How To Deepen Your Emotional Connection With Your Spouse

For many, the emotional connection with their spouse is one of the most vital links they’ll have with another human. But healthy relationships do take work to continue to grow and flourish- part of that work is maintaining a deep emotional connection with your spouse. How you can best connect emotionally with your spouse will depend on what resonates with them and your situation. Still, once you intentionally make efforts through meaningful actions, it can become second nature to you. 

You will see a significant improvement when you are both actively trying to connect. A deep connection with your spouse is about keeping your marriage's excitement and spark alive even when you have been together for years.

Below are some examples of things you can do to deepen your emotional connection with your spouse to strengthen your bond for years to come.

Go on more dates

Dating your spouse even after marriage is one of the most significant ways to improve a marriage and stay connected. Devoting special time to your partner will help your relationship stay strong and keep things exciting as you make special new memories together regularly. Try to mark a day on your calendar and stick with it. How many dates you go on a month depends on your schedule, but the more time you spend together focusing on each other, the better. 

To make things even more interesting, you two can take turns with who gets to plan the date and what you will do. Make your dates fun and try something new that you have always wanted to do. Go to cool places you have always wanted to see, or stay home for a cozy night and a home-cooked dinner together. Date nights don’t have to be expensive or a big outing if you don’t want them to be. Get creative and do something that fits your budget and schedule.

Encourage conversations about emotions

Talk to each other on a deeper level by encouraging your spouse to talk about their emotions, and be sure to open up to them, as well. Many people struggle with talking about their feelings, but it is essential to have these conversations.

Tell them you are thankful for them and what they do

Tell your spouse you are thankful for them and what they do to improve your life daily. If you have children together and they’re a good parent, let them know that. If they make you laugh or enrich your life, telling them so will likely make them feel good and that they aren’t being taken for granted.

Practice physical touch with your spouse

Physical can be a profound way to deepen your emotional connection with your spouse. Practicing physical touch with your spouse may mean giving them a light touch on their shoulder when you walk past them. It could be sitting close to them when watching T.V. or holding their hand in public. These little things are a great way to show you love them and deepen your emotional connection.

Respond to your spouse’s attempt for an emotional connection

Sometimes, when people are stressed or overwhelmed, it can take much effort to respond to their spouse’s attempts for emotional connection. Everyone gets busy, and life can seem to move too quickly to pay attention to minor details. Even though it may be unintentional, this is when people tend to brush off or ignore their spouse’s attempts for emotional connection. When this happens, the spouse attempting to connect can feel hurt and rejected. If this happens enough times, they could stop trying to connect altogether. 

Why you should deepen your emotional connection

There are dozens of reasons you and your spouse should be intentional about building a stronger emotional connection.  You and your spouse won’t doubt each other since you will have a special bond and talk about each other’s emotions. Here are some great reasons you and your spouse should put great effort into deepening your emotional connection:

To make your marriage more enjoyable

When you and your spouse prioritize strengthening your relationship, your marriage will be much more enjoyable. Making physical contact throughout the day, giving each other attention, and going on dates together will significantly improve your marriage satisfaction. Additionally, your marriage will become more exciting when you and your spouse actively try to deepen your relationship. This means your marriage will be much more enjoyable and fulfilling once you start being intentional about dating.

To help manage and resolve marital conflict

Marital conflict can be hard to resolve on your own if you don’t know how to communicate with each other. If you have a deep emotional connection, speaking about your emotions and feelings during an argument or discussion, you will likely find it easier to resolve the situation. Your deep connection can also help motivate the two of you when you are experiencing marital conflict. You will want to get back on the right foot with your spouse and get along.

Marriage counseling is an excellent resource if you need help communicating during arguments or other forms of marital conflict. It will help you both learn to talk and get through to the other without hurting feelings. A diverse body of research indicates that marriage counseling has a high success rate at helping couples communicate better as well as helping to improve marriage satisfaction. 

To have a long-lasting and healthy marriage

Married people who put a lot of focus and time into their relationships tend to have long-lasting, healthy marriages. When we fall into a routine without intimacy, it’s easier to become bored in the marriage and disconnected from our partner. So, try to keep the spark burning and the romance going.  

Being emotionally connected and present when spending time with your spouse can lead to a healthy marriage. It is normal to feel disconnected from your partner at times. But improving your emotional connection daily will help keep your marriage healthy.

The “emotional bank account” analogy is a helpful way of thinking about the give and take necessary to build a strong union. You and your partner have emotional bank accounts with trust and bonding as the currency. There are ways to deposit into your emotional bank account, so you can withdraw from it when you feel a lack of emotional intimacy. For instance, you can do something fun with your partner that you know is significant to them. If your emotional intimacy is lacking, you can deposit by going to the movies or spending real emotional quality time together. 

Another deposit you can make into your emotional bank account is through little acts of kindness, like surprising your partner with flowers or tickets to a sports game. Keeping your promises is the third deposit into your emotional bank account if your emotional intimacy needs to be improved. If you constantly break your promises or plans, this can withdraw from your emotional bank account, even more so than you put in. 

Getting help online for improvign your marital connection

If you are trying to improve your emotional connection with your spouse, try some of the tips above. Your marriage is very important, and connecting deeply with your husband or wife is worth the effort. When you start to improve your connection with them intentionally, you will feel much more satisfied with your marriage, and you will be helping your marriage succeed.

It’s important to note that you won’t always feel emotionally connected to your partner; every marriage goes through seasons of disconnection due to busy schedules, stress, or any emotional hardship. Feeling disconnected does not mean something is wrong with your marriage, but learning to cope with those times of stress together is part of a healthy marriage. 

Without feeling emotionally connected to your partner, it can take a lot of determination and commitment to make the marriage work. Sometimes, seeing a marriage counselor is the best way to sort through significant relationship challenges. 

But despite its many benefits, couples don’t always seek the help of a professional when they need it. Sometimes it isn’t easy to fit appointments into a busy week or coordinate schedules to go to sessions together. Still, others feel uncomfortable confiding in a relationship counselor because of societal or familial stigma. 

Regardless of the barriers to treatment, online therapy is an excellent solution. Virtual therapy allows people to book appointments when convenient for their schedule via text, phone, video chat, and online messaging. You can talk to your counselor from the comfort of home or anywhere with a reliable internet connection. Counseling through platforms like Regain is often more affordable than traditional therapy without insurance, and it’s as effective for helping couples cultivate healthier relationships. 

If you’re ready to deepen your emotional connection with your spouse, be mindful of balance, communication, and bond as you work through building a stronger relationship. Online couples therapy can help.