you. Trusting your partner might take a lot of work for you. Knowing this, you might constantly need to apologize for your fear. You may need to be continuously reminded that you are loved. It’s hard to stop asking for reassurance once you’ve started getting it, but you mustn’t rely on your partner for reassurance every time you feel anxious. That’s why it’s essential to have places where you are independent. You can reassure yourself when things get hard. Asking your partner for reassurance constantly can hurt the relationship. Constant reassurance starts to get old, and your anxiety could come off the wrong way to someone who doesn’t understand what you’re going through. Your partner may begin to feel insecure or even used. Drawing from within for your strength will help eliminate that.

Stop comparing yourself or your partner to the past

If your relationship anxiety stems from experience, it will be easy to compare yourself and your partner to what happened in the past. Sometimes, your bad experience can lead to your fear of dating, which is unfair to your partner and yourself. Your partner is a unique person with their own set of good and bad traits. Getting to know them will help you to see that this relationship isn’t like the last one. Trust might be hard for you, but give yourself some time to let it build. You don’t have to trust right away, but you can eventually believe that trust will come.

Don’t let your anxiety make you lash out

Does anxiety sometimes make you angry? When you’re afraid, do you act out? Are you mean when you don’t know what else to say? Unfortunately, it’s easy for people with anxiety to take out their fears on those they care about. Fear can turn into anger quickly when your partner doesn’t understand what’s happening and fails to help you the way you need. Know that it’s okay to make some space for yourself. You can walk away from a situation to regroup before the anger comes out. When you are calm, you can explain your feelings and what your partner can do differently next time.

Talk to your partner

Communication is always important, but it is especially so when you have relationship anxiety. Your partner won’t know what to do with your need for reassurance, unwillingness to trust, and moments of panic. They may have the instinct to fix the problem, but only you can know for sure how someone else can truly help you. Whether you need space, a hug, or a distraction, it’s okay to ask for it. Your partner will do their best if they truly like you. They may not always succeed, but they will try. The longer you are together, the better you two will become at communicating what you need. It takes time, but it’s worth the work.

I don’t have anxiety, but my partner does

If you aren’t the partner with anxiety, there are a few tips that you can benefit from as well. The biggest thing you can do is listen to your partner. They may not always make sense, and it might be frustrating to see them in so much pain and not be able to do anything about it but know that you truly are helping just by listening. Anxiety isn’t something that you can put a band-aid on to fix. Getting back on the right track takes a lot of inner strength and self-work. It may also be helpful to learn each other’s attachment styles so you better understand how the other behaves in relationships and why they behave that way.

Another thing you can do is be a source of encouragement. Remind your partner how strong they are. Tell them that they are going to be okay, no matter what. You will realize there are right and wrong times to tell them. Sometimes they will hear it loud and clear, and other times it will fall on deaf ears. They also might try to cling to your reassurances. If you start to see that they rely on you for your assurance, help them find it on their own without giving in to their false need.

If relationship anxiety is too hard to work through on your own, a counselor or therapist is an option worth considering. Anxiety manifests in ways that don’t make sense, leaving you feeling like the world will end anyway. There’s no reason for you to go through this on your own. Therapists and counselors are there to help you.

Online therapy can help

Whether you’re interested in therapy for yourself, encouraging your partner to seek support, or want to attend sessions together, online therapy is an accessible and convenient option. With online therapy, you attend sessions from the comfort of your own home or anywhere you have an internet connection. You can communicate with your therapist via online chat, text, email, phone, and/or video chat, whichever works best for you. Research shows that online therapy. One review of 14 studies found that online therapy led to a 50% improvement in symptoms of generalized anxiety, panic disorder, social anxiety disorder, and depression, to name a few. To learn more, get started with Regain.