How To Overcome The Fear of Losing Someone You Love

The fear of losing a loved one is a normal human feeling. But worrying too much about losing someone you love can sometimes mean missing the best moments and memories with them. Also, intense and lingering feelings of fear can result in anxiety that doesn’t stop, regardless of how unlikely it is that you’ll lose the one(s) you love. 

These kinds of feelings are commonly present in new relationships, as well. New relationships are typically less safe than well-established ones, potentially leading to more intense doubts and fears about the relationship’s likelihood of longevity. 

There are many reasons why people experience fear of losing someone they love, and those reasons aren’t always easy to identify clearly. There may be remnants from a past relationship that ended poorly, childhood experiences that make it difficult to trust others, fear of change, and more. Regardless of the reasons, there are ways to overcome your fear of losing someone you love and make space for a healthier, more fulfilling time together.

Acknowledge that you are afraid

The first step to overcoming the fear of losing a loved one is acknowledging that you have that fear. This may lead to exploring why you feel that way and observing the behaviors that may contribute, such as pushing people away or instigating arguments without sufficient cause. The ability to express your fear to yourself and your loved one is a step in the right direction toward overcoming it. 

Adapt and adjust to your emotions

Regardless of our goals, taking risks is often necessary to get what we want. Applying for a new job or trying out for sports, for example. New relationships are no exception. Usually, “playing things safely” and refraining from taking risks in a new relationship can contribute to difficulties and even negate the chance that the relationship will bloom. 

One way to adapt is to take stock of how you currently cope with the fear. Do you try to control the relationship? Do you want it always to be perfect and avoid arguments even when they’re reasonable? 

Loving relationships are often based on accepting the whole person, not just the “good” parts. A surface-level connection isn’t sufficient for a deep and lasting partnership; loving someone might mean taking risks and making yourself vulnerable. 

Process past losses

Resolving negative feelings from past relationships is essential for giving your current relationship the attention it requires to be successful. It isn’t always easy, and recovering after you’ve been hurt often takes time and effort. When we don’t resolve our past relationships, the unhealthy patterns contributing to the problems are more likely to carry over to the current relationship. 

If you are in a new relationship and notice old patterns, it’s best to be open to your partner about them. Explain where your fears are coming from and work together to overcome them. They may be able to help you through the process of acceptance for what happened in the past so you can move on with your current relationship.  

Examine your conflicts

Fear of losing a loved one can often lead to disagreements between couples. When people are insecure and fearful, they often seek reasons to support that fear. Be mindful of how you react to your partner. Do your fears cause you to lash out in any way? If you lash out, your partner might feel justified in retaliating, leading to an argument based on fear and insecurity. Instead, try to express your feelings as they come. Let your partner know you are reacting out of fear and insecurity rather than anger toward them. 

Establish open communication with your partner

The above steps probably won’t be effective if you aren’t willing to communicate with your partner. Make it a priority to have honest conversations about your fears and insecurities. Explain how your past influences you and ask your partner to help you move forward. If they do certain things that add to your insecurity, let them know how their actions affect you. 

And, in turn, listen to their insecurities. If you do certain things that make your partner feel insecure, be ready to accept that you may need to make changes. Relationships thrive the best with communication from both sides, so it’s essential to prohibit your fear from standing in the way of having honest conversations together.

Work through fears of loss in online therapy

The fear of losing a loved one is a common one. Many of us would like to keep our partners around forever, and the thought of breaking up or being separated in any way can be unpleasant. But if we don’t accept that it could happen and are willing to live with that, we start coping in ways that will harm our relationships. That’s why it is so vital that you recognize and then work to overcome your fear.

If you have tried applying the above tips on overcoming the fear of losing your loved one, and you still can’t move past your fear, it may be time to ask for help. Many people find that speaking with a therapist has helped them understand why they have complex feelings and how their attitude toward past relationships affects their current relationships. Therapy is also a great way to explore your relationship as a couple and uncover ways to communicate better.  

Some people don’t seek therapy for relationship problems and/or mental health concerns despite the benefits. The reasons for this are many, including worries over discretion and reluctance to speak to a therapist about sensitive relationship topics in person. It’s also difficult for some to fit therapy into the busy work week or find time to go together in the case of couples therapy. Accessibility may be an issue for people who live in more remote areas where the nearest therapist’s office is too far for convenience. The price of therapy may be a deterrent for some as well.

While there are barriers to treatment, most can be resolved through the convenience of online therapy. Unlike traditional therapy, online therapy allows you to attend sessions from the comfort of your home at a time that works best for you. Online treatment is convenient and more affordable than most traditional therapy without insurance. It’s also as effective as conventional therapy for treating mental health issues like depression and anxiety that impact how we communicate and behave in relationships.

For example, a 2018 publication in Science Direct evaluated the results of 64 trials measuring the effectiveness of online therapy. The report determined that online therapy is an “ effective, acceptable and practical health care for anxiety and depressive disorders.”

If you’re ready to explore your fears about losing your love and learn how to overcome them to have a healthier, more fulfilling relationship, talking to a Regain therapist is an excellent place to begin. The Regain platform connects people with online mental health professionals experienced in helping couples and individuals live healthy, balanced lives.  

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